“Hear me a little;
For I have only been silent so long,
And given way unto this course of fortune,
By noting of the lady: I have mark'd
A thousand blushing apparitions start
Into her face; a thousand innocent shames
In angel whiteness bear away those blushes--”
SHAKESPEARE
I reached the Wallingford before eleven, where I found Neb in attendance
with my trunks and other effects. Being now on board my own craft,
I gave orders to profit by a favourable turn in the wind, and to get
under-way at once, instead of waiting for the flood. When I left the
deck, the sloop was above the State Prison, a point towards which
the town itself had made considerable progress since the time I first
introduced it to the reader. Notwithstanding this early start, we did
not enter the creek until about eight in the morning of the second day.
No sooner was the vessel near enough, than my foot was on the wharf, and
I began to ascend the hill. From the summit of the latter I saw my late
guardian hurrying along the road, it afterwards appearing that a stray
paper from town had announced the arrival of the Dawn, and that I was
expected to come up in the sloop. I was received with extended hands,
was kissed just as if I had still been a boy, and heard the guileless
old man murmuring his blessings on me, and a prayer of thankfulness.
Nothing ever changed good Mr. Hardinge, who, now that he could command
the whole income of his daughter, was just as well satisfied to live on
the three or four hundreds he got from his glebe and his parish, as he
ever had been in his life.
“Welcome back, my dear boy, welcome back!” added Mr. Hardinge, his
voice and manner still retaining their fervour. “I said you _must_--you
_would_ be on board, as soon as they reported the sloop in sight, for
I judged your heart by my own. Ah! Miles, will the time ever come when
Clawbonny will be good enough for you? You have already as much money as
you can want, and more will scarce contribute to your happiness.”
“Speaking of money, my dear sir,” I answered, “while I have to
regret the loss of your respectable kinswoman, I may be permitted
to congratulate you on the accession to an old family property--I
understand you inherit, in your family, all of Mrs. Bradfort's
estate-one valuable in amount, and highly acceptable, no doubt, as
having belonged to your ancestors.”
“No doubt--no doubt--it is just as you say; and I hope these unexpected
riches will leave us all as devout servants of God, as I humbly trust
they found us. The property, however, is not mine, but Lucy's; I need
not have any reserve with you, though Rupert has hinted it might be
prudent not to let the precise state of the case be known, since it
might bring a swarm of interested fortune-hunters about the dear girl,
and has proposed that we rather favour the notion the estate is to be
divided among us. This I cannot do directly, you will perceive, as it
would be deception; but one may be silent. With you, however, it is
a different matter, and so I tell you the truth at once. I am made
executor, and act, of course; and this makes me the more glad to see
you, for I find so much business with pounds, shillings and pence draws
my mind off from the duties of my holy office, and that I am in danger
of becoming selfish and mercenary. A selfish priest, Miles, is as odious
a thing as a mercenary woman!”
“Little danger of your ever becoming anything so worldly, my dear sir.
But Grace-you have not mentioned my beloved sister?”
I saw Mr. Hardinge's countenance suddenly change. The expression of joy
instantly deserted it, and it wore an air of uncertainty and sadness. A
less observant man than the good divine, in all the ordinary concerns
of life, did not exist; but it was apparent that he now saw something to
trouble him.
“Yes, Grace,” he answered, doubtingly; “the dear girl is here, and all
alone, and not as blithe and amusing as formerly. I am glad of your
return on her account, too, Miles. She is not well, I fear; I would have
sent for a physician last week, or the moment I saw her; but she insists
on it, there is no need of one. She is frightfully beautiful, Miles! You
know how it is with Grace--her countenance always seemed more fitted for
heaven than earth; and now it always reminds me of a seraph's that was
grieving over the sins of men!”
“I fear, sir, that Rupert's account, then, is true, and that Grace is
seriously ill?”
“I hope not, boy--I fervently pray not! She is not as usual--_that_ is
true; but her mind, her thoughts, all her inclinations, and, if I may
so express it, her energies, seem turned to heaven. There has been an
awakening in the spirit of Grace, that is truly wonderful. She reads
devout books, meditates, and, I make no doubt, prays, from morn till
night. This is the secret of her withdrawal from the world, and her
refusing of all Lucy's invitations. You know how the girls love each
other--but Grace declines going to Lucy, though she knows that Lucy
cannot come to her.”
