Lady _Head._ What does he do?
Mrs. _Moth._ But one should not talk of people of qualities
family-concerns.
Lady _Head._ O, no matter, Mrs. _Motherly_, as long as it goes no
farther. My Lord, you were saying----
Mrs. _Moth._ Why, my Lord, Madam, is a little humoursome, they say.
Lady _Head._ Humoursome?
Mrs. _Moth._ Yes, they say he's humoursome.
Lady _Head._ As how, pray?
Mrs. _Moth._ Why, if my poor lady perhaps does but stay out at night,
may be four or five hours after he's in bed, he'll be cross.
Lady _Head._ What, for such a thing as that?
Mrs. _Moth._ Yes, he'll be cross; and then if she happens, it may be,
to be unfortunate at play, and lose a great deal of money, more than
she has to pay, then Madam----he'll snub.
Lady _Head._ Out upon him! snub such a woman as she is? I can tell you,
Mrs. _Motherly_, I that am but a country lady, should Sir _Francis_
take upon him to snub me, in _London_, he'd raise a spirit would make
his hair stand on end.
Mrs. _Moth._ Really, Madam, that's the only way to deal with 'em.
_Enter Miss ~Betty~._
And here comes pretty Miss _Betty_, that I believe will never be made a
fool of, when she's married.
Miss _Betty._ No by my troth won't I. What are you talking of my being
married, mother?
Lady _Head._ No, Miss; Mrs. _Motherly_ was only saying what a good wife
you wou'd make, when you were so.
Miss _Betty._ The sooner it is try'd, mother, the sooner it will be
known. Lord, here's the colonel, Madam!
_Enter ~Colonel~._
Lady _Head._ Colonel, your servant.
Miss _Betty._ Your servant, colonel.
_Col._ Ladies, your most obedient----I hope, Madam, the town air agrees
with you?
Lady _Head._ Mighty well, Sir.
Miss _Betty._ Oh prodigious well, Sir. We have bought a new coach and
an ocean of new clothes, and we are to go to the play to-night, and
to-morrow we go to the opera, and next night we go to the assembly, and
then the next night after, we----
Lady _Head._ Softly, Miss----Do you go to the play to-night, colonel?
_Col._ I did not design it, Madam; but now I find there is to be such
good company, I'll do myself the honour (if you'll give me leave,
ladies) to come and lead you to your coach.
Lady _Head._ It's extremely obliging.
Miss _Betty_. It is indeed mighty well-bred. Lord! colonel, what a
difference there is between your way and our country companions; one of
them would have said, what, you are aw gooing to the playhouse then?
Yes, says we, won't you come and lead us out? No, by good feggins, says
he, ye ma' e'en ta' care o' yoursells, y'are awd enough; and so he'd
ha' gone to get drunk at the tavern against we came home to supper.
Mrs. _Moth._ Ha, ha, ha! well, sure Madam, your Ladyship is the
happiest mother in the world to have such a charming companion to your
daughter.
_Col._ The prettiest creature upon earth!
Miss _Betty._ D'ye hear that, mother? Well, he's a fine gentleman
really, and I think a man of admirable sense.
Lady _Head._ Softly, Miss, he'll hear you.
Miss _Betty._ If he does, Madam, he'll think I say true, and he'll like
me never the worse for that, I hope. Where's your niece _Martilla_,
Mrs. _Motherly_? Mama, won't you carry _Martilla_ to the play with us?
Lady _Head._ With all my heart, child.
_Col._ She's a very pretty civil sort of woman, Madam, and miss will be
very happy in having such a companion in the house with her.
Miss _Betty._ So I shall indeed, Sir, and I love her dearly already, we
are growing very great together.
Lady _Head._ But what's become of your brother, child? I han't seen him
these two hours, where is he?
Miss _Betty._ Indeed, mother, I don't know where he is; I saw him
asleep about half an hour ago by the kitchen fire.
_Col._ Must not he go to the play too?
Lady _Head_. Yes, I think he shou'd go, tho' he'll be weary on't,
before it's half done.
Miss _Betty._ Weary? yes; and then he'll sit, and yawn, and stretch
like a grayhound by the fire-side, 'till he does some nasty thing or
other, that they'll turn him out of the house, so it's better to leave
him at home.
