A very few words, my ever-honoured Mamma!
If my sister wrote the enclosed by my father's direction, or yours, I
must submit to the usage she gave me in it, with this only observation,
That it is short of the personal treatment I have received from her.
If it be of her own head--why then, Madam--But I knew that when I was
banished from your presence--Yet, till I know if she has or has not
authority for this usage, I will only write further, that I am
Your very unhappy child, CL. HARLOWE.
*****
This answer I received in an open slip of paper; but it was wet in one
place. I kissed the place; for I am sure it was blistered, as I may
say, by a mother's tear!--She must (I hope she must) have written it
reluctantly.
To apply for protection, where authority is defied, is bold. Your
sister, who would not in your circumstances have been guilty of your
perverseness, may allowably be angry at you for it. However, we have
told her to moderate her zeal for our insulted authority. See, if you
can deserve another behaviour, than that you complain of: which cannot,
however be so grievous to you, as the cause of it is to
Your more unhappy Mother.
How often must I forbid you any address to me!
*****
Give me, my dearest Miss Howe, your opinion, what I can, what I ought
to do. Not what you would do (pushed as I am pushed) in resentment or
passion--since, so instigated, you tell me, that you should have been
with somebody before now--and steps taken in passion hardly ever fail
of giving cause for repentance: but acquaint me with what you think
cool judgment, and after-reflection, whatever were to be the event, will
justify.
I doubt not your sympathizing love: but yet you cannot possibly feel
indignity and persecution so very sensibly as the immediate sufferer
feels them--are fitter therefore to advise me, than I am myself.
I will here rest my cause. Have I, or have I not, suffered or borne
enough? And if they will still persevere; if that strange persister
against an antipathy so strongly avowed, will still persist; say, What
can I do?--What course pursue?--Shall I fly to London, and endeavour to
hide myself from Lovelace, as well as from all my own relations, till
my cousin Morden arrives? Or shall I embark for Leghorn in my way to my
cousin? Yet, my sex, my youth, considered, how full of danger is this
last measure!--And may not my cousin be set out for England, while I
am getting thither?--What can I do?--Tell me, tell me, my dearest Miss
Howe, [for I dare not trust myself,] tell me, what I can do.