I now understood it all. A weight like that of a mountain fell upon my
heart, and I walked on some distance without speaking. To me, the words
of my excellent guardian sounded like the knell of a sister I almost
worshipped.
“And Grace--does she expect me, now?” I at length ventured to say,
though the words were uttered in tones so tremulous, that even the
usually unobservant divine perceived the change.
“She does, and delighted she was to hear it. The only thing of a worldly
nature that I have heard her express of late, was some anxious, sisterly
wish for your speedy return. Grace loves you, Miles, next to her God!”
Oh! how I wished this were true, but, alas! alas! I knew it was far
otherwise!
“I see you are disturbed, my dear boy, on account of what I have said,”
resumed Mr. Hardinge; “probably from serious apprehensions about your
sister's health. She is not well, I allow; but it is the effect of
mental ailments. The precious creature has had too vivid views of
her own sinful nature, and has suffered deeply, I fear. I trust, my
conversation and prayers have not been without their effect, through the
divine aid, and that she is now more cheerful--nay, she has assured me
within half an hour, if it turned out that you were in the sloop, she
should be happy!”
For my life, I could not have conversed longer on the painful subject;
I made no reply. As we had still a considerable distance to walk, I was
glad to turn the conversation to other subjects, lest I should become
unmanned, and sit down to weep in the middle of the road.
“Does Lucy intend to visit Clawbonny, this summer?” I asked, though it
seemed strange to me to suppose that the farm was not actually Lucy's
home. I am afraid I felt a jealous dislike to the idea that the dear
creature should have houses and lands of her own; or any that was not to
be derived through me.
“I hope so,” answered her father, “though her new duties do not leave
Lucy as much her own mistress as I could wish. You saw her, and her
brother, Miles, I take it for granted?”
“I met Rupert in the street, sir, and had a short interview with the
Mertons and Lucy at the theatre. Young Mr. and old Mrs. Drewett were of
the party.”
The good divine turned short round to me, and looked as conscious and
knowing as one of his singleness of mind and simplicity of habits could
look. Had a knife penetrated my flesh, I could not have winced more than
I did; still, I affected a manner that was very foreign to my feelings.
“What do you think of this young Mr. Drewett, boy?” asked Mr. Hardinge,
with an air of confidential interest, and an earnestness of manner,
that, with him, was inseparable from all that concerned his daughter.
“Do you approve?”
“I believe I understand you, sir;--you mean me to infer that Mr. Drewett
is a suitor for Miss Hardinge's hand.”
“It would be improper to say this much, even to you, Miles, did not
Drewett take good care, himself, to let everybody know it.”
“Possibly with a view to keep off other pretenders”--I rejoined, with a
bitterness I could not control.
Now, Mr. Hardinge was one of the last men in the world to suspect evil.
He looked surprised, therefore, at my remark, and I was probably not
much out of the way, in fancying that he looked displeased.
“That is not right, my dear boy,” he said, gravely.
“We should try to think the best and not the worst, of our
fellow-creatures.”--Excellent old man, how faithfully didst thou
practise on thy precept!--“It is a wise rule, and a safe one; more
particularly in connection with our own weaknesses. Then, it is but
natural that Drewett should wish to secure Lucy; and if he adopt no
means less manly than the frank avowal of his own attachment, surely
there is no ground of complaint.”
I was rebuked; and what is more, I felt that the rebuke was merited. As
some atonement for my error, I hastened to add--
“Very truly, sir; I admit the unfairness of my remark, and can
only atone for it by adding it is quite apparent Mr. Drewett is not
influenced by interested motives, since he certainly was attentive to
Miss Hardinge previously to Mrs. Bradfort's death, and when he could not
possibly have anticipated the nature of her will.”
“Quite true, Miles, and very properly and justly remarked. Now, to you,
who have known Lucy from childhood, and who regard her much as Rupert
does, it may not seem so very natural that a young man can love her
warmly and strongly, for herself, alone--such is apt to be the effect of
brotherly feeling; but I can assure you, Lucy is really a charming, as
we all know she is a most excellent, girl!”
“To whom are you speaking thus, sir! I can assure you, nothing is easier
than for me to conceive how possible it is for any man to love your
daughter. As respects Grace, I confess there, is a difference--for
I affirm she has always seemed to me too saintly, too much allied to
Heaven already, to be subject herself, to the passions of earth.”
