A LEARNED PROFESSION
In one of the streets lying east of Chancery Lane is a block of
buildings, comparatively new, let out as offices. They generally consist
of three rooms, but sometimes there are four, five, or even six. The
geographical position of the block indicates the character of the
occupants: does not every stone in Chancery Lane and her daughters
belong to the Law? Sometimes, however, there are exceptions. A few
trading companies are established here, for instance; and occasionally
one finds written across the door such an announcement as “Mr. George
Crediton, Agent.” The clerks and people who passed up and down the
stairs every day sometimes asked each other what kind of agency was
undertaken in this office. But the clerks had their own affairs to think
about. Such a mystery as a business conducted in a quiet office to which
no clients ever come is a matter of speculation for a while, but soon
ceases to excite any attention. Some twenty years and more had passed
since that name had first appeared on the door and since the clerks
began to wonder.
“Mr. George Crediton, Agent.” There are many kinds of agents. Land,
houses, property of all kinds, may be managed by an agent; there are
agents for taking out patents--several of these run offices near the
Patent Office; there are literary agents--but Chancery Lane is not
Parnassus; there are agents for the creation and the dissolution of
partnership; there are theatrical agents--but what has law land to do
with sock and buskin? And what kind of Agent was Mr. George Crediton?
Mr. George Crediton, Agent, sat in his inner office. The room was
furnished solidly with a view to work. The large and ponderous table,
covered with papers so dear to the solicitor, was not to be seen here;
in its place was an ordinary study table. This was turned at an angle to
the wall and window. There was a warm and handsome carpet, a sheepskin
under the table, a wooden chair for the Agent, and two others for his
visitors. A typewriter stood on the table. The walls were covered with
books--not law books, but a miscellaneous collection. The Agent was
apparently a man who revelled in light reading; for, in fact, all the
modern humorists were there--those from America as well as those of our
own production. There was also a collection of the English poets, and
some, but not many, of France and Germany. On a table before him stood
half a dozen bound folios with the titles on the back--“Reference A--E,”
and so on. In one corner, stood an open safe, to which apparently
belonged another folio, entitled “Ledger.”
The Agent, engaged upon his work, evidently endeavoured to present an
appearance of the gravest responsibility. His face was decorated by a
pair of small whiskers cut straight over and set back; the chin and lips
were smooth-shaven. The model set before himself was the conventional
face of the barrister. Unfortunately, the attempt was not successful,
for the face was not in the least like that conventional type. It had no
severity, it had no keenness; it was not set or grave or dignified. It
might have been the face of a light comedian. In figure the man was over
six feet high and curiously thin, with a slightly aquiline nose and
mobile, sensitive lips.
He began his morning’s work by opening his letters; there were only two
or three. He referred to his ledger and consulted certain entries; he
made a few pencil notes. Then he took down from one shelf Sam Slick,
Artemus Ward, and Mark Twain, and from another a collection of Burnand’s
works and one or two of Frederick Anstey’s. He turned over the pages,
and began to make brief extracts and more notes. Perhaps, then, a
bystander might have thought he was about to write a paper on the
comparative characteristics of English and American humour.
Outside, his boy--he had a clerk of fourteen at five shillings a
week--sat before the fire reading the heroic jests and achievements of
the illustrious Jack Harkaway. He was a nice boy, full of imagination,
resolved on becoming another Jack Harkaway when the time should arrive,
and for the moment truly grateful to fortune for providing him with a
situation which demanded no work except to post letters and to sit
before the fire reading in a warm and comfortable outer room to which no
callers or visitors ever came except his employer and the postman; and
if you asked that boy what was the character of the agency, he would not
be able to tell you.
When Mr. George Crediton had finished making his extracts, he pinned the
papers together methodically, and laid them on one side. Then he opened
the last letter.
“He’s answered it,” he chuckled. “Fred’s handwriting. I knew it--I knew
it. Called himself Barlow, but I knew it directly. Oh, he’ll come--he’ll
come.” He sat down and laughed silently, shaking the room with his
chuckling. “He’ll come. Won’t he be astonished?”
Presently he heard a step and a voice:
“I want to see Mr. George Crediton.”
“That’s Fred,” said the Agent, chuckling again. “Now for it.”
“There’s nobody with him,” the boy replied, not venturing to commit
himself, and unaccustomed to the arrival of strangers.
