Hasty censures do indeed subject themselves to the charge of
variableness and inconsistency in judgment: and so they ought; for,
if you, even you, my dear, were so loth to own a mistake, as in the
instance before us you pretend you were, I believe I should not have
loved you so well as I really do love you. Nor could you, in that case,
have so frankly thrown the reflection I hint at upon yourself, have not
your mind been one of the most ingenuous that ever woman boasted.
Mr. Lovelace has faults enow to deserve very severe censure, although
he be not guilty of this. If I were upon such terms with him as he could
wish me to be, I should give him such a hint, that this treacherous
Joseph Leman cannot be so much attached to him, as perhaps he thinks
him to be. If it were, he would not have been so ready to report to his
disadvantage (and to Betty Barnes too) this slight affair of the pretty
rustic. Joseph has engaged Betty to secrecy; promising to let her, and
her young master, to know more, when he knows the whole of the matter:
and this hinders her from mentioning it, as she is nevertheless agog to
do, to my sister or brother. And then she does not choose to disoblige
Joseph; for although she pretends to look above him, she listens, I
believe, to some love-stories he tells her.
Women having it not in their power to begin a courtship, some of them
very frequently, I believe, lend an ear where their hearts incline not.
But to say no more of these low people, neither of whom I think
tolerably of; I must needs own, that as I should for ever have despised
this man, had he been capable of such a vile intrigue in his way to
Harlowe-place, and as I believe he was capable of it, it has indeed [I
own it has] proportionably engaged my generosity, as you call it, in his
favour: perhaps more than I may have reason to wish it had. And, rally
me as you will, pray tell me fairly, my dear, would it not have had such
an effect upon you?
Then the real generosity of the act.--I protest, my beloved friend,
if he would be good for the rest of his life from this time, I would
forgive him a great many of his past errors, were it only for the
demonstration he has given in this, that he is capable of so good and
bountiful a manner of thinking.
You may believe I made no scruple to open his letter, after the receipt
of your second on this subject: nor shall I of answering it, as I have
no reason to find fault with it: an article in his favour, procured
him, however, so much the easier, (I must own,) by way of amends for the
undue displeasure I took against him; though he knows it not.
Is it lucky enough that this matter was cleared up to me by your
friendly diligence so soon: for had I written before it was, it would
have been to reinforce my dismission of him; and perhaps I should have
mentioned the very motive; for it affected me more than I think it
ought: and then, what an advantage would that have given him, when he
could have cleared up the matter so happily for himself!
When I send you this letter of his, you will see how very humble he is:
what acknowledgements of natural impatience: what confession of faults,
as you prognosticated.
A very different appearance, I must own, all these make, now the story
of the pretty rustic is cleared up, to what they would have made, had it
not.
You will see how he accounts to me, 'That he could not, by reason of
indisposition, come for my letter in person: and the forward creature
labours the point, as if he thought I should be uneasy that he did not.'
I am indeed sorry he should be ill on my account; and I will allow, that
the suspense he has been in for some time past, must have been vexatious
enough to so impatient a spirit. But all is owing originally to himself.
You will find him (in the presumption of being forgiven) 'full of
contrivances and expedients for my escaping my threatened compulsion.'
I have always said, that next to being without fault, is the
acknowledgement of a fault; since no amendment can be expected where an
error is defended: but you will see in this very letter, an haughtiness
even in his submissions. 'Tis true, I know not where to find fault as
to the expression; yet cannot I be satisfied, that his humility is
humility; or even an humility upon such conviction as one should be
pleased with.
To be sure, he is far from being a polite man: yet is not directly and
characteristically, as I may say, unpolite. But his is such a sort of
politeness, as has, by a carelessness founded on very early indulgence,
and perhaps on too much success in riper years, and an arrogance built
upon both, grown into assuredness, and, of course, I may say, into
indelicacy.
The distance you recommend at which to keep these men, is certainly
right in the main: familiarity destroys reverence: But with whom?--Not
with those, surely, who are prudent, grateful, and generous.
But it is very difficult for persons, who would avoid running into one
extreme, to keep clear of another. Hence Mr. Lovelace, perhaps, thinks
it the mark of a great spirit to humour his pride, though at the expense
of his politeness: but can the man be a deep man, who knows not how to
make such distinctions as a person of but moderate parts cannot miss?
He complains heavily of my 'readiness to take mortal offence at him, and
to dismiss him for ever: it is a high conduct, he says, he must be frank
enough to tell me; a conduct that must be very far from contributing to
allay his apprehensions of the possibility that I may be prosecuted into
my relations' measures in behalf of Mr. Solmes.'
You will see how he puts his present and his future happiness, 'with
regard to both worlds, entirely upon me.' The ardour with which he vows
and promises, I think the heart only can dictate: how else can one guess
at a man's heart?
You will also see, 'that he has already heard of the interview I am to
have with Mr. Solmes;' and with what vehemence and anguish he expresses
himself on the occasion. I intend to take proper notice of the ignoble
means he stoops to, to come at his early intelligence of our family.
If persons pretending to principle, bear not their testimony against
unprincipled actions, what check can they have?
You will see, 'how passionately he presses me to oblige him with a few
lines, before the interview between Mr. Solmes and me takes place, (if,
as he says, it must take place,) to confirm his hope, that I have no
view, in my present displeasure against him, to give encouragement to
Solmes. An apprehension, he says, that he must be excused for repeating;
especially as the interview is a favour granted to that man, which
I have refused to him; since, as he infers, were it not with such an
expectation, why should my friends press it?'