Mrs. _Moth._ O, that were pity, Miss. Plays will enliven him----see,
here he comes, and my niece with him.
_Enter Squire ~Humphry~ and ~Martilla~._
_Col._ Your servant, Sir; you come in good time, the ladies are all
going to the play, and wanted you to help to gallant them.
Squire _Humph._ And so 'twill be nine o'clock, before one shall get any
supper.
Miss _Betty._ Supper! why your dinner is not out of your mouth yet,
at least 'tis all about the brims of it. See how greasy his chops is,
mother.
Lady _Head._ Nay, if he han't a mind to go, he need not. You may stay
here 'till your father comes home from the parliament-house, and then
you may eat a broil'd bone together.
Miss _Betty._ Yes, and drink a tankard of strong beer together; and
then he may tell you all he has been doing in the parliament-house, and
you may tell him all you have been thinking of when you were asleep, in
the kitchen: and then if you'll put it all down in writing, when we
come from the play, I'll read it to the company.
Squire _Humph._ Sister, I don't like your joaking, and you are not
a well-behav'd young woman; and altho' my mother encourages you, my
thoughts are, you are not too big to be whipt.
Miss _Betty._ How, sirrah?
Squire _Humph._ There's a civil young gentlewoman stands there, is
worth a hundred of you. And I believe she'll be married before you.
Miss _Betty._ Cots my life, I have a good mind to pull your eyes out.
Lady _Head._ Hold, Miss, hold, don't be in such a passion, neither.
Miss _Betty._ Mama, it is not that I am angry at any thing he says to
commend _Martilla_, for I wish she were to be marry'd to-morrow, that
I might have a dance at her wedding; but what need he abuse me for? I
wish the lout had mettle enough to be in love with her, she'd make pure
sport with him. [_Aside._] Does your Heaviness find any inclinations
moving towards the lady you admire----Speak! are you in love with her?
Squire _Humph._ I am in love with nobody; and if any body be in love
with me, mayhap they had as good be quiet.
Miss _Betty._ Hold your tongue, I'm quite sick of you. Come,
_Martilla_, you are to go to the play with us.
_Mart._ Am I, Miss? I am ready to wait upon you.
Lady _Head._ I believe it's time we should be going; Colonel, is not it?
_Col._ Yes, Madam, I believe it is.
Lady _Head._ Come, then; who is there?
_Enter Servant._
Is the coach at the door?
_Serv._ It has been there this hafe haur, so please your Ladyship.
Miss _Betty._ And are all the people in the street gazing at it, _Tom_?
_Serv._ That are they, Madam; and _Roger_ has drank so much of his own
beveridge, that he's even as it were gotten a little drunk.
Lady _Head._ Not so drunk, I hope, but that he can drive us?
_Serv._ Yes, yes, Madam, he drives best when he's a little upish. When
_Roger_'s head turns, raund go the wheels, i'faith.
Miss _Betty._ Never fear, Mama, as long as it's to the playhouse,
there's no danger.
Lady _Head._ Well, daughter, since you are so courageous, it shan't be
said I make any difficulty; and if the Colonel is so gallant, to have a
mind to share our danger, we have room for him, if he pleases.
_Col._ Madam, you do me a great deal of honour, and I'm sure you give
me a great deal of pleasure.
Miss _Betty._ Come, dear Mama, away we go.
[_Exeunt all but ~Squire~, ~Martilla~, and Mrs. ~Motherly~._
Squire _Humph._ I did not think you would have gone.
[_To ~Martilla~._
_Mart._ O, I love a play dearly.
[_Exit._
Mrs. _Moth._ I wonder, Squire, that you wou'd not go to the play with
'em.
Squire _Humph._ What needed _Martilla_ have gone? they were enough
without her.
Mrs. _Moth._ O, she was glad to go to divert herself; and besides, my
Lady desired her to go with them.
Squire _Humph._ And so I am left alone.
Mrs. _Moth._ Why, wou'd you have car'd for her company?
Squire _Humph._ Rather than none.
Mrs. _Moth._ On my conscience he's ready to cry; this is matter to
think of: but here comes Sir _Francis_.
