finery could be procured—laces, blondes, velvets, and satins, littered
every corner of the deanery—and there was scarcely a carriage in a
coach-maker’s yard in the city that I had not sat and jumped in, to try
the springs, by the special direction of Mrs. Eversham, who never ceased
to impress me with the awful responsibility I was about to take upon
me, in marrying so great a prize as her daughter—a feeling I found very
general among many of my friends at the Kildare Street club.
“Among the many indispensable purchases which I was to make, and
about which Fanny expressed herself more than commonly anxious, was a
saddle-horse for me. She was a great horse-woman, and hated riding with
only a servant; and had given me to understand as much about half-a-dozen
times each day for the last five weeks. How shall I acknowledge
it—equestrianism was never my forte. I had all my life considerable
respect for the horse as an animal, pretty much as I dreaded a lion or
a tiger; but as to any intention of mounting upon the back of one, and
taking a ride, I should as soon have dreamed of taking an airing upon a
giraffe; and as to the thought of buying, feeding, and maintaining such
a beast at my own proper cost, I should just as soon have determined to
purchase a pillory or a ducking-stool, by way of amusing my leisure
hours.
“However, Fanny was obstinate—whether she suspected anything or not I
cannot say—but nothing seemed to turn her from her purpose; and although
I pleaded a thousand things in delay, yet she grew each day more
impatient, and at last I saw there was nothing for it but to submit.
“When I arrived at this last bold resolve, I could not help feeling that
to possess a horse, and not be able to mount him, was only deferring
the ridicule; and as I had so often expressed the difficulty I felt in
suiting myself as a cause of my delay, I could not possibly come forward
with anything very objectionable, or I should be only the more laughed
at. There was, then, but one course to take; a fortnight still intervened
before the day which was to make me happy, and I accordingly resolved to
take lessons in riding during the interval, and by every endeavor in my
power become, if possible, able to pass muster on the saddle before my
bride.
“Poor old Lalouette understood but little of the urgency of the case,
when I requested his leave to take my lessons each morning at six
o’clock, for I dared not absent myself during the day without exciting
suspicion; and never, I will venture to assert, did knight-errant of
old strive harder for the hand of his lady-love than did I during that
weary fortnight; if a hippogriff had been the animal I bestrode, instead
of being, as it was, an old wall-eyed gray, I could not have felt more
misgivings at my temerity, or more proud of my achievement. In the first
three days the unaccustomed exercise proved so severe, that when I
reached the deanery I could hardly move, and crossed the floor pretty
much as a pair of compasses might be supposed to do if performing that
exploit. Nothing, however, could equal the kindness of my poor dear
mother-in-law in embryo, and even the dean too. Fanny indeed, said
nothing; but I rather think she was disposed to giggle a little; but
my rheumatism, as it was called, was daily inquired after, and I was
compelled to take some infernal stuff in my port wine, at dinner, that
nearly made me sick at table.
“‘I am sure you walk too much,’ said Fanny, with one of her knowing
looks. ‘Papa, don’t you think he ought to ride? it would be much better
for him.’
“‘I do, my dear,’ said the dean. ‘But then you see he is so hard to be
pleased in a horse. Your old hunting days have spoiled you; but you must
forget Melton and Grantham, and condescend to keep a hack.’
“I must have looked confoundedly foolish here, for Fanny never took her
eyes off me, and continued to laugh in her own wicked way.
“It was now about the ninth or tenth day of my purgatorial performances;
and certainly, if there be any merit in fleshly mortifications, these
religious exercises of mine should stand my part hereafter. A review had
been announced in the Phœnix park, which Fanny had expressed herself most
desirous to witness; and as the dean would not permit her to go without a
chaperon, I had no means of escape, and promised to escort her. No sooner
had I made this rash pledge than I hastened to my confidential friend,
Lalouette, and having imparted to him my entire secret, asked him in a
solemn and imposing manner, ‘Can I do it?’ The old man shook his head
dubiously, looked grave, and muttered at length, ‘Mosch depend on de
horse.’ ‘I know it—I know it—I feel it,’ said I, eagerly—‘then where are
we to find an animal that will carry me peaceably through this awful day?
I care not for his price.’
“‘Votre affaire ne sera pas trop chère,’ said he.
“‘Why, how do you mean?’ said I.
