_Man._ The famous borough of _Guzzledown_!
Lord _Town._ A proper representative, indeed.
Lady _Grace._ Pray, Mr. _Manly_, don't I know him?
_Man._ You have din'd with him, Madam, when I was last down with my
Lord, at _Bellmont_.
Lady _Grace._ Was not that he that got a little merry before dinner,
and overset the tea-table, in making his compliments to my Lady?
_Man._ The same.
Lady _Grace._ Pray what are his circumstances? I know but very little
of him.
_Man._ Then he is worth your knowing, I can tell you, Madam. His
estate, if clear, I believe, might be a good two thousand pounds a
year: Though as it was left him, saddled with two jointures, and two
weighty mortgages upon it, there is no saying what it is----But that he
might be sure never to mend it, he married a profuse young hussy, for
love, without a penny of money! Thus having, like his brave ancestors,
provided heirs for the family (for his dove breeds like a tame pigeon)
he now finds children and interest-money make such a bawling about his
ears, that at last he has taken the friendly advice of his kinsman, the
good Lord _Danglecourt_, to run his estate two thousand pounds more in
debt, to put the whole management of what's left into _Paul Pillage_'s
hands, that he may be at leisure himself to retrieve his affairs by
being a parliament-man.
Lord _Town._ A most admirable scheme, indeed!
_Man._ And with this politic prospect, he's now upon his journey to
_London_----
Lord _Town._ What can it end in?
_Man._ Pooh! a journey into the country again.
Lord _Town._ And do you think he'll stir, 'till his money's gone? or at
least 'till the session is over?
_Man._ If my intelligence is right, my Lord, he won't sit long enough
to give his vote for a turnpike.
Lord _Town._ How so?
_Man._ O! a bitter business! he had scarce a vote, in the whole town,
beside the returning officer: Sir _John_ will certainly have it heard
at the bar of the house, and send him about his business again.
Lord _Town._ Then he has made a fine business of it indeed.
_Man._ Which, as far as my little interest will go, shall be done in as
few days as possible.
Lady _Grace._ But why would you ruin the poor gentleman's fortune, Mr.
_Manly_?
_Man._ No, Madam, I would only spoil his project, to save his fortune.
Lady _Grace._ How are you concern'd enough, to do either?
_Man._ Why, I have some obligations to the family, Madam: I enjoy at
this time a pretty estate, which Sir _Francis_ was heir at law to:
But----by his being a booby, the last will of an obstinate old uncle
gave it to me.
_Enter a Servant._
_Serv._ [_To ~Man~._] Sir, here's one of your servants from your house,
desires to speak with you.
_Man._ Will you give him leave to come in, my Lord?
Lord _Town._ Sir----the ceremony's of your own making.
_Enter ~Manly~'s Servant._
_Man._ Well, _James_! what's the matter now?
_James._ Sir, here's _John Moody_'s just come to town; he says Sir
_Francis_, and all the family, will be here to-night, and is in a great
hurry to speak with you.
_Man._ Where is he?
_James._ At our house, Sir: He has been gaping and stumping about the
streets, in his dirty boots, and asking every one he meets if they can
tell him where he may have a good lodging for a parliament man, 'till
he can hire a handsome whole house for himself and family, for the
winter.
_Man._ I am afraid, my Lord, I must wait upon Mr. _Moody_.
Lord _Town._ Pr'ythee! let's have him here: he will divert us.
_Man._ O my Lord! he's such a cub! Not but he's so near common sense,
that he passes for a wit in the family.
Lady _Grace._ I beg of all things we may have him: I am in love with
Nature, let her dress be never so homely.
_Man._ Then desire him to come hither, _James_.
[_Exit ~James~._
Lady _Grace._ Pray what may be Mr. _Moody_'s post?
_Man._ Oh! his _Maître d' Hôtel_, his butler, his bailiff, his hind,
his huntsman; and sometimes----his companion.
