_Typical British Father_ (_according to the Home Secretary_). Now,
come, JANE and JIM, bundle up to your work. Look sharp!
_Government Inspector_. No, Mr. SIKES, I think not. Your youngsters
have not touched eleven yet.
_Typical British Father_. But they're over ten.
_Government Inspector_. That don't matter. The age is altered. You'll
just send your young kids back to the Board School again.
_Typical British Father_. Well, I call it downright robbery. Why, they
supports me, they do; and what more fitter work can you find for the
kids, but to support their parients with the sweat of their brow. Why,
I thought the 'OME SECRETARY was all on our side.
_Government Inspector_. Well, he's been beat, that's all. The country
don't see the fun of sending children of tender years away from their
proper training, to wear out their young bodies and poison their young
systems in beastly close, ill-ventilated work-rooms, and all just to
bring in an extra bit of money to enable their parents, like you, to
laze and loaf at home, and, maybe, spend their hardly-earned wage on
drink. However, you'll have to dock it, Mr. SIKES.
_Typical British Father_. Well, I call it downright bloomin' robbery.
It's more. It's a invasion of the sacred rights of the British
working man's domestic home. It's a infringement of the liberty of the
subject, that's wot it is. It's a teaching the young 'uns rebellion
against their natural protectors. It's a bloomin' shame!
[Government Inspector _leads them off delighted_. Typical
British Father _left swearing_.
* * * * *
UNSELFISH HELP BY SMILES.--"Dr. QUAIN's advice to doctors," says
Mr. JAMES PAYN in the _Illustrated London News_, "always 'to look
cheerful,' ought to be written in letters of gold." So it is: in
notes, or cheques. When the eminent novelist has to send for Dr.
QUAIN, the latter will beam on him, and tell him a good story. The
labour he delights in will "physic PAYN."
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE EGOISM OF GENIUS.
_Fond Mother_. "DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE THE EVENING PAPERS, MORTIMER?"
_Minimus Poet_. "WHY, IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT _ME_ IN THEM?"
_Fond Mother_. "NOT THAT I KNOW OF, DARLING."
_Minimus Poet_ (_pettishly_). "GOOD HEAVENS, MOTHER, THEN WHAT ON
EARTH SHOULD I WANT TO _SEE_ THEM FOR?"]
* * * * *