I have said, and said it calmly, that this is the curiousest world I
ever see in my life. And I shan’t take it back. I hain’t one to whiffle
round and dispute myself. I made the statement cool and firm, and shall
stand by it. And truly if I never had said or thought anything of the
kind, what I see with my own eyes last Friday night, and heard with my
own ear before mornin’ dawned, would have convinced me that I was in the
right on’t.
It’s happenin’ on a Friday, too, was strange as anything could be
strange. It was on Friday that Mr. Columbus discovered the New World,
and it was on a Friday (though some time after) that I discovered new
regions in my pardner’s mind. Realms of mystery, full of strange
inhabitents. That Christopher and me should both make such startlen and
momentious discoveries on the same day of the week is a coincidence
curious enough to scare anybody most to death.
Yes, this world is a curious place, very, and holler, holler as a drum.
Lots of times the ground seems to lay smooth and serene under your
rockin’ chair, when all the time a earthquake may be on the very p’int
of busten’ it open and swollerin’ you up—chair and all. And your Josiah
may be a-settin’ right on top of a volcano, unbeknown to you. But I am
wanderin’ off into fields of poesy, and to resoom and proceed.
It was along the latter part of winter, pretty nigh spring, when my
companion Josiah seemed to kinder get into the habit of going to
Jonesville evenin’s. When I would beset him to go and get necessaries,
groceries, and etcetery, he would say:
“Wall, I guess I’ll wait till evenin’, and then I’ll hitch up and go.”
He’d done it a number of times before I noticed it in particular, bein’
took up alterin’ over my brown alpacka, and bein’ short on’t for pieces
and strained in my mind whether I would get out new backs without
piecin’ ’em acrost the shoulder-blades. I don’t get much time to sew,
bein’ held back by housework and rheumatiz, and the job had hung on, and
wore on me powerfully, body and mind. Wall, every day or two he would
make that curious remark, without my noticin’ of it (as it were):
“Wait till evenin’, and I’ll hitch up and go.”
And I wouldn’t say nothin’’, and he’d go, and wouldn’t get back till
nine o’clock or after. Wall, as time went on, and my mind grew easier
about my dress (I concluded to take the overskirt and make new backs and
sleeves, and I got it cut foamin’, could have cut it profuse and lavish,
if it had been my way), and my mind bein’ onstrained, and noticin’
things more, I thought it looked sort o’ peculier that Josiah should be
so uncommon willin’ to go to the store evenin’s for necessaries and
things, when he had always been such a case to stay to home nights;
couldn’t get him out for the Doctor hardly. Collery morbeus couldn’t
hardly start him, nor billerous colic.
It was on that Friday night after Josiah had started, that I, havin’
finished my dress, sot there a knittin’, and my mind bein’ sot free, it
got to thinkin’ over things. Thinkin’ how I told him that mornin’ that
the tea was a-runnin’ out, and I should have to have some that day, and
he says:
“Wall, after supper I’ll hitch up and go.”
And I says to him sort o’ mechanically (for my mind was almost
completely full of alpacka and waist patterns—I had concluded late the
night before to take the overskirt):
“What has come over you, Josiah Allen? I couldn’t never use to get you
out nights at all.”
He didn’t explain, nor nothin’, but says agin, in that same sort of a
curious way, but firm:
“You make the tea last through the day, Samantha, and to-night I’ll
hitch up and go.”
And then he beset me to have a chicken pie for dinner, and I, bein’ in
such a hurry with my sewin’, didn’t feel like makin’ the effort, and he
told me I _must_ make it, for he had had a revelation that I should.
Says I, “a revelation from who?”
And he says, “From the Lord.”
And I says, “I guess not.”
But he stuck to it that he had. And I finally told him, “that if it was
from the Lord he would probable get it, and if it wuzn’t, if it wuz as I
thought, a revelation from his stomach and appetite, he most probable
wouldn’t get it.” And I kep’ on with my sewin’. I laid out to get a
good, wholesome dinner, and did. But I couldn’t fuss to make that pie,
in my hurry. His revelation didn’t amount to much. But it was curious
his talkin’ so—awful curious.
I got to thinkin’ it all over agin as I sot there a-knittin’, and I felt
strange. But little, little did I think what was goin’ on under my
rockin’-chair, unbeknown to me.
