* * * * *
"AS EASY AS ABC."
_Witness of the Labour Commission_ (_under examination_). Yes, I think
that employers should be forced by law to give in to their men.
_Question_. But should this lead to bankruptcy, what then?
_Witness_. Bankruptcy should be legally abolished.
_Question_. Should employers have no money to pay the employed?
_Witness_. That duty should be discharged by the Government.
_Question_. But bow should the loss be supplied--by the imposition of
new taxes?
_Witness_. Certainly not. Taxation should be entirely abolished.
_Question_. Then how could your scheme be carried out?
_Witness_ (_courteously_). That is a matter I leave entirely to the
discretion of the Government.
* * * * *
[Illustration: HORATIO LARKINS VISITS THE NAVAL EXHIBITION.]
* * * * *
NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.,
Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no
case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed
Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
* * * * *
[Illustration: INDEX]
ABC of Ibsenity (The), 239
About the Court, 147
Accident on the Ice, 35
Acting--on a Suggestion, 120
Adopted Child (The), 222
"Advance, Australia!" 126, 268
Agricultural Tripos (An), 221
Alarmed Autocrat (The), 282
All Adrift; or, Three Men in a Punt, 270
Among the Immortals, 217
Amusing Rattle's Note-Book for 1891
(The), 12, 36, 45
Another's, 177
Another Telephonic Suggestion, 150
Appropriate, 12
Arbitration, 30
Aristotelian Treasure-Trove, 57
Arthur and Composer, 65
Artist and a Whistler (An), 72
"As Easy as ABC," 309
Athletics, 123
At the End of the Year, 9, 23
Auditors in Wonderland, 15
BACCHUS Outwitted; or, The Triumph of Sobriety, 203
Baconian Theory (A), 210
Bar Barred! 145
Bendigo, 287
"Beroofen!" 281
"Better Late than Never!" 71, 157
Bitter Cry of Outcast Competition, 255
Blondel up to Date, 144
"Blood" _v_. "Bullion," 234
Boat-Race Ten Years Hence (The), 137
Bogey, Man! (The), 63
Bowls, 233
Bow-wow! 193
Bravo, Bagshawe! 98
Breach of Veracity (A), 27
Breakfast Table-Talk, 254
Bruin Junior, 62
Brum and the Oologist, 99
Brummagem Bolus (A), 173
Brustle's Bishop, 64
Bumble at Home, 18
Burns versus Burns, 26
'Busmen's Alphabet (The), 287
'Bus 'Oss's Mems (A), 289
By a Tired and Cynical Critic of Current Fiction, 123
CANADIAN Calendar (A), 99
Can a Man Imprison his Wife? 209
Candour in Court, 93
Canine Confidences, 39
Can(nes)did Confession (A), 78
Capital and Labour Forecast, 51
Celt again! 108
Chambers in St. James's Street, 120
Change for Thirty-five Shillings, 246
Change of Initials, 45
Charles Keene, 33
"Charles our Friend," 159
Charlie and Sarah, 69
Child's Chit-Chat, 273
Christmas in Two Pieces, 16
"Chucked!" 122
Church and Stage, 135
Civil Service Note, 96
Codlingsby Junior, 257
Coliseum--at Chicago (The), 275
Columbia on her Sparrow, 74
Coming Dress, 195
Coming Meeting (A), 39
Compensation, 21
Competition in the Future, 256
Complaint of the Census (A), 177
Composer Coming (The), 21
Coriolanus, 102
Court Cold! 153
Coy Colossus (A), 299
Criticising the Calendar, 168
Crummles Redivivus! 61
Curate to his Slippers (The), 24
DANCING-ON-NOTHING Girl (A), 141
Dante not "in it," 159
Day in the Law Courts (A), 279
Dead Frost (A), 71
Dearness and Dearth, 62
