_A_ =Journey= _to_ =London=.
+ACT+ I. +SCENE+ I.
+SCENE+, _Lord ~Townly~'s Apartment._
_Lord ~Townly~, solus._
Why did I marry!--Was it not evident, my plain, rational scheme of life
was impracticable, with a woman of so different a way of thinking?--Is
there one article of it, that she has not broke in upon?--Yes,--let me
do her justice--her reputation--That--I have no reason to believe is in
question--but then how long her profligate course of pleasures may make
her able to keep it--is a shocking question! and her presumption while
she keeps it--insupportable! for on the pride of that single virtue she
seems to lay it down, as a fundamental point, that the free indulgence
of every other vice, this fertile town affords, is the birth-right
prerogative of a woman of quality--Amazing! that a creature so warm in
the pursuit of her pleasures, should never cast one thought towards her
happiness--Thus, while she admits no lover, she thinks it a greater
merit still, in her chastity, not to care for her husband; and while
she herself is solacing in one continual round of cards and good
company, he, poor wretch! is left, at large, to take care of his own
contentment----'Tis time, indeed, some care were taken, and speedily
there shall be----Yet let me not be rash----Perhaps this disappointment
of my heart may make me too impatient; and some tempers when reproached
grow more untractable.--Here she comes--Let me be calm a while.
_Enter Lady ~Townly~._
Going out so soon after dinner, Madam?
Lady _Town._ Lard, my Lord! what can I possibly do at home?
Lord _Town._ What does my sister, Lady _Grace_, do at home?
Lady _Town._ Why, that is to me amazing! Have you ever any pleasure at
home!
Lord _Town._ It might be in your power, Madam, I confess, to make it a
little more comfortable to me.
Lady _Town._ Comfortable! and so, my good Lord, you would really have a
woman of my rank and spirit stay at home to comfort her husband! Lord!
what notions of life some men have!
Lord _Town._ Don't you think, Madam, some ladies' notions full as
extravagant?
Lady _Town._ Yes, my Lord, when the tame doves live cooped within the
penn of your precepts, I do think 'em prodigious indeed!
Lord _Town._ And when they fly wild about this town, Madam, pray what
must the world think of 'em then?
Lady _Town._ Oh! this world is not so ill-bred as to quarrel with any
woman for liking it.
Lord _Town._ Nor am I, Madam, a husband so well-bred, as to bear my
wife's being so fond of it; in short, the life you lead, Madam----
Lady _Town._ Is, to me, the pleasantest life in the world.
Lord _Town._ I should not dispute your taste, Madam, if a woman had a
right to please nobody but herself.
Lady _Town._ Why, whom would you have her please?
Lord _Town._ Sometimes her husband.
Lady _Town._ And don't you think a husband under the same obligation?
Lord _Town._ Certainly.
Lady _Town._ Why then we are agreed, my Lord--For if I never go abroad
'till I am weary of being at home----which you know is the case----is
it not equally reasonable, not to come home till one's weary of being
abroad!
Lord _Town._ If this be your rule of life, Madam, 'tis time to ask you
one serious question?
Lady _Town._ Don't let it be long a coming then----for I am in haste.
Lord _Town._ Madam, when I am serious, I expect a serious answer.
Lady _Town._ Before I know the question?
Lord _Town._ Psha----have I power, Madam, to make you serious by
intreaty?
Lady _Town._ You have.
Lord _Town._ And you promise to answer me sincerely?
Lady _Town._ Sincerely.
Lord _Town._ Now then recollect your thoughts, and tell me seriously,
Why you married me?
Lady _Town._ You insist upon truth, you say?
Lord _Town._ I think I have a right to it.
Lady _Town._ Why then, my Lord, to give you, at once, a proof of my
obedience and sincerity----I think----I married--to take off that
restraint, that lay upon my pleasures, while I was a single woman.
Lord _Town._ How, Madam! is any woman under less restraint after
marriage, than before it?
Lady _Town._ O my Lord! my Lord! they are quite different creatures!
Wives have infinite liberties in life, that would be terrible in an
unmarried woman to take.
Lord _Town._ Name one.
Lady _Town._ Fifty, if you please!----to begin then, in the
morning----A married woman may have men at her toilet, invite them
to dinner, appoint them a party, in a stage box at the play; ingross
the conversation there, call 'em by their christian names; talk
louder than the players;----From thence jaunt into the city----take
a frolicksome supper at an _India_ house----perhaps in her _gaieté
de cœur_ toast a pretty fellow--Then clatter again to this end of
the town, break with the morning, into an assembly, croud to the
hazard-table, throw a familiar _levant_ upon some sharp lurching man of
quality, and if he demands his money, turn it off with a loud laugh,
and cry----you'll owe it him to vex him! ha! ha!
Lord _Town._ Prodigious!
[_Aside._
Lady _Town._ These now, my Lord, are some few of the many modish
amusements, that distinguish the privilege of a wife, from that of a
single woman.
Lord _Town._ Death! Madam, what law has made these liberties less
scandalous in a wife, than in an unmarried woman?
Lady _Town._ Why, the strongest law in the world, custom----custom time
out of mind, my Lord.
Lord _Town._ Custom, Madam, is the law of fools: but it shall never
govern me.
Lady _Town._ Nay, then, my Lord, 'tis time for me to observe the laws
of prudence.
Lord _Town._ I wish I could see an instance of it.
Lady _Town._ You shall have one this moment, my Lord; for I think, when
a man begins to lose his temper at home; if a woman has any prudence,
why----she'll go abroad 'till he comes to himself again.
[_Going._
Lord _Town._ Hold, Madam--I am amazed, you are not more uneasy at the
life we lead! You don't want sense; and yet seem void of all humanity:
for, with a blush I say it, I think, I have not wanted love.
Lady _Town._ Oh! don't say that, my Lord, if you suppose I have my
senses.
Lord _Town._ What is it I have done to you? what can you complain of?
Lady _Town._. Oh! nothing in the least: 'Tis true, you have heard
me say; I have owed my Lord _Lurcher_ an hundred pounds these three
weeks----but what then?----a husband is not liable to his wife's debts
of honour, you know,----and if a silly woman will be uneasy about
money she can't be sued for, what's that to him? as long as he loves
her, to be sure she can have nothing to complain of.
Lord _Town._ By heaven, if my whole fortune thrown into your lap, could
make you delight in the chearful duties of a wife, I should think
myself a gainer by the purchase.
Lady _Town._ That is, my Lord, I might receive your whole estate,
provided you were sure I would not spend a shilling of it.
Lord _Town._ No, Madam; were I master of your heart, your pleasures
would be mine; but different as they are, I'll feed even your follies
to deserve it----Perhaps you may have some other trifling debts of
honour abroad that keep you out of humour at home----at least it shall
not be my fault, if I have not more of your company----There, there's a
bill of five hundred----and now, Madam----
Lady _Town._ And now, my Lord, down to the ground I thank you----Now am
I convinc'd, were I weak enough to love this man, I should never get a
single guinea from him.
[_Aside._