About half past 7 Josiah Allen got home. I asked him what made him come
so soon, and he said sunthin’, as he took off his overcoat, about there
not bein’ no meetin’ that night, and sunthin’ about the Elder bein’ most
sick. And I s’posed he meant conference meetin’, and I s’posed he meant
Elder Bamber. But oh! if I had only known who that Elder was, and what
them meetin’s was, if I had only known the slippery height and
hollerness of the volcano Josiah Allen was a-sittin’ upon, unbeknown to
me! But I didn’t know nothin’ about it, and so I sot there, calm and
serene in my frame, for my mind bein’ onharnessed, as I may say,
speakin’ in a poeticule way, from the cares it had been a-carryin’, I
felt first rate. And so I sot there a-knittin’, and Josiah sot by the
stove seemin’ly a-meditatin’. I thought likely as not, he was a-thinkin’
on religious subjects, and I wouldn’t have interupted him for the world.
But pretty soon he spoke out sort ’o dreamily, and says he:
“How old should you take the Widder Bump to be, Samantha?”
“Oh, about my age, or a little older, probable,” says I. “What makes you
ask?”
“Oh, nothin’,” says he, and he sort o’ went to whistlin’, and I went on
with my knittin’. But anon, or mebby a little before anon, he spoke out
agin, and says he:
“The Widder Bump is good lookin’ for a widder, hain’t she? And a
crackin’ good cook. Sometimes,” says he in a pensive way, “sometimes I
have almost thought she went ahead of you on nutcakes.”
Her nutcakes was pretty fair ones, and midelin’ good shaped, and I
wuzn’t goin’ to deny it, and so I says:
“What of it, Josiah? What if she duz?”
There hain’t a envious hair in my head (nor many gray ones for a woman
of my age, though I say it that shouldn’t). I hain’t the woman to run
down another woman’s nutcakes. My principles are like brass, as has been
often remarked. If a woman can make lighter nutcakes than I can (which,
give me good flour and plenty of sour cream, and eggs, and other
ingregiencies, I shall never believe they can)—why, if they can, runnin’
down their nutcakes don’t make mine any higher up. There is where folks
make a mistake—they think that runnin’ other folks down lifts them
higher up; but it don’t, not a inch.
[Illustration: THE WIDDER BUMP.]
So I kep’ on knittin’, cool as the heel of the sock I was knittin’ on.
Pretty soon Josiah broke out agin:
“The Widder Bump hain’t got no relations, has she, Samantha, that would
be a kinder hangin’ on, and livin’ on her, if she should take it into
her head to marry agin?”
“I guess not,” says I. “But what makes you ask, Josiah?”
“Oh, nothin’, nothin’ in the world. I hadn’t no reason in askin’ it, not
a single reason. I said it, Samantha,” says he, speakin’ in a sort of a
excited, foolish way, “I said it jest to make talk.”
And agin he went to whistlin’, strange and curious whistles as I ever
heard, and haulin’ a shingle out of the wood-box, he went to whittlin’
of it into as strange shapes as I ever see in my life. I looked at him
pretty keen over my specks, for I thought things was goin’ on kinder
curious. But I only says in a sort of a dry tone:
“I am glad you can think of sunthin’ to say, Josiah, if it hain’t
nothin’ but widder. Howsumever,” says I, speakin’ in a encouragin’ tone,
seein’ how dretful meachin’ he looked, and thinkin mebby I had been too
hard on him, “Widder is better than no subject at all, Josiah, though I
don’t call it a soarin’ one. But I can’t see,” says I, lookin’ at him
uncommon keen over my specks, “I can’t see why you foller it up so awful
close to-night. I can’t see why the Widder Bump is a-runnin’ through
your mind to-night, Josiah Allen.”
“Oh! she hain’t! she hain’t!” says he, speakin’ up quick, but with that
dretful meachin’ and sheepish look to him.
“I am a talkin’ about her, Samantha, jest to pass away time, jest to
make myself agreeable to you.”
“Wall,” says I, in a dryer tone than I had hitherto used, “don’t exert
yourself too hard, Josiah, to make yourself agreeable. You may strain
your mind beyond its strength. I can stand it if you don’t say nothin’
more about the Widder Bump. And time,” says I, “I guess time will pass
away quick enough without your takin’ such pains to hurry it along.”
