proper name? Come, now, let us see who will be the first to answer. 'A
peanut,' says the little boy here at my right. Very good--very good! I
hold, then, in my hand, a peanut. And now who will tell me, what is
the peanut? A very simple question--who will answer? 'Something good
to eat,' says the little girl. Yes, 'something good to eat,' but would
it not be better to say simply that the peanut is an edible? I think
so, yes. The peanut, then, is--an edible--now, all together, an
edible!
"To what kingdom does the peanut belong? The animal, vegetable, or
mineral kingdom? A very easy question. Come, let us have prompt
answers. 'The animal kingdom,' does the little boy say? Oh, no! The
peanut does not belong to the animal kingdom! Surely the little boy
must be thinking of a larger object than the peanut--the elephant,
perhaps. To what kingdom, then, does the peanut belong? The
v-v-veg--'The vegetable kingdom,' says the bright-faced little girl on
the back seat. Ah! that is better. We find then that the peanut
belongs to the--what kingdom? The 'vegetable kingdom.' Very good, very
good!
"And now who will tell us of what the peanut is composed. Let us have
quick responses now. Time is fleeting! Of what is the peanut composed?
'The hull and the goody,' some one answers. Yes, 'the hull and the
goody' in vulgar parlance, but how much better it would be to say
simply, the shell and the kernel. Would not that sound better? Yes, I
thought you would agree with me there!
"And now who will tell me the color of the peanut! And be careful now!
for I shouldn't like to hear you make the very stupid blunder I once
heard a little boy make in reply to the same question. Would you like
to hear what color the stupid little boy said the peanut was? You
would, eh? Well, now, how many of you would like to hear what color
the stupid little boy said the peanut was? Come now, let's have an
expression. All who would like to hear what color the stupid little
boy said the peanut was, may hold up their right hands. Very good,
very good--there, that will do.
"Well, it was during a professional visit I was once called upon to
make to a neighboring city, where I was invited to address the
children of a free school--Hands down, now, little boy--founded for
the exclusive benefit of the little newsboys and bootblacks, who, it
seems, had not the means to defray the expenses of the commonest
educational accessories, and during an object lessen--identical with
the one before us now--for it is a favorite one of mine--I propounded
the question, what is the color of the peanut? Many answers were given
in response, but none as sufficiently succinct and apropos as I deemed
the facts demanded; and so at last I personally addressed a ragged,
but, as I then thought, a bright-eyed little fellow, when judge of my
surprise, in reply to my question what is the color of the peanut, the
little fellow, without the slightest gleam of intelligence lighting up
his face, answered, that 'if not scorched in roasting, the peanut was
a blond.' Why, I was almost tempted to join in the general merriment
his inapposite reply elicited. But I occupy your attention with
trivial things; and as I notice the time allotted to me has slipped
away, we will drop the peanut for the present. Trusting the few facts
gleaned from a topic so homely and unpromising will sink deep in your
minds, in time to bloom and blossom in the fields of future
usefulness--I--I----I thank you."
THE END
End of Project Gutenberg's The Old Soldiers Story, by James Whitcomb Riley