I hope this will be accepted: for Betty tells me, that my uncle Antony
and my aunt Hervey are sent for; and not Mr. Solmes; which I look upon
as a favourable circumstance. With what cheerfulness will I assign over
this envied estate!--What a much more valuable consideration shall I
part with it for!--The love and favour of all my relations! That love
and favour, which I used for eighteen years together to rejoice in, and
be distinguished by!--And what a charming pretence will this afford me
of breaking with Mr. Lovelace! And how easily will it possibly make him
to part with me!
I found this morning, in the usual place, a letter from him, in answer,
I suppose, to mine of Friday, which I deposited not till Saturday. But
I have not opened it; nor will I, till I see what effect this new offer
will have.
Let me but be permitted to avoid the man I hate; and I will give up with
cheerfulness the man I could prefer. To renounce the one, were I really
to value him as much as you seem to imagine, can give but a temporary
concern, which time and discretion will alleviate. This is a sacrifice
which a child owes to parents and friends, if they insist upon its being
made. But the other, to marry a man one cannot endure, is not only a
dishonest thing, as to the man; but it is enough to make a creature who
wishes to be a good wife, a bad or indifferent one, as I once wrote to
the man himself: and then she can hardly be either a good mistress, or
a good friend; or any thing but a discredit to her family, and a bad
example to all around her.
Methinks I am loth, in the suspense I am in at present, to deposit
this, because it will be leaving you in one as great: but having been
prevented by Betty's officiousness twice, I will now go down to my
little poultry; and, if I have an opportunity, will leave it in the
usual place, where I hope to find something from you.