The caller was a tall man of about forty-five, well set up, and strongly
built. He was dressed with the appearance of prosperity, therefore he
carried a large gold chain. His face bore the marks which we are
accustomed to associate with certain indulgences, especially in strong
drink. It is needless to dwell upon these evidences of frailty; besides,
one may easily be mistaken. It was a kind of face which might be met
with in a snug bar-parlour with a pipe and a glass of something hot--a
handsome face, but not intellectual or refined. Yet it ought to have
been both. In spite of broadcloth and white linen the appearance of this
gentleman hardly extorted the immediate respect of the beholder.
“Tell Mr. Crediton that Mr. Joseph Barlow is outside.”
“Barlow?” said the boy. “Why don’t you go in, then?” and turned over now
to his book of adventures.
Mr. Barlow obeyed, and passed into the inner office. There he stopped
short, and cried:
“Christopher, by all that’s holy!”
The Agent looked up, sprang to his feet, and held out his hand.
“Fred! Back again, and become a Barlow!”
Fred took the outstretched hand, but doubtfully.
“Come to that, Chris, you’re a Crediton.”
“In the way of business, Crediton.”
“Quite so. In the way of business, Barlow.”
Then they looked at each other and burst into laughter.
“I knew your handwriting, Fred. When I got your letter I knew it was
yours, so I sent you a type-written reply. Typewriting never betrays,
and can’t be found out if you want to be secret.”
“Oh, it’s mighty funny, Chris. But I don’t understand it. What the devil
does it all mean?”
“The very question in my mind, Fred. What does it mean? New rig-out,
gold chain, ring--what does it mean? Why have you never written?”
“The circumstances of my departure--you remember, perhaps.”
The Agent’s face darkened.
“Yes, yes,” he replied hastily; “I remember. The situation was
awkward--very.”
“You were much worse than I was, but I got all the blame.”
“Perhaps--perhaps. But it was a long time ago, and--and--well, we have
both got on. You are now Barlow--Joseph Barlow.”
“And you are now Crediton--George Crediton.”
“Sit down, Fred; let us have a good talk. And how long have you been
back?”
Fred took a chair, and sat down on the opposite side of the table.
“Only a fortnight or so.”
“And why didn’t you look me up before?”
“As I told you, there was some doubt---- However, here I am. Barlow is
the name of my Firm, a large and influential Firm.”
“In Sydney? or Melbourne?”
“No, up-country--over there.” He pointed over his left shoulder. “That’s
why I use the name of Barlow. I am here on the business of the Firm--it
brought me to London. It takes me every day into the City--most
important transactions. Owing to the magnitude of the operation, my
tongue is sealed.”
“Oh!” There was a little doubt implied by the interjection. “You a
business man? You? Why, you never understood the simplest sum in
addition.”
“As regards debts, probably not. As regards assets and property---- But
in those days I had none. Prosperity, Chris--prosperity brings out all a
man’s better qualities. You yourself look respectable.”
“I’ve been respectable for exactly four-and-twenty years. I am married.
I have a son of three-and-twenty, and a daughter of one-and-twenty. I
live in Pembridge Crescent, Bayswater.”
“And you were by way of being a barrister.”
“I was. But, Fred, to be honest, did you ever catch me reading a law
book?”
“I never did. And now you’re an Agent.”
“Say, rather, that I practice in the higher walks of Literature. What
can be higher than oratory?”
“Quite so. You supply the world--which certainly makes a terrible mess
of its speeches--with discourses and after-dinner oratory.”
“Oratory of all kinds, from the pulpit to the inverted tub: from the
Mansion House to the Bar Parlour: from the House of Commons to the
political gathering.”
“What does your wife say?”
“My wife? Bless you, my dear boy, she doesn’t know anything. She
doesn’t suspect. At home I’m the prosperous and successful lawyer: they
wonder why I don’t take silk.”
“What? Don’t they know?”
“Nobody knows. Not the landlord of these rooms. Not the boy outside. Not
any of my clients. Not my wife, nor my son, nor my daughter.”
“Oh! And you are making a good thing out of it?”
“So good that I would not exchange it for a County Court Judgeship.”
“It’s wonderful,” said Fred. “And I always thought you rather a
half-baked lump of dough.”
“Not more wonderful than your own success. What a blessing it is, Fred,
that you have come home without wanting to borrow any money”--he watched
his brother’s face: he saw a cloud as of doubt or anxiety pass over it,
and he smiled. “Not that I could lend you any if you did want it--with
my expensive establishment. Still, it is a blessing and a happiness,
Fred, to be able to think of you as the Head--I believe you said the
Head--of the great and prosperous Firm of Barlow & Co.” Fred’s face
distinctly lengthened. “I suppose I must not ask a business man about
his income?”