“He then proceeded to inform me that, by a singularly fortunate chance,
there took place that day an auction of ‘cast horses,’ as they are
termed, which had been used in the horse police force; and that from long
riding and training to stand fire, nothing could be more suitable than
one of these, being both easy to ride and not given to start at noise.
“I could have almost hugged the old fellow for his happy suggestion,
and waited with impatience for three o’clock to come, when we repaired
together to Essexbridge, at that time the place selected for these sales.
“I was at first a little shocked at the look of the animals drawn up;
they were most miserably thin, most of them swelled in the legs, few
without sore backs, and not one eye on an average in every three; but
still they were all high-steppers, and carried a great tail. ‘There’s
your affaire,’ said the old Frenchman, as a long-legged, fiddle-headed
beast was led out; turning out his forelegs so as to endanger the man who
walked beside him.
“‘Yes, there’s blood for you,’ said Charley Dycer, seeing my eye fixed
on the wretched beast; ‘equal to fifteen stone with any fox-hounds; safe
in all his paces, and warranted sound; except,’ added he, in a whisper,
‘a slight spavin in both hind legs, ring-bone, and a little touch in
the wind.’ Here the animal gave an approving cough. ‘Will any gentleman
say fifty pounds to begin?’ But no gentleman did. A hackney-coachman,
however, said five, and the sale was opened; the beast trotting up and
down nearly over the bidders at every moment, and plunging on so that it
was impossible to know what was doing.
“‘Five ten—fifteen—six pounds—thank you, sir—guineas—seven pounds,’ said
I, bidding against myself, not perceiving that I had spoken last. ‘Thank
you, Mr. Moriarty,’ said Dycer, turning toward an invisible purchaser
supposed to be in the crowd. ‘Thank you, sir, you’ll not let a good
one go that way.’ Every one here turned to find out the very knowing
gentleman; but he could nowhere be seen.
“Dycer resumed, ‘Seven ten, for Mr. Moriarty. Going for seven ten—a cruel
sacrifice—there’s action for you—playful beast.’ Here the devil had
stumbled and nearly killed a basket-woman with two children.
“‘Eight,’ said I, with a loud voice.
“‘Eight pounds, quite absurd,’ said Dycer, almost rudely; ‘a charger
like that for eight pounds—going for eight pounds—going—nothing above
eight pounds—no reserve, gentlemen, you are aware of that. They are all,
as it were, his Majesty’s stud—no reserve whatever—last time, eight
pounds—gone.’
“Amid a very hearty cheer from the mob, God knows why, but a Dublin mob
always cheers—I returned accompanied by a ragged fellow, leading my new
purchase after me with a hay halter.
“‘What is the meaning of those letters?’ said I, pointing to a very
conspicuous G. R., with sundry other enigmatical signs, burned upon the
animal’s hind quarter.
“‘That’s to show he was a po-lis,’ said the fellow with a grin; ‘and when
ye ride with ladies, ye must turn the decoy side.”
“The auspicious morning at last arrived; and, strange to say, that the
first waking thought was of the unlucky day that ushered in my yachting
excursion, four years before. Why this was so I cannot pretend to guess:
there was but little analogy in the circumstances, at least so far as
anything had then gone. ‘How is Marius?’ said I to my servant, as he
opened my shutters. Here let me mention that a friend of the Kildare
Street club had suggested this name from the remarkably classic character
of my steed’s countenance; his nose, he assured me, was perfectly Roman.
“‘Marius is doing finely, sir, barring his cough, and the trifle that
ails his hind legs.’
“‘He’ll carry me quietly, Simon; eh?’
“‘Quietly! I’ll warrant he’ll carry you quietly, if that’s all.’
“Here was comfort, certainly. Simon had lived forty years as pantry
boy with my mother, and knew a great deal about horses. I dressed
myself, therefore, in high spirits; and if my pilot jacket and oil-skin
cap in former days had half persuaded me that I was born for marine
achievements, certainly my cords and tops, that morning, went far to
convince me that I must have once been a very keen sportsman somewhere,
without knowing it. It was a delightful July day that I set out to join
my friends, who, having recruited a large party, were to rendezvous at
the corner of Stephen’s Green; thither I proceeded in a certain rambling
trot, which I have often observed is a very favorite pace with timid
horsemen and gentlemen of the medical profession. I was hailed with a
most hearty welcome by a large party as I turned out of Grafton Street,
among whom I perceived several friends of Miss Eversham, and some young
dragoon officers, not of my acquaintance, but who appeared to know Fanny
intimately, and were laughing heartily with her as I rode up.
