Fathers, make straws your children: nature's nothing,
Blood nothing: once in other veins it flows,
It no more _yawneth_ for the parent flood
Than doth the stream that from the stream disparts.
Mr. ---- and ---- came in after the play. We had a discussion as to how
far real feeling enters into our scenic performances. 'Tis hard to say:
the general question it would be impossible to answer, for acting is
altogether a monstrous anomaly. John Kemble and Mrs. Siddons were always
in earnest in what they were about; Miss O'Neill used to cry bitterly in
all her tragedy parts; whilst Garrick could be making faces and playing
tricks in the middle of his finest points, and Kean would talk gibberish
while the people were in an uproar of applause at his. In my own
individual instance, I know that sometimes I could turn every word I am
saying into burlesque (_never_ Shakspeare, by the by), and at others my
heart aches, and I cry real, bitter, warm tears, as earnestly as if I
was in earnest.
_Thursday, 17th._
Sat writing journal till twelve o'clock, when we went to Mr. ----'s.
Took him up, and thence proceeded to the Presidency to be presented in
due form. His Excellency Andrew Jackson is very tall and thin, but erect
and dignified in his carriage--a good specimen of a fine old
well-battered soldier. His hair is very thick and grey: his manners are
perfectly simple and quiet, therefore very good; so are those of his
niece, Mrs. ----, who is a very pretty person, and lady of the house,
Mrs. Jackson having been dead some time. He talked about South Carolina,
and entered his protest against scribbling ladies, assuring us that the
whole of the present southern disturbances had their origin in no larger
a source than the nib of the pen of a lady. Truly, if this be true, the
lady must have scribbled to some purpose. We sat a little more than a
quarter of an hour; Mr. ---- was calling at the same time.[86] We
afterwards adjourned to Mr. ----'s house.
* * * * *
* * * * *
Appointed Mr. ---- to come down directly and ride with me. Drove with my
father and Mr. ---- to leave cards on ----, and then walked home. The
day was bright and fine, but very cold. Habited, and at about one
o'clock Mr. ---- called for me. On going to the door, I found him and
his horse, and a strange, tall, grey horse for me, and a young gentleman
of the name of ----, to whom I understood it belonged, and whom Mr. ----
introduced to me as very anxious to join my party. I was a little
startled at this, as I did not quite think Mr. ---- ought to have
brought any body to ride with me without my leave. However, as I was
riding his horse, I was just as well pleased that he was by, for I
don't like having the responsibility of such valuable property as a
private gentleman's horse to take care of. I told him this, alleging it
as a reason for my preferring to ride an indifferent hack horse, about
which I had no such anxiety. He replied that I need have none about his.
I told him laughingly that I would give him two dollars for the hire of
it, and then I should feel quite happy; all which nonsense passed as
nonsense should, without a comment. He is a son of ----: I thought him
tolerably pleasant and well informed.
* * * * *
* * * * *
I would have a man who lived in the wretchedest corner of the earth
think his own country the first of countries; for 'tis noble and
natural, one of the most respectable instincts in the human heart. We
rode till half-past three. The horse I was upon was, Mr. ---- assured
me, an English one, but he had been long enough in this world to learn
racking, and forget every other more christian pace; he tired me
dreadfully. After dinner, wrote journal till time to go to the theatre.
The play was the School for Scandal; in the fourth act of which Joseph
Surface assured me that _I was a plethora_!!!--Mr. ---- came in and
supped with us after the play. He gave us a very interesting account of
a school that had been attempted to be formed in Massachusetts, for the
purpose of educating young men of the savage tribes, who were willing to
become Christians, and receive instruction. It was obliged, however, to
be given up, in consequence of several of them having fallen in love
with and married American girls, whom they took away into the woods,
many of them after they were there returning to their savage ways of
living, which must have placed their wretched Christian wives in a
horrible situation.