[_Aside._
_Enter Sir ~Francis~._
How do you do, Sir? I'm afraid these late parliament hours won't agree
with you.
Sir _Fran._ Indeed, I like them not, Mrs. _Motherly_; if they wou'd
dine at twelve o'clock, as we do in the country, a man might be able
to drink a reasonable bottle between that and supper-time.
Mrs. _Moth._ That wou'd be much better indeed, Sir _Francis_.
Sir _Fran._ But then when we consider that what we undergo, is
in being busy for the good of our country,----O, the good of our
country is above all things; what a noble and glorious thing it is,
Mrs. _Motherly_, that _England_ can boast of five hundred zealous
gentlemen, all in one room, all of one mind, upon a fair occasion, to
go altogether by the ears for the good of their country!----_Humphry_,
perhaps you'll be a senator in time, as your father is now; and when
you are, remember your country; spare nothing for the good of your
country! and when you come home, at the end of the sessions, you will
find yourself so adored, that your country will come and dine with you
every day in the week. O, here's my uncle _Richard_.
_Enter Uncle ~Richard~._
Mrs. _Moth._ I think, Sir, I had better get you a mouthful of something
to stay your stomach 'till supper.
[_Exit._
Sir _Fran._ With all my heart, for I'm almost famish'd.
Squire _Humph._ And so shall I before my mother comes from the
playhouse, so I'll go and get a butter'd toast.
[_Exit._
Sir _Fran._ Uncle, I hope you are well.
Unc. _Rich._ Nephew, if I had been sick I wou'd not have come abroad;
I suppose you are well, for I sent this morning, and was inform'd you
went out early; was it to make your court to some of the great men?
Sir _Fran._ Yes, uncle, I was advised to lose no time, so I went to one
great man, whom I had never seen before.
Unc. _Rich._ And who had you got to introduce you?
Sir _Fran._ Nobody; I remember'd I had heard a wise man say, My son, be
bold; so I introduced myself.
Unc. _Rich._ As how, I pray?
Sir _Fran._ Why thus, uncle; please your Lordship, says I, I am Sir
_Francis Headpiece_ of _Headpiece-Hall_, and member of parliament for
the ancient borough of _Gobble-Guiney_. Sir, your humble servant, says
my Lord, tho' I have not the honour to know your person, I have heard
you are a very honest gentleman, and I am very glad your borough has
made choice of so worthy a representative; have you any service to
command me? Those last words, uncle, gave me great encouragement: And
tho' I know you have not any very great opinion of my parts, I believe
you won't say I mist it now.
Unc. _Rich._ I hope I shall have no cause.
Sir _Fran._ My Lord, says I, I did not design to say any thing to your
Lordship to-day about business; but since your Lordship is so kind and
free, as to bid me speak if I have any service to command you, I will.
Unc. _Rich._ So.
Sir _Fran._ I have, says I, my Lord, a good estate, but it's a little
out at elbows: and as I desire to serve my king as well as my country,
I shall be very willing to accept of a place at court.
Unc. _Rich._ This was bold indeed.
Sir _Fran._ I'cod, I shot him flying, uncle; another man would have
been a month before he durst have open'd his mouth about a place. But
you shall hear. Sir _Francis_, says my Lord, what sort of a place may
you have turn'd your thoughts upon? My Lord, says I, beggars must not
be choosers; but some place about a thousand a year, I believe, might
do pretty weel to begin with. Sir _Francis_, says he, I shall be glad
to serve you in any thing I can; and in saying these words he gave me
a squeeze by the hand, as much as to say, I'll do your business. And
so he turn'd to a Lord that was there, who look'd as if he came for a
place too.
Unc. _Rich._ And so your fortune's made.
Sir _Fran._ Don't you think so, uncle?
Unc. _Rich._ Yes, for just so mine was made----twenty years ago. Sir
_Fran._ Why, I never knew you had a place, uncle.
Unc. _Rich._ Nor I neither upon my faith, nephew: but you have been
down at the house since you made your court, have not you?
Sir _Fran._ O yes; I would not neglect the house for ever so much.
Unc. _Rich._ And what might they have done there to-day, I pray?