And then I launched out nobly on that solemn theme. About time, the
greatest of gifts; how it come to us God-given; how we ort to use it;
how we held our arms out blindly, and could feel the priceless treasure
laid in ’em, close to our hearts, unbeknown to us; and how all beyond
’em was like reachin’ em out into the darkness, into a awful
lonesomeness and emptiness; how the hour of what we called time was the
only thing on God’s earth that we could grip holt of; how it was every
mite of a standin place we could lift the ladder on for our hopes and
our yearnin’s, our immortal dreams to mount heavenward; how this place,
the Present, was all the spot we could stand on, to reach out our arms
toward God, and eternal safety, and no knowin’ how soon that would sink
under us, drop down under our feet, and let us down into the realm of
Shadows, the Mysterious, the Beyond. “And still,” says I, “how
recklessly this priceless treasure is held by some; how folks talk about
its bein’ too long, and try to get ways to make it go quicker, and
some,” says I, dreamily, “some try to make it pass off quicker by
talkin’ about widders.”
[Illustration: AN IDEAL FAMILY.]
I don’t think I had been more eloquent in over five weeks, than I was in
talkin’ upon that theme. I was very eloquent and lengthy, probable from
¼ to ½ an hour. I talked beautiful on it. A minister would have said so
if he had heard me, and he would have been likely to thought highly of
it, and my gestures, for the waves that I waved outwards with my right
hand was impressive, and very graceful. I held the sock in my right
hand, as I waved it out; it was a good color, and it floated out some
like a banner. I felt well, and acted well, and I knew it. And I thought
at the time that Josiah knew it, and was proud of me, and felt more
affectionate to me than his common run of feelin’s towards me wuz, for
most the minute I got through episodin’, he broke out, and says he:
“Don’t you think you are a workin’ too hard, Samantha? Don’t you think
it would be easier for you if you had some woman here a livin’ to help
you? And,” says he, dreamily, “she might be a fryin’ the nutcakes while
you was a brilin’ the beef-steak, and cookin’ other provisions.”
I was exceedingly affected by his tender feelin’s towards me, (as I
supposed,) and says I, in affectionate axents:
“No, I can get along, Josiah.”
But oh! if I had known! If I had known what thoughts was a runnin’
through his mind, how different my axent would have been. My axent would
have been so cold it would have froze him stiffer’n a mushrat, jest one
axent would, it would have had that deadly icyness to it. Blind bein’
that I was, a speakin’ tender and soft to him, and knittin’ on his heel,
(a double stitch, too, to make it firmer,) and he a settin’ of his own
accord up on top of that volcano that was ready to bust right out, and
burn up all my happiness, and swaller down and engulf my Josiah. What
feelin’s I felt as I thought it all over afterwards.
Wall, I sot there a knittin’ on his heel, and occasionally makin’
eloquent and flowery speeches, and he, from time to time, a speakin out
sudden and sort o’ promiscous, a praisin’ up the Widder Bump, and sort
o’ mixin’ her up with religion, and seals, and revelations, and things,
and anon, when I would take him to do about it, a whistlin’, and
whittlin’ shingles into curious and foolish shapes, curiouser than I
ever remembered to see him whittle, and whistlin’ more sort o’ vacant
and excentrick whistles than I ever remembered hearin’ him
whistle—dretful loud whistles, some of ’em, and then dwindlin’ down
sudden and unexpected into low and dwindlin’ ones. And I a wonderin’ at
it, and thinkin’ things was a goin’ on strange and curious. And then
anon, or about that time, or anyway, as soon as I would have time to
meditate on men’s curious and foolish demeanors at times—why I would
give up that it was one of their ways, and he would get over it, knowin’
that they mostly did get over ’em.
And so the long, tejus evenin’ waned away. And Josiah locked the doors,
and wound up the clock, and greased his boots, and went to bed. But oh!
little did I know all the while he was a windin’ and a greasin’, and I a
knittin’, and the carpet seemed to lay smooth and straight under us, all
the time a earthquake was a rumblin’, and, to use a poetical and
figurative expression, a snortin’ down under us, unbeknown to me.
