“Well, darling, how do you feel in our new home?” said Olive to her
mother, when, after a long and weary journey, the night came down upon
them at Farnwood, the dark, gusty, autumn night, made wildly musical by
the neighbourhood of dense woods.
“I feel quite content, my child: I am always content everywhere with
you. And I like the wind; it helps me to imagine the sort of country we
are in.”
“A forest country, hilly and bleak. We drove through miles of
forest-land, over roads carpeted with fallen leaves. The woods will look
glorious this autumn time.”
“That will be very pleasant, my child,” said Mrs. Rothesay, who was
so accustomed to see with Olive's eyes, and to delight in the vivid
pictures painted by Olive's eloquent tongue, that she never spoke like
a person who is blind. Even the outward world was to her no blank of
desolation. Wherever they went, every beautiful place, or thing, or
person, that Olive saw, she treasured in memory. “I must tell mamma of
this,” or “I must bring mamma here, and paint the view for her.” And so
she did, in words so rich and clear, that the blind mother often said
she enjoyed such scenes infinitely more than when the whole wide earth
lay open to her unregardful eyes.
“I wonder,” said Olive, “what part of S----shire we are in. We really
might have been fairy-guided hither; we seem only aware that our journey
began in London and ended at Farnwood. I don't know anything about the
neighbourhood.”
“Never mind the neighbourhood, dear, since we are settled, you say, in
such a pretty house. Tell me, is it like Woodford Cottage?”
“Not at all! It is quite modern and comfortable. And they have made
it all ready for us, just as if we were come to a friend's house on a
visit. How kind of Mrs. Fludyer!”
“Nay! I'm sure Mrs. Fludyer never knew how to arrange a house in
her life. She had no hand in the matter, trust me!” observed the
sharply-observant Christal.
“Well, then, it is certainly the same guiding-fairy who has done this
for us, too. And I am very thankful to have such a quiet, pleasant
coming-home.”
“I, too, feel it like coming home,” said Mrs. Rothesay, in a soft weary
voice. “Olive, love, I am glad the journey is over; it has been almost
too much for me. We will not go back to London yet awhile; we will stay
here a long time.”
“As long as ever you like, darling. And now shall I show you the house?”
“Showing” the house implied a long description of it, in Olive's
blithest language, as they passed from room to room. It was a pretty,
commodious dwelling, perhaps the prettiest portion of which was the
chamber which Miss Rothesay appropriated as her mother's and her own.
“It is a charming sleeping-room, with its white draperies, and its old
oak furniture; and the quaint pier-glass, stuck round with peacocks'
feathers, country fashion. And there, mamma, are some prints, a 'Raising
of Lazarus,' though not quite so grand as my beloved 'Sebastian del
Piombo.' And here are views from my own beautiful Scotland--a 'Highland
Loch,' and 'Edinburgh Castle;' and, oh, mamma! there is grand old
'Stirling,' the place where I was born! Our good fairy might have known
the important fact; for, lo! she has adorned the mantelpiece with two
great bunches of heather, in honour of me, I suppose. How pleasant!”
“Yes. But I am weary, love. I wish I were in bed, and at rest.”
This was soon accomplished; and Olive sat down by her mother's side, as
she often did, waiting until Mrs. Rothesay fell asleep.
She sat, looking about her mechanically, as one does when taking
possession of a strange room. Curiously her eye marked every quaint
angle in the furniture, which would in time become so familiar. Then she
thought, as one of dreamy mood is apt to do under such circumstances, of
how many times she should lay her head down on the pillow in this same
room, and when, and how would be the _last time_. For to all things on
earth must come a last time.
But, waking herself out of such pondering, she turned to look at her
mother. The delicate placid face lay in the stillness of deep sleep--a
stillness that sometimes startles one, from its resemblance to another
and more solemn repose. While she looked, a pain entered the daughter's
heart. To chase it thence, she stooped and softly kissed the face which
to her was, and ever had been, the most beautiful in the world; and
then, following the train of her former musings, came the thought that
one day--it might be far distant, but still, in all human probability,
it must come--she would kiss her mother's brow for the _last time_.
A moment's shiver, a faint prayer, and the thought passed. But long
afterwards she remembered it, and marvelled that it should have first
come to her then and there.