Desdemona to the Author of "Dorian
Gray," 123
Diary of an Old Joke (The), 180
Diary of Dover (A), 135
Disclaimer (A), 210
Disinfecting the Wigs, 215
Dis-Order of the Day (The), 251
Domestic Melodies, 45
Drama Then and Now (The), 267
Dramatic Illustration of an Advertisement, 105
Dreamy Madness, 66
Druriolanus and Dancing, 81
Dumas Up to Army Estimates' Date, 105
EARL Granville, 179
Early Closing Movement, 215
Edwin and Angelina, 5
Elegy on a Mad Dog (An), 63
Essence of Parliament, 69, 71, 83, 95, 107, 119, 131, 143, 155, 168,
191, 204, 216, 225, 232, 251, 264, 275, 287, 299, 304
Ethics of Match-Boxes (The), 89
Eton Jubilee Curiosities, 303
Evenings from Home, 245
Explanations à la Mode, 292
Extract from the Report of the G.O.M.'s Birthday Speech at Hawarden,
36
"FACTA non Verba;" or, Pierrot in London, 179
Fair Exchange (A), 174
Familiarity breeds Respect, 243
Fascination! 158
Fashion's Floralia, 219
Fête or Fate? 129
Fine Young German Emperor (The), 182
First Act and the Last (The), 123
First Visit to the "Naveries," 217
"Flat, Stale, and Unprofitable," 156
Flowerless Funeral (The), 99
"Flowers that Bloom, tra-la!" (The), 141
For Better or Worse! 57, 201
Forecast for 1891 (A), 5
Freezing Point (A), 59
Friend of Ireland and the Wordy Knife-Grinder (The), 50
Friend of Labour (The), 183
Frieze of the Parthenon (The), 60
From Our Musical Box, 51
Fruit of the Session (The), 294
GAME of Peace (The), 40
Garden of Sleep (The), 206
"General Election Stakes," 258
General of the Future (The), 300
General View of "Private Inquiry" (A), 48
Geographical, 254
Giving a Lodger Notice to Quit, 131
Good Devon! 45
"Good Little 'Un is better than a Bad Big 'Un" (A), 110
Goschen cum Dig.; or, The (far from) Dying Swan, 146
G.P.O. Cuckoo (The), 145
Grand Old Wetterun (A), 149
Great Disappointment, 17
Great Whaling Expedition (The), 114
"Grey Apes of Age," 288
HAGIOLOGICAL and Historical Note, 48
Hands as they are Shook, 153
"Happy New Year!" (A), 6
Happy Prospect, 120
Hearthily Welcome, 183
Heinrich Schliemann, 15
"Here we are Again!" 74
Hero's Common Form Diary (The), 2
Herrick Up to Date, 177
Highest Education (The), 81
"Hired Priest" (The), 288
History and Art, 243
Homage to Sir James Hannen, 60
"Honours Easy!" 23
How it Happened, 302
How it's Done, 88
How Long? 269
Humour o't! (The), 219
Hundred-and-Ten-Tonner (The), 90
Hymen and Cupid, 210
IAGO on the Great Sermon Question, 121
I'd be a Criminal, 36
Ignotus, 178
In a Maze, 246
In a Lock.--A Whitsuntide Warble, 251
Information required, 59
In-Kerrect Kerr, 198
In the Latest Style, 11
In Memoriam, 65, 189
In Memoriam--"Old To-morrow," 289
In re the Influenza, 252
In their Easter Eggs, 165
"In the Name of the Law--Photographs!" 145
Invective of H-rc-rt (The), 182
Irish Diamond (An), 179
JACK'S Appeal, 53
Jokim and John, 213
Jokim the Cellarer; or, The Blend, 231
Jokim's Latest, 167
Jolly Young Waterman (The), 149
Junius Judex, 74
"KEEP your Hare on!" 137
Kensington Correspondence, 133
Kensington Gardens Small Talk, 129
Kept in the Stable, 138
Key to a Lock (The), 201
Key to the Proposed Heraldic Device, 243
King John at Oxford, 93
King Stork and King Log, 134
Knowledge is Invaluable, 309
Koch Sure! 42
LABOURS for Lent, 73
