Looking back on a calm and uneventful childhood--and by childhood we
mean the seven years between the babyhood of five and the dignity of
“teens,”--it always seems like a cloudy landscape, with a few points of
view here and there, which stand out clearly from the rest. Therein the
fields are larger and the sky brighter than any we now behold. Persons,
places, and events assume a mystery and importance. We never think of
them, or hear them named afterwards, but there clings to them something
of the strange glamour of the time when “we saw men as trees walking.”
Olive's childhood was passed in the place mentioned by her father.
Merivale! Oldchurch! In her future life the words, whenever heard,
always sounded like an echo of that dreamy time, whose sole epochs are
birthdays, Christmas-days, the first snowdrop found in the garden, the
first daisy in the field. Such formed the only chronicle of Olive's
childhood.
Its earliest period was marked by events which she was too young to
notice, troubles which she was too young to feel. They passed over her
like storm-clouds over a safely sheltered flower--only perceived by the
momentary shadow which they cast. Once--it was in the first summer at
Merivale--the child noticed how pleased every one seemed, and how papa
and mamma, now always together, used to speak more tenderly than usual
to her. Elspie said it was because they were so happy, and that Olive
ought to be happy too, because God would soon send her “a wee wee
brother.” She would find him some day in the pretty cradle, which Elspie
showed her. So the little girl went to look there every morning, but in
vain. At last her nurse said she need not look there any more, for God
had taken away the baby-brother as soon as it came. Olive was very much
disappointed, and when she went down to her father that day she told him
of her trouble. But he angrily sent her away to her nurse. She looked
ever after with grief and childish awe on the empty cradle.
[Illustration: Page 45, Olive, little noticed, sat on the hearthrug]
At last it was empty no longer. She, a thoughtful child of seven, could
never forget the impression made, when one morning she was roused by the
loud pealing of the Old-church bells, and the maids told her, laughing,
that it was in honour of her little brother, come at last. She was
allowed to kiss him once, and then spent half her time, watching, with
great joy and wonderment, the tiny face and touching the tiny hands.
After some days she missed him; and after some more Elspie showed her
a little heap in the nearest churchyard, saying, that was her
baby-brother's cradle now. Poor little Olive!--her only knowledge of the
tie of brotherhood was these few days of silent watching and the little
green mound left behind in the churchyard.
From that time there came a gradual change over the household, and
over Olive's life. No more long, quiet hours after dinner, her father
reading, her mother occupied in some light work, or resting on the sofa
in delicious idleness, while Olive herself, little noticed, but yet
treated with uniform kindness by both, sat on the hearthrug, fondling
the sleepy cat, or gazing with vague childish reverie into the fire. No
more of the proud pleasure with which, on Sunday afternoons, exalted to
her grave papa's knee, she created an intense delight out of what was to
him a somewhat formal duty, and said her letters from the large family
Bible. These childish joys vanished gradually, she scarce knew how. Her
papa she now rarely saw, he was so much from home, and the quiet house,
wherein she loved to ramble, became a house always full of visitors, her
beautiful mamma being the centre of its gaiety. Olive retreated to
her nursery and to Elspie, and the rest of her childhood was one long,
solitary, pensive dream.
In that dream was the clear transcript of all the scenes amidst which
it passed. The old hall, seated on a rising ground, and commanding views
which were really beautiful in their way, considering that Merivale
was on the verge of a manufacturing district, bounded by pastoral and
moorland country. Those strange furnace-fires, which rose up at dusk
from the earth and gleamed all around the horizon, like red fiery eyes
open all night long, how mysteriously did they haunt the imaginative
child! Then the town, Oldchurch, how in her after-life it grew distinct
from all other towns, like a place seen in a dream, so real and yet so
unreal! There was its castle-hill, a little island within a large pool,
which had once been a real fortress and moat. Old Elspie contemned
alike tradition and reality, until Olive read in her little “History of
England” the name of the place, and how John of Gaunt had built a castle
there. And then Elspie vowed it was unworthy to be named the same day
with beautiful Stirling. Continually did she impress on the child
the glories of her birthplace, so that Olive in after-life, while
remembering her childhood's scenes as a pleasant land of earth, came to
regard her native Scotland as a sort of dream-paradise. The shadow of
the mountains where she was born fell softly, solemnly, over her whole
life; influencing her pursuits, her character, perhaps even her destiny.
