"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your
pearls before swine."--_Matthew_ VII, 6.
"From Durban, sir. Been a matter of three weeks on the road. Left my
mate at Kokstad, where he 'listed in the Cape Mounted Rifles. Wouldn't
have me because I was half-an-inch too short, and a matter of fifteen
years too old.
"Yes, looking for a job now, same as lots of others. You're right, sir,
times _is_ mortal hard. I tramped all the way down to Durban from
Johannesburg. No one, barring a black, can get taken on there now.
Twenty years ago this was something of a white man's country;--'tisn't
no more.
"Yes, it's my own fault; 'most everything that happens to man is,
barring good luck, and that's often sent special by the devil for the
sake of what comes afterwards. Drink? well, _that_ of course. When a
man has been tramping all day long in the hot sun, and then lies down so
tired and blistered that he can't sleep, but lies thinking of the
chances he has lost and the things he has done, small blame to him if he
buys threepenn'orth of forgetfulness, even if it _is_ another nail in
his coffin. Another nail! As if any more were wanted. I tell you,
sir, most of us tramps are dead and damned long ago, and any parson will
tell you that when a man's damned there's no hope for him.
"Drink? all sorts. `Cape Smoke' is bad, and Natal rum is worse, but of
all the brews to rot the inside out of a man, Transvaal brandy takes the
cake. But I will say this for it: a bottle goes mortal far. I've seen
more than one man killed by a single bottle, through drinking it too
quick on an empty stomach. But I'm too tough; that sort of thing won't
finish me.
"Let's see. I first took to the road twenty years ago, just after the
alluvial petered out at old `Pilgrim's,' and I've been on it ever since
pretty well, except for a few years in the Transvaal when I was working
on the Boers' farms before the war, helping them to build. I'm a mason
by trade; leastwise I never was in my articles, but I picked it up
natural like. I used to get a job that would keep me on a farm
sometimes for two or three months, and when I got my money, swag it to
the nearest town. Then drunk for a fortnight, and the road again until
I'd found another job."
["Pilgrim's Rest," an alluvial gold-field in the north of the Transvaal,
rushed in 1873.]
"Well, I suppose 'most every man has something special to look back
upon; mine, I never talk about. However, you've given me a good feed
and a shake-down, and you don't seem to suspect I'm going to try and
steal your spoons or cut your throat, so I don't see why I shouldn't
tell you about it; anyhow I'll try. Just let me light my pipe, and then
you sit sideways so's you can't see my face, and I'll be able to talk
better.
"It came about this way: me and a mate left `Pilgrim's' together,
meaning to tramp to Kimberley, but of course we had to get work on the
road. I was just twenty-four years old, and as strong as a horse. I'd
not been drinking long, and you couldn't see by me that I'd ever touched
a drop.
"At Lydenburg we met a Dutchman who told us of a farm about two days'
journey away, where there was some building wanting to be done, so for
there we started. The place was a little way off our course to the
right, but that didn't matter. Well, we reached it on the second day,
and we were at once taken on. The Boer wanted a `lean-to' built, and
the bricks and mortar were ready. The man who'd agreed to do the job
had hurt his hand and been obliged to go away to a doctor, so the Boer
was right glad to see us.
"You know, sir, what life is like on a Boer's farm--coffee and biscuit
first thing in the morning, early dinner of meat and pumpkin, and late
supper of bread and dripping; lots of coffee, of course, in between.
This Boer was a good sort and treated us well. We took the job on as a
piece, so we worked hard. We grubbed with the family, listened without
understanding a word when the old man read the Bible and prayed, and
helped them (leastwise I did) to sing hymns. I soon began to pick up a
little of their lingo, learning a few words every day, but my mate
didn't know a word of it, and wouldn't learn.
"There were lots of children, mostly small, and a young nephew of the
old woman's who lived in the house. His name was Jacob, and he'd long,
black hair and a cock-eye. The two eldest children were boys, and the
next one was a girl of twelve. She and I became great chums. She used
to come out and sit near where I was at work, asking questions about the
bricks and mortar, and teaching me Dutch words. She used to laugh like
the dickens at my way of saying them. Often, when visitors came, or
when the old woman made coffee between meals, as she did three or four
times a day, Hessie (that was her name) would bring me out a cup, and
watch me drink it. She didn't like my mate, who was a surly old bear,
so she would never bring him any, and if I gave him a swig out of mine,
she'd get as mad as cats, and swear she'd never bring me any more.
