“Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus;
Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits;--
I rather would entreat thy company
To see the wonders of the world abroad.”
_Two Gentlemen of--Clawbonny._
During the year that succeeded after I was prepared for Yale, Mr.
Hardinge had pursued a very judicious course with my education. Instead
of pushing me into books that were to be read in the regular course of
that institution, with the idea of lightening my future labours, which
would only have been providing excuses for future idleness, we went back
to the elementary works, until even he was satisfied that nothing more
remained to be done in that direction. I had my two grammars literally
by heart, notes and all. Then we revised as thoroughly as possible,
reading everything anew, and leaving no passage unexplained. I learned
to scan, too, a fact that was sufficient to make a reputation for a
scholar, in America, half a century since. {*] After this, we turned our
attention to mathematics, a science Mr. Hardinge rightly enough
thought there was no danger of my acquiring too thoroughly. We mastered
arithmetic, of which I had a good deal of previous knowledge, in a
few weeks, and then I went through trigonometry, with some of the more
useful problems in geometry. This was the point at which I had arrived
when my mother's death occurred.
{Footnote *: The writer's master taught him to scan Virgil in 1801.
This gentleman was a graduate of Oxford. In 1803, the class to which the
writer then belonged in Yale, was the first that ever attempted to
scan in that institution. The quantities were in sad discredit in this
country, years after this, though Columbia and Harvard were a little in
advance of Yale. All that was ever done in the last college, during the
writer's time, was to scan the ordinary hexameter of Homer and Virgil.]
As for myself, I frankly admit a strong disinclination to be learned.
The law I might be forced to study, but practising it was a thing
my mind had long been made up never to do. There was a small vein of
obstinacy in my disposition that would have been very likely to carry
me through in such a determination, even had my mother lived, though
deference to her wishes would certainly have carried me as far as the
license. Even now she was no more, I was anxious to ascertain whether
she had left any directions or requests on the subject, either of which
would have been laws to me. I talked with Rupert on this matter, and
was a little shocked with the levity with which he treated it. “What
difference can it make to your parents, _now_,” he said, with an
emphasis that grated on my nerves, “whether you become a lawyer, or a
merchant, or a doctor, or stay here on your farm, and be a farmer, like
your father?”
“My father had been a sailor,” I answered, quick as lightning.
“True; and a noble, manly, gentleman-like calling it is! I never see a
sailor that I do not envy him his advantages. Why, Miles, neither of us
has ever been in town even, while your mother's boatmen, or your own, as
they are now, go there regularly once a-week. I would give the world to
be a sailor.”
“You, Rupert! Why, you know that your father in tends, or, rather,
wishes that you should become a clergyman.”
“A pretty appearance a young man of my figure would make in the pulpit,
Miles, or wearing a surplice. No, no; there have been two Hardinges
in the church in this century, and I have a fancy also to the sea. I
suppose you know that my great-grandfather was a captain in the navy,
and _he_ brought _his_ son up a parson; now, turn about is fair play,
and the parson ought to give a son back to a man-of-war. I've been
reading the lives of naval men, and it's surprising how many clergymen's
sons, in England, go into the navy, and how many sailors' sons get to be
priests.”
“But there is no navy in this country now--not even a single
ship-of-war, I believe.”
“That is the worst of it. Congress _did_ pass a law, two or three years
since, to build some frigates, but they have never been launched.
Now Washington has gone out of office, I suppose we shall never have
anything good in the country.”
I revered the name of Washington, in common with the whole country, but
I did not see the _sequitur_. Rupert, however, cared little for logical
inferences, usually asserting such things as he wished, and wishing such
as he asserted. After a short pause, he continued the discourse.
“You are now substantially your own master,” he said, “and can do as you
please. Should you go to sea and not like it, you have only to come back
to this place, where you will be just as much the master as if you had
remained here superintending cattle, cutting hay, and fattening pork,
the whole time.”
“I am not my own master, Rupert, any more than you are yourself. I am
your father's ward, and must so remain for more than five years to come.
I am just as much under his control as you, yourself.”