Yet there was a curious fascination about Oldchurch. She never
forgot it. The two great wide streets, High-street and Butcher-row,
intersecting one another in the form of a cross: the two churches--the
Old Church, gloomy and Norman, with its ghostly graveyard; and the New
Church, shining white amidst a pleasant garden cemetery, beneath one of
whose flower-beds her baby-brother lay: the two shops, the only ones she
ever visited, the confectioner's, where she stood to watch the yearly
fair, and the bookseller's whither she dragged her nurse on any excuse,
that she might pore over its incalculable treasures.
Above all, there was fixed in her memory the strange aspect the town
wore on one day--a Coronation-day, the grandest gala of her childhood.
One king had died and been buried.--Olive saw the black-hung pulpit and
heard the funeral sermon, awfully thundered forth at night Another king
had been proclaimed, and Olive had gloried in the sight of the bonfires
and the roasted sheep. Now the people talked of a Coronation-day. Simple
child! She knew nothing of the world's events or the world's destinies,
save that she rose early to the sound of carolling bells, was dressed
in a new white frock, and taken to see the town--the beautiful town,
smiling with triumphal flower-arches and winding processions. How she
basked in the merry sunshine, and heard the shouts, and the band playing
“God save the King,” and felt very loyal, until her enthusiasm vented
itself in tears.
Such was one of the few links between Olive's early life and the world
outside. Otherwise she dwelt, for those seven years of childhood, in
a little Eden of her own, whose boundary was rarely crossed by the
footsteps of either joy or pain. She was neither neglected nor ill-used,
but she never knew that fulness of love on which one looks back in
after-life, saying deprecatingly, and yet sighing the while, “Ah, I was
indeed a spoiled child!” Her little heart was not positively checked in
its overflowings; but it had a world of secret tenderness, which, being
never claimed, expended itself in all sorts of wild fancies. She loved
every flower of the field and every bird in the air. She also--having
a passionate fondness for study and reading--loved her pet authors and
their characters, with a curious individuality. Mrs. Holland stood in
the place of some good aunt, and Sandford and Merton were regarded just
like real brothers.
She had no one to speak to about poetry; she did not know there was such
a thing in the world. Yet she was conscious of strange and delicious
sensations, when in the early days of spring she had at length conquered
Elspie's fears about wet feet and muddy fields, and had gone with her
nurse to take the first meadow ramble; she could not help bounding to
pluck every daisy she saw; and when the violets came, and the
primroses, she was out of her wits with joy. She had never even heard of
Wordsworth; yet, as she listened to the first cuckoo note, she thought
it no bird, but truly “a wandering voice.” Of Shelley's glorious lyric
ode she knew nothing; and yet she never heard the skylark's song
without thinking it a spirit of the air, or one of the angels hymning
at Heaven's gate. And many a time she looked up in the clouds at early
morning, half expecting to see that gate open, and wondering whereabouts
it was in the beautiful sky.
She had never heard of Art, yet there was something in the gorgeous
sunset that made her bosom thrill; and out of the cloud-ranges she tried
to form mountains such as there were in Scotland, and palaces of crystal
like those she read of in her fairy tales. No human being had ever told
her of the mysterious links that reach from the finite to the infinite,
out of which, from the buried ashes of dead Superstition, great souls
can evoke those mighty spirits, Faith and Knowledge; yet she went to
sleep every night believing that she felt, nay, could almost see, an
angel standing at the foot of her little bed, watching her with holy
eyes, guarding her with outspread wings.
O Childhood! beautiful dream of unconscious poetry; of purity so pure
that it knew neither the existence of sin nor of its own innocence; of
happiness so complete, that the thought, “I am now happy,” came not to
drive away the wayward sprite which never _is_, but always is to come!
Blessed Childhood! spent in peace and loneliness and dreams; hidden
therein lay the germs of a whole life.