*****
I have written; and to this effect: 'That I had never intended to write
another line to a man, who could take upon himself to reflect upon my
sex and myself, for having thought fit to make use of my own judgment.
'I tell him, that I have submitted to the interview with Mr. Solmes,
purely as an act of duty, to shew my friends, that I will comply with
their commands as far as I can; and that I hope, when Mr. Solmes himself
shall see how determined I am, he will cease to prosecute a suit, in
which it is impossible he should succeed with my consent.
'I assure him, that my aversion to Mr. Solmes is too sincere to permit
me to doubt myself on this occasion. But, nevertheless, he must not
imagine, that my rejecting of Mr. Solmes is in favour to him. That I
value my freedom and independency too much, if my friends will but leave
me to my own judgment, to give them up to a man so uncontroulable, and
who shews me beforehand what I have to expect from him, were I in his
power.
'I express my high disapprobation of the methods he takes to come
at what passes in a private family. The pretence of corrupting other
people's servants, by way of reprisal for the spies they have set upon
him, I tell him, is a very poor excuse; and no more than an attempt to
justify one meanness by another.
'There is, I observe to him, a right and a wrong in every thing, let
people put what glosses they please upon their action. To condemn a
deviation, and to follow it by as great a one, what, I ask him, is this,
but propagating a general corruption?--A stand must be made somebody,
turn round the evil as many as may, or virtue will be lost: And shall it
not be I, a worthy mind would ask, that shall make this stand?
'I leave him to judge, whether his be a worthy one, tried by this rule:
And whether, knowing the impetuosity of his own disposition, and the
improbability there is that my father and family will ever be reconciled
to him, I ought to encourage his hopes?
'These spots and blemishes, I further tell him, give me not earnestness
enough for any sake but his own, to wish him in a juster and nobler
train of thinking and acting; for that I truly despised many of the ways
he allows himself in: our minds are therefore infinitely different:
and as to his professions of reformation, I must tell him, that
profuse acknowledgements, without amendment, are but to me as so many
anticipating concessions, which he may find much easier to make, thane
either to defend himself, or amend his errors.
'I inform him, that I have been lately made acquainted' [and so I have
by Betty, and she by my brother] 'with the weak and wanton airs he gives
himself of declaiming against matrimony. I severely reprehend him on
this occasion: and ask him, with what view he can take so witless, so
despicable a liberty, in which only the most abandoned of men allow
themselves, and yet presume to address me?
'I tell him, that if I am obliged to go to my uncle Antony's, it is not
to be inferred, that I must therefore necessarily be Mr. Solmes's wife:
since I must therefore so sure perhaps that the same exceptions lie
so strongly against my quitting a house to which I shall be forcibly
carried, as if I left my father's house: and, at the worst, I may be
able to keep them in suspense till my cousin Morden comes, who will have
a right to put me in possession of my grandfather's estate, if I insist
upon it.'
This, I doubt, is somewhat of an artifice; which can only be excusable,
as it is principally designed to keep him out of mischief. For I have
but little hope, if carried thither, whether sensible or senseless,
absolutely if I am left to the mercy of my brother and sister, but they
will endeavour to force the solemn obligation upon me. Otherwise, were
there but any prospect of avoiding this, by delaying (or even by taking
things to make me ill, if nothing else would do,) till my cousin comes,
I hope I should not think of leaving even my uncle's house. For I should
not know how to square it to my own principles, to dispense with the
duty I owe to my father, wherever it shall be his will to place me.
But while you give me the charming hope, that, in order to avoid one
man, I shall not be under the necessity of throwing myself upon the
friends of the other; I think my case not desperate.
*****
I see not any of my family, nor hear from them in any way of kindness.
This looks as if they themselves expected no great matters from the
Tuesday's conference which makes my heart flutter every time I think of
it.
My uncle Antony's presence on the occasion I do not much like: but I
had rather meet him than my brother or sister: yet my uncle is very
impetuous. I can't think Mr. Lovelace can be much more so; at least he
cannot look angry, as my uncle, with his harder features, can. These
sea-prospered gentlemen, as my uncle has often made me think, not used
to any but elemental controul, and even ready to buffet that, bluster
often as violently as the winds they are accustomed to be angry at.
I believe Mr. Solmes will look as much like a fool as I shall do, if it
be true, as my uncle Harlowe writes, and as Betty often tells me, that
he is as much afraid of seeing me, as I am of seeing him.
Adieu, my happy, thrice-happy Miss Howe, who have no hard terms fixed
to your duty!--Who have nothing to do, but to fall in with a choice your
mother has made for you, to which you have not, nor can have, a just
objection: except the frowardness of our sex, as our free censurers
would perhaps take the liberty to say, makes it one, that the choice was
your mother's, at first hand. Perverse nature, we know, loves not to
be prescribed to; although youth is not so well qualified, either by
sedateness or experience, to choose for itself.
To know your own happiness, and that it is now, nor to leave it to after
reflection to look back upon the preferable past with a heavy and self
accusing heart, that you did not choose it when you might have chosen
it, is all that is necessary to complete your felicity!--And this power
is wished you by
Your CLARISSA HARLOWE.