"Sometimes she'd ask me all about my people, and get me to describe the
place I'd come from. To hear me describing Manchester in my Dutch would
have made a cow laugh. She'd want to know all sorts of things, whether
I'd any sisters, and what they were like, and if I'd a sweetheart, and
whether I'd ever come back again to the farm after the job was finished.
She always used to call me `Vellum.'
"Well, the job was finished at last, and me and my mate left the farm
with about ten pound each, meaning to go straight to Kimberley. Hessie
took on a powerful lot when I said good-bye to her, crying and sobbing.
I was very sorry to say good-bye too, and I sent her back a present of a
red leather belt with a big steel buckle from Middleburg, where we
dossed down the first night after leaving the farm.
"I don't know how it was, but although I met four or five of my old
chums, I never touched a drop of drink at Middleburg, and what's more, I
didn't want to. My mate wanted to, sure enough, but I wouldn't let him;
and to be quite safe we went and slept just outside the town, where we
couldn't see the lights in the bars, nor hear the boys shouting.
"Next morning we started for Pretoria, and there we both got on the
bend. In a week all our money was spent, and we were then kicked out of
the hotel. Next day me and my mate got blaming each other, and it ended
in my giving him a most almighty hammering, after which we parted.
"I hung about Pretoria for a while, loafing mostly, and doing odd jobs.
Then I got work in the country again, and when it was finished, went
back to Pretoria and drunk out what I'd made. This sort of thing went
on for about five years--a few months' work at which I'd earn a bit of
money--then a couple of weeks' spree. After this a loaf around looking
for jobs and picking up whatever I could get.
"You're right, sir, sometimes I was in very low water. I've lived with
the niggers in the locations at the lower end of Pretoria, and I've seen
some queer sights. I lay ill in a hut there once for three months, and
never had a doctor near me; a woman just physicked me with roots, and
did me a power of good. When I got better I swore off drink for the
twentieth time, and then, as luck would have it, I dropped on a Dutchman
who wanted a house built. He lent me a couple of pound to buy clothes
with, and then loaded me up on his wagon and took me to his farm, which
was not very far from Middleburg.
"After the job, which took me four months, was finished, instead of
going back to Pretoria I thought I'd drop round and see how little
Hessie and the others on the farm where I'd got my first job over five
years ago, were getting on. I'd more than twenty pound in my pocket,
and as I'd nearly died through spreeing after I was sick a few months
back, I made up my mind to keep on the straight, at all events for some
little time to come.
"So I bought an old pony and a secondhand saddle from the man I'd been
working for, and then I rode into Middleburg, where I got a bran-new
rig-out at one of the stores. Next day I went on to Hessie's farm. The
old man and the old woman were away visiting, and the children, who were
nearly all standing outside, had grown so that I hardly knew one of
them. It seemed funny that none of them knew me from a crow.
"I just hitched my horse on to a stake, and went straight up to the
front door. Not one of the children had recognised me, so they just
lolled about and took no notice, same as Dutch children pretty nigh
always does. The door was open, but I knocked, meaning to ask for
Hessie, and after I'd seen her and got a cup of coffee, to go back to
Middleburg. Just then, after I'd knocked, there came down the passage a
tall, strapping young woman with the prettiest face I'd ever seen. She
shook hands same as the Dutch always do with strangers that come on
horseback, and asked me to come inside, so inside I came. I sat down on
the old `bank' (sofa) with the straight back and the bottom of crossed
thongs, that looked just as if no one had sat on it since I'd left the
farm, and then I began to ask the young woman about Hessie. When she
heard my voice she gave a start, and then jumped up and called out in
her own language: `Why it's Vellum,' so it turned out to be Hessie after
all. She just ran at me, holding out both her hands, and laughing and
blushing. Well, in less than no time I was talking to her about all
sorts of things, and drinking cups of coffee as hard as ever I could. I
could now speak Dutch quite well, but she'd hardly give me a chance to
speak at all, being so full of questions, and asking another before I'd
had time to answer the one. She was a wonderful pretty girl--very
plump, with brown eyes and hair, and rosy cheeks. I'd never have known
her again. She kept saying she wondered how it was she'd not known me,
and then she'd get quite sad like, and say she thought I looked terrible
old, and asked me if I'd had lots of trouble. I said yes, and then she
pressed me to tell her what my trouble was. I told her a long yarn
about my father and mother having died, and myself having been laid up
for three months with fever (which was my name for the `rats,' and
worse). I felt so bad at deceiving her, that I was sorry I'd come back.