“I don’t know if other men have experienced what I am about to mention or
not; but certainly to me there is no more painful sensation than to find
yourself among a number of well-mounted, well-equipped people, while the
animal you yourself bestride seems only fit for the kennel. Every look
that is cast at your unlucky steed—every whispered observation about you
are so many thorns in your flesh, till at last you begin to feel that
your appearance is for very little else than the amusement and mirth of
the assembly; and every time you rise in your stirrups you excite a laugh.
“‘Where, for mercy’s sake, did you find that creature?’ said Fanny,
surveying Marius through her glass.
“‘Oh, him, eh? Why, he is a handsome horse, if in condition—a charger,
you know—that’s his style.’
“‘Indeed,’ lisped a young lancer, ‘I should be devilish sorry to charge,
or be charged with him.’ And here they all chuckled at this puppy’s silly
joke, and I drew up to repress further liberties.
“‘Is he anything of a fencer?’ said a young country gentleman.
“‘To judge from his near eye, I should say much more of a boxer,’ said
another.
“Here commenced a running fire of pleasantry at the expense of my poor
steed; which, not content with attacking his physical, extended to his
moral qualities. An old gentleman near me observing, ‘that I ought not
to have mounted him at all, seeing he was so deuced groggy;’ to which
I replied, by insinuating, that if others present were as free from
the influence of ardent spirits, society would not be a sufferer; an
observation that, I flatter myself, turned the mirth against the old
fellow, for they all laughed for a quarter of an hour after.
“Well, at last we set out in a brisk trot, and, placed near Fanny,
I speedily forgot all my annoyances in the prospect of figuring to
advantage before her. When we reached the College Green the leaders of
the cortège suddenly drew up, and we soon found that the entire street
opposite the Bank was filled with a dense mob of people, who appeared to
be swayed hither and thither, like some mighty beast, as the individuals
composing it were engaged in close conflict. It was nothing more nor
less than one of those almost weekly rows which then took place between
the students of the University and the town’s-people, and which rarely
ended without serious consequences. The numbers of people pressing on to
the scene of action soon blocked up our retreat, and we found ourselves
most unwilling spectators of the conflict. Political watch-words were
loudly shouted by each party; and at last the students, who appeared to
be yielding to superior numbers, called out for the intervention of the
police. The aid was nearer than they expected; for at the same instant a
body of mounted policemen, whose high helmets rendered them sufficiently
conspicuous, were seen trotting at sharp pace down Dame Street. On they
came with drawn sabres, led by a well-looking, gentleman-like personage
in plain clothes, who dashed at once into the middle of the fray, issuing
his orders, and pointing out to his followers to secure the ring-leaders.
Up to this moment I had been a most patient and rather amused spectator
of what was doing. Now, however, my part was to commence, for at the word
‘Charge,’ given in a harsh, deep voice by the sergeant of the party,
Marius, remembering his ancient instinct, pricked up his ears, cocked his
tail, flung up both his hind legs till they nearly broke the Provost’s
windows, and plunged into the thickest of the fray like a devil incarnate.
“Self-preservation must be a strong instinct, for I well remember how
little pain it cost me to see the people tumbling and rolling beneath
me, while I continued to keep my seat. It was only a moment before, and
that immense mass were a man-to-man encounter, now all the indignation
of both parties seemed turned upon me; brick-bats were loudly implored
and paving-stones begged to throw at my devoted head; the Wild Huntsman
of the German romance never created half the terror nor one-tenth of the
mischief that I did in less than fifteen minutes, for the ill-starred
beast continued twining and twisting like a serpent, plunging and kicking
the entire time, and occasionally biting too; all which accomplishments,
I afterwards learned, however little in request in civil life, are highly
prized in the horse police.
“Every new order of the sergeant was followed in his own fashion by
Marius, who very soon contrived to concentrate in my unhappy person all
the interest of about fifteen hundred people.
“‘Secure that scoundrel,’ said the magistrate, pointing with his finger
towards me, as I rode over a respectable-looking old lady with a gray
muff. ‘Secure him. Cut him down.’
“‘Ah, devil’s luck to him, if ye do,’ said a newsmonger with a broken
shin.