Rupert laughed at this, and tried to persuade me it would be a good
thing to relieve his worthy fether of all responsibility in the affair,
if I had seriously determined never to go to Yale, or to be a lawyer,
by going off to sea clandestinely, and returning when I was ready. If I
ever was to make a sailor, no time was to be lost; for all with whom he
had conversed assured him the period of life when such things were best
learned, was between sixteen and twenty. This I thought probable enough,
and I parted from my friend with a promise of conversing further with
him on the subject at an early opportunity.
I am almost ashamed to confess that Rupert's artful sophism nearly
blinded my eyes to the true distinction between right and wrong. If Mr.
Hardinge really felt himself bound by my father's wishes to educate me
for the bar, and my own repugnance to the profession was unconquerable,
why should I not relieve him from the responsibility at once by assuming
the right to judge for myself, and act accordingly? So far as Mr.
Hardinge was concerned, I had little difficulty in coming to a
conclusion, though the profound deference I still felt for my father's
wishes, and more especially for those of my sainted mother, had a hold
on my heart, and an influence on my conduct, that was not so easily
disposed of. I determined to have a frank conversation with Mr.
Hardinge, therefore, in order to ascertain how far either of my parents
had expressed anything that might be considered obligatory on me. My
plan went as far as to reveal my own desire to be a sailor, and to see
the world, but not to let it be known that I might go off without his
knowledge, as this would not be so absolutely relieving the excellent
divine “from all responsibility in the premises,” as was contemplated in
the scheme of his own son.
An opportunity soon occurred, when I broached the subject by asking Mr.
Hardinge whether my father, in his will, had ordered that I should be
sent to Yale, and there be educated for the bar. He had done nothing of
the sort. Had he left any particular request, writing, or message on the
subject, at all? Not that Mr. Hardinge knew. It is true, the last had
heard his friend, once or twice, make some general remark which would
lead one to suppose that Captain Wallingford had some vague expectations
I might go to the bar, but nothing further. My mind felt vastly relieved
by these admissions, for I knew my mother's tenderness too well to
anticipate that she would dream of absolutely dictating in a matter
that was so clearly connected with my own happiness and tastes. When
questioned on this last point, Mr. Hardinge did not hesitate to say that
my mother had conversed with him several times concerning her views, as
related to my career in life. She wished me to go to Yale, and then
to read law, even though I did not practise. As soon as this, much was
said, the conscientious servant of God paused, to note the effect on
me. Reading disappointment in my countenance, I presume, he immediately
added, “But your mother, Miles, laid no restraint on you; for she knew
it was _you_ who was to follow the career, and not herself. 'I should as
soon think of commanding whom he was to marry, as to think of forcing, a
profession on him,' she added. 'He is the one who is to decide this, and
he only. We may try to guide and influence him, but not go beyond this.
I leave you, dear sir, to do all you think best in this matter, certain
that your own wisdom will be aided by the providence of a kind Master.'”
I now plainly told Mr. Hardinge my desire to see the world, and to be a
sailor. The divine was astounded at this declaration, and I saw that he
was grieved. I believe some religious objections were connected with
his reluctance to consent to my following the sea, as a calling. At any
rate, it was easy to discover that these objections were lasting
and profound. In that day, few Americans travelled, by way of an
accomplishment, at all; and those few belonged to a class in society so
much superior to mine, as to render it absurd to think of sending,
me abroad with similar views. Nor would my fortune justify such
an expenditure. I was well enough off to be a comfortable and free
housekeeper, and as independent as a king on my own farm; living in
abundance, nay, in superfluity, so far as all the ordinary wants were
concerned; but men hesitated a little about setting up for gentlemen at
large, in the year 1797. The country was fast getting rich, it is true,
under the advantages of its neutral position; but it had not yet been
long enough emancipated from its embarrassments to think of playing the
nabob on eight hundred pounds currency a-year. The interview terminated
with a strong exhortation from my guardian not to think of abandoning my
books for any project as visionary and useless as the hope of seeing the
world in the character of a common sailor.
