Permit me, my ever-dear and honoured Papa and Mamma, in this manner to
surprise you into an audience, (presuming this will be read to you,)
since I am denied the honour of writing to you directly. Let me beg of
you to believe, that nothing but the most unconquerable dislike
could make me stand against your pleasure. What are riches, what are
settlements, to happiness? Let me not thus cruelly be given up to a man
my very soul is averse to. Permit me to repeat, that I cannot honestly
be his. Had I a slighter notion of the matrimonial duty than I have,
perhaps I might. But when I am to bear all the misery, and that for
life; when my heart is less concerned in this matter, than my soul;
my temporary, perhaps, than my future good; why should I be denied the
liberty of refusing? That liberty is all I ask.
It were easy for me to give way to hear Mr. Solmes talk for the
mentioned fortnight, although it is impossible for me, say what he
would, to get over my dislike to him. But the moated-house, the chapel
there, and the little mercy my brother and sister, who are to be there,
have hitherto shewn me, are what I am extremely apprehensive of. And why
does my brother say, my restraint is to be taken off, (and that too
at Mr. Solmes's desire,) when I am to be a still closer prisoner than
before; the bridge threatened to be drawn up; and no dear papa and mamma
near me, to appeal to, in the last resort?
Transfer not, I beseech you, to a brother and sister your own authority
over your child--to a brother and sister, who treat me with unkindness
and reproach; and, as I have too much reason to apprehend, misrepresent
my words and behaviour; or, greatly favoured as I used to be, it is
impossible I should be sunk so low in your opinions, as I unhappily am!
Let but this my hard, my disgraceful confinement be put an end to.
Permit me, my dear Mamma, to pursue my needleworks in your presence,
as one of your maidens; and you shall be witness, that it is not either
wilfulness or prepossession that governs me. Let me not, however, be put
out of your own house. Let Mr. Solmes come and go, as my papa pleases:
let me but stay or retire when he comes, as I can; and leave the rest to
Providence.
Forgive me, Brother, that thus, with an appearance of art, I address
myself to my father and mother, to whom I am forbidden to approach,
or to write. Hard it is to be reduced to such a contrivance! Forgive
likewise the plain dealing I have used in the above, with the nobleness
of a gentleman, and the gentleness due from a brother to a sister.
Although of late you have given me but little room to hope either for
your favour or compassion; yet, having not deserved to forfeit either, I
presume to claim both: for I am confident it is at present much in your
power, although but my brother (my honoured parents both, I bless God,
in being), to give peace to the greatly disturbed mind of
Your unhappy sister, CL. HARLOWE.
Betty tells me, my brother has taken my letter all in pieces; and has
undertaken to write such an answer to it, as shall confirm the wavering.
So, it is plain, that I should have moved somebody by it, but for this
hard-hearted brother--God forgive him!