“That is what I have just been telling you, and we must endeavour to
overcome and humanize--if I may so express it--Grace's propensity. There
is nothing more dangerous to a healthful frame of mind, in a religious
point of view, Miles, than excitement--it is disease, and not faith, nor
charity, nor hope, nor humility, nor anything that is commanded; but our
native weaknesses taking a wrong direction, under a physical impulse,
rather than the fruits of repentance, and the succour afforded by the
spirit of God. We nowhere read of any excitement, and howlings and
waitings among the apostles.”
How could I enlighten the good old man on the subject of my sister's
malady? That Grace, with her well-tempered mind, was the victim of
religious exaggeration, I did not for a moment believe; but that she had
had her heart blighted, her affections withered, her hopes deceived, by
Rupert's levity and interestedness, his worldly-mindedness and vanity, I
could foresee, and was prepared to learn; though these were facts not
to be communicated to the father of the offender. I made no answer, but
managed to turn the conversation towards the farm, and those interests
about which I could affect an interest that I was very far from feeling,
just at that moment. This induced the divine to inquire into the result
of my late voyage, and enabled me to collect sufficient fortitude to
meet Grace, with the semblance of firmness, at least.
Mr. Hardinge made a preconcerted signal, as soon as he came in view of
the house, that apprised its inmates of my arrival; and we knew, while
still half a mile from the buildings, that the news had produced a great
commotion. All the blacks met us on the little lawn--for the girls,
since reaching womanhood, had made this change in the old door-yard--and
I had to go through the process of shaking hands with every one of them.
This was done amid hearty bursts of laughter, the mode in which the
negroes of that day almost always betrayed their joy, and many a
“welcome home, Masser Mile!” and “where a Neb got to, dis time, Masser
Mile?” was asked by more than one; and great was the satisfaction, when
I told his generation and race that the faithful fellow would be up with
the cart that was to convey my luggage. But, Grace awaited me. I broke
through the throng, and entered the house. In the door I was met by
Chloe, a girl about my own sister's age, and a sort of cousin of Neb's
by the half-blood, who had been preferred of late years to functions
somewhat resembling those of a lady's maid. I say of the half-blood;
for, to own the truth, few of the New York blacks, in that day, could
have taken from their brothers and sisters, under the old _dictum_ of
the common law, which declared that none but heirs of the whole blood
should inherit. Chloe met me in the door-way, and greeted me with one
of her sweetest smiles, as she curtsied, and really looked as pleased
as all my slaves did, at seeing their _young_ master again. How they
touched my heart, at times, by their manner of talking about “_ole_
Masser, and _ole_ Missus,” always subjects of regret among negroes who
had been well treated by them. Metaphysicians may reason as subtly as
they can about the races and colours, and on the aptitude of the black
to acquire, but no one can ever persuade me out of the belief of their
extraordinary aptitude to love. As between themselves and their masters,
their own children and those of the race to which they were subject, I
have often seen instances which have partaken of the attachment of
the dog to the human family; and cases in which the children of their
masters have been preferred to those of their own flesh and blood, were
of constant occurrence.
“I hope you been werry well, sah, Masser Mile,” said Chloe, who had some
extra refinement, as the growth of her position.
“Perfectly, my good girl, and I am glad to see you looking so well--you
really are growing handsome, Chloe.”
“Oh! Masser Mile---you so droll!--now you stay home, sah, long time?”
“I am afraid not, Chloe, but one never knows. Where shall I find my
sister?”
“Miss Grace tell me come here, Masser Mile, and say she wish to see you
in de family-room. She wait dere, now, some time.”
“Thank you, Chloe; and do you see that no one interrupts us. I have not
seen my sister for near a year.”
“Sartain, sah; all as you say.” Then the girl, whose face shone like a
black bottle that had just been dipped in water, showed her brilliant
teeth, from ear to ear, laughed outright, looked foolish, after which
she looked earnest, when the secret burst out of her heart, in the
melodious voice of a young negress, that did not know whether to laugh
or to cry--“Where Neb, Masser Mile? what he do now; de _fel_-ler!”
“He will kiss you in ten minutes, Chloe; so put the best face on the
matter you are able.”
“_Dat_ he wont--de sauce-box---Miss Grace teach me better dan _dat_.”