“Hardly--hardly. Though, if any man---- But--I have a partner who would
not like these private affairs divulged.”
“Well, Fred, I’m glad to see you back again--I am indeed.”
They shook hands once more, and then, for some unknown reason, they were
seized with laughter, long and not to be controlled.
“Distinguished lawyer,” murmured Fred, when the laugh had subsided with
an intermittent gurgle.
“Influential man of business,” said Christopher. “Oh! Ho, Lord!” cried
he, wiping his eyes, “it brings back the old times when we used to
laugh. What a lot we had to laugh at! The creditors and the duns--you
remember?”
“I do. And the girls--and the suppers! They were good old times, Chris.
You carried on shameful.”
“We did--we did. It’s pleasant to remember, though.”
“Chris, I’m thirsty.”
“You always are.”
His brother remembered this agreeable trait after five-and-twenty years.
He got up, opened a cupboard, and took out a bottle and glasses and some
soda-water. Then they sat opposite each other with the early tumbler and
the morning cigar, beaming with fraternal affection.
“Like old times, old man,” said the barrister.
“It is. We’ll have many more old times,” said Fred, “now that I’m home
again.”
In the words of the poet, “Alas! they had been friends in youth,” as
well as brothers. And it might have been better had they not been
friends in youth. And they had heard the midnight chimes together. And
they had together wasted each his slender patrimony. But now they talked
friendly over the sympathetic drink that survives the possibility of
port and champagne, and even claret.
“Don’t they really suspect--any of them?” asked Brother Fred.
“None of them. They call me a distinguished lawyer and the Pride of the
Family--next to Leonard, who’s in the House.”
“Isn’t there a danger of being found out?”
“Not a bit. The business is conducted by letter. I might as well have no
office at all, except for the look of it. No, there’s no fear. Nobody
ever comes here. How did you find me out?”
“Hotel clerk. He saw my name as a speaker at the dinner to-morrow, and
suggested that I should write to you.”
“Good. He gets a commission. I say, you must come and see us, you know.
Remember, no allusions to the Complete Speech-maker--eh?”
“Not a word. Though, I say, it beats me how you came to think of it.”
“Genius, my boy--pure genius. When you get your speech you will be proud
of me. What’s a practice at the Bar compared with a practice at the
after-dinner table? And now, Fred, why Barlow?”
“Well, you remember what happened?” His brother nodded, and dropped his
eyes. “Absurd fuss they made.”
“Nobody has heard anything about you for five-and-twenty years.”
“I took another name--a fighting name. Barlow, I called myself--Joseph
Barlow. Joe--there’s fight in the very name. No sympathy, no weakening
about Joe.”
“Yes. For my own part, I took the name of Crediton. Respectability
rather than aggressiveness in that name. Confidence was what I wanted.”
“Tell me about the family. Remember that it was in 1874 that I went
away--twenty-five years ago.”
His brother gave him briefly an account of the births and deaths. His
mother was dead; his elder brother was dead, leaving an only son.
“As for Algernon’s death,” said the speech-merchant, “it was a great
blow. He was really going to distinguish himself. And he died--died at
thirty-two. His son is in the House. They say he promises well. He’s a
scholar, I believe; they say he can speak; and he’s more than a bit of a
prig.”
“And about the old man--the ancient one--is he living?”
“Yes. He is nearly ninety-five.”
“Ninety-five. He can’t last much longer. I came home partly to look
after things. Because, although the estate goes to Algernon’s
son--deuced bad luck for me that Algernon did have a son--there’s the
accumulations. I remembered them one evening out there, and the thought
went through me like a knife that he was probably dead, and the
accumulations divided, and my share gone. So I bundled home as fast as I
could.”
“No--so far you are all right. For he’s hearty and strong, and the
accumulations are still rolling up, I suppose. What will become of them
no one knows.”
“I see. Well, I must make the acquaintance of Algernon’s son.”
“And about this great Firm of yours?”
“Well, it’s a--as I said--a great Firm.”
“Quite so. It must be, with Fred Campaigne at the head of it.”
“Never mind the Firm, but tell me about this astonishing profession of
yours.”
The Professor smiled.
“Fortunately,” he said, “I am alone. Were there any competition I might
be ruined. But I don’t know: my reputation by this time stands on too
firm a basis to be shaken.”