The morning that rose at Farnwood Dell--so the little house was
called--was one of the brightest that ever shone from September skies.
Olive felt cheerful as the day; and as for Christal, she was perpetually
running in and out, making the wonderful discoveries of a young damsel
who had never in all her life seen the real country. She longed for a
ramble, and would not let Olive rest until the exploit was determined
on. It was to be a long walk, the appointed goal being a beacon that
could be seen for miles, a church on the top of a hill.
Olive quite longed to go thither, because it had been the first sight
at Farnwood on which her eyes had rested. Looking out from her
chamber-window, at the early morning, she had seen it gleaming goldenly
in the sunrise. All was so new, so lovely! It had made her feel quite
happy, just as though with that first sunrise at Farnwood had dawned a
new era in her life. Many times during the day she looked at the hill
church; she would have asked about it had there been any one to ask, so
she determined that her first walk should be thither.
The graceful spire rose before them, guiding them all the way, which
did not seem long to Olive, who revelled in the beauties unfolded along
their lonely walk--a winding road, bounding the forest, on whose verge
the hill stood. But Christal's Parisian feet soon grew wearied, and
when they came to the ascent of the hill, she fairly sat down by the
roadside.
“I will go into this cottage, and rest until you come back, Miss
Rothesay; and you need not hurry, for I shall not be able to walk home
for an hour,” said the wilful young lady, as she quickly vanished, and
left her companion to proceed to the church alone.
Slowly Olive wound up the hill, and through a green lane that led to the
churchyard. There seemed a pretty little village close by, but she was
too tired to proceed further. She entered the churchyard, intending to
sit down and rest on one of the gravestones; but at the wicket-gate she
paused to look around at the wide expanse of country that lay beneath
the afternoon sunshine--a peaceful earth, smiling back the smile of
heaven. The old grey church, with its circle of gigantic trees, shut
out all signs of human habitation; and there was no sound, not even the
singing of birds, to break the perfect quiet that brooded around.
Olive had scarcely ever seen so sweet a spot. Its sweetness passed into
her soul, moving her even to tears. From the hill-top she looked on the
wide verdant plain, then up into the sky, and wished for doves' wings to
sail out into the blue. Never had she so deeply felt how beautiful was
earth, and how happy it might be made. And was Olive not happy? She
thought of all those whose forms had moved through her life's picture;
very beautiful to her heart they were: beautiful and dearly loved: but
now it seemed as though there was one great want, one glorious image
that should have arisen above them all, melting them into a grand
harmonious whole.
Half conscious of this want, Olive thought, “I wonder how it would have
been with me had I ever penetrated that great mystery which crowns all
life: had I ever known love!”
The thought brought back many of her conversations with Michael,--and
his belief that the life of the heart and that of the brain--one so warm
and rich--the other so solitary and cold--can rarely exist together.
Towards the latter her whole destiny seemed now turning.
“It may be true; perchance all is well Let me think so. If on earth I
must ever feel this void, may it be filled at last in the after-life
with God!”
She pondered thus, but the meditations oppressed her. She was rather
glad to have them broken by the appearance of a little girl, who entered
from a wicket-gate at the other end of the churchyard, and walked, very
slowly and quietly, to a grave-stone near where Miss Rothesay stood.
Olive approached, but the child, a thoughtful-looking little creature of
about eight years old, did not see her until she came quite close.
“Do not let me disturb you, my dear,” said she gently, as the little
girl seemed shy and frightened, and about to run away. But Miss
Rothesay, who loved all children, began to talk to her, and very soon
succeeded in conquering the timidity of the pretty little maiden. For
she was a pretty creature. Olive especially admired her eyes, which were
large and dark, the sort of eyes she had always loved for the sake of
Sara Derwent. Looking into them now, she seemed carried back once more
to the days of her early youth, and of that long-vanished dream.
“Are you fond of coming here, my child?”
“Yes; whenever I can steal quietly away, out of sight of papa and
grandmamma. They do not forbid me; else, you know, I ought not to do it;
but they say it is not good for me to stay thinking here, and send me to
go and play.”
“And why had you rather come and sit here than play?”
“Because there is a secret, and I want to try and find it out. I dare
not tell you, for you might tell papa and grandmamma, and they would be
angry.”