“On I went, however; and now, as the Fates would have it, instead of
bearing me out of further danger, the confounded brute dashed onward to
where the magistrate was standing, surrounded by policemen. I thought
I saw him change color as I came on. I suppose my own looks were none
of the pleasantest, for the worthy man evidently liked them not. Into
the midst of them we plunged, upsetting a corporal, horse and all, and
appearing as if bent upon reaching the alderman.
“‘Cut him down, for Heaven’s sake. Will nobody shoot him?’ said he, with
a voice trembling with fear and anger.
“At these words a wretch lifted up his sabre, and made a cut at my head.
I stooped suddenly, and throwing myself from the saddle, seized the poor
alderman round the neck, and both came rolling to the ground together. So
completely was he possessed with the notion that I meant to assassinate
him, that while I was endeavoring to extricate myself from his grasp, he
continued to beg his life in the most heart-rending manner.
“My story is now soon told. So effectually did they rescue the alderman
from his danger that they left me insensible, and I only came to myself
some days after by finding myself in the dock in Green Street, charged
with an indictment of nineteen counts; the only word of truth is what lay
in the preamble, for the ‘devil inciting’ me only would ever have made
me the owner of that infernal beast, the cause of all my misfortunes. I
was so stupefied from my beating that I know little of the course of the
proceedings. My friends told me afterward that I had a narrow escape from
transportation; but for the greatest influence exerted in my behalf, I
should certainly have passed the autumn in the agreeable recreation of
pounding oyster-shells or carding wool; and it certainly must have gone
hard with me, for, stupefied as I was, I remember the sensation in court
when the alderman made his appearance with a patch over his eye. The
affecting admonition of the little judge—who, when passing sentence upon
me, adverted to the former respectability of my life and the rank of my
relatives—actually made the galleries weep.
“Four months in Newgate and a fine to the king, then, rewarded my taste
for horse exercise; and it’s no wonder if I prefer going on foot.
“As to Miss Eversham, the following short note from the dean concluded my
hopes in that quarter:
“‘Deanery, Wednesday morning.
“‘Sir—After the very distressing publicity to which your
late conduct has exposed you—the so open avowal of political
opinions, at variance with those (I will say) of every
gentleman—and the recorded sentence of a judge on the verdict
of twelve of your countrymen—I should hope that you will not
feel my present admonition necessary to inform you that your
visits to my house shall cease.
“‘The presents you made my daughter, when under our unfortunate
ignorance of your real character, have been addressed to your
hotel, and I am your most obedient, humble servant,
“‘Oliver Eversham.’
“Here ended my second affair ‘par amour;’ and I freely confess to you
that if I can only obtain a wife in a sea voyage, or a steeple-chase, I
am likely to fulfil one great condition in modern advertising—‘as having
no incumbrance, nor any objection to travel.’”
NOTE
_Thackeray’s only book for children, “The Rose and the Ring,” has
given him a place among writers for children that is the equal of that
which he enjoys as one of the world’s greatest novelists. His fondness
for children was proverbial and it appears over and over again in his
writings._
_This story was written of Christmas time in the year 1854 while the
author was living at Rome. Thackeray wrote it to entertain a little young
friend, a girl who had been ill. As he finished a chapter to read to her
he would illustrate it with these droll pictures hastily sketched with
his pen._
THE ROSE AND THE RING OR THE HISTORY OF PRINCE GIGLIO AND PRINCE BULBO
A FIRESIDE PANTOMIME FOR GREAT AND SMALL CHILDREN
BY MR. M. A. TITMARSH
It happened that the undersigned spent the last Christmas season in a
foreign city where there were many English children.
In that city, if you wanted to give a child’s party, you could not
even get a magic-lantern or buy Twelfth-Night characters—those funny
painted pictures of the King, the Queen, the Lover, the Lady, the Dandy,
the Captain, and so on—with which our young ones are wont to recreate
themselves at this festive time.
My friend Miss Bunch, who was governess of a large family that lived in
the _Piano Nobile_ of the house inhabited by myself and my young charges
(it was the Palazzo Poniatowski at Rome, and Messrs. Spillmann, two
of the best pastrycooks in Christendom, have their shop on the ground
floor): Miss Bunch, I say, begged me to draw a set of Twelfth-Night
characters for the amusement of our young people.
