Windsor and the Far West.
The next morning the Clockmaker proposed to take a drive
round the neighborhood. You hadn't ought, says he, to be
in a hurry; you should see the VIcinity of this location;
there aint the beat of it to be found anywhere. While
the servants were harnessing old Clay, we went to see a
new bridge, which had recently been erected over the Avon
River. That, said he, is a splendid thing. A New Yorker
built it, and the folks in St. John paid for it. You mean
of Halifax, said I; St. John is in the other province.
I mean what I say, he replied, and it is a credit to New
Brunswick. No, Sir, the Halifax folks neither know nor
keer much about the country--they wouldn't take hold on
it, and if they had a waited for them, it would have been
one while afore they got a bridge, I tell you. They've
no spirit, and plaguy little sympathy with the country,
and I'll tell you the reason on it. There are a good many
people there from other parts, and always have been, who
come to make money and nothin else, who don't call it
home, and don't feel to home, and who intend to up killoch
and off, as soon as they have made their ned out of the
Blue Noses. They have got about as much regard for the
country as a pedlar has, who trudges along with a pack
on his back. He WALKS, cause he intends to RIDE at last;
TRUSTS, cause he intends to SUE at last; SMILES, cause
he intends to CHEAT at last; SAVES ALL, cause he intends
to MOVE ALL at last. Its actilly overrun with transient
paupers, and transient speculators, and these last grumble
and growl like a bear with a sore head, the whole blessed
time, at every thing; and can hardly keep a civil tongue
in their head, while they're fobbin your money hand over
hand. These critters feel no interest in any thing but
cent per cent; they deaden public spirit; they han't got
none themselves, and they larf at it in others; and, when
you add their numbers to the timid ones, the stingy ones,
the ignorant ones, and the poor ones that are to be found
in every place, why the few smart spirited ones that's
left, are too few to do any thing, and so nothin is done.
It appears to me if I was a Blue Nose I'd ---; but thank
fortin I aint, so I says nothin--but there is somethin
that aint altogether jist right is this country, that's
a fact.
But what a country this Bay country is, isn't it? Look
at that medder, beant it lovely? The Prayer Eyes of
Illanoy are the top of the ladder with us, but these
dykes take the shine off them by a long chalk, that's
sartin. The land in our far west, it is generally allowed,
can't be no better; what you plant is sure to grow and
yield well, and food is so cheap you can live there for
half nothin. But it don't agree with us New England folks;
we don't enjoy good health there; and what in the world
is the use of food, if you have such an etarnal dyspepsy
you can't digest it, A man can hardly live there till
next grass afore he is in the yaller leaf. Just like one
of our bran new vessels built down in Maine, of best
hackmatack, or what's better still, of our real American
live oak, (and that's allowed to be about the best in
the world) send her off to the West Indies, and let her
lie there awhile, and the worms will riddle her bottom
all full of holes like a tin cullender, or a board with
a grist of duck shot thro it, you wouldn't believe what
a BORE they be. Well, that's jist the case with the
western climate. The heat takes the solder out of the
knees and elbows, weakens the joints and makes the frame
ricketty. Besides, we like the smell of the Salt Water,
it seems kinder nateral to us New Englanders. We can make
more a plowin of the seas, than plowin of a prayer eye.
It would take a bottom near about as long as Connecticut
river, to raise wheat enough to buy the cargo of a
Nantucket whaler, or a Salem tea ship. And then to leave
one's folks, and naTIVE place where one was raised, halter
broke, and trained to go in gear, and exchange all the
comforts of the old States, for them are new ones, dont
seem to go down well at all. Why the very sight of the
Yankee galls is good for sore eyes, the dear little
critters, they do look so scrumptious, I tell you, with
their cheeks bloomin like a red rose budded on a white
one and their eyes like Mrs. Adams's diamonds, (that
folks say shine as well in the dark as in the light,)
neck like a swan, lips chock full of kisses--lick! it
fairly makes one's mouth water to think on 'em. But its
no use talkin, they are just made critters that's a fact,
full of health and life and beauty,--now, to change them
are splendid white water lillies of Connecticut and Rhode
Island, for the yaller crocusses of Illanoy, a what we
don't like. It goes most confoundedly agin the grain, I
tell you. Poor critters, when they get away back there,
they grow as thin as a sawed lath, their little peepers
are as dull as a boiled codfish, their skin looks like
yaller fever, and they seem all mouth like a crocodile.