“But your mamma--you could surely tell mamma; I always tell everything
to mine.”
“Do you? and have you got a mamma? Then, perhaps you could help me in
finding out all about mine. You must know,” added the child, lifting up
her eager face with an air of mystery, “when I was very little, I lived
away from here--I never saw my mamma, and my nurse always told me that
she had 'gone away.' A little while since, when I came home--my home is
there,” and she pointed to what seemed the vicarage-house, glimmering
whitely through the trees--“they told me mamma was here, under this
stone, but they would tell me nothing more. Now, what does it all mean?”
Olive perceived by these words, that the child was playing upon her
mother's grave. Only it seemed strange that she should have been left
so entirely ignorant with regard to the great mysteries of death and
immortality. Miss Rothesay was puzzled what to answer.
“My child, if your mamma be here, it is her body only.” And Olive
paused, startled at the difficulty she found in explaining in the
simplest terms the doctrine of the soul's immortality. At last she
continued, “When you go to sleep do you not often dream of walking in
beautiful places and seeing beautiful things, and the dreams are so
happy that you would not mind whether you slept on your soft bed or on
the hard ground? Well, so it is with your mamma; her body has been laid
down to sleep, but her mind--her spirit, is flying far away in beautiful
dreams. She never feels at all that she is lying in her grave under the
ground.”
“But how long will her body lie there? and will it ever wake?”
“Yes, it will surely wake, though how soon we know not, and be taken up
to heaven and to God.”
The child looked earnestly in Olive's face. “What is heaven, and what is
God?”
Miss Rothesay's amazement was not unmingled with horror. Her own
religious faith had dawned so imperceptibly--at once an instinct and a
lesson--that there seemed something awful in this question of an utterly
untaught mind.
“My poor child,” she said, “do you not know who is God?--has no one told
you?”
“No one.”
“Then I will.”
“Pardon me, madam,” said a man's voice behind, calm, cold, but not
unmusical; “but it seems to me that a father is the best teacher of his
child's faith.”
“Papa--it is papa.” With a look of shyness almost amounting to fear, the
child slid from the tombstone and ran away.
Olive stood face to face with the father.
He was a gentleman--a true _gentleman_; at the first glance any one
would have given him that honourable and rarely-earned name. His age
might be about thirty-five, but his face was cast in the firm rigid
mould over which years pass and leave no trace. He might have looked
as old as now at twenty; at fifty he would probably look little older.
Handsome he was, as Olive discerned at a glance, but there was something
in him that controlled her much more than mere beauty would have done.
It was a grave dignity of presence, which indicated that mental sway
which some men are born to hold, first over themselves, and then over
their kind. Wherever he came, he seemed to say, “I rule--I am master
here!”
Olive Rothesay, innocent as she was of any harm to this gentleman or
to his child, felt as cowed and humbled as if she had done wrong. She
wished she could have fled like the little girl--fled out of reach of
his searching glance.
He waited for her to speak first, but she was silent; her colour rose
to her very temples; she knew not whether she ought to apologise, or to
summon her woman's dignity and meet the stranger with a demeanour like
his own.
She was relieved when the sound of his voice broke the pause.
“I fear I startled you, madam; but I was not at first aware who was
talking to my little girl. Afterwards, the few words of yours which I
overheard induced me to pause.”
“What words?”
“About sleep, and dreams, and immortality. Your way of putting the case
was graceful--poetical Whether a child would apprehend it or not, is
another question.”
Olive was surprised at the half-sarcastic, half-earnest way in which he
said this. She longed to ask what motive he could have had in bringing
the child up in such total ignorance of the first principles of
Christianity. The stranger seemed to divine her question, and answer it.
“No doubt you think it strange that my little daughter is so
ill-informed in some theological points, and still more that I should
have stopped you when you were kind enough to instruct her thereon. But,
being a father--to say nothing of a clergyman”--(Olive looked at him in
some surprise, and found that her interlocutor bore, in dress at least,
a clerical appearance)--“I choose to judge for myself in some things;
and I deem it very inexpedient that the feeble mind of a child should be
led to dwell on subjects which are beyond the grasp of the profoundest
philosopher.”
“But not beyond the reverent faith of a Christian,” Olive ventured to
say.
