(_Fragment for the Historian of the Future._)
[After the Cabinet several of the Ministers present took
luncheon with the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER.--_Daily
Paper._]
There had been an exciting meeting of the Members of the Ministry.
The gathering had taken place at noon, and after several angry
altercations it had been adjourned. But the objector-in-chief had
admirably kept his temper. He came of a gallant and illustrious race,
and blood is thicker than water.
"I must not forget the teachings of my Uncle DICK," he had murmured,
as it was suggested that two of his favourite projects should be
slaughtered, like the infant Princes in the Tower.
Then, when there was an inclination on the part of his colleagues to
quarrel amongst themselves, he cleverly fanned the fire, and increased
the incipient strife.
"It was the mode adopted by my maiden Aunt, QUEEN ELIZABETH, and
it succeeded in her time. Why should the passing of three or four
centuries make any difference? After all, human nature is--in
fact--human nature!"
And so the dull minutes passed away. The time came for luncheon. Then
he smiled a smile full of mystic hospitality.
"It will put the bloodhounds of the Press off the scent if I ask them
to luncheon with me. It is sure to be reported in the papers, and who
will imagine that I would willingly entertain a possible opponent to
the coming Budget? Moreover, revenge is sweet; not that I would take
it! not that I would take it!"
And then he entreated several of his colleagues to "crush a cup with
him," using a phraseology that had found favour in the mouths of the
Crusaders.
"And ROSEY, will not you come?" The question was asked with much
cordiality. The PREMIER did not reply. He merely smiled, and the smile
seemed to be a sufficient answer.
* * *
Shortly afterwards (as subsequently reported in the newspapers) the
noble Earl took luncheon at his own home.
"I wonder what wine he has given _them?_" And he smiled again.
* * * * *
"BOYS AND GIRLS COME OUT TO----PANTOMIME!"
_Santa Claus_, the afternoon pantomime at the Lyceum, is even better
than Mr. OSCAR BARRETT'S _Cinderella_ of last year. There is plenty
of splendour in the fairy piece, considered merely as a "spectacle,"
enough, indeed, to make a "pair of spectacles," and to cause much
speculation as to how they manage to stow away all the scenery,
properties, and costumes at five o'clock every afternoon, in order
to make room for _King Arthur_, who, on the temporary abdication of
_Santa Claus_ (a part admirably acted and declaimed by Mr. WILLIAM
RIGNOLD), reigns at the Lyceum from eight till eleven. But besides the
dazzling brilliancy of fairy pantomime, there is in it not only real
fun which delights the youngsters, for whom the entertainment is
primarily intended, but also a touch of dramatic pathos, as shown
in the death of the devoted dog _Tatters_, a dog who has his day and
dies, whose cruel fate excites the compassion of old and young alike.
All are rejoiced when they find out that clever Mr. CHARLES LAURI, of
whom it can be complimentarily said that "he is a perfect beast," is
restored to life, and that the Heavenly Twins are happily revived.
[Illustration]
As the two toy soldiers Messrs. HARRY and FRED KITCHEN--the front
and back kitchen--are first-rate. But where all are so good it is
impossible, within the limits of a paragraph, to particularise. Messrs
BARRETT and LENNARD are to be congratulated, and, as _Hamlet_ says,
"The Pantomime's the thing," and, as Shakspearian readers will
remember, _Hamlet's_ father went to _matinées_,--wasn't it "his custom
always of an afternoon"?--only there's no sleeping here, but everyone
very wide awake, and all "going home to tea" thoroughly satisfied with
_Santa Claus_. Who says _Le Roi Pantomime est mort_, when the Lyceum
is crowded for _matinées_, and, outside the doors of Old Drury, daily
and nightly appear the placards, "House Full"?
* * * * *
A "TIT BIT."--When they speak of some one of the Baby Baronets, _i.e._
the recently created Baronets, they don't say he is among the Old'uns;
but "He is among the New'nes."
* * * * *
"A PENNY PLAIN--BUT OSCAR COLOURED."
(_An Entertainment Antagonistic to Amusement._)
SCENE--_Anywhere. Characters distributed about the Stage in
more or less admired confusion._
_Anybody._ So we are living in a penny romance. And this is Society.
_Charles his Friend._ Society is everything but sociable.
_Somebody._ But why should the PRIME MINISTER be threatened by a
professional blackmailer?
_Charles his Friend._ In matters of this kind the PREMIER is the
_dernier_.
_Someone Else._ But surely the same sort of thing has been done by
SARDOU in _Dora?_
_Charles his Friend._ Why not? A dramatist has only one virtue, he
never invents a drama.
_A Casual Visitor._ Then we have only to regard the Adelphi as a
model, and take the Wyldest license with the dialogue.
_Charles his Friend._ Quite so. After all, a paradox is merely a
platitude.
_A Caller._ But do great men do these things?
_Charles his Friend._ The great do all things because they are little.
_A Lady._ Surely a wife should look up to her husband?
_Charles his Friend._ So she does--unless she wears high heels.
_A Person._ And a wife, if she found her husband in trouble, would
surely cleave to him?
_Charles his Friend._ So she would, if she only knew where to find
him.
_Another Person._ That reminds me that a play, to be successful, must
have the plot of a shilling shocker--much diluted.
_Charles his Friend._ A shocker shocks no one save its--publisher.
_A New Comer._ Then the blackmailer was defeated in the end--as bad
people invariably are when vice is at a discount and virtue at a
premium.
_Charles his Friend._ Virtue never is at a premium, save when it is
mistaken for vice.
_A blasé Man of the World._ And yet, in spite of all this, I have had
a pleasant evening.
_Charles his Friend._ So has an author when he is laughing in his
sleeve and confuses black with white.
_Someone._ But does the author never know the difference?
_Charles his Friend._ What does it matter? If he thinks himself right,
everybody will know that he is wrong!
_The Audience._ All this is very clever because it is unintelligible.
_The Author._ So I believe. Only I stand upon my irresponsibility. But
is anyone satisfied with anything in a playhouse?
_Charles his Friend._ Only with the fall of the curtain!
[_Scene closes in upon nothing in particular._
* * * * *
[Illustration: INDUCTION.
"IS THIS THE _NEW_ BABY, DADDY?"--"YES, DEAR."
"WHY, HE'S GOT NO TEETH!"--"NO, DEAR."
"AND HE'S GOT NO HAIR!"--"NO, DEAR."
"OH, DADDY, IT _MUST_ BE AN _OLD_ BABY!"]
* * * * *