I related all this to Rupert, who, I now perceived for the first
time, did not hesitate to laugh at some of his father's notions, as
puritanical and exaggerated. He maintained that every one was the best
judge of what he liked, and that the sea had produced quite as fair a
proportion of saints as the land. He was not certain, considering the
great difference there was in numbers, that more good men might not be
traced in connection with the ocean, than in connection with any other
pursuit.
“Take the lawyers now, for instance, Miles,” he said, “and what can you
make out of them, in the way of religion, I should like to know? They
hire their consciences out at so much _per diem_, and talk and reason
just as zealously for the wrong, as they do for the right.”
“By George, that is true enough, Rupert. There is old David Dockett, I
remember to have heard Mr. Hardinge say always did double duty for his
fee, usually acting as witness, as well as advocate. They tell me he
will talk by the hour of facts that he and his clients get up between
them, and look the whole time as if he believed all he said to be true.”
Rupert laughed at this sally, and pushed the advantage it gave him by
giving several other examples to prove how much his father was mistaken
by supposing that a man was to save his soul from perdition simply
by getting admitted to the bar. After discussing the matter a little
longer, to my astonishment Rupert came out with a plain proposal that
he and I should elope, go to New York, and ship as foremastlads in some
Indiaman, of which there were then many sailing, at the proper season,
from that port. I did not dislike the idea, so far as I was myself
concerned; but the thought of accompanying Rupert in such an adventure,
startled me. I knew I was sufficiently secure of the future to be able
to risk a little at the present moment; but such was not the case with
my friend. If I made a false step at so early an age, I had only to
return to Clawbonny, where I was certain to find competence and a home;
but, with Rupert, it was very different. Of the moral hazards I ran,
I then knew nothing, and of course they gave me no concern. Like all
inexperienced persons, I supposed myself too strong in virtue to be
in any danger of contamination; and this portion of the adventure was
regarded with the self-complacency with which the untried are apt
to regard their own powers of endurance. I thought myself morally
invulnerable.
But Rupert might find it difficult to retrace any serious error made
at his time of life. This consideration would have put an end to the
scheme, so far as my companion was concerned, had not the thought
suggested itself that I should always have it in my own power to aid my
friend. Letting something of this sort escape me, Rupert was not slow in
enlarging on it, though this was done with great tact and discretion. He
proved that, by the time we both came of age, he would be qualified to
command a ship, and that, doubtless, I would naturally desire to invest
some of my spare cash in a vessel. The accumulations of my estate alone
would do this much, within the next five years, and then a career of
wealth and prosperity would lie open before us both.
“It is a good thing, Miles, no doubt,” continued this tempting sophist,
“to have money at use, and a large farm, and a mill, and such things;
but many a ship nets more money, in a single voyage, than your whole
estate would sell for. Those that begin with nothing, too, they tell me,
are the most apt to succeed; and, if we go off with our clothes only, we
shall begin with nothing, too. Success may be said to be certain. I like
the notion of beginning with nothing, it is so American!”
It is, in truth, rather a besetting weakness of America to suppose
that men who have never had any means for qualifying themselves for
particular pursuits, are the most likely to succeed in them; and
especially to fancy that those who “begin poor” are in a much better way
for acquiring wealth than they who commence with some means; and I was
disposed to lean to this latter doctrine myself, though I confess I
cannot recall an instance in which any person of my acquaintance has
given away his capital, however large and embarrassing it may have been,
in order to start fair with his poorer competitors. Nevertheless, there
was something taking, to my imagination, in the notion of being the
fabricator of my own fortune. In that day, it was easy to enumerate
every dwelling on the banks of the Hudson that aspired to be called a
seat, and I had often heard them named by those who were familiar with
the river. I liked the thought of erecting a house on the Clawbonny
property that might aspire to equal claims, and to be the owner of a
_seat_; though only after I had acquired the means, myself, to carry out
such a project. At present, I owned only a _house_; my ambition was, to
own a _seat_.
