The central Will of the Soul indeed sighed after God, but the thoughts
arising in the mind that it should penetrate into him, were distracted,
scattered and destroyed, so that they could not reach the Power of God.
At which the poor Soul was still more affrighted and began to pray more
earnestly. But the Devil with his desire took hold of the kindled, fiery
Wheel of Life, and awakened the evil properties, so that evil or false
inclinations arose in the Soul, and went into that thing wherein they
had taken most pleasure and delight before.
The poor Soul would very fain go forward to God with its Will, and
therefore used all its endeavours; but its thoughts continually fled
away from God into earthly things, and would not go to him.
Upon this the Soul sighed and bewailed itself to God; but was as if it
were quite forsaken by him, and cast out from its Presence. It could not
get so much as one look of Grace, but was in mere anguish, fear and
terror, and dreaded every moment that the Wrath and severe Judgment of
God would be manifested in it, and that the Devil would take hold of it
and have it. And thereupon fell into such great heaviness and sorrow,
that it became weary of all the temporal things, which were before its
chief joy and happiness.
The earthly natural Will indeed desired those things still, but the Soul
would willingly leave them altogether, and desired to die to all
temporal lust and joy whatsoever, and longed only after its first native
country, from whence it originally came. But it found itself to be far
from thence in great distress and want, and knew not what to do, yet
resolved to enter into itself, and try to pray more earnestly.