_Friday, 18th._
At eleven, Mr. ---- called to take D---- and myself to the War-Office: I
wanted her to see the Indian spoils there. On our way thither, he read
us some very pretty verses which he had written upon the subject of the
"woman who spoke first." When we had seen what we wanted to see, we
returned home, and I began to habit. While doing so, received a most
comical Yankee note, signed by Mr. ----, but written, I am sure, by
Captain ----, to apprize me that the former was unwell, but that he,
Captain ----, would accompany me on horseback, if I pleased. The note
was exquisite. I finished dressing, and then we set off. I charged
Captain ---- with the note, and he pleaded guilty,--the thing was
evident. While we were riding, Captain ---- told me sundry most
exquisite native morceaux, and one thing that half-killed me with
laughing. Mr. ----'s negro servant and Mr. ----'s conversing together
about me, one asked the other if he had seen me yet at the theatre, to
which Mr. ----'s man replied, "No, sir; I have had the pleasure of
seeing Miss Kemble in private society:"--he brings my horse down every
morning for me!
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
Perhaps, after all, life is worth no more than a laugh, and all its
strange mysteries of sin and suffering, its summer dreams of excellence
innate and to be acquired, its fond yearning affections, its deep
passions, its high and glorious tendings,--all but jests to make the
worldly-wise smile, and the believers in them despair. God keep me from
such thoughts!--they are dreadful!
* * * * *
* * * * *
After dinner, wrote journal. At half-past five, went to the theatre: the
play was the Hunchback,--the house was very good. I wonder if any body
on earth can form the slightest idea of the interior of this wretched
little theatre; 'tis the smallest I ever was in. The proprietors are
poor, the actors poorer; and the grotesque mixture of misery, vulgarity,
stage-finery, and real raggedness, is beyond every thing strange, and
sad, and revolting,--it reminds me constantly of some of Hogarth's
pictures, and passages in Goethe's Wilhelm Meister. After the play, came
home and supped. By the by, just as I had done breakfast this morning,
Judge ---- called, who is the most exquisite original I have met with
even in this land of their abundance. He gave me a long scolding for
getting up so late, and assured me that I meant to settle in this
country, at the same time drawing an enchanting picture of rural
happiness to the west,--a cottage by a rivulet, with two cows, and just
enough to starve upon!--I think I see myself there. This sentimental
prophecy was prefaced by a remark that he knew I was very romantic, and
interrupted every two minutes by a dexterous expectoral interjection,
which caused me nearly to jump off my chair with dismay.
_Saturday, 19th._
_Giorno d'orrore!_--but I won't anticipate. They have settled to act
Much Ado about Nothing, instead of the Inconstant. I have no clothes for
Beatrice,--but that don't matter. After breakfast, went to rehearsal,
and then walked with my father to see a very pretty model of what is to
be the town-hall. It never will be, for the corporation are as poor as
_Job's kittens_ (Americanism--communicated by Captain ----), and the
city of Washington itself is only kept alive by Congress. Talking of the
city of Washington,--'tis the strangest thing by way of a town that can
be fancied. It is laid out to cover, I should think, some ten miles
square, but the houses are here, there, and no where: the streets,
conventionally not properly so called, are roads, crooked or straight,
where buildings are _intended_ to be. Every now and then an interesting
gap of a quarter of a mile occurs between those houses that _are_ built:
in the midst of the town, you can't help fancying you are in the
country; and between wooden palings, with nothing to be seen on either
side but cedar bushes and sand, you are informed you are in the midst of
the town. The Elysian Fields is a broken patch of moorland, sand, and
gravel: the Jardin des Plantes is a nursery-ground full of slips of
shrubs a foot and a half high; the Tiber, alias Goose Creek, is an
unhappy-looking ditch;--and Washington altogether struck me as a
rambling red-brick image of futurity, where nothing _is_, but all things
_are to be_. Came home and habited. At half-past twelve, Captain ----
came for me; just as we were going, ---- called. He was on horseback,
and asked leave to join us, which I agreed to very readily. He was
pilot, and led us round and about, through the woods, and across the
waters; all of which, as Captain ---- observed, was in the day's work.