In a word, Rupert and I canvassed this matter in every possible way
for a month, now leaning to one scheme, and now to another, until I
determined to lay the whole affair before the two girls, under a solemn
pledge of secrecy. As we passed hours in company daily, opportunities
were not wanting to effect this purpose. I thought my friend was a
little shy on this project; but I had so much affection for Grace, and
so much confidence in Lucy's sound judgment, that I was not to be turned
aside from the completion of my purpose. It is now more than forty years
since the interview took place in which this confidence was bestowed;
but every minute occurrence connected with it is as fresh in my mind as
if the whole had taken place only yesterday.
We were all four of us seated on a rude bench that my mother had caused
to be placed under the shade of an enormous oak that stood on the most
picturesque spot, perhaps, on the whole farm, and which commanded a
distant view of one of the loveliest reaches of the Hudson. Our side of
the river, in general, does not possess as fine views as the eastern,
for the reason that all our own broken, and in some instances
magnificent back-ground of mountains, fills up the landscape for our
neighbours, while we are obliged to receive the picture as it is set in
a humbler frame; but there are exquisite bits to be found on the western
bank, and this was one of the very best of them. The water was as placid
as molten silver, and the sails of every vessel in sight were hanging
in listless idleness from their several spars, representing commerce
asleep. Grace had a deep feeling for natural scenery, and she had a
better mode of expressing her thoughts, on such occasions, than is usual
with girls of fourteen. She first drew our attention to the view by one
of her strong, eloquent bursts of eulogium; and Lucy met the remark
with a truthful, simple answer, that showed abundant sympathy with
the sentiment, though with less of exaggeration of manner and feeling,
perhaps. I seized the moment as favourable for my purpose, and spoke
out.
“If you admire a vessel so much, Grace,” I said, “you will probably be
glad to hear that I think of becoming a sailor.”
A silence of near two minutes succeeded, during which time I affected to
be gazing at the distant sloops, and then I ventured to steal a glance
at my companions. I found Grace's mild eyes earnestly riveted on
my face; and, turning from their anxious expression with a little
uneasiness, I encountered those of Lucy looking at me as intently as if
she doubted whether her ears had not deceived her.
“A sailor, Miles!”--my sister now slowly repeated--“I thought it settled
you were to study law.”
“As far from that as we are from England; I've fully made up my mind to
see the world if I can, and Rupert, here--”
“What of Rupert, here?” Grace asked, a sudden change again coming over
her sweet countenance, though I was altogether too inexperienced to
understand its meaning. “_He_ is certainly to be a clergyman--his dear
father's assistant, and, a long, long, _very_ long time hence, his
successor!”
I could see that Rupert was whistling on a low key, and affecting to
look cool; but my sister's solemn, earnest, astonished manner had more
effect on us both, I believe, than either would have been willing to
own.
“Come, girls,” I said at length, putting the best face on the matter,
“there is no use in keeping secrets from _you_--but remember that what
I am about to tell you _is_ a secret, and on no account is to be
betrayed.”
“To no one but Mr. Hardinge,” answered Grace. “If you intend to be a
sailor, he ought to know it.”
“That comes from looking at our duties superficially,” I had caught this
phrase from my friend, “and not distinguishing properly between their
shadows and their substance.”
“Duties superficially! I do not understand you, Miles. Certainly Mr.
Hardinge ought to be told what profession you mean to follow. Remember,
brother, he now fills the place of a parent to you.”
“He is not more _my_ parent than Rupert's--I fancy you will admit that
much!”
“Rupert, again! What has Rupert to do with your going to sea?”
“Promise me, then, to keep my secret, and you shall know all; both you
and Lucy must give me your words. I know you will not break them, when
once given.”
“Promise him, Grace,” said Lucy, in a low tone, and a voice that, even
at that age, I could perceive was tremulous. “If we promise, we shall
learn everything, and then may have some effect on these headstrong boys
by our advice.”
“Boys! _You_ cannot mean, Lucy, that Rupert is not to be a
clergyman--your father's assistant; that Rupert means to be a sailor,
too?”
“One never knows what boys will do. Let us promise them, dear; then we
can better judge.”
“I do” promise you, Miles, “said my sister, in a voice so solemn as
almost to frighten me.
“And I, Miles,” added Lucy; but it was so low, I had to lean forward to
catch the syllables.