“Your reputation? But people cannot talk about you.”
“They cannot. But they may whisper--whisper to each other. Why, just
consider the convenience. Instead of having to rack their brains for
compliments and pretty things and not to find them, instead of hunting
for anecdotes and quotations, they just send to me. They get in return a
speech just as long as they want--from five minutes to an hour--full of
good things! In this way they are able to acquire it at a cheap, that
is, a reasonable rate, for next to nothing, considering the reputation
of wit and epigram and sparkles. Then think of the company at the
dinner. Instead of having to listen to a fumbler and a stammerer and a
clumsy boggler, they have before them a speaker easy in his mind,
because he has learned it all by heart, bright and epigrammatic. He
keeps them all alive, and when he sits down there is a sigh to think
that his speech was so short.”
“You must give me just such a speech.”
“I will--I will. Fred, you shall start with a name that will make you
welcome at every City Company’s dinner. It will help you hugely over
your enormous transactions for the Firm. Rely on me. Because, you see,
when a man has once delivered himself of a good speech, he is asked to
speak again: he must keep it up; so he sends to me again. Look here”--he
laid his hands upon a little pile of letters--“here are yesterday’s and
to-day’s letters.” He took them up and played with them as with a pack
of cards. “This man wants a reply for the Army. This is a return for
Literature. This is a reply for the House of Commons. The Ladies, the
American Republic, Science, the Colonies--see?”
“And the pay?”
“The pay, Fred, corresponds to the privilege conferred. I make orators.
They are grateful. As for yourself, now----”
“Mine is a reply for Australia. The dinner is on Friday at the Hotel
Cecil--Dinner of Colonial Enterprise.”
“Really!” The Agent smiled and rubbed his hands. “This is indeed
gratifying. Because, Fred--of course you are as secret as death--I may
tell you that this request of yours completes the toast-list for the
evening. The speeches will be all--all my own--all provided by the
Agent. But the plums, my brother, the real plums, shall be stuffed in
yours. I will make it the speech of the evening. Mr. Barlow--Barlow--Barlow
of New South Wales.”
Fred rose. “Well,” he said, “I leave you to my speech. Come and dine
with me to-night at the Hôtel Métropole--half-past seven. We might have
a look round afterwards.”
They had that dinner together. It was quite the dinner of a rich man. It
was also the dinner of one who loved to look upon the winecup.
After dinner Fred looked at his watch. “Half-past nine. I say, Chris,
about this time we used to sally forth. You remember?”
“I believe I do remember. I am now so respectable that I cannot allow
myself to remember.”
“There was the Holborn Casino and the Argyll for a little dance: the
Judge and Jury, Evans’s, and the Coalhole for supper and a sing-song:
Caldwell’s to take a shop-girl for a quiet dance: Cremorne----”
“My dear Fred, these are old stories. All these things have gone. The
Holborn and the Argyll are restaurants, Cremorne is built over, Evans’s
is dead and gone: the Judge and Jury business wouldn’t be tolerated
now.”
“What do the boys do now?”
“How should I know? They amuse themselves somehow. But it’s no concern
of mine, or of yours. You are no longer a boy, Fred.”
“Hang it! What am I to do with myself in the evenings? I suppose I can
go and look on if I can’t cut in any more?”
“No; you mustn’t even look on. Leave the boys to themselves. Join a club
and sit by yourself in the smoking-room all the evening. That’s the
amusement for you.”
“I suppose I can go to the theatre--if that’s all?”
“Oh yes! You must put on your evening clothes and go to the stalls. We
used to go to the pit, you know. There are music-halls and variety shows
of sorts--you might go there if you like. But, you know, you’ve got a
character to maintain. Think of your position.”
“Hang my position, man! Get up and take me somewhere. Let us laugh and
look on at something.”
“My dear Fred, consider. I am a respectable barrister with a grown-up
son. Could I be seen in such a place? The head of the firm of Barlow and
Co., allow me to point out, would not improve his chances in the City if
he were seen in certain places.”
“Nobody knows me.”
“Remember, my dear brother, that if you mean to get money out of the
City you must be the serious and responsible capitalist in the evening
as well as in the morning.”
“Then we’ll go and have tobacco in the smoking-room. One is apt to
forget, Chris, the responsibilities of success.”
“Quite so.” Christopher smiled. “Quite so. Well put. The
responsibilities of success. I will introduce the phrase in your speech.
The responsibilities of success.”