We returned at half-past three. Directly after dinner, I set out to pay
sundry cards. The day had been heavenly,--bright, and warm, and balmy;
the evening was beautifully soft; and as I drove over hill and dale,
marsh and moorland, through the city of Washington, paying my cards, the
stars came out one after another in the still sky, and the scattered
lights of the town looked like a capricious congregation of
Jack-o'-lanterns, some high, some low, some here, some there, showing
more distinctly, by the dark spaces between them, the enormous share
that emptiness has in the congressional city. One of my visits lay
nearly three miles out of town, so that I was not back until six
o'clock. As I came rushing along the corridor, I met D---- coming to
meet me, who exclaimed, with an air of mingled horror and satisfaction,
"Oh, here you are!--here is coffee and Mr. ---- waiting for you!" I went
into the room, and found a goodly-looking personage, old enough to know
better, sitting with my father, who appeared amazingly disturbed, held
an open letter in his hand, and exclaimed, the moment I came in, "There,
sir, there is the young lady to speak for herself." I courtesied, and
sat down. "Fanny," quoth my father, "something particularly disagreeable
has occurred,--pray, can you call to mind any thing you said during the
course of your Thursday's ride, which was likely to be offensive to Mr.
----, or any thing abusive of this country?" As I have already had
sundry specimens of the great talent there is for tattle in the
exclusive coteries of this gossiping new world, I merely untied my
bonnet, and replied, that I did not at that moment recollect a word that
I had said during my whole ride, and should certainly not give myself
any trouble to do so. "Now, my dear," said my father, his own eyes
flashing with indignation, "don't put yourself into a passion; compose
yourself, and recollect. Here is a letter I have just received." He
proceeded to read it, and the contents were to this effect--that during
my ride with Mr. ---- I had said I did not choose to ride an American
gentleman's horse, and _had offered him two dollars for the hire of
his_; that moreover, I had spoken most derogatorily of America and
Americans; in consequence of all which, if my father did not give some
explanation, or make some apology to the public, I should certainly be
hissed off the stage, as soon as I appeared on it that evening. This was
pleasant. I stated the conversation as it had passed, adding, that as to
any sentiments a person might express on any subject, liberty of
opinion, and liberty of speech, were alike rights which belonged to
every body, and that, with a due regard to good feeling, and good
breeding, they were rights which nobody ought, and I never would forego.
Mr. ---- opened his eyes. I longed to add, that any conversation between
me and any other person was nobody's business but mine, and his or hers,
and that the whole thing was, on the part of the young gentleman
concerned, the greatest piece of blackguardism, and on that of the old
gentleman concerned the greatest piece of twaddle, that it had ever been
my good fortune to hear of. "For," said Mr. ----, "not less than
_fifty_ members of Congress have already mentioned the matter to me."
Fifty old gossiping women! why the whole thing is for all the world like
a village tattle in England, among half a dozen old wives round their
tea-pots. All Washington was in dismay; and my evil deeds and evil words
were the town talk,--fields, gaps, marshes, and all, rang with them.
This is an agreeable circumstance, and a display of national character
highly entertaining and curious.[87] It gave me at the time, however, a
dreadful side-ach, and nervous cough. I went to the theatre, dressed,
and came on the stage in the full expectation of being hissed off it,
which is a pleasant sensation, very, and made my heart full of
bitterness to think I should stand,--as no woman ought to stand,--the
mark of public insult. However, no such thing occurred,--I went on and
came off without any such trial of my courage; but I had been so much
annoyed, and was still so indignant, that I passed the intervals between
my scenes in crying,--which, of course, added greatly to the mirth and
spirit of my performance of Beatrice. In the middle of the play, Mr.
---- and Captain ---- came behind the scenes, and then, indeed, I _was_
quite glad to see Englishmen; though their compassionate sympathies for
my wrongs, and tender fears lest I should catch cold behind those horrid
scenes, very nearly set me off crying again. A soft word, when one is in
deep commiseration of one's self, is very apt to open the flood-gates;
but I was ashamed to cry before them, so tried to keep my
heart-swellings down. When the play was over, came home. Mr. ---- came
and supped with us. By the by, he called this morning before I went out
riding, and expressed many sorrows at our departure. He is a clever and
extremely well-informed man, and I like him very much. When he was gone,
sat talking over the ---- affair. My father was in a greater passion
than I think I ever saw him before. I am sure I would not have warranted
one of that worthy young gentleman's bones, if he had fallen in with
him. I am very glad he did not; for, to knock a man down, even though he
does deserve it, is a serious matter rather.
