THE ROYSTERERS.
"Get the mail, Indigo."
The letters made a goodly heap on the salver, but Harry Arnold sifted
them over with an air of dissatisfaction. One cream-colored envelope,
superscribed in a dainty hand, he laid apart. The rest he tore open and
tossed into Indigo's lap, as if they were duns, invitations and other
such formal matters.
"Drop a line apiece to these bores," he said to his valet, with a yawn.
Like the whole tribe of the unoccupied, he was too busy to answer
letters.
"Where's Aladdin?"
"Grazing in the paddock."
"Did you get the roses for Miss March?"
"Two dozen Marechal Neils."
"I want some paper for a note to go with them. Mother's prompt," he
added, opening the letter he had reserved, while Indigo went on his
errand. It was headed "Hillsborough," and ran as follows:
"Dear Harry: It is a pleasure to be in our old summer home again,
especially after the trying day I spent in that courtroom. The
orchards are no longer in bloom, and the pear tree in the angle
(your favorite), which was just a great pyramid of snowy blossoms
when we arrived last year, is now budding with fruit. These things
remind me how late the season has begun this year. Do not prolong
it too far, Harry, dear. I am sure, after your illness, the mere
sight of the open fields would do you good. Woodlawn is suburban,
but it is not real country. Besides, we are only twenty miles out
and you could ride in town in an hour whenever you liked.
"Be assured you shall have the money for your club expenses as soon
as I can collect it. But property has its embarrassments, you know;
and we may be rich in bonds and indentures, yet lack ready pennies
at times, strange as it may seem to your inexperience. Do not
worry, dear. In your present delicate state of health it may injure
you more than I care to think. The very next time I come to town
you shall have what you desire. But I make my own terms. You must
be a good boy and come to Hillsborough for it. Forgive my writing
so soon. I have been thinking of you, and it surely cannot
displease you to hear once more how dearly you are remembered,
wherever she goes, by your loving mother,
"ALICE BREWSTER ARNOLD."
"Once more! No, nor a thousand times more!" cried Harry. "But I wish
she'd come down sooner with the cash," he added. "What's this?
Postscript?"
"Your friends, the Marches, have taken their cottage in Lenox. Possibly
this may hasten your coming more than my entreaties."
"Jealous of Rosalie, already," laughed Harry. "Poor mother! What,
another?"
"P. S. (Private)--It would be wise, Harry, if you should call upon
your cousin. A visit from you would look well at this time."
"A call on Rob? Gad, I never thought of that. Give me the stationery,
Indigo."
For five minutes Harry Arnold was alone, writing his prettiest note of
compliment to accompany the gift of flowers to Miss Rosalie March. He
had just moistened the mucilage when there came a ring at the bell.
"See if that's the fellows, Indigo. Look through the shutters."
"It's Kennedy," said Indigo, twisting his neck and eyes so as to get a
slanting view of the callers.
"Who else?"
"Idler and Sunburst."
"Let them up."
"Well, Harry," cried the first of the three bloods, extending a hand,
"what's the tempo of your song this morning?"
"Allegro, vivace, vivacissimo, Idler. Convalescing; doctor says I may go
out; mother agreeable; medicine chest thrown to the dogs. Have a pill;
only a few more left."
"Hello!" cried the fragile youth who had entered last. "Miss Rosalie
March!" He picked up the envelope which Harry had laid down. "Sits the
wind in that quarter still, Horatio?"
"The actress, Harry?" cried a second of the trio.
"What actress, you booby? Miss March isn't an actress."
"Nevertheless, she occasionally acts," retorted Sunburst. His yellow
beard entitled him to this alias.
"Just the opposite, then, of her brother, Tristram," said the tall,
sallow youth addressed as Idler. "He is a sculptor, but he never sculps.
Did you see his alto-relievo of a Druid's head in the Art club? Capital
study. Why in the deuce doesn't he work?"
"If he did he might get his goods on the market," said Kennedy.
"Out on you for a Philistine, a dunderhead!" cried Harry. "Do you
confound genius with salability? Idler could correct you on that point.
You remember his satire on 'The Religious Significance of Umbrellas in
China?' Was anything ever more daringly conceived, more wittily
executed, more--but I spare the shades of Addison and Lamb. And how much
did it fetch him? A paltry $15."
Idler was the only one of these well-born good-for-naughts who ever
turned his gifts to use. Sketches over the sobriquet by which he was
known to his friends occasionally appeared in the lighter magazines.
"But my 'New Broom' made a clean sweep, Harry," he protested.
"Murder," groaned Harry. "He had that in for us. A prepared joke is
detestable. It's like bottled spring water."