Sir _Fran._ Why truly, uncle, I cannot well tell what they did. But
I'll tell you what I did: I happen'd to make a little sort of a mistake.
Unc. _Rich._ How was that?
Sir _Fran._ Why you must know, uncle, they were all got into a sort of
a hodge-podge argument for the good of the nation, which I did not well
understand; however I was convinced, and so resolved to vote aright
according to my conscience; but they made such a puzzling business
on't, when they put the question, as they call it, that, I believe,
I cry'd Ay, when I should have cry'd No; for a sort of a _Jacobite_
that sat next me, took me by the hand, and said, Sir, you are a man
of honour, and a true _Englishman_, and I shou'd be glad to be better
acquainted with you, and so he pull'd me along with the croud into the
lobby with him, when I believe I should have staid where I was.
Unc. _Rich._ And so, if you had not quite made your fortune before, you
have clench'd it now. Ah, thou head of the _Headpieces_! [_Aside._] How
now, what's the matter here?
_Enter Lady ~Headpiece~, &c. in disorder, some dirty, some
lame, some bloody._
Sir _Fran._ Mercy on us! they are all kill'd.
Miss _Betty_. Not for a thousand pounds; but we have been all down in
the dirt together.
Lady _Head._ We have had a sad piece of work on't, Sir _Francis_,
overturn'd in the channel, as we were going to the playhouse.
Miss _Betty._ Over and over, papa; had it been coming from the
playhouse, I shou'd not have car'd a farthing.
Sir _Fran._ But, child, you are hurt, your face is all bloody.
Miss _Betty._ O, Sir, my new gown is all dirty.
Lady _Head._ The new coach is all spoil'd.
Miss _Betty._ The glasses are all to bits.
Lady _Head._ _Roger_ has put out his arm.
Miss _Betty._ Would he had put out his neck, for making us lose the
play.
Squire _Humph._ Poor _Martilla_ has scratch'd her little finger.
Lady _Head._ And here's the poor Colonel; nobody asks what he has done.
I hope, Sir, you have got no harm?
_Col._ Only a little wounded with some pins I met with about your
Ladyship.
Lady _Head._ I am sorry any thing about me should do you harm.
_Col._ If it does, Madam, you have that about you, if you please, will
be my cure. I hope your Ladyship feels nothing amiss?
Lady _Head._ Nothing at all, tho' we did roll about together strangely.
_Col._ We did, indeed. I'm sure we roll'd so, that my poor hands were
got once----I don't know where they were got. But her Ladyship I see
will pass by slips.
[_Aside._
Sir _Fran._ It wou'd have been pity the colonel shou'd have receiv'd
any damage in his services to the Ladies; he is the most complaisant
man to e'm, uncle; always ready when they have occasion for him.
Unc. _Rich._ Then I believe, nephew, they'll never let him want
business.
Sir _Fran._ O, but they shou'd not ride the free horse to death
neither. Come, colonel, you'll stay and drink a bottle, and eat a
little supper with us, after your misfortune?
_Col._ Sir, since I have been prevented from attending the ladies to
the play, I shall be very proud to obey their commands here at home.
Sir _Fran._ A prodigious civil gentleman, uncle; and yet as bold as
_Alexander_ upon occasion.
Unc. _Rich._ Upon a lady's occasion.
Sir _Fran._ Ha, ha, you're a wag, uncle; but I believe he'd storm any
thing.
Unc. _Rich._ Then I believe your citadel may be in danger.
[_Aside._
Sir _Fran._ Uncle, won't you break your rule for once, and sup from
home?
Unc. _Rich._ The company will excuse me, nephew, they'll be freer
without me; so good night to them and you.
Lady _Head._ Good night to you, Sir, since you won't stay: Come,
colonel.
Unc. _Rich._ Methinks this facetious colonel is got upon a pretty,
familiar, easy foot already with the family of the _Headpieces_--hum.
[_Aside._ _Exit._
Sir _Fran._ Come, my Lady, let's all in, and pass the evening
chearfully. And, d'ye hear, wife----a word in your ear----I have got a
promise of a place in court, of a thousand a year, he, hem.
[_Exeunt._
+ACT+ IV. +SCENE+ I.