Lord _Town._ It runs in my head, that the moment this Knight has set
him down in the house, he will get up, to give them the earliest proof
of what importance he is to the public, in his own country.
_Man._ Yes, and when they have heard him, he will find, that his utmost
importance stands valued at----sometimes being invited to dinner.
Lady _Grace._ And her Ladyship will make as considerable a figure, in
her sphere too.
_Man._ That you may depend upon; for (if I don't mistake) she has
ten times more of the jade in her, than she yet knows of; and she
will so improve in this rich soil, in a month, that she will visit
all the ladies that will let her into their houses; and run in debt
to all the shopkeepers that will let her into their books: In short,
before her important spouse has made five pounds by his eloquence at
_Westminster_, she will have lost five hundred at dice and _Quadrille_,
in the parish of St. _James_'s.
Lord _Town._ So that, by that time he is declared unduly elected, a
swarm of duns will be ready for their money; and his worship----will be
ready for a jail.
_Man._ Yes, yes, that I reckon will close the account of this hopeful
journey to _London_----But see, here comes the fore-horse of the team!
_Enter John ~Moody~._
Oh! Honest _John_!
_John Moody._ Ad's waunds and heart, Measter _Manly_! I'm glad I ha'
fun ye. Lawd! lawd! give me a buss! Why that's friendly naw! Flesh!
I thought we should never ha' got hither! Well! and how d'ye do,
Measter?----Good lack! I beg pardon for my bauldness----I did not see
'at his Honour was here.
Lord _Town._ Mr. _Moody_, your servant; I am glad to see you in
_London_. I hope all the family is well.
_John Moody._ Thanks be praised your honour, they are in pretty good
heart; thof' we have had a power of crosses upo' the road.
Lady _Grace._ I hope my Lady has had no hurt, Mr. _Moody_.
_John Moody._ Noa, an't please your Ladyship, she was never in better
humour: There's money enough stirring now.
_Man._ What has been the matter, _John_?
_John Moody._ Why, we came up in such a hurry, you mun think, that our
tackle was not so tight as it should be.
_Man._ Come, tell us all----Pray how do they travel?
_John Moody._ Why, i'the awld coach, Measter, and 'cause my lady
loves to do things handsom, to be sure, she would have a couple of
cart-horses clapt to th' four old geldings, that neighbours might see
she went up to _London_ in her coach and six! And so _Giles Joulter_,
the ploughman, rides postillion!
_Man._ Very well! the journey sets out as it should do. [_Aside._]
What, do they bring all the children with them too?
_John Moody._ Noa, noa, only the younk squoire, and Miss _Jenny_. The
other foive are all out at board, at half a crown a head, a week, with
_Joan Growse_ at _Smoke-Dunghill_ farm.
_Man._ Good again! a right _English_ academy for younger children!
_John Moody._ Anon, Sir.
[_Not understanding him._
Lady _Grace._ Poor souls! What will become of 'em?
_John Moody._ Nay, nay, for that matter, Madam, they are in very good
hands: _Joan_ loves 'em as thof' they were all her own: For she was
wet-nurse to every mother's babe of 'um----Ay, ay, they'll ne'er want
for a full belly there!
Lady _Grace._ What simplicity!
_Man._ The Lud 'a mercy on all good folks! what work will these people
make!
[_Holding up his hands._
Lord _Town._ And when do you expect him here, _John_?
_John Moody._ Why we were in hopes to ha' come yesterday, an' it had
no' been, that th' owld wheaze-belly horse tir'd: And then we were so
cruelly loaden, that the two fore wheels came crash! down at once, in
_Waggon-Rut Lane_, and there we lost four hours 'fore we could set
things to rights again.
_Man._ So they bring all their baggage with the coach then?
_John Moody._ Ay, ay, and good store on't there is----Why my lady's
geer alone were as much as fill'd four portmantel trunks, besides the
great deal-box, that heavy _Ralph_ and the monkey sit upon behind.
Lord _Town_, Lady _Grace_, and _Man._ Ha! ha, ha!