"Hang spring water!" said Idler. "Hang water anyway!"
"Indigo," cried Harry, jumping at the hint, "fetch us some very weak
whey from the spa. Let's have a real old high jinks of a slambang bust
to celebrate my convalescence. Hello! What's that?"
The wild wail of a bagpipe smote the air and the four boon companions
rushed to the window.
"Have him in!"
"Yoho!"
"Here, Sawnie!"
"He's coming."
Indigo and the piper entered from opposite doors at about the same time,
the former fetching the "whey," which had a suspiciously reddish hue and
was served in narrow bottles, the latter arrayed in all the bravery of
his plaids, with a little boy by his side in similar costume.
"Hit her up, Sawnie," cried Kennedy.
"Let him wet his whistle first," said the Sunburst.
"And here's a handsel to cross his palm," added Harry, passing the piper
something invisible. The minstrel pocketed it with an awkward bow and
drank down the proffered "whey" at one gulp.
"I'll be reminding you, gentlemen," he said in "braid Scots," "lest ye
labor under a misapprehension of my cognomen, that my name is not
Sawnie, but Duncan McKenzie Logan, and this is my wee bairn, Archibald
Campbell of that ilk. We're half-lowland, as ye doubtless know, the
Logans being a border clan."
"Why don't you make the youngster blow the bellows?" cried Idler. "The
organ-player never does the pumping."
"I'm no organ-player, if you please. 'Tis the hieland pipes I play, and
there's no blowing the bellows except with my ain mouth. But the laddie
dances prettily. Show your steps, Archie. Show the gentlemen a fling.
Ainblins they've never seen the like of it before."
Archie was as highland as his father in rig, from his jaunty feathered
bonnet to the kilt just reaching below his bare, brown knees. His firm
boyish face had a Scotch prettiness in it, nothing effeminate, yet sweet
to look at, and he went through the steps of the highland fling
gracefully, one hand on hip, the other over his head, reversing them now
and then, and occasionally spinning around, while the piper struck up
"Roy's Wife." The conclusion was greeted with a burst of applause.
"Can't we dance to that tune, boys?" shouted Harry, seizing Kennedy
around the waist. "Choose your partners. Give us a Tarantella."
"There's nae such tune in the hielands," said the piper, gravely.
"Well, the skirt dance will do. Hit her up and I'll make you a present
big enough to buy all your aunts and cousins porridge for a fortnight."
"There's nae skeert dance known to my pipes," said the highlander,
shaking his head. "Dinna ye mean the sword dance?"
"Try 'Highland Laddie'," suggested Idler, hitting up a lively jig on the
piano. The piper fell in and soon was pacing up and down the room, red
in the face from his exertions, while the four merrymakers capered,
kicked and skipped, with all sorts of offhand juvenilities. Harry,
though the tallest present, was graceful as a girl.
"Hold up, fellows," cried the Sunburst, at last, puffing audibly. But
the piper continued pacing up and down, forgetting everything in the
furore of his enthusiasm except the moaning and shrieking of his
instrument.
"Hold up, I say. Shut off your infernal drone. We can't hear ourselves
think."
"'Tis the wind wailing on Craig-Ellachie I hear," said he of the
Caledonian names.
"I think it's delirium tremens. Take a nip of the whey. That'll cure
you. Here, Indigo, tap the geyser again for Sawnie."
Logan was not the man to set up frivolous punctilios against such an
order as Idler's.
"There's medicine for the inner mon," he said, smacking his lips with
gusto.
"Medicinal, eh? If you happen to take an overdose it's a medicinal
spree, I suppose."
"I say, isn't tomorrow the Fourth?" cried Sunburst. "Play something
patriotic, Sawnie, 'Hull's Victory,' or 'Lady Washington's Reel.'"
"There's nane o' them known to me or my instrument," said the minstrel.
"It's a Scotch pipe and will play nane but the auld tunes of Scotland."
"Scotland! What's Scotland?" asked Idler.
"Wha--can it be ye never heard tell o' bonnie Scotland?" gasped the
highlander, who was nearing the condition which Idler had described as
a "medicinal spree."
"What is it, a man or a place? Did you ever meet the name before,
fellows?"
All three solemnly shook their heads, whereat the Caledonian's jaw
dropped in amazement.
"Wull, wull, I knew 'twas a most barbarous country I entered, but I'd
thought the least enlightened peoples of the airth had heard of the
glory and the celebrity of bonnie Scotland."
"Bonnie Scotland? Is Bonnie his first name?"
"Why, 'tis the country o' Scotland, I mean."