All at once she jumped up and ran out of the room. When she returned
her cheeks were very red, and her eyes bright. After a while I noticed
that she had put on the belt I'd sent her long ago as a good-bye gift,
and then that it was still nearly new. Then she called in her brothers
and sisters, and we all shook hands, and they made me welcome all round.
"Well, she made me off-saddle my horse, and would hear of nothing but
that I must stay for the night. It was just a piece of luck my finding
any one at the farm, because the old man was preparing to shift to
another farm up near Lydenburg, which he had bought. That evening we
sat up late in the `voorhuis' (parlour), and talked to one another long
after every one else had gone to bed. Hessie told me all about herself,
how she had missed me, and how she used to wonder where I was, and
whether we'd ever meet again.
"I lay that night, not in the little outside room that I'd used before,
but in the big strangers' room, where there was a four-poster with a
feather-bed so thick and soft that a bigger man than me might have got
lost in it. Will you believe me, sir, when I tell you that I didn't
sleep a wink? I just lay awake thinking of the life I'd been leading
and the things I'd done, and feeling as if I'd made everything I touched
dirty. Then the way I'd had to lie to the girl made me feel so hot that
I'd to kick off all the blankets, and that ashamed, that if I'd known
where to find my saddle and bridle I'd have stole out and cleared.
"Next day the old man and the old woman turned up, and right glad they
were to see me, too. They said I must stay on for a spell. Then the
old man remembered that he wanted some building done at the other farm,
so he asked me to go there with them and take on another job. This I
agreed to do, and Hessie was that glad, her eyes just danced.
"In about a fortnight's time we packed the wagons and started for the
new farm, which lay in the mountains about fifteen miles, just as the
crow flies, to the westward of Lydenburg. We reached there in four
days, and I began building at once with bricks from some old walls which
we broke down. There was a sort of a shanty already standing, but the
old man wanted a bran-new house put up, and I took on the contract to do
the mason-work, assisted by his boys. What with brick-burning and
laying the foundation, it promised to be a six months' job.
"I just lived with the family like in the old days, only friendlier.
Hessie could not do enough for me, and talked and went on with me just
like she used to as a child. By and by this young woman's fondness
began to make me feel queer. I was very fond of her, too, but a bit
afraid of her at the same time; she was so mortal good and innocent, and
the worst of it was she believed me to be the same. Many's the time
I've been sorrowful for days together through thinking of my past life,
and wishing it had been different. Supposing I'd kept on the straight
those five years, I might perhaps have put by enough money to buy a
little farm, and then have married Hessie; for the old man liked me and
would, I'm pretty sure, have helped us with some stock. These thoughts
used to worry me more and more; it was just terrible to think of the
chance I'd lost. And then the girl got fonder and fonder of me, and
used to look sad when I'd keep out of her way, as I often did for two or
three days at a spell.
"No, I never once thought of trying, as you say, `to live down the
past,' and marry her. You see, I couldn't. There were good reasons
against it. I've not told you half about the life I led those five
years. Drink alone was enough. I knew that sometimes when the thirst
for lush took me, nothing on earth would keep me from drinking. Once I
went to Lydenburg where I was not known, and stayed a week just because
I felt I must go on the bend. I was drunk on the quiet for three days
in a back room of the hotel, and then I stayed four days sober before
returning, so as to let the signs work off. But there was worse than
the drink...
"After I'd been on the farm about six months, young Jacob, the old
woman's nephew, turned up. He had been away down colony for nearly a
year. Jacob had grown into a long, thin, slouching galoot with a yellow
face and a live-long-day scowl. His squint made him seem to be always
looking round the corner. He, it turned out, had asked Hessie to marry
him just before I'd conic back, and she'd not said no, nor yet yes, to
him; but just that she wanted to wait a bit, and that she'd see when lie
returned from the colony. I soon saw that Jacob was hot spoons on
Hessie, and dreadful jealous of me. For a while I enjoyed making him
mad, but when I saw how bad he looked I got sorry for him, and tried to
avoid the girl. Then _she_ began to look miserable, and, I can't tell
you, what with one thing and another, I didn't just know where I was.
"One day, just about a month before I expected the job to be finished, I
was standing by myself working at pointing the foundation, when who
should come round the corner but Hessie. She sat down on a stone close
by. `Vellum,' says she, `Jacob has again been asking me to marry him,
and I've told him I won't.' `But,' says I, `why don't you marry him,
Hessie? he's got a good farm, and I'm sure he's fond enough of you.'