“This is honest and right,”--it was honest, perhaps, but very
wrong,--“and it convinces me that you are both reasonable, and will be
of use to us. Rupert and I have both made up our minds, and intend to be
sailors.”
Exclamations followed from both girls, and another long silence
succeeded.
“As for the law, hang all law!” I continued, hemming, and determined to
speak like a man. “I never heard of a Wallingford who was a lawyer.”
“But you have _both_ heard of Hardinges who were clergymen,” said Grace,
endeavouring to smile, though the expression of her countenance was so
painful that even now I dislike to recall it.
“And sailors, too,” put in Rupert, a little more stoutly than I thought
possible. “My father's grandfather was an officer in the navy.”
“And _my_ father was a sailor himself--in the navy, too.”
“But there is no navy in this country now, Miles,” returned Lucy, in an
expostulating tone.
“What of that? There are plenty of ships. The ocean is just as big, and
the world just as wide, as if we had a navy to cover the first. I see no
great objection on that account--do you, Ru?”
“Certainly not. What we want is to go to sea, and that can be done in an
Indiaman, as well as in a man-of-war.”
“Yes,” said I, stretching myself with a little importance. “I fancy an
Indiaman, a vessel that goes all the way to Calcutta, round the Cape
of Good Hope, in the track of Vasquez de Gama, isn't exactly an Albany
sloop.”
“Who is Vasquez de Gama?” demanded Lucy, with so much quickness as to
surprise me.
“Why, a _noble_ Portuguese, who discovered the Cape of Good Hope, and
first sailed round it, and then went to the Indies. You see, girls, even
_nobles_ are sailors, and why should not Rupert and I be sailors?”
“It is not that, Miles,” my sister answered; “every honest calling
is respectable. Have you and Rupert spoken to Mr. Hardinge on this
subject?”
“Not exactly--not spoken--hinted only--that is, blindly--not so as to be
understood, perhaps.”
“He will _never_ consent, boys!” and this was uttered with something
very like an air of triumph.
“We have no intention of asking it of him, Grace. Rupert and I intend to
be off next week, without saying a word to Mr. Hardinge on the subject.”
Another long, eloquent silence succeeded, during which I saw Lucy bury
her face in her apron, while the tears openly ran down my sister's
cheek.
“You _do_ not--_cannot_ mean to do anything so cruel, Miles!” Grace at
length said.
“It is exactly because it will not be cruel, that we intend to do
it,”--here I nudged Rupert with my elbow, as a hint that I wanted
assistance; but he made no other reply than an answering nudge, which
I interpreted into as much as if he had said in terms, “You've got
into the scrape in your own way, and you may get out of it in the same
manner.” “Yes,” I continued, finding succour hopeless, “yes, _that's_
just it.”
“What is just it, Miles? You speak in a way to show that you are not
satisfied with yourself--neither you nor Rupert is satisfied with
himself, if the truth were known.”
“I not satisfied with _myself!_ Rupert not satisfied with _himself!_
You never were more mistaken in your life, Grace. If there ever were two
boys in New York State that _were_ well satisfied with themselves, they
are just Rupert and I.”
Here Lucy raised her face from the apron and burst into a laugh, the
tears filling her eyes all the while.
“Believe them, dear Grace,” she said. “They are precisely two
self-satisfied, silly fellows, that have got some ridiculous notions in
their heads, and then begin to talk about 'superficial views of duties,'
and all such nonsense. My father will set it all right, and the boys
will have had their talk.”
“Not so last, Miss Lucy, if you please. Your father will not know a
syllable of the matter until you tell him all about it, after we
are gone. We intend 'to relieve him from all responsibility in the
premises.'”
This last sounded very profound, and a little magnificent, to my
imagination; and I looked at the girls to note the effect. Grace was
weeping, and weeping only; but Lucy looked saucy and mocking, even while
the tears bedewed her smiling face, as rain sometimes falls while the
sun is shining.
“Yes,” I repeated, with emphasis, “'of all responsibility in the
premises.' I hope that is plain English, and good English, although I
know that Mr. Hardinge has been trying to make you both so simple in
your language, that you turn up your noses at a profound sentiment,
whenever you hear one.”