"Oh, I know," interposed Harry; "that little, barren, outlying province
somewhere to the north of England."
"Oh, that!" cried the others, in contemptuous chorus.
"Where the coast line gets ragged, like an old beggar's coat," said
Idler.
"And the people live on haggis and finnan haddie," added Kennedy.
"They are mostly exiles of Erin that have drifted back into barbarism,"
cried the Sunburst.
"Yes, that's the place," said Harry. "I've heard travelers tell of it. I
believe it's put down in the latest gazetteer."
Poor Logan looked like a stifling man, but before he could launch his
reply the long-drawn tones of a rival troubadour invaded the apartment.
Once more the four roysterers rushed to the window.
"It's a dago!"
"Ahoy!" they signaled, waving their hands.
"Open the door for him, Indigo," cried Harry.
"Did you ever hear tell o' such savages, Archie?" whispered the piper to
his son; "that had no enlightenment on the name o' bonnie Scotland,
which is famous wherever valor and minstrelsy are honored."
"They maun be jestin', daddy."
"Jestin'? Tut, tut! Whaur's the jest?"
"Presto bellisimo, Paganini," cried the four youths, each rushing to the
door and welcoming the organ-grinder, with a warm shake-hands. The
Italian smiled profusely and doffed his cap, his monkey climbing to the
organ top and imitating him in every gesture.
"Tune up your bagpipes, Sawnie," cried Harry. "We are going to have a
tournament. Take a smell, Paganini?"
"Noa," answered the Italian, shaking his head, "noa drink--a."
"Then you're a bigger fool than you look," cried Idler, stumbling
tipsily. "(Hic) I'm losing control of my curves."
"What tunes have you got in that box?" asked Harry of the organ-grinder,
while Logan eyed him grimly with a look of scorn.
"What-a sing-a? 'Anni Runi.'"
"That will do. Grind away. Hold on. Get a full breath, Sawnie. Now for a
medley."
The organ-grinder began turning his crank, but the Scotchman sulked in
the corner.
"Stop there, Paganini. False start. Try again."
"I'll accompany nae uncivilized barrel-box, that's only fit to dandle
idiot bairns wi'."
"What are you talking about?" cried Idler. "Uncivilized! You wildman of
the hills! A red outlaw in his war paint couldn't look and act more
outlandish than you do."
"Smooth him down, Harry," cried Sunburst. "Here, Sawnie, how much will
you take for your pipes?"
"Enough to buy me them back again," answered the Scotchman, cannily,
"and a bonus for the time o' their privation."
"You'll do," said Idler.
"Have another nip of the whey and let's hear you drown the dago,"
whispered Harry, confidentially, patting Logan on the back.
"Drown him? 'Twad na tak' a big puddle to do that."
"Of course not. But he's vain enough to think just the opposite. A good
swig! Start her up now."
Idler drummed on the piano a few bars of "Scots Wha Ha'e," which set the
piper marching and stamping again. At a nod from Harry the bowing
Italian resumed his tune, and when the four carousers took hands in a
circle and began chanting "Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot," the air
was infernal with discord.
"Faster! Faster!" cried Harry. The Scotchman pranced in his industrious
ecstasy, while the Italian put both hands to the organ-crank and turned
for all that was in him.
"Oh, a smile for my Rosalie!" shouted Kennedy, maliciously, changing the
air.
"None of that!" cried Harry, barely making his voice heard above the
din. The little boy sitting in one corner had clapped both palms over
his ears, and the monkey, watching his gesture, gravely climbed up and
perched beside him, doing likewise.
"A kiss for my Rosalie," roared Kennedy, tantalizing his host.
Half-angry, Harry caught up a wine bottle from the tray and pointed it
at his tormentor.
"Pop!" the cork flew out and Kennedy put his hand to his eye with an
exclamation of pain.
"Hello! What have I done?" cried Harry.
"Didn't know it was loaded," jeered Idler. But the concert had stopped,
and when Kennedy uncovered his eye there was a blue swelling already
under the lid.
"A surgeon!" cried Sunburst. "Amputate his head. It is the only hope of
saving the eye."
"What's good for a black eye?" asked Harry, less unfeelingly than the
others.
"Black the other for symmetry," cried Sunburst.
"Get some beefsteak, Indigo," said Harry.
"Kill the Jersey cow, Indigo, and cut off a sirloin," mocked Idler, who
was half-seas over now. Meanwhile the Scotchman and the Italian,
counting their emoluments, had folded their instruments and silently
stolen away; while Sunburst, apparently as porous as a sponge, calmly
and steadily put the bottle Harry had popped to his lips and drained it
to the dregs.