THE WORLD’S CATHEDRAL
Still gliding onward, Hilda now looked up into the dome, where the
sunshine came through the western windows, and threw across long shafts
of light. They rested upon the mosaic figures of two evangelists above
the cornice. These great beams of radiance, traversing what seemed the
empty space, were made visible in misty glory, by the holy cloud of
incense, else unseen, which had risen into the middle dome. It was to
Hilda as if she beheld the worship of the priest and people ascending
heavenward, purified from its alloy of earth, and acquiring celestial
substance in the golden atmosphere to which it aspired, She wondered if
angels did not sometimes hover within the dome, and show themselves, in
brief glimpses, floating amid the sunshine and the glorified vapor, to
those who devoutly worshipped on the pavement.
She had now come into the southern transept. Around this portion of the
church are ranged a number of confessionals. They are small tabernacles
of carved wood, with a closet for the priest in the centre; and, on
either side, a space for a penitent to kneel, and breathe his confession
through a perforated auricle into the good father’s ear. Observing this
arrangement, though already familiar to her, our poor Hilda was anew
impressed with the infinite convenience--if we may use so poor a
phrase--of the Catholic religion to its devout believers.
Who, in truth, that considers the matter, can resist a similar
impression! In the hottest fever-fit of life, they can always find,
ready for their need, a cool, quiet, beautiful place of worship. They
may enter its sacred precincts at any hour, leaving the fret and trouble
of the world behind them, and purifying themselves with a touch of
holy water at the threshold. In the calm interior, fragrant of rich and
soothing incense, they may hold converse with some saint, their awful,
kindly friend. And, most precious privilege of all, whatever perplexity,
sorrow, guilt, may weigh upon their souls, they can fling down the dark
burden at the foot of the cross, and go forth--to sin no more, nor be
any longer disquieted; but to live again in the freshness and elasticity
of innocence.
“Do not these inestimable advantages,” thought Hilda, “or some of them
at least, belong to Christianity itself? Are they not a part of the
blessings which the system was meant to bestow upon mankind? Can the
faith in which I was born and bred be perfect, if it leave a weak girl
like me to wander, desolate, with this great trouble crushing me down?”
A poignant anguish thrilled within her breast; it was like a thing that
had life, and was struggling to get out.
“O help! O help!” cried Hilda; “I cannot, cannot bear it!”
Only by the reverberations that followed--arch echoing the sound to
arch, and a pope of bronze repeating it to a pope of marble, as each
sat enthroned over his tomb--did Hilda become aware that she had really
spoken above her breath. But, in that great space, there is no need to
hush up the heart within one’s own bosom, so carefully as elsewhere;
and if the cry reached any distant auditor, it came broken into many
fragments, and from various quarters of the church.
Approaching one of the confessionals, she saw a woman kneeling within.
Just as Hilda drew near, the penitent rose, came forth, and kissed the
hand of the priest, who regarded her with a look of paternal benignity,
and appeared to be giving her some spiritual counsel, in a low voice.
She then knelt to receive his blessing, which was fervently bestowed.
Hilda was so struck with the peace and joy in the woman’s face, that, as
the latter retired, she could not help speaking to her.
“You look very happy!” said she. “Is it so sweet, then, to go to the
confessional?”
“O, very sweet, my dear signorina!” answered the woman, with moistened
eyes and an affectionate smile; for she was so thoroughly softened with
what she had been doing, that she felt as if Hilda were her younger
sister. “My heart is at rest now. Thanks be to the Saviour, and the
Blessed Virgin and the saints, and this good father, there is no more
trouble for poor Teresa!”
“I am glad for your sake,” said Hilda, sighing for her own. “I am a poor
heretic, but a human sister; and I rejoice for you!”
She went from one to another of the confessionals, and, looking at
each, perceived that they were inscribed with gilt letters: on one,
Pro Italica Lingua; on another, Pro Flandrica Lingua; on a third, Pro
Polonica Lingua; on a fourth, Pro Illyrica Lingua; on a fifth, Pro
Hispanica Lingua. In this vast and hospitable cathedral, worthy to be
the religious heart of the whole world, there was room for all nations;
there was access to the Divine Grace for every Christian soul; there was
an ear for what the overburdened heart might have to murmur, speak in
what native tongue it would.
When Hilda had almost completed the circuit of the transept, she came to
a confessional--the central part was closed, but a mystic room protruded
from it, indicating the presence of a priest within--on which was
inscribed, Pro Anglica Lingua.