Wall, that night my pardner, Josiah Allen, at two different times, once
about midnight, and once about the time the roosters crowed—at two
separate times, which I am ready to testify and make oath to, he spoke
right out in his sleep, and says:
“Widder Bump!”
And that is the livin’ truth, and I have always been called truthful,
and don’t expect to take up lyin’ now, at my age. How many more times he
said it, while I was a sleepin’ peacefully by his side, I can’t say. But
them two times I heard and counted, and my feelin’s as I lay there and
heard them awful words can’t never be told nor sung; no, a tune can’t be
made curious enough to sing ’em in.
Then I gin up, fully gin up, that sunthin’ was wrong. That a great
mystery was hangin’ over my Josiah and the widder, or to one of ’em, or
to somebody, or to sunthin’.
Oh the feelin’s that I felt, as I lay there and heard them words. I
wuzn’t jealous that I will contend for; but what words them was for a
affectionate, lovin’ pardner to hear from the lips of a sleepin’ Josiah.
“Widder Bump!”
I was not jealous. I would scorn to be. There wuzn’t a jealous hair in
my foretop, and I knew it, or my back hair. And I knew I was better
lookin’ than the widder, though she was wholesome lookin’.
[Illustration: MEASURED BY THE WIDDER.]
She was the widder of Sampson Bump; he died with collery morbeus, and
she moved to Jonesville and set up a tailoress shop, and had been called
likely. Though the wimmen of Jonesville had gi’n in that their husbands
never had so many clothes made in the same length of time, and a good
many of the men had got scolded considerable by their wives for runnin’
through with their property, and goin’ so deep into their store-clothes.
But the men had all gi’n in that ready-made clothes ripped so it was a
perfect moth to buy ’em, and it was fur cheaper to hire ’em made by
hand. And Josiah had started up about the middle of winter, and wanted
to have her measure him for a vest, and get a new overcoat made. Josiah
Allen didn’t need no vest, and I put my foot right down on it. But I had
her come to the house and make the overcoat, and while she was there I
run a splinter under my finger-nail, and was disabled, and I kep’ her a
week to do housework.
As I say, she had always been called likely, though she seemed to be
sort o’ shaky and tottlin’ in her religion. She had been most everything
sense she come to Jonesville, not quite 2 years. She jined the
Methodists first, then the ’Piscopals, then the Universalers, and then
the Camelites. And I s’posed at this present time she was a Camel. I had
hearn’ talk that she was a leanin’ towards the Mormons, but I had always
made a practice of disputin’ of it, knowin’ how hard it was for good
lookin’ wimmen to get along without bein’ slandered by other wimmen. I
always dispised such littleness, and so I had come out openly and stood
up for her, and called her a Camel. But I learnt a lesson in this very
affair. I learnt to be more mejum than I had been, and I thought I knew
every crook and turn in mejumness, I had always been such a master hand
for it. But in dispisin’ littleness and jealousy in other wimmen, and
tryin’ to rise above it, I had riz too fur. _She wuzn’t a Camel!_ And
while the other wimmen had been spiteful and envious, I had been a
lyin’—though entirely unbeknown to me, and I don’t s’pose I shall ever
be hurt for it.
As I have said, and proved, I wuzn’t jealous, but oh, what groans I
groaned, as I heard for the second time them fearful words from the lips
of my pardner—“Widder Bump!”
It was awful dark in the room, perfectly dark, but darker fur in the
inside of my mind, and gloomier. How I did groan, and turn over agin and
groan. And then I’d try to look on the bright side of things, right
there in the dark. Thinkses I, I know I am better lookin’ than she is,
and would be called so by good judges. To be sure, her heft was in her
favor; her heft was a little less than mine, mebby 100 pounds or so, and
she could most probable get around spryer, and act more frisky. But
thinkses I, when a man loves a woman devotedly, when he carrys her in
his heart, what is a few pounds more or less? Thinkses I, a hundred
pounds hain’t more than a ounce to him under the circumstances; he don’t
sense it at all. So I’d try my best to look on the bright side, (right
there in the dark,) and I’d say to myself, my Josiah’s affections are
sound, they are wrapped completely round me. And then I’d look on the
dark side, and think how I had hearn that men’s affections was loose and
stretchy, some like the injy rubber ribbins you get to put round papers.