Lady _Grace._ Well, Mr. _Moody_, and pray how many are they within the
coach?
_John Moody._ Why there's my Lady and his Worship; and the younk
squoire, and Miss _Jenny_, and the fat lap-dog, and my lady's maid,
Mrs. _Handy_, and _Doll Tripe_ the cook, that's all----Only _Doll_
puked a little with riding backward, so they hoisted her into the
coach-box--and then her stomach was easy.
Lady _Grace._ Oh! I see 'em! I see 'em go by me. Ah! ha!
[_Laughing._
_John Mood._ Then you mun think, measter, there was some stowage
for the belly, as well as th' back too; such cargoes of plumb-cake,
and baskets of tongues, and biscuits and cheese, and cold boil'd
beef----And then in case of sickness, bottles of cherry-brandy,
plague-water, sack, tent and strong-beer so plenty as made th' owld
coach crack again! Mercy upon them! and send 'em all well to town, I
say.
_Man._ Ay! And well out on't again, _John_.
_John Mood._ Ods bud! measter, you're a wise mon; and for that matter,
so am I--Whoam's whoam, I say: I'm sure we got but little good, e'er
sin' we turn'd our backs on't. Nothing but mischief! Some Devil's trick
or other plagued us, aw th' dey lung! Crack goes one thing: Bawnce!
goes another. Woa, says _Roger_----Then souse! we are all set fast in a
slough, Whaw! cries Miss! Scream go the maids! and bawl! just as thof'
they were stuck! and so, mercy on us! this was the trade from morning
to night. But my Lady was in such a murrain haste to be here, that set
out she would, thof' I told her it was _Childermas_ day.
_Man._ These ladies, these ladies, _John_----
_John Mood._ Ah, measter, I ha' seen a little of 'em; and I find that
the best----when she's mended, won't ha' much goodness to spare.
Lord _Town._ Well said, _John_. Ha! ha!
_Man._ I hope at least that you and your good woman agree still.
_John Mood._ Ay! ay! much of a muchness. _Bridget_ sticks to me:
Tho' as for her goodness--why, she was willing to come to _London_
too----But hawld a bit! Noa, noa, says I, there may be mischief enough
done without you.
_Man._ Why that was bravely spoken, _John_, and like a man.
_John Mood._ Ah, weast heart, were Measter but hawf the Mon that I
am----Ods wookers! thof' he'll speak stawtly too sometimes----But then
he conno' hawld it----no! he conno' hawld it.
Lord _Town._ Lady _Grace_.
_Man._ Ha! ha! ha!
_John Mood._ Ods flesh! But I mun hye me whoam! th' Coach will be
coming every hour naw----but Measter charg'd me to find your Worship
out; for he has hugey business with you; and will certainly wait upon
you, by that time he can put on a clean neckcloth.
_Man._ O _John_! I'll wait upon him.
_John Mood._ Why you wonno' be so kind, wull ye?
_Man._ If you'll tell me where you lodge.
_John Mood._ Just i'th' street next to where your Worship dwells,
the sign of the _Golden Ball_----It's Gold all over; where they sell
ribbands and flappits, and other sort of geer for Gentlewomen.
_Man._ A Milliner's?
_John Mood._ Ay, ay, one Mrs. _Motherly_: Waunds! she has a couple of
clever girls there stitching i'th' foreroom.
_Man._ Yes, yes, she's a woman of good business, no doubt on't----Who
recommended that house to you, _John_?
_John Mood._ The greatest good fortune in the world, sure! For as I was
gaping about streets, who should look out of the window there, but the
fine Gentleman, that was always riding by our Coach side, at _York_
Races----Count----_Basset_; ay, that's he.
_Man._ _Basset_? Oh, I remember; I know him by sight.
_John Mood._ Well! to be sure, as civil a Gentleman, to see to----
_Man._ As any sharper in town.
[_Aside._
_John Mood._ At York, he us'd to breakfast with my Lady every morning.
_Man._ Yes, yes, and I suppose her Ladyship will return his compliment
here in town.