_Enter Lady ~Arabella~, as just up, walking pensively to her
Toilet, follow'd by Trusty._
Lady _Ara._ Well, sure never woman had such luck--these devilish
dice!----Sit up all night; lose all one's money, and then----how like a
hag I look. [_Sits at her toilet, turning her purse inside out._] Not
a guinea----worth less by a hundred pounds than I was by one o'clock
this morning----and then----I was worth nothing----what is to be done,
_Trusty_!
_Trus._ I wish I were wise enough to tell you, Madam; but if there
comes in any good company to breakfast with your Ladyship, perhaps you
may have a run of better fortune.
Lady _Ara._ But I han't a guinea to try my fortune----let me see----who
was that impertinent man, that was so saucy last week about money, that
I was forc'd to promise once more, he shou'd have what I ow'd him, this
morning?
_Trus._ O, I remember, Madam; it was your old mercer _Short-yard_, that
you turn'd off a year ago, because he would trust you no longer.
Lady _Ara._ That's true; and I think I bid the steward keep the thirty
guineas out of some money he was paying me to stop his odious mouth.
_Trus._ Your Ladyship did so.
Lady _Ara._ Pr'ythee, _Trusty_, run and see whether the wretch has got
the money yet; if not, tell the steward, I have occasion for it myself;
run quickly.
[_~Trusty~ runs to the door_.
_Trus._ Ah, Madam, he's just paying it away now, in the hall.
Lady _Ara._ Stop him! quick, quick, dear _Trusty_.
_Trus._ Hem, hem, Mr. _Money-bag_, a word with you quickly.
_Mon._ [_Within._] I'll come presently.
_Trus._ Presently won't do, you must come this moment.
_Mon._ I'm but just paying a little money.
_Trus._ Cods my life, paying money, is the man distracted? Come here, I
tell you, to my Lady this moment, quick.
[_~Money-bag~ comes to the door with a purse in's hand._
My Lady says you must not pay the money to-day, there's a mistake in
the account, which she must examine; and she's afraid too there was
a false guinea or two left in the purse, which might disgrace her.
[_Twitches the purse from him._] But she's too busy to look for 'em
just now, so you must bid Mr. What-d'ye-call-'em come another time.
There they are, Madam. [_Gives her the money._] The poor things were
so near gone, they made me tremble; I fancy your Ladyship will give
me one of those false guineas for good luck. [_Takes a guinea._] Thank
you, Madam.
Lady _Ara._ Why, I did not bid you take it.
_Trus._ No, but your Ladyship look'd as if you were just going to bid
me; so I took it to save your Ladyship the trouble of speaking.
Lady _Ara._ Well, for once----but hark----I think I hear the man making
a noise yonder.
_Trus._ Nay, I don't expect he'll go out of the house quietly. I'll
listen.
[_Goes to the door._
Lady _Ara._ Do.
_Trus._ He's in a bitter passion with poor _Money-bag_; I believe he'll
beat him----Lord, how he swears!
Lady _Ara._ And a sober citizen too! that's a shame.
_Trus._ He says he will speak with you, Madam, tho' the devil held your
door----Lord! he's coming hither full drive, but I'll lock him out.
Lady _Ara._ No matter, let him come; I'll reason with him.
_Trus._ But he's a saucy fellow for all that.
_Enter ~Short-yard~._
What wou'd you have, Sir?
_Short._ I wou'd have my due, Mistress.
_Trus._ That wou'd be----to be well cudgel'd, Master, for coming so
familiarly, where you shou'd not come.
Lady _Ara._ Do you think you do well, Sir, to intrude into my
dressing-room?
_Short._ Madam, I sold my goods to you in your dressing room, I don't
know why I mayn't ask for my money there.
Lady _Ara._ You are very short, Sir.
_Short._ Your Ladyship won't complain of my patience being so?
Lady _Ara._ I complain of nothing that ought not to be complained of;
but I hate ill manners.
_Short._ So do I, Madam,--but this is the seventeenth time I have been
ordered to come with good-manners for my money, to no purpose.
Lady _Ara._ Your money, man! Is that the matter? Why it has lain in the
steward's hands this week for you.