I waited to hear no more, but proceeded towards the triangular little
room, with steps so hurried and yet so nervous, that I do not remember,
ever before to have laid my hand on a lock in a manner so tremulous--I
found myself obliged to pause, ere I could muster resolution to open the
door, a hope coming over me that the impatience of Grace would save me
the trouble, and that I should find her in my arms before I should
be called on to exercise any more fortitude. All was still as death,
however, within the room, and I opened the door, as if I expected to
find one of the bodies I had formerly seen in its coffin, in this
last abiding place above ground, of one dead. My sister was on the
_causeuse_, literally unable to rise from debility and agitation. I
shall not attempt to describe the shock her appearance gave me. I
was prepared for a change, but not one that placed her, as my heart
instantly announced, so near the grave!
Grace extended both arms, and I threw myself at her side, drew her
within my embrace, and folded her to my heart, with the tenderness with
which one would have embraced an infant. In this situation we both wept
violently, and I am not ashamed to say that I sobbed like a child. I
dare say five minutes passed in this way, without either of us speaking
a word.
“A merciful and all gracious God be praised! You are restored to me in
time, Miles!” murmured my sister, at length. “I was afraid it might be
too late.”
“Grace!--Grace!--What means this, love?--my precious, my only, my most
dearly beloved sister, why do I find you thus?”
“Is it necessary to speak, Miles?--cannot you see?--_do_ you not see,
and understand it all?”
The fervent pressure I gave my sister, announced how plainly I
comprehended the whole history. That Grace could ever love, and forget,
I did not believe; but, that her tenderness for Rupert--one whom I knew
for so frivolous and selfish a being, should reduce her to this terrible
state, I had not indeed foreseen as a thing possible. Little did I then
understand how confidingly a woman loves, and how apt she is to endow
the being of her choice with all the qualities se could wish him to
possess. In the anguish of my soul I muttered, loud enough to be heard,
“the heartless villain!”
Grace instantly rose from my arms. At that moment, she looked more like
a creature of heaven, than one that was still connected with this wicked
world. Her beauty could scarcely be called impaired, though I dreaded
that she would be snatched away from me in the course of the interview;
so frail and weak did it appear was her hold of life. In some respects
I never saw her more lovely than she seemed on this very occasion.
This was when the hectic of disease imparted to the sweetest and most
saint-like eyes that were ever set in the human countenance, a species
of holy illumination. Her countenance, now, was pale and colourless;
however, and her look sorrowful and filled with reproach.
“Brother,” she said, solemnly, “this _must_ not be. It is not what God
commands--it is not what I expected from you--what I have a right to
expect from one whom I am assured loves me, though none other of earth
can be said to do so.”
“It is not easy, my sister, for a man to forget or forgive the wretch
who has so long misled you--misled us all, and then turned to another,
under the impulse of mere vanity.”
“Miles, my kind and manly brother, listen to me,” Grace rejoined,
fervently pressing one of my hands in both of hers, and scarcely able to
command herself, through alarm. “All thoughts of anger, of resentment,
of pride even, must be forgotten. You owe it to my sex, to the dreadful
imputations that might otherwise rest on my name--had I anything to
reproach myself with as a woman. I could submit to _any_ punishment; but
surely, surely, it is not a sin so unpardonable to be unable to command
the affections, that I deserve to have my name, after I shall be dead,
mixed up with rumours connected with such a quarrel. You have lived
as brothers, too--then there is good, excellent, truthful, pious
Mr. Hardinge; who is yet _my_ guardian, you know; and Lucy, dear,
true-hearted, faithful Lucy--”
“Why is not dear, true-hearted, faithful Lucy, here, watching over you,
Grace, at this very moment?” I demanded, huskily.
“She knows nothing of my situation--it is a secret, as well as its
cause, from all but God, myself, and you. Ah! I knew it would be
impossible to deceive your love, Miles! which has ever been to me, all
that a sister could desire.”
“And Lucy! how has _her_ affection been deceived?--Has she too, eyes
only for those she has recently learned to admire?”
“You do her injustice, brother. Lucy has not seen me, since the great
change that I can myself see has come over me. Another time, I will
tell you all. At present I can only say, that as soon as I had certain
explanations with Rupert, I left town, and have studiously concealed
from dear Lucy the state of my declining health. I write to her weekly,
and get answers; everything passing between us as cheerfully, and
apparently, as happily as ever. No, do not blame Lucy; who, I am
certain, would quit everything and everybody to come to me, had she the
smallest notion of the truth. On the contrary, I believe she thinks I
would rather not have her at Clawbonny, just at this moment, much as
she knows I love her; for, one of Lucy's observation and opportunities
cannot but suspect the truth. Let me lie on your breast, brother; it
wearies me to talk so much.”