In 1797, the grandiose had by no means made the deep invasion into the
everyday language of the country, that it has since done. Anything of
the sublime, or of the recondite, school was a good deal more apt to
provoke a smile, than it is to-day--the improvement proceeding, as
I have understood through better judges than myself, from the great
melioration of mind and manners that is to be traced to the speeches in
congress, and to the profundities of the newspapers. Rupert, however,
frequently ornamented his ideas, and I may truly say everything
ambitious that adorned my discourse was derived from his example. I
almost thought Lucy impertinent for presuming to laugh at sentiments
which came from such a source, and, by way of settling my own
correctness of thought and terms, I made no bones of falling back on my
great authority, by fairly pointing him out.
“I thought so!” exclaimed Lucy, now laughing with all her heart, though
a little hysterically; “I thought so, for this is just like Rupert,
who is always talking to me about 'assuming the responsibility,' and
'conclusions in the premises,' and all such nonsense. Leave the boys to
my father, Grace, and he will 'assume the responsibility' of 'concluding
the premises,' and the whole of the foolish scheme along with it!”
This would have provoked me, had not Grace manifested so much sisterly
interest in my welfare that I was soon persuaded to tell _her_--that
minx Lucy overhearing every syllable, though I had half a mind to tell
her to go away--all about our project.
“You see,” I continued, “if Mr. Hardinge knows anything about our plan,
people will say he ought to have stopped us. 'He a clergyman, and not
able to keep two lads of sixteen or seventeen from running away and
going to sea!' they will say, as if it were so easy to prevent two
spirited youths from seeing the world. Whereas, if he knew nothing about
it, nobody can blame him. That is what I call 'relieving him from the
responsibility.' Now, we intend to be off next week, or as soon as the
jackets and trowsers that are making for us, under the pretence of
being boat-dresses, are finished. We mean to go down the river in the
sail-boat, taking Neb with us to bring the boat back. Now you know
the whole story, there will be no occasion to leave a letter for Mr.
Hardinge; for, three hours after we have sailed, you can tell him
everything. We shall be gone a year; at the end of that time you may
look for us both, and glad enough shall we all be to see each other.
Rupert and I will be young men then, though you call us boys now.”
This last picture a good deal consoled the girls. Rupert, too, who had
unaccountably kept back, throwing the labouring-oar altogether on me,
came to the rescue, and, with his subtle manner and oily tongue, began
to make the wrong appear the right. I do not think he blinded his own
sister in the least, but I fear he had too much influence over mine.
Lucy, though all heart, was as much matter-of-fact as her brother was a
sophist. He was ingenious in glozing over truths; she, nearly unerring
in detecting them. I never knew a greater contrast between two human
beings, than there was between these two children of the same parents,
in this particular. I have heard that the son took after the mother, in
this respect, and that the daughter took after the father; though Mrs.
Hardinge died too early to have had any moral influence on the character
of her children.
We came again and again to the discussion of our subject during the next
two or three days. The girls endeavoured earnestly to persuade us to ask
Mr. Hardinge's permission for the step we were about to undertake;
but all in vain. We lads were so thoroughly determined to “relieve the
divine from all responsibility in the premises,” that they might as well
have talked to stones. We knew these just-minded, sincere, upright girls
would not betray us, and continued obdurate to the last. As we expected,
as soon as convinced their importunities were useless, they seriously
set about doing all they could to render us comfortable. They made
us duck bags to hold our clothes, two each, and mended our linen,
stockings, &c., and even helped to procure us some clothes more suited
to the contemplated expedition than most of those we already possessed.
Our “long togs,” indeed, we determined to leave behind us, retaining
just one suit each, and that of the plainest quality. In the course of
a week everything was ready, our bags well lined, being concealed in
the storehouse at the landing. Of this building I could at any moment
procure the key, my authority as heir-apparent being very considerable,
already, on the farm.
As for Neb, he was directed to have the boat all ready for the
succeeding Tuesday evening, it being the plan to sail the day after the
Wallingford of Clawbonny (this was the name of the sloop) had gone on
one of her regular trips, in order to escape a pursuit. I had made all
the calculations about the tide, and knew that the Wallingford would go
out about nine in the morning, leaving us to follow before midnight. It
was necessary to depart at night and when the wharf was clear, in order
to avoid observation.