"When I'd begun speaking I'd my face towards my work, and just when I
stopped I turned to look at Hessie. She was leaning forward with her
mouth half-open and her cheeks pale. For a while she didn't speak.
Then she gave a gulp and said, breathing hard: `Oh, Vellum, is it you
who says that to me?' I felt that sorry, I could have cut my throat. I
knew now that I loved the girl as I'd never loved any one else, and here
she was offering herself to me and I couldn't take the gift. I cursed
my own folly again only hotter, and what with one thought and another, I
clean forgot for a few moments where I was, and that Hessie was there.
"When I looked round again Hessie was still staring at me, and then the
thought came to tell her a lie which would hurt a bit at first, but do
her good in the end. So I just said in a sort of jokey way: `Why,
Hessie, if I weren't a married man I'd think you were in love with me.'
"At that she gave a start and another gulp and said: `Are you truly a
married man, Vellum?' Well, thinks I, it's no use turning back now, so
I said: `Yes, Hessie; didn't you know I've been married four years, and
that my wife has gone to stay with her people at Potchefstrom?' At this
she just stood up, and walked away.
"Well, thinks I to myself, the sooner I'm out of this the better; but of
course I couldn't leave before my job was finished. I saw very little
of Hessie now except at table. She went about very pale, and never once
looked me in the eye, for which I was very thankful. Not many days
after our talk, the old man told me she'd promised to marry Jacob, who,
all the same, seemed to scowl worse than ever, and looked as mean as a
rotten banana.
"As bad luck would have it, no sooner was my contract finished than the
war with the English broke out. Then Lydenburg was in a state of siege,
so I couldn't get away. After a while a lot of Boers trecked on to the
farm, and formed a `laager' there. Then a commandant came from near
Pretoria, and took charge. This happened to be a man who'd often enough
seen me blind drunk in the streets between my spells of work. I'd done
a job for him, too, and he'd humbugged me out of two pound ten. I felt
sure he'd told my old man all about me, but beyond looking a bit strange
for a day or two, it made no difference in him or in the old woman--they
were just as kind as ever. But all the other Boers looked very sour at
me, and would never answer when I'd speak to them.
"Jacob had a cousin who was a parson--and the dead spit of him--right
down to the squint and the scowl. He was what they called a `dopper,'
[a South African Calvinist], which means in parsons one who sings very
slowly, and speaks through his nose. This chap came one Sunday and
preached to the Boers. His sermon was all about some folks called the
Amalekites, and a chap called Agag, and that the Lord's chosen people
must hew to pieces all folks who weren't chosen. He also told them they
were to be careful of spies, and he talked a lot about wolves in sheep's
clothing. I was a long way off, but he ramped and shouted so loud, I
could hear it all.
"Next day the old man told me on the quiet that I was suspected of being
a spy, and that my life was in clanger. I told him this was ridiculous,
because I'd been on the farm for months before the war began, and had no
friends outside the `laager.' He said he knew this, but that all the
others were against me, and I must be careful.
"A couple of days after this the old man told me I'd have to clear out
without further delay, because all the other Boers hated me like poison,
and they meant to try me by court-martial for being a spy, and perhaps
shoot me. He said that Jacob would take me away on horseback that
night, and then I could lie by during the following day, and make my way
to the English lines at Lydenburg when it got dark again. Just after
midnight we were to creep away to a bush where our horses would be tied,
and ride on from there. The old man gave me twenty-five pounds, which
was all the money he had by him, and said he would send me the balance
when the war was over, and I'd given him my address.
"That night I went into my room, and pretended to go to bed as usual. I
just put my few little things together, and then I blew out the candle
and sat waiting in the dark, feeling very lonesome and uneasy.
"By and by I heard a light tap at the door, so I opened it, and there I
found Hessie with a Hottentot servant-girl named Griet, who used to wash
my clothes. They came in on tip-toe, shut the door, and then Hessie
drew me to one side and whispered very softly: `Vellum,' says she, `you
must do what I tell you now, quickly, and ask no questions.' `All
right, Hessie,' says I, `what am I to do?' `You must go into that
corner of the room and take off all your clothes, and I will do the same
in the opposite one. Then Griet will bring yours to me and mine to you,
which you must put on. Do this at once, and then I will tell you the
rest.'
"I could tell from the girl's way of speaking that she was very much in
earnest, so without saying anything I just went into the corner and took
off my clothes. In a few moments Griet carried them away, and brought
me Hessie's, which I put on. They fitted me quite well.
