"They lived in groves of oak."
"And in what particular ceremony were they engaged once a year?"
"Er--let me see--Oh! in kissing under the mistletoe!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Grandmamma._ "And how did it happen, dear?"
_Master Tom._ "It didn't happen. Ma did it on purpose!"]
* * * * *
MASTER TOMMY'S RECEIPTS.--(_To cure a smoky chimney._) Get out on to the
roof of the house with a good-sized feather bolster and
eighteen-pennyworth of putty. Insert the bolster longways into the
chimney, taking care to plaster it all round tightly with the putty. Now
sit on it. The chimney will no longer smoke.
* * * * *
[Illustration: And it was only yesterday that grandpapa was complaining
to his little grandsons that he never got real winters like he used to
have, with plenty of skating and sliding. (N.B.--Butter-slides are very
effective.)]
* * * * *
THE EVIDENCE OF THE SENSES.--_Mamma._ How _dare_ you slap your sister,
George?
_George._ She kicked me when my back was turned, and hurted me very
much, I can tell you!
_Mamma._ Where did she hurt you?
_George._ Well, I can't azactly say _where_, because--because my back
was turned, and I was looking another way!
* * * * *
PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE.--_Son and heir_ (_whose inquiring turn of mind is
occasionally a nuisance_). Say, 'pa, what's a v'cab'lary?
_Father._ A vocabulary, my boy--what d'you want to know that for?
_Son._ 'Cause I heard 'ma say she'd no idea what a tremenjous v'cab'lary
you'd got, till you missed the train on Saturday!
* * * * *
AT THE SUNDAY SCHOOL--_Teacher._ Now, Mary Brown, you understand what is
meant by baptism?
_Mary Brown._ Oh, _I_ know, teacher! It's what Dr. Franklin did on
baby's arm last Toosday!
* * * * *
[Illustration: A LITTLE CHRISTMAS DREAM.--Mr. L. Figuier, in the thesis
which precedes his interesting work on the world before the flood,
condemns the practice of awakening the youthful mind to admiration by
means of fables and fairy tales, and recommends, in lieu thereof, the
study of the natural history of the world in which we live. Fired by
this advice, we have tried the experiment on our eldest, an imaginative
boy of six. We have cut off his "Cinderella" and his "Puss in Boots,"
and introduced him to some of the more peaceful fauna of the preadamite
world, as they appear restored in Mr. Figuier's book. The poor boy has
not had a decent night's rest ever since!]
* * * * *
YOUNG, BUT PRACTICAL.--"What! Harry! not in bed yet, and it's nine
o'clock! What will _papa_ say when he comes home?"
"Oh, papa! _He'll_ say, 'Supper! supper! What's for supper?'"
* * * * *