[It has recently been suggested in the _Author_ that novelists
should take the management of their books entirely into their
own hands.]
Happening to call lately on my friend SNOOKS, the eminent novelist, I
was rather surprised at the change which had come over the appearance
of his drawing-room. The books, which had been scattered over the
table in former days, were now methodically arranged along the shelves
which covered the entire walls, and in the corner, where a china
cabinet had formerly stood, there now figured a sort of counter,
behind which stood SNOOKS himself, arrayed in his shirt-sleeves.
"Ha!" he exclaimed, as I entered, "what can I have the pleasure of
showing you to-day? Romances, poetry, travels----"
"Why, SNOOKS," I said, "don't you remember me? What on earth are you
doing?"
SNOOKS'S face fell somewhat. "Oh, it's you, is it? I thought it was
a customer. You see that I've taken the _Author's_ advice, and am
managing my own affairs."
"Indeed? And how in the world----"
"Hush!" the novelist interrupted. "Here are some customers." And as he
spoke four or five people entered the drawing-room, and marched up to
the counter.
"A nice novel, Madam," said SNOOKS, just like one of Messrs. MARSHALL
AND SNELGROVE'S young men. "Certainly. Kindly step this way, please.
Here is my _Love's Dilemma_, very sweet, I assure you. Yes, only
four-and-six cash. Thank you.... Can I show you anything, Sir? This is
in the latest style--_The Decree Nisi_--or I could write you something
to order, if you prefer it.... Hymns, Madam? No, I am afraid I've none
in stock, would a devotional sonnet do? Of course, I could make
any number you require at the shortest notice.... Thank you,
seven-and-sixpence change. They shall be delivered to-morrow morning.
Evangelical, I think you said?... To suit a young lady--_not_
advanced? Certainly, Sir; I can offer you my _Milk and Mayblossom_,
published at six shillings; reduced to half-a-crown.... You didn't
like _Murder and Sudden Death_, Sir? Well, I _am_ surprised, it's one
of my favourite productions; but I can sell you a rather milder blend,
if you prefer it."
And so the conversation went on, until all the customers had been
satisfied, and SNOOKS wiped his heated brow and turned to me. "There,
you see how it works; splendid system, isn't it? No trouble with
publishers or booksellers, entirely a ready-money trade, done over the
counter in one's own drawing-room."
"Then all these books are your own work?" I asked.
"Of course; you don't suppose I'm fool enough to sell other people's
goods? Of course I keep a large ready-made stock, and turn out others
to order as required. And, as you're here, do just buy----" At this
point I fled.
* * * * *