"Just then Hessie stepped out of her corner and came to me in the dark.
`Now, Vellum,' says she, `just go with Griet, and when she tells you,
steal out of the "laager" and follow her. Then walk as quickly as you
can along the Lydenburg road until daybreak, when you must hide in the
bush until night comes again. From there you can easily reach the
Lydenburg "laager" before next morning.'
"She then took my two hands and pressed them very hard. `Vellum,' says
she, `we will never meet again; think kindly of me, for I love you very
dearly.' She then let go my hands, and put her arms around my neck.
`Good-bye, Vellum,' says she, `give that to your wife when you see her,'
and then she gave me a long, loving kiss. Then she and Griet left the
room together, before I'd been able to say a word.
"Now that I knew I'd never see Hessie again, I felt more knocked of a
heap than I'd ever felt in my life, and hot with shame at the lie I'd
let her go away believing. I sat in the room and waited for about an
hour, feeling quite queer in Hessie's clothes, and liking to feel that
what now touched me had touched her that was so good, and wondering
whether, if I escaped, I'd have the grit in me to try and be a better
man for her sake. I had a big `cappie' on, which quite covered my face.
I kept wondering why the plan for getting me away had been changed; but
I guessed Hessie had some good reason for what she'd done.
"Then Griet came in and told me to follow her quickly. We went out by
the front door. She was barefoot, and I just in my socks, and carrying
my boots. We crept round the house in the shadow of the wall, and stole
down the garden, which was long and narrow, with quince hedges on each
side. We crossed a stream of water at the other end, and then walked
quickly up the hill opposite, until we came to the road, along which we
went as hard as we could. Then I wanted to put on my boots, so we
turned a bit out of the road, and sat down under a bush.
"Griet then said she'd go back, so I gave her half-a-sovereign for
herself, and my kind love and thanks to take to Hessie. Griet told me I
was to listen for a horse's footsteps, and when I heard this, to take
cover until the horseman had passed. Griet then said `Good-bye, Boss,'
and we shook hands, and she went back.
"I walked along the road as quick as I could, and after going for about
a quarter of an hour I heard a shot far ahead. This gave me a bit of a
start, but I knew there was nothing for it but to keep my ears and eyes
open, and go straight on, so straight on I went.
"Soon after this, I heard the sound of horses' feet coming on in front,
so I just went a few yards out of the road, and lay down among some
rocks. In a few minutes a man rode past leading a horse by the bridle.
This was Jacob, and he was laughing to himself quite loud. After
passing me by a few yards, he stopped and dismounted. Then he let go
the horse he had been leading, and gave it a heavy kick in the stomach.
The horse just trotted away a few yards and began to feed. Jacob
mounted again and rode on, still laughing. I tried to think what all
this meant, but it got over me altogether. The last thing I heard of
him was his laugh. What made it so queer was that I'd never heard him
laugh before.
"After Jacob had got well past I went over to the horse, which was still
feeding, and found it was my old moke, ready saddled-up. Here, thinks
I, is a bit of luck; so I got on him and rode away, taking it easy, for
I knew I could not reach Lydenburg that night, and I meant just to
overhaul a gully full of scrub that I knew of about ten miles ahead, and
where I could lie by next day.
"As I was going slowly along, my old horse began to cock his ears and
snort, and then he gave a shy that nearly threw me out of the saddle. I
looked, and saw something lying just at the side of the road. It was
not a very dark night; there was no moon, but the stars could be seen
every now and then through the flying scud. Seeing that the thing lay
quite still, I got off to look more closely at it. I found it was a
dead body... I at once thought of the shot and of Jacob's laugh. I
noticed a big slouch hat lying alongside, which somehow reminded me of
my own.
"I laid my hand on the body, and found that it was quite warm. I felt
farther and found... My God!... It was Hessie!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"She was quite dead, shot from behind through the back and chest... I
was standing in a puddle of her blood... I saw it all now. That
damnable scoundrel Jacob had brought her out here and shot her, thinking
it was me. She had found out his meaning in offering to take me away,
and come and died in my place...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So now you can see, sir, why it is of no use your talking to me of
`turning over a new leaf,' and `leading a different life.' I'm sick and
tired of everything, and I'll be a drunken tramp until I die in a ditch.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When the war was over I went back to look for Jacob and kill him at
sight. But the devil had got the best of me. Jacob's neck had been
broken by the capsizing of a wagon... I often hear that laugh of his...
Some day I'll hear it in hell."