I sat holding this beloved sister in my arms, fully an hour, neither of
us speaking. I was afraid of injuring her, by further excitement, and
she was glad to take refuge in silence, from the feelings of maiden
shame that could not be otherwise than mingled with such a dialogue. As
my cheek leaned on her silken hair, I could see large tears rolling down
the pallid cheeks; but the occasional pressure of the hands, told me
how much she was gladdened by my presence. After some ten or fifteen
minutes, the exhausted girl dropped into feverish and disturbed
slumbers, that I would have remained motionless throughout the night
to maintain. I am persuaded it was quite an hour before this scene
terminated. Grace then arose, and said, with one of her most angelic
smiles--
“You see how it is with me, Miles--feeble as an infant, and almost
as troublesome. You must bear with me, for you will be my nurse. One
promise I must have, dearest, before we leave this room.”
“It is yours, my sister, let it be what it may; I can now refuse you
nothing,” said I, melted to feminine tenderness. “And yet, Grace, since
_you_ exact a promise, _I_ have a mind to attach a condition.”
“What condition, Miles, can you attach, that I will refuse? I consent to
everything, without even knowing your wishes.”
“Then I promise not to call Rupert to an account for his conduct---not
to question him--nay, even not to reproach him,” I rejoined, enlarging
my pledges, as I saw by Grace's eyes that she exacted still more.
The last promise, however, appeared fully to satisfy her. She kissed my
hand, and I felt hot tears falling on it.
“Now name your conditions, dearest brother,” she said, after a little
time taken to recover herself; “name them, and see how gladly I shall
accept them all.”
“I have but one--it is this. I must take the complete direction of the
care of you--must have power to send for what physician I please, what
friends I please, what advice or regimen I please!”
“Oh! Miles, you _could_ not--_cannot_ think of sending for _him_!”
“Certainly not; his presence would drive me from the house. With that
one exception, then, my condition is allowed?”
Grace made a sign of assent, and sunk on my bosom again, nearly
exhausted with the scene through which she had just gone. I perceived it
would not do to dwell any longer on the subject we had been alluding to,
rather than discussing; and for another hour did I sit sustaining that
beloved form, declining to speak, and commanding silence on her part. At
the end of this second little sleep, Grace was more refreshed than she
had been after her first troubled repose, and she declared herself able
to walk to her room, where she wished to lie on her own bed until the
hour of dinner. I summoned Chloe, and, together, we led the invalid to
her chamber. As we threaded the long passages, my sister's head rested
on my bosom, her eyes were turned affectionately upward to my face, and
several times I felt the gentle pressure of her emaciated hands, given
in the fervour of devoted sisterly love.
I needed an hour to compose myself, after this interview. In the privacy
of my own room, I wept like a child over the wreck of the being I had
left so beautiful and perfect, though even then the canker of doubt had
begun to take root. I had yet her explanations to hear, and resolved to
command myself so far as to receive them in a manner not to increase the
pain Grace must feel in making them. As soon as sufficiently calm, I
sat down to write letters. One was to Marble. I desired him to let the
second-mate see the ship discharged, and to come up to me by the return
of the sloop. I wished to see him in person, as I did not think I could
be able to go out in the vessel on her next voyage, and I intended him
to sail in her as master. It was necessary we should consult together
personally. I did not conceal the reason of this determination, though
I said nothing of the cause of my sister's state. Marble had a list of
physicians given him, and he was to bring up with him the one he could
obtain, commencing with the first named, and following in the order
given. I had earned ten thousand dollars, nett, by the labours of the
past year, and I determined every dollar of it should be devoted to
obtaining the best advice the country then afforded. I had sent for such
men as Hosack, Post, Bayley, M'Knight, Moore, &c.; and even thought of
endeavouring to procure Rush from Philadelphia, but was deterred from
making the attempt by the distance, and the pressing nature of the
emergency. In 1803, Philadelphia was about three days' journey from
Clawbonny, even allowing for a favourable time on the river; with a
moderately unfavourable, five or six; whereas the distance can now be
passed, including the chances of meeting the departures and arrivals of
the different lines, in from twelve to fifteen hours. Such is one of the
prodigious effects of an improved civilization; and in all that relates
to motion, and which falls short of luxury, or great personal comfort,
this country takes a high place in the scale of nations. That it is as
much in arrears in other great essentials, however, particularly in
what relates to tavern comforts, no man who is familiar with the better
civilization of Europe, can deny. It is a singular fact, that we have
gone backward in this last particular, within the present century, and
all owing to the increasingly gregarious habits of the population. But
to return to my painful theme, from which, even at this distance of
time, I am only too ready to escape.