Land and Brain, 186
"La Rixe," 119
Larks! 48
Last Song (The), 231
Latest in Telegrams (The), 117
Latest "Labor Program" (The), 249
Launce in London, 14
Leaves from a Candidate's Diary, 167, 171, 181, 203, 205, 228, 233,
249, 261, 268, 280, 289
Legal Maxims, 156
Le Prince s'amuse, 297
Lights o' London (The), 87
Listening to the Gentle Kooen, 101
Lost in the Mist of Ages, 21
Lost Sergeant (The), 303
MAGAZINE Manners, 177
Men who have taken Me in--to Dinner, 105, 129, 165
Mere Suggestion for Next Time (A), 143
Merry Green Wood (The), 165
Micky Free in Paris, 177
Mitred Misery, 280
Mixture as Before (The), 265
"Model Husband" Contest, 61
Modern Brigand (The), 297
Modern Types, 73, 185, 196,
Moi-Mem, 81
Moltke, 213
More Ibsenity, 125, 138
More Kicks than Halfpence, 171
"Mors et Vita," 195
Mortuary, 293
Most Appropriate, 39, 87
M.P. Manfield, M.P., 97
Mr. Herkomer and Mr. Parnell, 207
Mr. Jonathan and Miss Canada, 131
Mr. Punch's Pocket Ibsen, 136, 148, 157, 172, 184, 193, 208, 220,
241, 253
Mr. Punch's Prize Novels, 13, 28, 37, 85, 100, 112, 169, 229, 244
Mr. Punch to Miss Canada, 107
Mrs. Gingham on the Great 'Bus Question, 297
Mrs. Grundy to Mr. Goschen, 99
Musical Notes, 217, 300
Musical, Theatrical, and Judicial, 288
My Lady, 133
"My pretty Janus, oh, never look so Shy!" 88
NEWEST Nostrum (The), 263
New Prayer-Book Revision, 185
New Tale of a Tub; or, The Not-at-Home Secretary and the
Laundresses (The), 290
Nolens Volens, 293
Not Caught Yet! 186
Note by a Nomad, 81
Notes from a Nursery-Garden, 240
Notes on the Royal Academy of 2091, 264
Nothing like Discipline, 205
Not Inside Out, 29
OBVIOUS, 263
"Odd Man Out," 51
Ode to Compensation, 237
"Oh no, we never Mention him! 143
Old Morality's Christmas Cards and New Year Wishes, 6
Old Times Revived, 89
Old Woman and her Water Supply, 81
Ollendorff in London, 160
One Pound Notes, 165
On the River, 289
Operatic Gossip, 27
Operatic Notes, 189, 197, 209, 221, 231, 256, 281
Operatic Puzzle (An), 305
Other Man (The), 201
Our Advertisers, 9, 39, 105
Our Booking-Office, 4, 17, 29, 41, 65, 77, 89, 101, 111, 124, 141,
149, 161, 180, 191, 196, 213, 221, 239, 245, 257, 276, 285, 293
Our Opening (Sun) Day! 167
Our Particular Tip comes off Right, 275
Our Particular Tip for the Derby, 255
Out of School, 108
Overheard at Earl's Court, 237
Oxford and Cambridge Boat-Race, 156
"PALMAM Qui Meruit, Ferat!" 302
Pantomimic Reverie (A), 36
"Paper-Chase" (The), 78
Par about Pictures, 90
Parental Authority, 305
Pars about Pictures, 4, 27
Party Peter Bell (The), 215
Paterfamilias on his Census Paper, 179
Penny for your Thoughts (A), 252
Pick of the Pictures (The), 227
Pink of Courtesy, and a True Blue, 95
Pint of Half-and-Half (A), 48
Pioneer in Petticoats (A), 45
Playing Old Gooseberry at the Hay-market, 52
Playtime for a Doll's House, 65
Plea for the Cart-Horse Parade Society (A), 243
"Please give me a Penny, Sir," 198
Polite Judgment, 21
Political Asides, 306
Politics Up to Date, 11
Presented at Court, 174
Private and Confidential, 150
"Prodigious!" 60
Proposed Old Etonian Banquet (The), 147
Proverbs pro Omnibus, 293
Publisher and his Friends (A), 159
QUEER Queries, 87, 98, 141, 156, 183, 195, 233, 263
Query by Ignoramus, 95
Question of the Knight, 105