It was the word in season! If she had heard her mother’s voice from
within the tabernacle, calling her, in her own mother-tongue, to come
and lay her poor head in her lap, and sob out all her troubles, Hilda
could not have responded with a more inevitable obedience. She did not
think; she only felt. Within her heart was a great need. Close at hand,
within the veil of the confessional, was the relief. She flung herself
down in the penitent’s place; and, tremulously, passionately, with sobs,
tears, and the turbulent overflow of emotion too long repressed, she
poured out the dark story which had infused its poison into her innocent
life.
Hilda had not seen, nor could she now see, the visage of the priest.
But, at intervals, in the pauses of that strange confession, half choked
by the struggle of her feelings toward an outlet, she heard a mild, calm
voice, somewhat mellowed by age. It spoke soothingly; it encouraged her;
it led her on by apposite questions that seemed to be suggested by a
great and tender interest, and acted like magnetism in attracting the
girl’s confidence to this unseen friend. The priest’s share in the
interview, indeed, resembled that of one who removes the stones,
clustered branches, or whatever entanglements impede the current of a
swollen stream. Hilda could have imagined--so much to the purpose were
his inquiries--that he was already acquainted with some outline of what
she strove to tell him.
Thus assisted, she revealed the whole of her terrible secret! The whole,
except that no name escaped her lips.
And, ah, what a relief! When the hysteric gasp, the strife between words
and sobs, had subsided, what a torture had passed away from her soul! It
was all gone; her bosom was as pure now as in her childhood. She was a
girl again; she was Hilda of the dove-cote; not that doubtful creature
whom her own doves had hardly recognized as their mistress and playmate,
by reason of the death-scent that clung to her garments!
After she had ceased to speak, Hilda heard the priest bestir
himself with an old man’s reluctant movement. He stepped out of the
confessional; and as the girl was still kneeling in the penitential
corner, he summoned her forth.
“Stand up, my daughter,” said the mild voice of the confessor; “what we
have further to say must be spoken face to face.”
Hilda did his bidding, and stood before him with a downcast visage,
which flushed and grew pale again. But it had the wonderful beauty which
we may often observe in those who have recently gone through a great
struggle, and won the peace that lies just on the other side. We see
it in a new mother’s face; we see it in the faces of the dead; and
in Hilda’s countenance--which had always a rare natural charm for her
friends--this glory of peace made her as lovely as an angel.
On her part, Hilda beheld a venerable figure with hair as white as snow,
and a face strikingly characterized by benevolence. It bore marks of
thought, however, and penetrative insight; although the keen glances of
the eyes were now somewhat bedimmed with tears, which the aged shed, or
almost shed, on lighter stress of emotion than would elicit them from
younger men.
“It has not escaped my observation, daughter,” said the priest, “that
this is your first acquaintance with the confessional. How is this?”
“Father,” replied Hilda, raising her eyes, and again letting them fall,
“I am of New Eng land birth, and was bred as what you call a heretic.”
“From New England!” exclaimed the priest. “It was my own birthplace,
likewise; nor have fifty years of absence made me cease to love it. But
a heretic! And are you reconciled to the Church?”
“Never, father,” said Hilda.
“And, that being the case,” demanded the old man, “on what ground, my
daughter, have you sought to avail yourself of these blessed privileges,
confined exclusively to members of the one true Church, of confession
and absolution?”
“Absolution, father?” exclaimed Hilda, shrinking back. “O no, no! I
never dreamed of that! Only our Heavenly Father can forgive my sins; and
it is only by sincere repentance of whatever wrong I may have done, and
by my own best efforts towards a higher life, that I can hope for his
forgiveness! God forbid that I should ask absolution from mortal man!”
“Then wherefore,” rejoined the priest, with somewhat less mildness in
his tone,--“wherefore, I ask again, have you taken possession, as I may
term it, of this holy ordinance; being a heretic, and neither seeking to
share, nor having faith in, the unspeakable advantages which the Church
offers to its penitents?”
“Father,” answered Hilda, trying to tell the old man the simple truth,
“I am a motherless girl, and a stranger here in Italy. I had only God
to take care of me, and be my closest friend; and the terrible, terrible
crime, which I have revealed to you, thrust itself between him and me;
so that I groped for him in the darkness, as it were, and found him
not,--found nothing but a dreadful solitude, and this crime in the midst
of it! I could not bear it. It seemed as if I made the awful guilt my
own, by keeping it hidden in my heart. I grew a fearful thing to myself.
I was going mad!”