I was on the point of writing to Lucy, but hesitated. I hardly knew
whether to summon her to Clawbonny or not. That she would come, and that
instantly, the moment she was apprised of Grace's condition, I did not
in the least doubt. I was not so mad as to do her character injustice,
because I had my doubts about being loved as I had once hoped to be.
That Lucy was attached to me, in one sense, I did not in the least
doubt; this, her late reception of me sufficiently proved; and I could
not question her continued affection for Grace, after all the latter had
just told me. Even did Lucy prefer Andrew Drewett, it was no proof she
was not just as kind-hearted, as ready to be of service, and as true in
her friendship, as she ever had been. Still, she was Rupert's sister,
must have penetration enough to understand the cause of Grace's illness,
and might not enter as fully into her wrongs as one could wish in a
person that was to watch the sick pillow. I resolved to learn more that
day, before this portion of my duty was discharged.
Neb was summoned, and sent to the wharf, with an order to get the
Wallingford ready to sail for town at the first favourable moment. The
sloop was merely to be in ballast, and was to return to Clawbonny with
no unnecessary delay. There was an eminent, but retired physician of
the name of Bard, who had a country residence on the other bank of
the Hudson, and within a few hours' sail from Clawbonny. I knew his
character, though I was not acquainted with him, personally. Few of us
of the right bank, indeed, belonged to the circles of the left, in
that day; the increasing wealth and population of the country has since
brought the western side into more notice. I wrote also to Dr. Bard,
inclosing a cheque for a suitable fee; made a strong appeal to his
feelings--which would have been quite sufficient with, such a man--and
ordered Neb to go out in the Grace and Lucy, immediately, to deliver the
missive. Just as this arrangement was completed, Chloe came to summon me
to my sister's room.
I found Grace still lying on her bed, but stronger, and materially
refreshed. For a moment, I began to think my fears had exaggerated the
danger, and that I was not to lose my sister. A few minutes of close
observation, however convinced me, that the first impression was the
true one. I am not skilled in the theories of the science, if there be
any great science about it, and can hardly explain, even now, the true
physical condition of Grace. She had pent up her sufferings in her own
bosom, for six cruel months, in the solitude of a country-house, living
most of the time entirely alone; and this, they tell me, is what few,
even of the most robust frames, can do with impunity. Frail as she had
ever seemed, her lungs were sound, and she spoke easily and with almost
all her original force, so that her wasting away was not the consequence
of anything pulmonary. I rather think the physical effects were to
be traced to the unhealthy action of the fluids, which were deranged
through the stomach and spleen. The insensible perspiration was affected
also, I believe; the pores of the skin failing to do their duty. I dare
say there is not a graduate of the thousand and one medical colleges of
the country, who is not prepared to laugh at this theory, while unable
quite likely to produce a better,--so much easier is it to pull down
than to build up; but my object is merely to give the reader a
general idea of my poor sister's situation. In outward appearance, her
countenance denoted that expression which the French so well describe,
by their customary term of “_fatigué_,” rather than any other positive
indication of disease--Grace's frame was so delicate by nature, that a
little falling away was not as perceptible in her, as it would have been
in most persons; though her beautiful little hands wanted that fulness
which had rendered their taper fingers and roseate tint formerly so very
faultless. There must have been a good deal of fever, as her colour
was often higher than was formerly usual. It was this circumstance
that continued to render her beauty even unearthly, without its
being accompanied by the emaciation so common in the latter stages of
pulmonary disease, though its tendency was strongly to undermine her
strength.
Grace, without rising from her pillow, now asked me for an outline of my
late voyage. She heard me, I make no doubt, with real interest, for all
that concerned me, in a measure concerned her. Her smile was sweetness
itself, as she listened to my successes; and the interest she manifested
in Marble, with whose previous history she was well acquainted, was
not less than I had felt myself, in hearing his own account of his
adventures. All this delighted me, as it went to prove that I had
beguiled the sufferer from brooding over her own sorrows; and what
might not be hoped for, could we lead her back to mingle in the ordinary
concerns of life, and surround her with the few friends she so tenderly
loved, and whose absence, perhaps, had largely contributed to reducing
her to her present state? This thought recalled Lucy to my mind, and the
wish I had to ascertain how far it might be agreeable to the latter, to
be summoned to Clawbonny. I determined to lead the conversation to this
subject.