_Short._ Madam, you yourself appointed me to come this very morning for
it.
Lady _Ara._ But why did you come so late then?
_Short._ So late! I came soon enough, I thought.
Lady _Ara._ That thinking wrong, makes us liable to a world of
disappointments: If you had thought of coming one minute sooner, you
had had your money.
_Short._ Gad bless me, Madam, I had the money as I thought, I'm sure it
was telling out, and I was writing a receipt for't.
_Trus._ Why there you thought wrong again, Master.
Lady _Ara._ Yes, for you shou'd never think of writing a receipt till
the money is in your pocket.
_Short._ Why, I did think 'twas in my pocket.
_Trus._ Look you, thinking again. Indeed, Mr. _Short-yard_, you make so
many blunders, 'tis impossible but you must suffer by it, in your way
of trade. I'm sorry for you, and you'll be undone.
_Short._ And well I may, when I sell my goods to people that won't pay
me for 'em, till the interest of my money eats out all my profit: I
sold them so cheap, because I thought I shou'd be paid the next day.
_Trus._ Why, there again! there's another of your thoughts; paid the
next day, and you han't been paid this twelvemonth you see.
_Short._ Oons, I han't been paid at all, Mistress.
Lady _Ara._ Well, tradesmen are strange unreasonable creatures, refuse
to sell people any more things, and then quarrel with 'em because they
don't pay for those they have had already. Now what can you say to
that, Mr. _Short-yard_?
_Short._ Say! Why--'Sdeath, Madam, I don't know what you talk of, I
don't understand your argument.
Lady _Ara._ Why, what do you understand, man?
_Short._ Why, I understand that I have had above a hundred pounds due
to me a year ago; that I came, by appointment, just now to receive
it: that it proved at last to be but thirty instead of a hundred and
ten; and that while the steward was telling even that out, and I was
writing the receipt, comes Mrs. _Pop_ here, and the money was gone. But
I'll be banter'd no longer if there's law in _England_. Say no more,
_Short-yard_.
[_Exit._
_Trus._ What a passion the poor devil's in!
Lady _Ara._ Why truly one can't deny but he has some present cause
to be a little in ill-humour, but when one has things of greater
consequence on foot, one can't trouble one's self about making
such creatures easy; so call for breakfast, _Trusty_, and set the
hazard-table ready; if there comes no company I'll play a little by
myself.
_Enter Lord ~Loverule~._
Lord _Love._ Pray what offence, Madam, have you given to a man I met
with just as I came in?
Lady _Ara._ People who are apt to take offence, do it for small
matters, you know.
Lord _Love._ I shall be glad to find this so; but he says you have owed
him above a hundred pounds this twelvemonth; that he has been here
forty times by appointment for it, to no purpose; and that coming here
this morning upon positive assurance from yourself, he was trick'd out
of the money, while he was writing a receipt for it, and sent away
without a farthing.
Lady _Ara._ Lord, how these shopkeepers will lye!
Lord _Love._ What then is the business? for some ground the man must
have to be in such a passion.
Lady _Ara._ I believe you'll rather wonder to see me so calm, when I
tell you he had the insolence to intrude into my very dressing-room
here, with a story without a head or tail; you know, _Trusty_, we cou'd
not understand one word he said, but when he swore----Good Lord! how
the wretch did swear!
_Trus._ I never heard the like for my part.
Lord _Love._ And all this for nothing?
Lady _Ara._ So it proved, my Lord, for he got nothing by it.
Lord _Love._ His swearing I suppose was for his money, Madam. Who can
blame him?
Lady _Ara._ If he swore for money he should be put in the pillory.
Lord _Love._ Madam, I won't be banter'd, nor sued by this man for your
extravagancies: do you owe him the money or not?
Lady _Ara._ He says I do, but such fellows will say any thing.
Lord _Love._ Provoking! [_Aside._] Did not I desire an account from you
of all your debts, but six months since, and give you money to clear
them?
Lady _Ara._ My Lord, you can't imagine how accounts make my head ake.
Lord _Love._ That won't do. The steward gave you two hundred pounds
besides, but last week; where's that?
Lady _Ara._ Gone!
Lord _Love._ Gone! where?
