(_To the Editor of Blackwood's Magazine_.)
Sir,--In the course of my study in the English language, which I made now
for three years, I always read your periodically, and now think myself
capable to write at your Magazin. I love always the modesty, or you shall
have a letter of me very long time past. But, never mind, I would well
tell you, that I am come to this country to instruct me in the manners,
the customs, the habits, the policies, and the other affairs general of
Great Britain. And truly I think me good fortunate, being received in
many families, so as I can to speak your language now with so much
facility as the French.
But, never mind. That what I would you say, is not only for the
Englishes, but for the strangers, who come at your country from all the
other kingdoms, polite and instructed; because, as they tell me, that
they are abonnements[10] for you in all the kingdoms in Europe, so well
as in the Orientals and Occidentals.
[10] Abonnements--subscriptions.
No, sir, upon my honour, I am not egotist. I not proud myself with
chateaux en Espagne. I am but a particular gentleman, come here for that
what I said; but, since I learn to comprehend the language, I discover
that I am become an object of pleasantry, and for himself to mock, to one
of your comedians even before I put my foot upon the ground at Douvres.
He was Mr. Mathew, who tell of some contretems of me and your word
detestable _Box_. Well, never mind. I know at present how it happen,
because I see him since in some parties and dinners; and he confess he
love much to go travel and mix himself altogether up with the stage-coach
and vapouring[11] boat for fun, what he bring at his theatre.
[11] Bateau an vapeur--a steam-boat.
Well, never mind. He see me, perhaps, to ask a question in the
paque-bot--but he not confess after, that he goed and bribe the garçon
at the hotel and the coach man to mystify me with all the boxes; but,
very well, I shall tell you how it arrived, so as you shall see that it
was impossible that a stranger could miss to be perplexed, and to
advertise the travellers what will come after, that they shall converse
with the gentlemen and not with the badinstructs.
But, it must that I begin. I am a gentleman, and my goods are in the
public rentes,[12] and a chateau with a handsome propriety on the bank of
the Loire, which I lend to a merchant English, who pay me very well in
London for my expenses. Very well. I like the peace, nevertheless that I
was force, at other time, to go to war with Napoleon. But it is passed.
So I come to Paris in my proper post-chaise, where I selled him, and hire
one, for almost nothing at all, for bring me to Calais all alone, because
I will not bring my valet to speak French here where all the world is
ignorant.
[12] Rentes--public funds.
The morning following I get upon the vapouring boat to walk so far as
Douvres. It was fine day--and, after I am recover myself of a malady of
the sea, I walk myself about the shep, and I see a great mechanic of
wood, with iron wheel, and thing to push up inside, and handle to turn.
It seemed to be ingenuous, and proper to hoist great burdens. They use it
for shoving the timber, what come down of the vessel, into the place; and
they tell me it was call "Jaques in the _box;_" and I was very much
please with the invention so novel.
Very well. I go again promenade upon the board of the vessel, and I look
at the compass, and little boy sailor come and sit him down, and begin to
chatter like the little monkey. Then the man what turns a wheel about and
about laugh, and say, "Very well, Jaques;" but I not understand one word
the little fellow say. So I make inquire, and they tell me he was "_Box_
the compass." I was surprise, but I tell myself, "Well, never mind;" and
so we arrived at Douvres. I find myself enough well in the hotel, but as
there has been no table d'hote, I ask for some dinner, and it was long
time I wait; and so I walk myself to the customary house, and give the
key to my portmanteau to the Douaniers, or excisemen, as you call, for
them to see as I had not no snuggles in my equipage. Very well--I return
at my hotel, and meet one of the waiters, who tell me, (after I stand
little moment to the door to see the world what pass by upon a coach at
the instant,) "Sir," he say, "your dinner is ready."--"Very well," I make
response, "where, was it?"--"This way, sir," he answer; "I have put it
in a _box_ in the café room."--"Well--never mind," I say to myself; "when
a man himself finds in a stranger country, he must be never surprised.
'_Nil admirari._' Keep the eyes opened, and stare at nothing at all."
