"That is very high, Cuffy;" to which that young man replied,--
"I know it is, sir, Mr. Griffin, but then, you see, the demand is werry
great, sir."
Mr. Griffin paid the bill and hurried out, took a car at the next
corner, and, after a long, cold ride, got home to allay the anxiety of
Mrs. Griffin by assuring her that the turkey was ordered, and would be
sent home promptly to-morrow by David Dubbs.
Christmas morning was, among the Griffin household, which consisted of
Mr. and Mrs. Griffin and a superannuated servant, a very busy morning
indeed, for the reason that Mrs. Griffin had, according to annual
custom, invited more guests to dine than she could conveniently provide
for. Their house was a cottage in the suburbs, pretty enough in summer
and no thanks to its mistress or the superannuated servant either, but
to the unaided impulse of nature, which climbed, in the form of bowery
vines, wherever a vine could find clinging room; but now, in the midst
of winter, bright though the day was, the skeletons of so much green
gayety looked bare, and inhospitable, and cold. The house was approached
by a long path that started at the iron gate and led up to the porch. It
was far from a large house, and looked inconvenient, and famished for
paint, and it was no less inconvenient than it looked, a fact, indeed,
which necessitated the purchase of a cooked turkey, for the oven was
small, and the stove in the crazy little kitchen needed all the surface
it could afford for the vegetables, oysters, and other viands which then
only, throughout the year, it blazed and glowed under.
The morning wore on and twelve o'clock arrived. The big table in the
little dining-room was duly dressed and adorned with Mrs. Griffin's
miscellaneous silver; and after a heated debate between that lady and
the Superannuated, it was decided that when the company were all in the
parlor the dining-room door should be left open, and at the bottom of
the table, which now projected against the door, an additional chair for
Mr. Griffin should be inserted. Mrs. Griffin said of course the company
must squeeze in, but they understood all that, and were glad enough to
get in by any means, to which Superannuated readily assented.
One o'clock, and now the company were all arrived. Mrs. Griffin was duly
excused by Mr. Griffin, who received them, on the plea of domestic
duties. They were mostly in the parlor, which contained, beside them, a
set of red velvet furniture and a shining piano, on legs which emulated
the unsteadiness of Superannuated's own, and which, in huskiness of
voice, also resembled that person; a portrait of Mr. Griffin in rigid
broadcloth, and a companion portrait of Mrs. Griffin in low neck and
volumes of lace; and last, a very pimply-looking carpet, which seemed to
suffer from a severe rash.
Mr. Griffin had occupied the space between the folding-doors as the
company arrived and suavely--as suavely, by the way, as his wincing at
the cost of it all would admit of--received, introduced, and seated
them. The first arrival was a single gentleman, whom he saluted as Fred.
He was short, and bald, and spasmodic,--so much so that his pantaloons
were never straight, and his collar, through much moistening of its
raspy edges, was soiled. After him, a lady and gentleman drove up to the
gate in a carriage, and, alighting, the lady swept up the path, in a
double sense, while her husband upbraided the driver for the muddy
condition of the carriage, and then, loudly, "At ten, William!" To which
William as loudly replied, "Can't do it, sir. Got another order; but
I'll send you another man."
The gentleman answered more quietly, with a careful look at the house,
where Mr. Griffin awaited him on the porch,--
"Very well, driver;" and also swept in, and was introduced to Fred as
Mr. Abbert.
Now came a pair who walked, and were addressed and handed around by the
host as "My dear friends, Mr. and Mrs. Dripps;" and then the volume of
new-comers became quite abundant; so much so that a number of gentlemen
with no apparent use for their hands were forced to lean about the hall
and sit on the stairs, which they did up to the very top one. When the
company had simmered down a good deal, and only a few very bold
gentlemen ventured to launch remarks into the unanswering silence, and
when everybody was wondering what everybody else was going to do next,
and all were, as they reported the next day, "enjoying themselves
immensely," there was a stir above stairs, a rustling of dresses, and
then the gentlemen on the stairs, like a row of falling bricks, were
driven down before the gracious smiles and bows of the transformed
hostess.
Tripping down after them and falling at last into the extended arms of
her husband--rather unsteady under the weight--while the stiffly polite
gentlemen formed a compact crowd out to the door. Mrs. Griffin was led,
with no little difficulty, through the seated guests, bestowing bows,
and smiles, and "Glad to see you, my dear Mr. Dripps," and "How well
you're looking, my dear Mrs. Abbert," and "Welcome, gentlemen," (whereat
a murmur ran through the crowd and all shook their heads and tried to
turn round and bow, but utterly failed,) and "Oh! here's my old Fred,"
and sundry other bewitching remarks that led the crowd of gentlemen to
murmur again something like "Charming, be Gad!" and grow uneasy.
But now the bell was rung by Superannuated, who had duly inserted the
chair, and Mr. Abbert, receiving the hostess from the arm of her
husband and in turn delivering his smiling wife to Mr. Griffin, led off
the throng to dinner.
When they arrived at the protruding table, by a preconcerted arrangement
Mrs. Griffin handed Mr. Abbert to the one side and squeezed herself
through the other--an action which was imitated by the rest of the
company, who were finally seated close up to the door--all but Mr.
Griffin, who was to occupy the extra chair, and, as he was already
inside, and there was no other means of exit, he was obliged to pass
through the kitchen and around the house. He soon appeared again through
the front door and the dinner began.
Mrs. Griffin, who had long before left Superannuated to finish while she
perfected her toilet, now rang the bell and, on her appearance,
whispered in her ear. Superannuated whispered in her mistress's ear.
Mrs. Griffin thereupon uttered a little cry and looked at Mr. Griffin.
Mr. Griffin, in consternation, cried, "My dear!" and attempted to
squeeze between the chairs, but failed. Then he looked wildly about him,
and at last ran through the front door. He soon reappeared at the side
of his fainting wife, who revived enough to say,--
"I shall never, never forgive you! Oh, the humiliation! the agony!" then
fainted again.
"What is it?" "What's the matter?" "She's fainted!" and confused screams
of the ladies came from all sides. Mrs. Dripps passed along her salts
bottle. Mrs. Abbert held Mrs. Griffin's head, and Fred applied water.
Under the strong influence of these restoratives she soon revived, and
whispered to her husband something which caused him also to start and
look despairingly at her.
She then said to him, loud enough for all to hear, "You must tell them
it was your fault. Oh, the humiliation!" Here she burst out again, with
her handkerchief to her eyes, and Mrs. Abbert soothingly said, "Oh,
never mind him, my dear. I wouldn't mind him!" This was growing
invidious, and all the gentlemen at the bottom of the table were looking
scornfully at him.