“You have told me, Grace,” I said, “that you send and receive letters
weekly, to and from Lucy?”
“Each time the Wallingford goes and comes; and that you know is weekly.
I suppose the reason I got no letter to-day was owing to the fact that
the sloop sailed before her time. The Lord High Admiral was on board;
and, like wind and tide, _he_ waits for no man!”
“Bless you--bless you, dearest sister--this gaiety removes a mountain
from my heart!”
Grace looked pleased at first; then, as she gazed wistfully into
my face, I could see her own expression change to one of melancholy
concern. Large tears started from her eyes, and three or four followed
each other down her cheeks. All this said, plainer than words, that,
though a fond brother might be momentarily deceived, she herself
foresaw the end. I bowed my head to the pillow, stifled the groans that
oppressed me, and kissed the tears from her cheeks. To put an end to
these distressing scenes, I determined to be more business-like in
future, and suppress all feeling, as much as possible.
“The Lord High Admiral,” I resumed, “is a species of Turk, on board
ship, as honest Moses Marble will tell you, when you see him, Grace.
But, now for Lucy and her letters--I dare say the last are filled with
tender secrets, touching such persons as Andrew Drewett, and others of
her admirers, which render it improper to show any of them to me?”
Grace looked at me, with earnestness, as if to ascertain whether I was
really as unconcerned as I affected to be. Then she seemed to muse,
picking the cotton of the spotless counterpane on which she was lying,
like one at a loss what to say or think.
“I see how it is,” I resumed, forcing a smile; “the hint has been
indiscreet. A rough son of Neptune is not the proper confidant for the
secrets of Miss Lucy Hardinge. Perhaps you are right; fidelity to each
other being indispensable in your sex.”
“It is not that, Miles. I doubt if Lucy ever wrote me a line, that you
might not see--in proof of which, you shall have the package of her
letters, with full permission to read every one of them. It will be like
reading the correspondence of another _sister_!”
I fancied Grace laid an emphasis on the last word she used; and I
started at its unwelcome sound--unwelcome, as applied to Lucy Hardinge,
to a degree that I cannot express. I had observed that Lucy never used
any of these terms, as connected with me, and it was one of the reasons
why I had indulged in the folly of supposing that she was conscious of
a tenderer sentiment. But Lucy was so natural, so totally free from
exaggeration, so just and true in all her feelings, that one could not
expect from her most of the acts of girlish weakness. As for Grace, she
called Chloe, gave her the keys of her secretary, and told her to bring
me the package she described.
“Go and look them over, Miles,” said my sister, as I received the
letters; “there must be more than twenty of them, and you can read half
before the dinner hour. I will meet you at table; and let me implore you
not to alarm good Mr. Hardinge. He does not believe me seriously ill;
and it cannot benefit him or me, to cause him pain.”
I promised discretion, and hastened to my own room, with the precious
bundle of Lucy's letters. Shall I own the truth? I kissed the papers,
fervently, before they were loosened, and it seemed to me I possessed a
treasure, in holding in my hand so many of the dear girl's epistles. I
commenced in the order of the date, and began to read with eagerness.
It was impossible for Lucy Hardinge to write to one she loved, and not
exhibit the truth and nature of her feelings. These appeared in every
paragraph in which it was proper to make any allusions of the sort.
But the letters had other charms. It was apparent, throughout, that the
writer was ignorant that she wrote to an invalid, though she could not
but know that she wrote to a recluse. Her aim evidently was to amuse
Grace, of whose mental sufferings she could not well be ignorant. Lucy
was a keen observer, and her epistles were filled with amusing comments
on the follies that were daily committed in New York, as well as in
Paris, or London. I was delighted with the delicate pungency of her
satire, which, however, was totally removed from vulgar scandal. There
was nothing in these letters that might not have been uttered in a
drawing-room, to any but the persons concerned; and yet they were filled
with a humour that rose often to wit, relieved by a tact and taste that
a man never could have attained. Throughout, it was apparent to me,
Lucy, in order to amuse Grace, was giving a full scope to a natural
talent--one that far surpassed the same capacity in her brother, being
as true as his was meritricious and jesuitical--which she had hitherto
concealed from us all, merely because she had not seen an occasion fit
for its use. Allusions in the letters, themselves, proved that Grace
had commented on this unexpected display of observant humour, and had
expressed her surprise at its existence. It was then as novel to my
sister as it was to myself. I was struck also with the fact, that
Rupert's name did not appear once in all these letters. They embraced
just twenty-seven weeks, between the earliest and the latest date; and
there were nine-and-twenty letters, two having been sent by private
conveyances; her father's, most probably, he occasionally making the
journey by land; yet no one of them contained the slightest allusion to
her brother, or to either of the Mertons. This was enough to let me know
how well Lucy understood the reason of Grace's withdrawal to Clawbonny.
