Several factories where counterfeit bread tickets were printed have
been discovered in Berlin. We understand that the defence will be that
the tickets were only intended to be exchanged for counterfeit bread.
***
"The enemies' desire," says KING LUDWIG of Bavaria, "will he dashed to
pieces against our troops, who are accustomed to victory." A number
of the victors who are now eating themselves in behind our positions
profess to be absolutely nauseated with it.
***
Five million four hundred thousand pigs, says Herr BATOCKI, have
"mysteriously disappeared" in Germany in the last year. The idea of
having the CROWN PRINCE'S baggage searched does not seem to have been
found feasible.
***
A festival performance of _Parsifal_ is to be given in Charlottenburg,
to celebrate the anniversary of the Battle of Jutland. The proposal to
substitute the more topical opera, _The Flying Deutschmann_, has been
received without favour.
***
"With such troops," says the CROWN PRINCE, "we could fetch the Devil
from Hell." We have always maintained that the German military route
lay on a direct line to Potsdam.
***
A Manchester man writes to say that he has not heard the cuckoo this
year. What England hears to-day Manchester may hear next month.
***
A Norfolk lady has left an annuity of seventy pounds for the support
of her two favourite cats. Since the announcement of this windfall we
understand that the beneficiaries have been overwhelmed with offers of
marriage.
***
"The bascules of the Tower Bridge were lifted 3,354 times last year,"
says a news item. Yet there are those who pretend that petty crime is
on the decrease.
***
Arundel proposes to have a house-to-house collection of bones. The
Borough Engineer is understood to be completing specifications for a
dog-proof trouser which will be a part of the collector's uniform.
***
The Islington Borough Council report that in the Lady Day quarter only
ten per cent, of the residents had removed without paying their rates.
The inhabitants of the New Cut now accuse Islington residents of
losing their nerve.
***
"Ipswich," says a daily paper, "is fighting a rat plague by putting
a penny on the head of every rat captured in the borough." The
arrangement with birds is of course different, You put salt on their
tails and capture them afterwards.
***
The new restrictions on the use of starch will, says Captain BATHURST,
affect the wearing of starched garments. It is expected that in
the House of Lords Lord SPENSER and Lord HARCOURT will join in an
impassioned plea that, until the shortage grows more acute, really
well-dressed men should be allowed to compromise on stiff dickeys.
***
Owing to the surveyor receiving increased powers the work of
conscientious objectors on the roads in East Essex has improved. Mr.
OUTHWAITE, we hear, will ask in Parliament whether under these
powers the surveyor has actually threatened to give one conscientious
objector a good hard slap.
***
We understand that Mexico has promised to stand by America on
condition that if she takes this step on the side of law and order
America will raise no objection to her having a revolution now and
then just to keep her hand in.
***
Allotment-holders in all parts of the country say that their gardens
need rain very badly, and _The Daily Mail_ is going to take the matter
up.
***
It was stated by a defendant at Wandsworth County Court that his house
was haunted, the bell being rung several times without any visible
human instrumentality. The "Hidden Hand" again!
***
To enjoy good health, says Dr. A. FISHER in an American journal, we
should occasionally sleep for twelve hours on end. We confess that
we may be faddy in these things, but when sleeping we prefer the
horizontal position.
***
"One hundred thousand tons of sugar is wasted each year," says
Mrs. PEEL, "through being left in the bottom of the teacup." A
correspondent points out that if that amount has ever been left in the
bottom of his teacup it was an oversight.
***
The German people, says the _Kölnische Zeitung_, will not soon
forget what they owe to their future Emperor. The CROWN PRINCE, while
thanking them for their kindly intention, privately expressed a wish
that they would not keep rubbing it in.
***
According to _The Express_, every British theatrical star who plays in
America is regarded as the best that England has ever sent out. Until
he has heard from Mr. CHARLES CHAPLIN, Sir HERBERT TREE is holding
back his message, which reads, "That is so."
***
A workman at a brewery last week fell into a large vat of beer. It is
given to few men thus to realise the dream of a lifetime.
***
All vendors of comic postcards at Llanfairfeehan, North Wales, are
to be asked by the Town Council to cover them up on Sundays. We
understand that comic postcards may be differentiated from others by
the word "Comic" plainly printed on the card.
***
_The Daily Mail_ has just celebrated its twenty-first birthday, and
the silence of the POET LAUREATE on the matter is being adversely
commented upon.
***
The Anarchist, LENIN, says the Swedish _Dagblad_, has been missing for
two days. Even before that he never really seemed to make a hit.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE BRIBE.
"WHO GOES THERE?" "K--KAMERAD--MIT SOUVENIRS."]
* * * * *