How it will set tight round one, and hold it seemin’ly so close that
there don’t seem to be room for another single one, and then how easy it
will stretch out and hold tight round another one—and another one—and et
cetery—and et cetery. Seemin’ to set jest as easy round the last ones,
and hold ’em jest as tight and comfortable as the first one. And then
I’d groan, and turn over agin and groan. And once my groan (it was a
louder one than my common run of groans, and deeper,) it waked Josiah
Allen right up out of a sound sleep, and he was skairt, and riz right up
in the end of the bed, and says he, in tones tremblin’ with emotion and
excitement:
“What is the matter, Samantha?”
And I never let on what ailed me, but told him in tones that I tried to
make calm and even, (and as lofty as I could when I knew I was talkin in
a parable way) that it was a pain that was a goarin’ of me. I didn’t
lie. I wuz in pain, but I didn’t feel obleeged to explain the parable to
him, and tell him where the pain wuz. I didn’t tell him it was in my
heart. And he thought it was in my shoulder-blades; he thought it was
the rheumatiz. And he wanted to know, in affectionate tones, “if he
shouldn’t rub my back, or if he shouldn’t get me the spirits of
turpentine, or the camfire?”
But I told him no. I knew that turpentine was a master hand to strike
in, but it couldn’t never go down deep enough to strike at the feelin’s
I felt—and camfire never was made strong enough to ease off a wounded
spirit, or bathe it down.
[Illustration: JOSIAH DREAMING.]
But I held firm, and didn’t say nothin’. And Josiah lay down agin, and
in ½ a minute’s time was fast asleep, and a dreamin’. What was his
dream? Into what land was his mind a journeyin’? And who was his
companion? _Was it Widder Bump?_ At that fearful thought it seemed as if
I should expier. I dassent groan for fear of roustin’ up my pardner, and
so I had to stand it with sithin’. Sithes wouldn’t wake him up. And oh!
what fearful and tremenjous sithes I sithed for the next several
moments. I hain’t afraid to bet that the best judge of sithes that ever
lived would have said that he never heard any that went ahead of these,
nor see deeper ones, or more melancholy. Why my feelin’s was dreadful,
and can’t be described upon. There it was, dark as pitch. It was jest
before daylight, when it is the darkest time in the hull night. And
there my companion wuz. Where wuz he? I couldn’t tell, nor nobody. His
body lay there by my side. But the real Josiah, where wuz he? And who
was with him where he wuz? Oh! what feelin’s I felt! what sithes I
sithed!
What blind creeters we are, anyway. Our affections reach out like a wild
grape-vine, layin’ hold of sunthin’, or somebody, a twistin’ and a
clingin’, till death on-clinches of ’em, jest as foolish, jest as
blindly. Human love is strong, but blinder than a mole.
How is that grape-vine to know what it is a clingin’ to? Blind instinct
moves it to lay holt of sunthin’, and hang on till it is tore away, or
sot fire to, or wrenched off by some power outside of itself, and
killed, and destroyed. But how can it tell whether it is clingin’ round
a live oak or a bean-pole? Round sunthin’ that is sound to the core, or
holler as a pipes-tail? Round sunthin’ that will draw it along the
ground, draggin’ it through mud and mire into a perfect swamp hole and
bog, soilin’ its bright leaves, dwarfin’ its free growth, poisenin’ it
with dark and evil shadows? Or whether it will draw it up towards the
clear heavens and the sunlight, and hold it up there by its strength—a
happy vine, growin’ fresh and bright, sendin’ out blessed tendrils
touchin’ nothin’ less pure than God’s own sweet atmosphire.
Now I worshipped that man, Josiah Allen. And I thought he loved the very
ground I walked on as devotedly as I did hisen. I thought I knew every
crook and turn in that man’s mind. And now, after livin’ together over
20 years, that man had done what he had done; talked the hull evenin’
long about a certain widder, and even in his sleep had uttered them
fearful and agonizin’ words—“Widder Bump!”
[Illustration: THOSE “AWFUL WORDS.”]