_Wednesday, 30th, Philadelphia._
After breakfast, practised for an hour: wrote journal. Mr. ----, the
wild-eyed, flowing-haired, white-waistcoated, velvet-collared, ---- ----
called upon me. He sat some time asking me questions; but, since the
---- affair, I have grown rather afraid of opening my mouth, and he had
the conversation chiefly to himself. Finished journal; dined at
half-past three: after dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ----. One Mr.
----, a Boston man who was at Mrs. ----'s ball last night, was in her
room. I was introduced to him, and he spoke of the ----s.
* * * * *
* * * * *
Sat with them till coffee-time. Went to the theatre at half-past five.
It poured with rain, in spite of which the house was very good: the play
was Fazio. When I came on in my fine dress, at the beginning of the
second act, the people hailed me with such a tremendous burst of
applause, and prolonged it so much, that I was greatly puzzled to
imagine what on earth possessed them. I concluded they were pleased with
my dress, but could not help being rather amused at their vehement and
continued clapping, considering they had seen it several times before.
However, they ceased at last, and I thought no more about it. Towards
the time for the beginning of the third act, which opens with my being
discovered waiting for Fazio's return, as I was sitting in my
dressing-room working, D---- suddenly exclaimed, "Hark!--what is that?"
---- opened the door, and we heard a tremendous noise of shouts and of
applause. "They are waiting for you, certainly," said D----. She ran
out, and returned, saying, "The stage is certainly waiting for you,
Fanny, for the curtain is up." I rushed out of the room; but on opening
the door leading to the stage, I distinctly heard my father's voice
addressing the audience. I turned sick with a sort of indefinite
apprehension, and on enquiry found that at the beginning of the play a
number of handbills had been thrown into the pit, professing to quote my
conversation with Mr. ---- at Washington, and calling upon the people to
resent my conduct in the grossest and most vulgar terms. This precious
document had, it seems, been brought round by somebody to my father, who
immediately went on with it in his hand, and assured the audience that
the whole thing was a falsehood. I scarce heard what he said, though I
stood at the side scene: I was crying dreadfully with fright and
indignation. How I wished I was a caterpillar under a green
gooseberry-bush!
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
Oh, how I did wince to think of going on again after this scene, though
the feeling of the audience was most evident; for all the applause I had
fancied they bestowed upon my dress was, in fact, an unsolicited
testimony of their disbelief in the accusation brought against me. They
received my father's words with acclamations; and when the curtain drew
up, and I was discovered, the pit rose and waved their hats, and the
applause was tremendous. I was crying dreadfully, and could hardly
speak; however, I mastered myself and went on with my part,--though,
what with the dreadful exertion that it is in itself, and the painful
excitement I had just undergone, I thought I should have fainted before
I got through with it.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
_Saturday, Feb. 2d._
After breakfast, ---- called to see how I did after my walk: he sat for
some time. At twelve, went out paying bills and calls; bought a German
æolina; sat some time with old Mrs. ----, and spent a delightful hour
with Mr. ---- and his family. He is a most agreeable person, but he
thinks too well of acting. Came home; dined at three; Mr. and Mrs. ----
dined with us. After dinner, went into her room, and remained there till
time to go to the theatre. Young ---- and Dr. ---- came in. The play was
the Gamester: it was my benefit, and I am afraid the good folks who
addressed that amiable placard to the public will have been rather ill
satisfied with their suggestion about my benefit. The house was
literally crammed, in consequence of that very circumstance,--crammed is
the word. When the curtain drew up, they applauded me without end, and I
courtesied as profoundly as I was able; indeed, I am extremely obliged
to this same excellent public, for they have testified most
satisfactorily every way the kindest feeling possible for me, and the
most entire faith in my good behaviour. I did not play well, my voice
was so dreadfully affected by my cough.