He looked at her with his piercing eyes, and said eagerly, “You think
so, you feel so?” then recovering his old manner, “Certainly--of
course--that is the great beauty of a woman's religion. She pauses not
to reason,--she is always ready to believe; therefore you women are a
great deal happier than the philosophers.”
It was doubtful, from his tone, whether he meant this in compliment or
in sarcasm. But Olive replied as her own true and pious spirit prompted.
“It seems to me that while the intellect comprehends, the heart, or
rather the soul, is the only fountain of belief. Without that, could
a man dive into the infinite until he became as an angel in power
and wisdom--could he 'by searching find out God '--still he could not
believe.”
“_Do you_ believe in God?”
“I love Him!” She said no more; but her countenance spoke the rest; and
her companion saw it He stood as silently gazing as a man who in the
desert comes face to face with an angel.
Olive recollecting herself blushed deeply. “I ought to apologise for
speaking so freely of these things to a stranger and a clergyman--in
this place too.”
“Can there be a fitter place, or one that so sanctifies, and at the
same time justifies this conversation?” was the answer, as the speaker
glanced round the quiet domain of the dead. Then Olive remembered where
they stood--that she was talking to the husband over his lost wife's
tomb. The thought touched her with sympathy for this man, whose words,
though so earnest, were yet so piercing. He seemed as though it were
his habit to tear away every flimsy veil, in order to behold the shining
image of Truth.
They were silent for a moment, and then he resumed, with a smile,--the
first that had yet lightened his face, and which now cast on it an
inexpressible sweetness--
“Let me thank you for talking so kindly to my little daughter. I trust I
have sufficiently explained why I interrupted your lessons.”
“Still, it seems strange,” said Olive. And strong interest conquering
her diffidence, she asked how he, a clergyman, had possibly contrived to
keep the child in such utter ignorance?
“She has not lived much with me,” he answered; “my little Ailie has been
brought up in complete solitude. It was best for a child, whose birth
was soon followed by her mother's death.”
Olive trembled lest she had opened a wound; but his words and manner had
the grave composure of one who speaks of any ordinary event. Whatever
grief he had felt, it evidently was healed. An awkward pause, during
which Miss Rothesay tried to think in what way she could best end the
conversation. It was broken at last by little Ailie, who crept timidly
across the churchyard to her father.
“Please, papa, grandmamma wants to see you before she goes out. She is
going to John Dent's, and to Farnwood, and”----
“Hush, little chatterbox! this lady cannot be interested in our family
revelations. Bid her 'good-afternoon' and come!”
He tried to speak playfully, but it was a rigid playfulness. Though a
father, it was evident he did not understand children. Bowing to Olive
with a stately acknowledgment, he walked on alone towards the little
wicket-gate. She noticed that his eye never turned back, either to his
dead wife's grave or to his living child. Ailie, while his shadow was
upon her, had been very quiet; when he walked away, she sprang up, gave
Olive one of those rough, sudden, childish embraces which are so sweet,
and then bounded away after her father.
Miss Rothesay watched them both disappear, and then was seized with an
eager impulse to know who were this strange father and daughter. She
remembered the tombstone, the inscription of which she had not yet seen:
for it was half-hidden by an overhanging cornice, and by the tall grass
that grew close by. Olive had to kneel down in order to decipher it. She
did so, and read:
“SARA,
Wife of the Reverend Harold Gwynne,
Died--, Aged 21.”
Then, the turf she knelt on covered Sara! the kiss, yet warm on her
lips, was given by Sara's child! Olive bowed her face in the grass,
trembling violently. Far, far through long-divided years, her heart
fled back to its olden tenderness. She saw again the thorn-tree and the
garden-walk, the beautiful girlish face, with its frank and constant
smile. She sat down and wept over Sara's grave.
Then she thought of little Ailie. Oh! would that she had known this
sooner! that she might have closer clasped the motherless child, and
have seen poor Sara's likeness shining from her daughter's eyes! With
a yearning impulse Olive rose up to follow the little girl. But she
remembered the father.
How strange--how passing strange, that he with whom she had been
talking, towards whom she had felt such an awe, and yet a vague
attraction, should have been Sara's husband, and the man whose influence
had curiously threaded her own life for many years.
She felt glad that the mystery was now solved--that she had at last seen
Harold Gwynne.