Lady _Ara._ Half the town over, I believe, by this time.
Lord _Love._ Madam, Madam, this can be endured no longer, and before a
month passes expect to find me--
Lady _Ara._ Hist, my Lord, here's company.
_Enter Captain ~Toupee~._
Captain _Toupee_, your servant: What, nobody with you? do you come
quite alone?
_Capt._ 'Slife, I thought to find company enough here. My Lord, your
servant. What a deuce, you look as if you had been up all night. I'm
sure I was in bed but three hours; I wou'd you'd give me some coffee.
Lady _Ara._ Some coffee there; tea too, and chocolate.
_Capt._ [_Singing a minuet and dancing._] Well, what a strange fellow
am I to be thus brisk, after losing all my money last night----but upon
my soul you look sadly.
Lady _Ara._ No matter for that, if you'll let me win a little of your
money this morning.
_Capt._ What with that face? Go, go wash it, go wash it, and put on
some handsome things; you look'd a good likely woman last night; I
would not much have cared if you had run five hundred pounds in my
debt; but if I play with you this morning, I'gad I'd advise you to win;
for I won't take your personal security at present for a guinea.
Lord _Love._ To what a nauseous freedom do women of quality of late
admit these trifling fops! and there's a morning exercise will give 'em
claim to greater freedoms still. [_Points to the hazard-table._] Some
course must be taken.
[_Exit._
_Capt._ What, is my Lord gone? he look'd methought as if he did not
delight much in my company. Well, peace and plenty attend him for your
Ladyship's sake, and those----who have now and then the honour to win a
hundred pounds of you.
[_Goes to the table singing, and throws._
Lady _Ara._ [_Twitching the box from him._] What, do you intend to win
all the money upon the table----Seven's the main--Set me a million,
_Toupee_.
_Capt._ I set you two, my queen--Six to seven.
_Lady Ara._ Six----the world's my own.
_Both._ Ha, ha, ha!
Lady _Ara._ O that my Lord had spirit enough about him to let me play
for a thousand pound a-night----But here comes country company----
_Enter Lady ~Headpiece~, Miss ~Betty~, Mrs. ~Motherly~, and
Colonel ~Courtly~._
Your servant, Madam, good-morrow to you.
Lady _Head._ And to you, Madam. We are come to breakfast with you.
Lord, are you got to those pretty things already?
[_Points to the dice._
Lady _Ara._ You see we are not such idle folks in town as you country
ladies take us to be; we are no sooner out of our beds, but we are at
our work.
Miss _Betty._ Will dear Lady Arabella give us leave, mother, to do a
stitch or two with her?
[_Takes the box and throws._
_Capt._ The pretty lively thing!
Lady _Ara._ With all her heart; what says her mama?
Lady _Head._ She says she don't love to sit with her hands before her,
when other people's are employed.
_Capt._ And this is the prettiest little sociable work, men and women
can all do together at it.
Lady _Head._ Colonel, you are one with us, are you not?
Lady _Ara._ O, I'll answer for him, he'll be out at nothing.
_Capt._ In a facetious way; he is the politest person; he will lose
his money to the ladies so civilly, and will win theirs with so much
good breeding; and he will be so modest to 'em before company, and so
impudent to 'em in a dark corner. Ha! colonel!
Lady _Head._ So I found him, I'm sure, last night----Mercy on me, an
ounce of virtue less than I had, and Sir _Francis_ had been undone.
_Capt._ Colonel, I smoke you.
_Col._ And a fine character you give the ladies of me, to help me.
_Capt._ I give 'em just the character of you they like, modest and
brave. Come, ladies, to business; look to your money, every woman her
hand upon her purse.
Miss _Betty._ Here's mine, captain.
_Capt._ O the little soft velvet one--and it's as full--Come, Lady
Blowse, rattle your dice and away with 'em.
Lady _Ara._ Six----at all----five to six----Five----Eight----at all
again----Nine to eight----Nine----
_Enter Sir ~Francis~, and stands gazing at 'em._
Seven's the main----at all for ever.
[_Throws out._
Miss _Betty._ Now, mama, let's see what you can do.
[_Lady ~Headpiece~ takes the box._