_Monday, 4th._
Dined at three. After dinner, Mrs. ---- came into our room, where I sang
and played till time to go to the theatre. The play was the Merchant of
Venice, and Katharine and Petruchio for the farce;--my father's benefit:
the house was crammed from floor to ceiling, as full as it could hold:
so much for the success of the hand-bills. Indeed, as somebody
suggested, I think if we could find the author of that placard out we
are bound to give him a handsome reward, for he certainly has given us
two of the finest benefits that ever were seen. I heard that a man said
the other day that he should not be surprised if _my father had got the
whole of this up himself_. Oh, day and night! that such thoughts should
come into any human being's head.[88] At the end, the people shouted and
shrieked for us. He went on, and made them a speech, and I went on and
made them a courtesy; and certainly they do deserve the civillest of
speeches, and lowest of courtesies from us, for they have behaved most
kindly and courteously to us; and, for mine own good part, I love the
whole city of Philadelphia from this time forth, for evermore.[89]
Mr. ---- came round to the stage door to bid us good-night; and as we
drove off, a whole parcel of folk, who had gathered round the door to
see us depart, set up a universal hurrah! How strange a thing it is,
that popular shout. After all, Pitt or Canning could get no more for the
finest oratory that human lips ever uttered, or the wisest policy that
human brain ever devised. Sometimes they got the reverse; but then the
_hereafter_--there's the rub! Praise is so sweet to me that I would have
it lasting: above all, I would wish to feel that I deserved it. I must
do so if I am to value it a straw; and acting, even the best that ever
was seen, is, to my mind, but a poor claim to approbation. I think the
applause of an audience in a play-house should be reckoned with the
friendly and favourable opinions of a good-natured tipsy man,--'tis
given under excitement. Oh Lord! how unsatisfactory all things are!
_Wednesday, 13th, New York._
After dinner, ---- came in. He sat himself down, and presently was
over-head in reminiscences. His account of Tom Paine's escape from the
Conciergerie, on the eve of being guillotined, was extremely
interesting. His own introduction to, and subsequent acquaintance with,
that worthy, was equally so, and his summing up was highly
characteristic. "I tell ye, madam, the saving of that man's life was an
especial providence, that he might come over to this country, where his
works have done so much harm, and might have done so much more, and just
exemplify the result of his own principles put into practice in his own
person, and show that the glorious light of reason, and the noble
natural gifts of man, of which he preached so much, would neither
prevent a man's becoming a drunkard and a spendthrift, nor a debased
degraded being. If Paine had been guillotined, madam, he would have been
a martyr, and his works would have had ten times the power of evil they
had before. But he lived to be a miserable low unthrift, and sot, and
died neglected and despised by all reputable and respectable
individuals, and, I say again, it was a manifest providence that he did
so." We left the gentlemen to their wine for a short time, but were
presently summoned back. ---- had gone to the theatre. ---- began his
history to me, and it was, word for word, a repetition of Galt's book,
except that occasionally it was more touching. The pity of all this is,
the man's own consciousness that he is a lion. His vanity is almost as
amusing as his recollections are curious and interesting; and though the
tears were in my eye several times while he described the blessed time
he lived with his sweet Phoebe, yet, at others, I could scarce help
exclaiming, in the words of his own countryman, "Heigh, cretur, cretur!
thou hast unco plause o' thysel'!" He ended his narrative with a eulogy
of women that would have warmed the heart of a stone; and to my utter
surprise addressed Mr. ---- with, "Out upon ye, bachelors, all! ye throw
away your lives, and your life's happiness!" This last attack of ----'s
seemed too much for Mr. ----; and, as I turned to him with the tears in
my eyes, to desire he would not laugh, which he was doing very heartily,
he said he couldn't stand it any longer, and went away, apparently more
amused than edified by ----'s appeal.
_Thursday, 14th._
St. Valentine's day! I wish all these pretty golden days, which, like
the flowers in the sundial of Linnæus, were wont so gaily to mark the
flight of time, were not becoming so dim in our calendars; I wish St.
Valentine's day, and May morning, and Christmas day, and New-Year's day,
were not putting off their holiday suits to wear the work-day russet of
their drudging fellows; I wish we were not making all things, of all
sorts, so completely of a neutral tint.
* * * * *
I wouldn't be in the Reform Parliament of England for ten thousand
pounds! ----, and ----, the bruiser, and the bankrupt! Oh, shame,
England, shame!--Poor England!