"Quite New and Original," 113
RAIKES Rex! 155
Recipe, 267
Remarkable Conversion, 63
Reminiscence of C.K. (A), 27
Repartee to a Spouse, 221
Return of the Wanderer (The), 192
Revelations of a Reveller, 129
Rights and Wrongs of Labour (The), 228
Rights of Counsel (The), 167
Rival "Jarvies" (The), 90
Robert at the Academy, 263
Robert at the Children's Fancy Ball, 218
Robert at the Derby, 273
Robert on English and Foreign Waiters, 239
Robert on Skatin', 57
Robert's Xmas Bankwet, 4
Rolling of the R's (The), 48
"Rouge et Noir!" 54
Rough Crossing (A), 132
SAD Story, 221
Salisbury's Version, 261
"Salvage Man" (A), 51
Same Old Game (The), 108
Savoy Question (A), 215
School of Criticism (A), 147
Seasonable Reply, 21
Semi-Official Introduction, 21
Serenade; or, Over the Garden Wall, 86
Shadows from Mistletoe and Holly, 9
Shah (Lefevre) and the Sultan (The), 35
Shakspeare and the Unmusical Glasses. 113
Shelley Revised, 137
Shipping Intelligence, 114
"Shodkin" (The), 305
Show of the Old Masters at Burlington House, 15
Silent, Shakspeare, 197
Somebody's Luggage, 207
Something in a Name, 123
Something like a Subscription, 49
Song of the Bacillus (The), 144
Songs by a Cynic, 129
Songs of the Unsentimentalist, 189, 195, 205
Sons of Britannia, 195
Sound and Safe, 145
South African Sentiment (A), 93
Specimens from Mr. Punch's Scamp-Album, 77, 97, 121, 240
Still another Chapter of my Memoir, 47
"Strait" Tip (The), 39
Strange, but True, 71
Striking Intelligence, 291
Striking Times, 125
St. Valentine's Eve, 84
"Such a Dawg!", 173
Sullivanhoe!, 76
Summer!, 281
Summery Mummery, 302
"Survival or the Fittest," 17, 78
"Sweet Strife," 198
Sword versus Lancet, 191
TAKEN upon Trust, 161
Taking the Census, 173
Talking by Time, 162
Ten Minutes' Idyl (A), 165
"That Con-foundland Dog!", 162
Theatrical Plunge; or, Taking a Hedda (A), 233
To a Debutante, 141
Their "Ibsen-dixit," 75
"Thermidor" Up to Date, 72
Three Acres and an Egg, 183
To a Complimentary Counsel, 111
To-day's Amusements, 2
Tolstoi on Tobacco, 85
To Mlle. Jane May, 229
Tommy Atkins's Hard Lot, 74
To Mr. Rudyard Kipling, 83, 105
Too Civil by Half; or, Past, Present, and Future, 33
To Rose Norreys as "Nora," 277
To the Queen of Mays, 240
To those it may Concern, 159
Tracks for the Times, 185
Traveller's Friend (The), 285
Triumph of Black and White (The), 133
Tryst (The), 266
Tyrants of the Strand (The), 285
UNDER a Civil Commander-in-Chief, 124
United Service Diary for 1891 (The), 9
Unrehearsed Effect (An), 29
"Up, Guards, and Act 'em!" 173
Upon Afric's Shore, 215
Upper Note (An), 83
Up-to-Date Conversationist, 62
Up-to-Time Table, from the North, 30
VERY Wildest West (The), 269
Vice Versa, 51
Voces Populi, 3, 24, 25, 40, 49, 49, 265, 277, 292
WAIL from the Tub (A), 301
Waking Them Up, 53
Wanted for the Eton Loan Collection, 159
Way of Westminster (The), 160
Welcome Back! 54
What do _you_ Think? 66
What it may Come to, 181
What it may Come to in London, 269
What it will Come to, 180
What's in a Name? 120, 126, 192
What they have been Told down East, 293
"Wherever we Wander," 121
Why should London wait? 254
Wilde Flowers, 125
Wild Welcome (A), 129
Word to Mothers (A), 45
"Worse than Ever!" 42
YANKEE Oracle on the Three-Volume Novel, 195