In these and the like thoughts the Soul was ensnared by the Devil, and
brought into the lust of the flesh, and earthly desires; and so bound as
it were with fetters and strong chains that it did not know what to do.
It looked back a little into the World and the pleasures thereof, but
still felt in itself a hunger after Divine Grace, and would rather enter
into repentance and favour with God. For the Hand of God had touched and
bruised it, and therefore it could rest nowhere; but always sighed in
itself after sorrow for the sins it had committed, and would fain be rid
of them. Yet could not get true repentance, or even the knowledge of
sin, though it had a mighty hunger and longing desire after such
penitential sorrow.
The Soul being thus heavy and sad, and finding no remedy or rest, began
to cast about where it might find a fit place to perform true repentance
in, where it might be free from business, cares, and the hinderances of
the World; and also by what means it might win the favour of God. And at
length purposed to betake itself to some private solitary place, and
give over all worldly employments and temporal things, and hoped that by
being bountiful and pitiful to the Poor, it should obtain God's mercy.
Thus did it devise all kinds of ways to get rest, and to gain the love,
favour, and grace of God again. But all would not do; for its worldly
business still followed it in the lusts of the flesh, and it was
ensnared in the net of the Devil now, as well as before, and could not
attain rest. And though for a little while it was somewhat cheered with
earthly things, yet presently it fell to be as sad and heavy again as it
was before. The truth was it felt the awakened Wrath of God in itself,
but knew not how that came to pass, nor what ailed it. For many times
great trouble and terror fell upon it, which made it comfortless, sick,
and faint with very fear; so mightily did the first bruising it with the
ray or influence of the stirring of Grace work upon it. And yet it knew
not that Christ was in the Wrath and severe Justice of God and fought
therein with that Spirit of Error incorporated in Soul and Body, nor
understood that the hunger and desire to turn and repent came from
Christ Himself, neither did it know what hindered it that it could not
yet attain to Divine Feeling. It knew not that itself was a monster, and
did bear the Image of the Serpent.