The last time I had the boldness to write to you, it was with all the
consciousness of a self-convicted criminal, supplicating her offended
judge for mercy and pardon. I now, by these lines, approach you with
more assurance; but nevertheless with the highest degree of reverence,
gratitude, and duty. The reason of my assurance, my letter to my papa
will give; and as I humbly on my knees implored his pardon, so now, in
the same dutiful manner, do I supplicate your's, for the grief and
trouble I have given you.
Every vein of my heart has bled for an unhappy rashness; which, (although
involuntary as to the act,) from the moment it was committed, carried
with it its own punishment; and was accompanied with a true and sincere
penitence.
God, who has been a witness of my distresses, knows that, great as they
have been, the greatest of all was the distress that I knew I must have
given to you, Madam, and to my father, by a step that had so very ugly an
appearance in your eyes and his; and indeed in the eyes of all my family;
a step so unworthy of your daughter, and of the education you had given
her.
But HE, I presume to hope, has forgiven me; and, at the instant this will
reach your hands, I humbly trust, I shall be rejoicing in the blessed
fruits of his forgiveness. And be this your comfort, my ever-honoured
Mamma, that the principal end of your pious care for me is attained,
though not in the way so much hoped for.
May the grief which my fatal error has given to you both, be the only
grief that shall ever annoy you in this world!--May you, Madam, long live
to sweeten the cares, and heighten the comforts, of my papa!--May my
sister's continued, and, if possible, augmented duty, happily make up to
you the loss you have sustained in me! And whenever my brother and she
change their single state, may it be with such satisfaction to you both
as may make you forget my offence; and remember me only in those days in
which you took pleasure in me! And, at last, may a happy meeting with
your forgiven penitent, in the eternal mansions, augment the bliss of
her, who, purified by sufferings already, when this salutes your hands,
presumes she shall be
The happy and for ever happy
CLARISSA HARLOWE.