Tuesday was an uneasy, nervous and sad day for us all, Mr. Hardinge
excepted. As the last had not the smallest distrust, he continued calm,
quiet, and cheerful as was his wont. Rupert had a conscience-stricken
and furtive air about him, while the eyes of the two dear, girls were
scarcely a moment without tears. Grace seemed now the most composed
of the two, and I have since suspected that she had had a private
conversation with my ingenious friend, whose convincing powers were of
a very extraordinary quality, when he set about their use in downright
earnest. As for Lucy, she seemed to me to have been weeping the entire
day.
At nine o'clock it was customary for the whole family to separate, after
prayers. Most of us went to bed at that early hour, though Mr. Hardinge
himself seldom sought his pillow until midnight. This habit compelled
us to use a good deal of caution in getting out of the house, in which
Rupert and myself succeeded, however, without discovery, just as the
clock struck eleven. We had taken leave of the girls in a hasty manner,
in a passage, shaking hands, and each of us kissing his own sister,
as he affected to retire for the night. To own the truth, we were much
gratified in finding how reasonably Grace and Lucy behaved, on the
occasion, and not a little surprised, for we had expected a scene,
particularly with the former.
We walked away from the house with heavy hearts, few leaving the
paternal roof for the first time, to enter upon the chances of the
world, without a deep sense of the dependence in which they had hitherto
lived. We walked fast and silently, and reached the wharf in less than
half an hour, a distance of near two miles. I was just on the point of
speaking to Neb, whose figure I could see in the boat, when I caught a
glimpse of two female forms within six feet of me. There were Grace and
Lucy, in tears, both waiting our arrival, with a view to see us depart!
I confess I was shocked and concerned at seeing these two delicate girls
so far from their home, at such an hour; and my first impulse was to see
them both safely back before I would enter the boat; but to this neither
would consent. All my entreaties were thrown away, and I was obliged to
submit.
I know not exactly how it happened, but of the fact I am certain; odd as
it may seem, at a moment like that, when about to separate, instead of
each youth's getting his own sister aside to make his last speeches, and
say his last say to, each of us got his friend's sister aside. I do not
mean that we were making love, or anything of the sort; we were a little
too young, perhaps, for that; but we obeyed an impulse which, as Rupert
would have said, “produced that result.”
What passed between Grace and her companion, I do not know. As for Lucy
and myself, it was all plain-sailing and fair dealing. The excellent
creature forced on me six gold pieces, which I knew had come to her as
an heirloom from her mother, and which I had often heard her declare
she never meant to use, unless in the last extremity. She knew I had but
five dollars on earth, and that Rupert had not one; and she offered me
this gold. I told her Rupert had better take it; no, _I_ had better take
it. I should use it more prudently than Rupert, and would use it for
the good of both. “Besides, you are rich,” she said, smiling through her
tears, “and can repay me--I _lend_ them to you; to Rupert I should have
to _give_ them.” I could not refuse the generous girl, and took the
money, all half-joes, with a determination to repay them with interest.
Then I folded her to my heart, and kissed her six or eight times with
fervour, the first time I had done such a thing in two years, and tore
myself away. I do not think Rupert embraced Grace, but I confess I do
not know, although we were standing within three or four yards of each
other, the whole time.
“Write, Miles--write, Rupert,” said the sobbing girls leaning forward
from the wharf, as we shoved off. It was not so dark but we could see
their dear forms for several minutes, or until a bend in the creek put a
dark mass of earth between us and them.
Such was the manner of my departure from Clawbonny, in the month of
September, 1797. I wanted a few days of being seventeen; Rupert was
six months older, and Neb was his senior, again, by near a twelvemonth.
Everything was in the boat but our hearts. Mine, I can truly say,
remained with the two beloved creatures we left on the wharf; while
Rupert's was betwixt and between, I fancy--seldom absolutely deserting
the dear tenement in which it was encased by nature.