“And how was it with Miles Wallingford's name?” some of my fair readers
may be ready to ask. I went carefully through the package in the course
of the evening, and I set aside two, as the only exceptions in which my
name did not appear. On examining these two with jealous care, I found
each had a postscript, one of which was to the following effect: “I see
by the papers that Miles has sailed for Malta having at last left those
stubborn Turks. I am glad of this, as one would not wish to have the
excellent fellow shut up in the Seven Towers, however honourable it may
have been.” The other postscript contained this: “Dear Miles has got to
Leghorn, my father tells me, and may be expected home this summer.
How great happiness this will bring you, dearest Grace, I can well
understand; and I need scarcely say that no one will rejoice more to see
him again than his late guardian and myself.”
That the papers were often looked over to catch reports of my movements
in Europe, by means of ships arriving from different parts of the world,
was apparent enough; but I scarce knew what to make of the natural and
simply affectionate manner in which my name was introduced. It might
proceed from a wish to gratify Grace, and a desire to let the sister
know all that she herself possessed touching the brother's movements.
Then Andrew Drewett's name occurred very frequently, though it was
generally in connection with that of his mother, who had evidently
constituted herself a sort of regular _chaperone_ for Lucy, more
especially during the time she was kept out of the gay world by her
mourning. I read several of these passages with the most scrupulous
attention, in order to detect the feeling with which they had been
written; but the most practised art could not have more successfully
concealed any secret of this sort, than Lucy's nature. This often proves
to be the case; the just-minded and true among men daily becoming the
profoundest mysteries to a vicious, cunning, deceptive and selfish
world. An honest man, indeed, is ever a parodox to all but those who see
things with his own eyes. This is the reason that improper motives are
so often imputed to the simplest and seemingly most honest deeds.
The result was, to write, entreating Lucy to come to Clawbonny; first
taking care to secure her father's assent, to aid my request. This was
done in a way not to awaken any alarm, and yet with sufficient strength
to render it tolerably certain she would come. On deliberate reflection,
and after seeing my sister at table, where she ate nothing but a light
vegetable diet, and passing the evening with her, I thought I could not
do less in justice to the invalid or her friend. I took the course with
great regret on several accounts; and, among others, from a reluctance
to appear to draw Lucy away from the society of my rival, into my own.
Yet what right had I to call myself the rival or competitor of a man
who had openly professed an attachment, where I had never breathed a
syllable myself that might not readily be mistaken for the language of
that friendship, which time, and habit, and a respect for each other's
qualities, so easily awaken among the young of different sexes? I had
been educated almost as Lucy's brother; and why should she not feel
towards me as one?
Neb went out in the boat as soon as he got his orders and the
Wallingford sailed again in ballast that very night. She did not remain
at the wharf an hour after her wheat was out. I felt easier when these
duties were discharged, and was better prepared to pass the night in
peace. Grace's manner and appearance, too, contributed to this calm;
for she seemed to revive, and to experience some degree of earthly
happiness, in having her brother near her. When Mr. Hardinge read
prayers that night, she came to the chair where I stood, took my hand
in hers, and knelt at my side. I was touched to tears by this act of
affection, which spoke as much of the tenderness of the sainted and
departed spirit, lingering around those it had loved on earth, as of the
affection of the world. I folded the dear girl to my bosom, as I left
her at the door of her own room that night, and went to my own pillow,
with a heavy heart. Seamen pray little; less than they ought, amid the
rude scenes of their hazardous lives. Still, I had not quite forgotten
the lessons of childhood, and sometimes practised on them. That night I
prayed fervently, beseeching God to spare my sister, if in his wisdom it
were meet; and I humbly invoked his blessings on the excellent divine,
and on Lucy, by name. I am not ashamed to own it, let who may deride the
act.