She is a lady of great fancy and droll imagination, and having looked
at the characters, she and I composed a history about them, which
was recited to the little folks at night, and served as our fireside
pantomime.
Our juvenile audience was amused by the adventures of Giglio and Bulbo,
Rosalba and Angelica. I am bound to say the fate of the Hall Porter
created a considerable sensation; and the wrath of Countess Gruffanuff
was received with extreme pleasure.
If these children are pleased, thought I, why should not others be
amused also? In a few days Dr. Birch’s young friends will be expected to
re-assemble at Rodwell Regis, where they will learn everything that is
useful, and under the eyes of careful ushers continue the business of
their little lives.
But, in the meanwhile, and for a brief holiday, let us laugh and be as
pleasant as we can. And you elder folk—a little joking, and dancing,
and fooling will do even you no harm. The author wishes you a merry
Christmas, and welcomes you to the Fireside Pantomime.
M. A. TITMARSH.
_December, 1854._
THE ROSE AND THE RING
By William Makepeace Thackeray
_With illustrations by the Author_
[Illustration]
I
SHOWS HOW THE ROYAL FAMILY SATE DOWN TO BREAKFAST
This is Valoroso XXIV., King of Paflagonia, seated with his Queen and
only child at their royal breakfast-table, and receiving the letter
which announces to His Majesty a proposed visit from Prince Bulbo, heir
of Padella, reigning King of Crim Tartary. Remark the delight upon the
monarch’s royal features. He is so absorbed in the perusal of the King
of Crim Tartary’s letter that he allows his eggs to get cold, and leaves
his august muffins untasted.
“What! that wicked, brave, delightful Prince Bulbo!” cries Princess
Angelica; “so handsome, so accomplished, so witty—the conqueror of
Rimbombamento, where he slew ten thousand giants!”
“Who told you of him, my dear?” asks His Majesty.
“A little bird,” says Angelica.
“Poor Giglio!” says mamma, pouring out the tea.
“Bother Giglio!” cries Angelica, tossing up her head, which rustled with
a thousand curl-papers.
“I wish,” growls the King—“I wish Giglio was.…”
“Was better? Yes, dear, he is better,” says the Queen. “Angelica’s little
maid, Betsinda, told me so when she came to my room this morning with my
early tea.”
“You are always drinking tea,” said the monarch, with a scowl.
“It is better than drinking port or brandy and water,” replies Her
Majesty.
“Well, well, my dear, I only said you were fond of drinking tea,” said
the King of Paflagonia, with an effort as if to command his temper.
“Angelica! I hope you have plenty of new dresses; your milliner’s bills
are long enough. My dear Queen, you must see and have some parties. I
prefer dinners, but of course you will be for balls. Your everlasting
blue velvet quite tires me: and, my love, I should like you to have a
new necklace. Order one. Not more than a hundred or a hundred and fifty
thousand pounds.”
“And Giglio, dear?” says the Queen.
“GIGLIO MAY GO TO THE—”
“Oh, sir,” screams Her Majesty. “Your own nephew! our late King’s only
son.”
“Giglio may go to the tailor’s, and order the bills to be sent in to
Glumboso to pay. Confound him! I mean bless his dear heart. He need want
for nothing; give him a couple of guineas for pocket-money, my dear;
and you may as well order yourself bracelets while you are about the
necklace, Mrs. V.”
Her Majesty, or _Mrs. V._, as the monarch facetiously called her (for
even royalty will have its sport, and this august family were very
much attached), embraced her husband, and, twining her arm round her
daughter’s waist, they quitted the breakfast-room in order to make all
things ready for the princely stranger.
When they were gone, the smile that had lighted up the eyes of the
_husband_ and _father_ fled—the pride of the _King_ fled—the MAN
was alone. Had I the pen of a G. P. R. James, I would describe
Valoroso’s torments in the choicest language; in which I would also
depict his flashing eye, his distended nostril—his dressing-gown,
pocket-handkerchief, and boots. But I need not say I have _not_ the pen
of that novelist; suffice it to say, Valoroso was alone.
He rushed to the cupboard, seizing from the table one of the many
egg-cups with which his princely board was served for the matin meal,
drew out a bottle of right Nantz or Cognac, filled and emptied the cup
several times, and laid it down with a hoarse “Ha, ha, ha! now Valoroso
is a man again!”