I found my dinner only there there,[13] because I was so soon come from
France; but, I learn, another sort of the box was a partition and table
particular in a saloon, and I keep there when I eated some good sole
fritted, and some not cooked mutton cutlet; and a gentleman what was put
in another _box_, perhaps Mr. Mathew, because nobody not can know him
twice, like a cameleon he is, call for the "pepper _box_." Very well. I
take a cup of coffee, and then all my hards and portmanteau come with a
wheelbarrow; and, because it was my intention to voyage up at London with
the coach, and I find my many little things was not convenient, I ask the
waiter where I might buy a night sack, or get them tie up all together in
a burden. He was well attentive at my cares, and responded, that he shall
find me a _box_ to put them all into. Well, I say nothing to all but
"Yes," for fear to discover my ignorance; so he bring the little _box_
for the clothes and things into the great _box_ what I was put into; and
he did my affairs in it very well. Then I ask him for some spectacle in
the town, and he send boot-boy with me so far as the Theatre, and I go in
to pay. It was shabby poor little place, but the man what set to have the
money, when I say "how much," asked me if I would not go into the
_boxes_. "Very well," I say, "never mind--oh yes--to be sure;" and I find
very soon the _box_ was the loge, same thing. I had not understanding
sufficient in your tongue then to comprehend all what I hear--only one
poor maiger doctor, what had been to give his physic too long time at a
cavalier old man, was condemned to swallow up a whole _box_ of his proper
pills. "Very well," I say, "that must be egregious. It is cannot be
possible;" but they bring little a _box_, not more grand nor my thumb. It
seem to be to me very ridiculous; so I returned to my hotel at despair
how I could possibility learn a language what meant so many differents in
one word.
[13] Là là, signifies passable, indifferent.
I found the same waiter, who, so soon as I come in, tell me, "Sir, did
you not say that you would go by the coach to-morrow morning?" I replied,
"Yes--and I have bespeaked a seat out of the side, because I shall wish
to amuse myself with the country, and you have no cabriolets[14] in your
coaches."--"Sir," he say, very polite, "if you shall allow me, I would
recommend you the _box_, and then the coachman shall tell every
thing."--"Very well," I reply, "yes--to be sure--I shall have a _box_
then--yes;" and then I demanded a fire into my chamber, because I think
myself enrhumed upon the sea, and the maid of the chamber come to send me
in bed;--but I say, "No so quick, if you please; I will write to some
friend how I find myself in England. Very well--here is the fire, but
perhaps it shall go out before I have finish." She was pretty laughing
young woman, and say, "Oh no, sir, if you pull the bell, the porter, who
sit up all night, will come, unless you like to attend to it yourself,
and then you will find the coal-_box_ in the closet."--Well--I say
nothing but "Yes--oh yes." But, when she is gone, I look direct into the
closet, and see a _box_ not no more like none of the other _boxes_ what I
see all day than nothing.
[14] The cabriolet is the front part of the old French
diligence, with a hood and apron, holding three persons,
including the guard, or "conducteur."
Well--I write at my friends, and then I tumble about when I wake, and
dream in the sleep what should possible be the description of the _box_
what I must be put in to-morrow for my voyage.
In the morning, it was very fine time, I see the coach at the door, and I
walk all round before they bring the horses; but I see nothing what they
can call _boxes_, only the same kind as what my little business was put
into. So I ask for the post of letters at a little boots boy, who showed
me by the Quay, and tell me, pointing by his finger at a window--"There
see, there was the letter _box_," and I perceive a crevice. "Very
well--all _box_ again to-day," I say, and give my letter to the master of
postes, and go away again at the coach, where I very soon find out what
was coach-_box_, and mount myself upon it. Then come the coachman,
habilitated like the gentleman, and the first word he say
was--"Keephorses! Bring my _box_-coat!" and he push up a grand capote
with many scrapes.
"But--never mind," I say; "I shall see all the _boxes_ in time." So he
kick his leg upon the board, and cry "cheat!" and we are out into the
country in lesser than one minute, and roll at so grand pace, what I have
had fear we will be reversed. But after little times, I take courage, and
we begin to entertain together: but I hear one of the wheels cry squeak,
so I tell him, "Sir--one of the wheel would be greased;" then he make
reply, nonchalancely, "Oh--it is nothing but one of the _boxes_ what is
too tight." But it is very long time after as I learn that wheel a _box_
was pipe of iron what go turn round upon the axle.
Well--we fly away at the paces of charge. I see great castles, many; then
come a pretty house of country well ornamented, and I make inquire what
it should be. "Oh;" responsed he, "I not remember the gentleman's name,
but it is what we call a snug country _box_."
Then I feel myself abymed at despair, and begin to suspect that he amused
himself. But, still I tell myself, "Well--never mind; we shall see." And
then after sometimes, there come another house, all alone in a forest,
not ornated at all. "What, how you call that?" I demand of him.--"Oh!" he
responded again, "That is a shooting _box_ of Lord Killfots."--"Oh!" I
cry at last out, "that is little too strong;" but he hoisted his
shoulders and say nothing. Well, we come at a house of country, ancient,
with the trees cut like some peacocks, and I demand, "What you call these
trees?"--"_Box_, sir," he tell me. "Devil is in the _box_," I say at
myself. "But--never mind; we shall see." So I myself refreshed with a
pinch of snuff and offer him, and he take very polite, and remark upon an
instant, "That is a very handsome _box_ of yours, sir."