“It was a grievous trial, my poor child!” observed the confessor. “Your
relief, I trust, will prove to be greater than you yet know!”
“I feel already how immense it is!” said Hilda, looking gratefully in
his face. “Surely, father, it was the hand of Providence that led me
hither, and made me feel that this vast temple of Christianity, this
great home of religion, must needs contain some cure, some ease, at
least, for my unutterable anguish. And it has proved so. I have told the
hideous secret; told it under the sacred seal of the confessional; and
now it will burn my poor heart no more!”
“But, daughter,” answered the venerable priest, not unmoved by what
Hilda said, “you forget! you mistake!--you claim a privilege to which
you have not entitled yourself! The seal of the confessional, do you
say? God forbid that it should ever be broken where it has been fairly
impressed; but it applies only to matters that have been confided to its
keeping in a certain prescribed method, and by persons, moreover, who
have faith in the sanctity of the ordinance. I hold myself, and any
learned casuist of the Church would hold me, as free to disclose all the
particulars of what you term your confession, as if they had come to my
knowledge in a secular way.”
“This is not right, father!” said Hilda, fixing her eyes on the old
man’s.
“Do not you see, child,” he rejoined, with some little heat, “with all
your nicety of conscience, cannot you recognize it as my duty to make
the story known to the proper authorities; a great crime against public
justice being involved, and further evil consequences likely to ensue?”
“No, father, no!” answered Hilda, courageously, her cheeks flushing and
her eyes brightening as she spoke. “Trust a girl’s simple heart sooner
than any casuist of your Church, however learned he may be. Trust your
own heart, too! I came to your confessional, father, as I devoutly
believe, by the direct impulse of Heaven, which also brought you hither
to-day, in its mercy and love, to relieve me of a torture that I could
no longer bear. I trusted in the pledge which your Church has always
held sacred between the priest and the human soul, which, through his
medium, is struggling towards its Father above. What I have confided to
you lies sacredly between God and yourself. Let it rest there, father;
for this is right, and if you do otherwise, you will perpetrate a great
wrong, both as a priest and a man! And believe me, no question, no
torture, shall ever force my lips to utter what would be necessary,
in order to make my confession available towards the punishment of the
guilty ones. Leave Providence to deal with them!”
“My quiet little countrywoman,” said the priest, with half a smile on
his kindly old face, “you can pluck up a spirit, I perceive, when you
fancy an occasion for one.”
“I have spirit only to do what I think right,” replied Hilda simply. “In
other respects I am timorous.”
“But you confuse yourself between right feelings and very foolish
inferences,” continued the priest, “as is the wont of women,--so much
I have learnt by long experience in the confessional,--be they young or
old. However, to set your heart at rest, there is no probable need
for me to reveal the matter. What you have told, if I mistake not, and
perhaps more, is already known in the quarter which it most concerns.”
“Known!” exclaimed Hilda. “Known to the authorities of Rome! And what
will be the consequence?”
“Hush!” answered the confessor, laying his finger on his lips. “I tell
you my supposition--mind, it is no assertion of the fact--in order
that you may go the more cheerfully on your way, not deeming yourself
burdened with any responsibility as concerns this dark deed. And now,
daughter, what have you to give in return for an old man’s kindness and
sympathy?”
“My grateful remembrance,” said Hilda, fervently, “as long as I live!”
“And nothing more?” the priest inquired, with a persuasive smile. “Will
you not reward him with a great joy; one of the last joys that he may
know on earth, and a fit one to take with him into the better world? In
a word, will you not allow me to bring you as a stray lamb into the true
fold? You have experienced some little taste of the relief and comfort
which the Church keeps abundantly in store for all its faithful
children. Come home, dear child,--poor wanderer, who hast caught a
glimpse of the heavenly light,--come home, and be at rest.”
“Father,” said Hilda, much moved by his kindly earnestness, in
which, however, genuine as it was, there might still be a leaven of
professional craft, “I dare not come a step farther than Providence
shall guide me. Do not let it grieve you, therefore, if I never return
to the confessional; never dip my fingers in holy water; never sign my
bosom with the cross. I am a daughter of the Puritans. But, in spite of
my heresy,” she added with a sweet, tearful smile, “you may one day
see the poor girl, to whom you have done this great Christian kindness,
coming to remind you of it, and thank you for it, in the Better Land.”
The old priest shook his head. But, as he stretched out his hands at the
same moment, in the act of benediction, Hilda knelt down and received
the blessing with as devout a simplicity as any Catholic of them all.