And that's not the worst of it neither, for when a woman
begins to grow saller its all over with her; she's up a
tree then you may depend, there's no mistake. You can no
more bring back her bloom than you can the color to a
leaf the frost has touched in the fall. It's gone goose
with her, that's a fact. And that's not all, for the
temper is plaguy apt to change with the cheek too. When
the freshness of youth is on the move, the sweetness of
temper is amazin apt to start along with it. A bilious
cheek and a sour temper are like the Siamese twins,
there's a nateral cord of union atween them. The one is
a sign board, with the name of the firm written on it in
big letters. He that don't know this, cant read, I guess.
It's no use to cry over spilt milk, we all know, but its
easier said than done that. Women kind, and especially
single folks, will take on dreadful at the fadin of their
roses, and their frettin only seems to make the thorns
look sharper. Our minister used to say to sister Sall,
(and when she was young she was a real witch, a most an
everlastin sweet girl,) Sally, he used to say, now's the
time to larn when you are young; store your mind well,
dear, and the fragrance will remain long arter the rose
has shed its leaves. The otter of roses is stronger than
the rose, and a plaguy sight more valuable. Sall wrote
it down, she said it warnt a bad idee that; but father
larfed, he said he guessed minister's courtin days warnt
over, when he made such pretty speeches as that are to
the galls. Now, who would go to expose his wife or his
darters, or himself, to the dangers of such a climate
for the sake of 30 bushels of wheat to the acre, instead
of 15. There seems a kinder somethin in us that rises in
our throat when we think on it, and wont let us. We dont
like it. Give me the shore, and let them that like the
Far West go there, I say.
This place is as fartile as Illanoy or Ohio, as healthy
as any part of the Globe, and right along side of the
salt water; but the folks want three things--INDUSTRY,
ENTERPRISE, ECONOMY; these Blue Noses don't know how to
valy this location--only look at it, and see what a place
for bisness it is--the centre of the Province--the nateral
capital of the Basin of Minas, and part of the Bay of
Fundy--the great thoroughfare to St. John, Canada, and
the United States--the exports of lime, gypsum, freestone
and grindstone--the dykes--but it's no use talkin; I wish
we had it, that's all. Our folks are like a rock maple
tree--stick 'em in any where, but eend up and top down,
and they will take root and grow; but put 'em in a real
good soil like this, and give 'em a fair chance, and they
will go ahead and thrive right off, most amazin fast,
that's a fact. Yes, if we had it we would make another
guess place of it from what it is. IN ONE YEAR WE WOULD
HAVE A RAIL ROAD TO HALIFAX, WHICH, UNLIKE THE STONE THAT
KILLED TWO BIRDS, WOULD BE THE MAKIN OF BOTH PLACES. I
often tell the folks this, but all they can say is, oh
we are too poor and too young. Says I, you put me in
mind of a great long legged, long tailed colt, father
had. He never changed his name of colt as long as he
lived, and he was as old as the hills; and though he had
the best of feed, was as thin as a whippin post. He was
colt all his days--always young--always poor; and young
and poor you'll be, I guess to the eend of the chapter.
On our return to the Inn the weather, which had been
threatening for some time past, became very tempestuous.
It rained for three successive days and the roads were
almost impassible. To continue my journey was wholly out
of the question. I determined therefore, to take a seat
in the coach for Halifax, and defer until next year the
remaining part of my tour. Mr. Slick agreed to meet me
here in June, and to provide for me the same conveyance
I had used from Amherst. I look forward with much pleasure
to our meeting again. His manner and idiom were to me
perfectly new and very amusing; while his good sound
sense, searching observation, and queer humor, rendered
his conversation at once valuable and interesting. There
are many subjects on which I should like to draw him out;
and I promise myself a fund of amusement in his remarks
on the state of society and manners at Halifax, and the
machinery of the local government, on both of which he
appears to entertain many original and some very just
opinions.
As he took leave of me in the coach, he whispered, "Inside
of your great big cloak you will find wrapped up a box,
containin a thousand real genuine first chop Havanahs--no
mistake--the clear thing. When you smoke 'em think
sometimes of your old companion, SAM SLICK THE CLOCKMAKER."