"Morbleu!" I exclaimed with inadvertencyness, but I stop myself. Then he
pull out his snuff-_box_, and I take a pinch, because I like at home to
be sociable when I am out at voyages, and not show some pride with
inferior. It was of wood beautiful with turnings, and colour of
yellowish. So I was pleased to admire very much, and inquire the name of
the wood, and again he say, "_Box_, Sir!" Well--I hold myself with
patience, but it was difficilly; and we keep with great gallop till we
come at a great crowd of the people. Then I say, "What for all so large
concourse?" "Oh!" he response again, "there is one grand _boxing_
match--a battle here to-day."--"Peste!" I tell myself, "a battle of
_boxes_! Well, never mind! I hope it can be a combat at the outrance, and
they all shall destroy one another, for I am fatigued."
Well--we arrive at an hotel, very superb, all as it ought, and I demand a
morsel to refresh myself. I go into a salon, but before I finish, great
noise come into the passage, and I pull the bell's rope to demand why so
great tapage? The waiter tell me, and he laugh at same time, but very
civil no less, "Oh, sir, it is only two of the women what quarrel, and
one has given another a _box_ on the ear."
Well--I go back on the coach-box, but I look, as I pass, at all the women
ear, for the _box_; but not none I see. "Well," I tell myself once more,
"never mind, we shall see;" and we drive on very passable and agreeable
times till we approached ourselves near London; but then come one another
coach of the opposition to pass by, and the coachman say, "No, my boy, it
shan't do!" and then he whip his horses, and made some traverse upon the
road, and tell to me, all the times, a long explication what the other
coachman have done otherwhiles, and finish not till we stop, and the
coach of opposition come behind him in one narrow place. Well--then he
twist himself round, and, with full voice, cry himself out at the another
man, who was so angry as himself, "I'll tell you what, my hearty! If you
comes some more of your gammon at me, I shan't stand, and you shall
yourself find in the wrong _box_." It was not for many weeks after as I
find out the wrong _box_ meaning.
Well--we get at London, at the coaches office, and I unlightened from my
seat, and go at the bureau for pay my passage, and gentleman very
politely demanded if I had some friend at London. I converse with him
very little time in voyaging, because he was in the interior; but I
perceive he is real gentleman. So, I say, "No, sir, I am stranger." Then
he very honestly recommend me at an hotel, very proper, and tell me,
"Sir, because I have some affairs at the Banque, I must sleep in the city
this night; but to-morrow I shall come at the hotel, where you shall find
some good attentions if you make the use of my name." "Very well," I tell
myself, "this is best." So we exchange the cards, and I have hackney
coach to come at my hotel, where they say, "No room, sir,--very
sorry,--no room." But I demand to stop the moment, and produce the card
what I could not read before, in the movements of the coach with the
darkness. The master of the hotel take it from my hand, and become very
polite at the instant, and whisper at the ear of some waiters, and these
come at me, and say, "Oh yes, sir. I know Mr. _Box_ very well. Worthy
gentleman, Mr. Box.--Very proud to incommode any friend of Mr. Box--pray
inlight yourself, and walk in my house." So I go in, and find myself very
proper, and soon come so as if I was in my own particular chamber; and
Mr. Box come next day, and I find very soon that he was the _right_ Box,
and not the _wrong_ box.--Ha, ha!--You shall excuse my badinage,--eh? But
never mind--I am going at Leicestershire to see the foxes hunting, and
perhaps will get upon a coach-box in the spring, and go at Edinburgh; but
I have fear I cannot come at your "Noctes," because I have not learn yet
to eat so great supper. I always read what they speak there twice over,
except what Mons. Le "Shepherd" say, what I read three time; but never
could comprehend exactly what he say, though I discern some time the
grand idea, what walk in darkness almost "visible," as your divine Milton
say. I am particular fond of the poetry. I read three books of the
"Paradise Lost" to Mr. Box, but he not hear me no more--he pronounce me
perfect.
After one such compliment, it would be almost the same as ask you for
another, if I shall make apology in case I have not find the correct
ideotism of your language in this letter; so I shall not make none at
all,--only throw myself at your mercy, like a great critic. But never
mind,--we shall see. If you take this letter as it ought, I shall not
promise if I would not write you one other some time.
I conclude by presenting at you my compliments very respectful. I am
sorry for your gout and crutchedness, and hope you shall miss them in the
spring.