[_Aside._
_John Mood._ Well, Measter----
Lord _Town._ My Service to Sir _Francis_ and my Lady, _John_.
Lady _Grace._ And mine, pray Mr. _Moody_.
_John Mood._ Ay, your honors, they'll be proud on't, I dare say.
_Man._ I'll bring my compliments myself: So, honest _John_----
_John Mood._ Dear Measter _Manly_! the goodness of goodness bless and
preserve you.
[_Exit ~John Moody~._
Lord _Town._ What a natural creature 'tis!
Lady _Grace._ Well! I can't but think _John_, in a wet afternoon in the
country, must be very good company.
Lord _Town._ O! the _Tramontane_! If this were known at half the
_quadrille_-tables in town, they would lay down their cards to laugh at
you.
Lady _Grace._ And the minute they took them up again they would do the
same at the losers----But to let you see, that I think good company may
sometimes want cards to keep them together: what think you if we three
sat soberly down, to kill an hour at _Ombre_?
_Man._ I shall be too hard for you, Madam.
Lady _Grace._ No matter! I shall have as much advantage of my Lord, as
you have of me.
Lord _Town._ Say you so, Madam? Have at you then! Here! get the
_ombre_-table, and cards.
[_Exit Lord ~Townly~._
Lady _Grace._ Come, Mr. _Manly_----I know you don't forgive me now!
_Man._ I don't know whether I ought to forgive your thinking so, Madam.
Where do you imagine I could pass my time so agreeably?
Lady _Grace._ I'm sorry my Lord is not here to take share of the
compliment----But he'll wonder what's become of us!
_Man._ I'll follow in a moment, Madam----
[_Exit ~Lady Grace~._
It must be so----she sees I love her----yet with what unoffending
decency she avoids an explanation! How amiable is every hour of her
conduct? What a vile opinion have I had of the whole sex, for these
ten years past, which this sensible creature has recovered in less
than one? Such a companion, sure, might compensate all the irksome
disappointments, that pride, folly and falshood ever gave me!
Could women regulate, like her, their lives,
What _Halcyon_ days were in the gift of wives!
Vain rovers, then, might envy what they hate;
And only fools would mock the married state.
[_Exit._
+ACT+ II. +SCENE+ I.
+SCENE+, _Mrs._ Motherly's _House_.
_Enter Count ~Basset~ and Mrs. ~Motherly~._
Count _Bas._ I tell you there is not such a family in _England_, for
you! do you think I would have gone out of your lodgings for any body,
that was not sure to make you easy for the winter?
_Moth._ Nay, I see nothing against it, Sir, but the gentleman's being a
parliament man: and when people may, as it were, think one impertinent,
or be out of humour, you know, when a body comes to ask for one's
own----
Count _Bas._ Psha! Pr'ythee never trouble thy head--His pay is as good
as the bank!----Why, he has above two thousand a year!
_Moth._ Alas-a-day! that's nothing: Your people of ten thousand a year,
have ten thousand things to do with it.
Count _Bas._ Nay, if you are afraid of being out of your money; what do
you think of going a little with me, Mrs. _Motherly_?
_Moth._ As how?
Count _Bas._ Why I have a game in my head, in which, if you'll croup
me, that is, help me to play it, you shall go five hundred to nothing.
_Moth._ Say you so?----Why then, I go, Sir----and now pray let's see
your game.
Count _Bas._ Look you, in one word my cards lie thus--When I was down
this summer at _York_, I happened to lodge in the same house with this
Knight's lady, that's now coming to lodge with you.
_Moth._ Did you so, Sir?
Count _Bas._ And sometimes had the honour to breakfast, and pass an
idle hour with her----
_Moth._ Very good; and here I suppose you would have the impudence to
sup, and be busy with her.
Count _Bas._ Psha! pr'ythee hear me!
_Moth._ Is this your game? I would not give sixpence for it! What, you
have a passion for her pin-money----no, no, country ladies are not so
flush of it.