And there I was, a strong woman in every way—strong in intellect and
principles, strong in my love for him, strong in my heft. And here I
was, powerless as a rag-babe. No more strength nor knowledge in the
matter than the rag-babe would have. No more power in my hand to lift up
the veil of mystery that was hangin’ round my Josiah than there would be
in the babe’s, not a mite. Josiah’s mind wasn’t the strongest mind in
the world—I had always known that, and had made a practice of remindin’
him of it frequent, when I see it would be for his good. But now, now
there wuzn’t a intellect powerful enough on the face of the earth to
foller it up and overthrow it. Out of the reach of friend or foe; beyond
perswasion, ridicule, reasonin’, or entreaty; out of the reach of me,
his Samantha. He had gone off a travelin’ without no change of clothin’,
or railroad tickets. Settin’ off on a journey, unshackled by pardners,
bundles, and umberells. A soarin’ free and calm through that wonderful
land. The ring on my finger held him before earthly courts and
constables, but there he was a wanderin’, a free Josiah. Was I a
wanderin’ with him? Did his soul reach out to me from that realm—hold to
me so close as to draw my spirit to his adown them shadowy streets, into
them mysterious homes, over whose silent threshold no curious foot may
pass? Was his lawful pardner with him there, where she should be? Was
his thought loyal to me, where there was no law, no influence, or
constraint to make him constant—or was he a cuttin’ up and a actin’,
flirtin’ in spirit with the phantom thought of a Widder Bump? Here I
would sithe powerful, and turn over agin, and sithe.
And so the tejus night passed away. But one great determination I made
there in them fearful moments of darkness and mystery, one powerful
resolve I made, and determined to keep: I would hold firm. And never let
my pardner know I was a mistrustin’ anything. But every minute of the
time, day and night, I would keep the eye of my spectacles open, and try
to find out what was a goin’ on. But little, little did I think what it
was that was a goin’ on. Little did I realize the size and heft of the
earthquake that was a rumblin’ and a roarin’ under that feather-bed
unbeknown to me. But more of this hereafter and anon.
[Illustration: A Solemn Warning]
The next mornin’ sunthin’ happened to me that, comin’ as it did jest at
this curious and tryin’ time, was enough to scare anybody most to death.
I had a sign; a mysterious warnin’. I happened to take up the last
_World_ while my dish-water was a heatin’, and the very first words the
eye of my spectacles fell on—right there in broad daylight—entirely
unexpected to me, I read these awful words:
A meetin’-house steeple had fell flat down the day before—fell right
down into a man’s door-yard, sudden and unexpected, broke a hen-coop and
five lengths of fence, and skairt ’em most to death. They thought, them
folks did, that that steeple stood firm and sound. They never mistrusted
it was a tottlin’. And it had stood straight and firm for year after
year, probable for over 20 years. But there come along a gust of wind
too strong for it, and over it went right into their door-yard; its
lofty head was bowed into the dust, the hen-coop and fence was squshed
down forever, and they was skairt.
I don’t believe too much in signs and wonderments, yet I don’t s’pose a
man or a woman lives who hain’t got a little streak of superstition and
curiousness in ’em. I s’pose livin’ as we do with another world that we
don’t know nothin’ about pressin’ so close about us on every side,
livin’ in such curious circumstances makes us feel sort o’ curious.
Some as Miss Arden felt, the one that Mr. Tennyson wrote about, she that
was Ann Lee. When her husband Enock got lost she wouldn’t gin up that he
was dead, and marry to another man, till she opened the Bible and looked
for a sign. I have heard Thomas J. read it so much that Ann seems near
to me, almost like one of the Smiths. But though Ann did find a sign,
and was mistaken in it, or didn’t give it the right meanin’, I was
determined to read mine right. I felt a feelin’ in my bones that them
words was meant to me for a warnin; was gin to me as a sign to meditate
on. If a meetin’ house steeple could tottle, my Josiah’s morals was
liable to tottle; if that steeple fell right down flat into a man’s
door-yard, breakin’ down and squshin’ what it had broke down and
squshed, my Josiah was liable to fall flat down in a moral way, and
sqush down all my earthly comfort and happiness; and I felt a feelin’
that if I would save him I must be up and a doin’.
Now if them folks had mistrusted that that steeple was gettin’ shaky,
they could have tied it up, mebby, and kep’ it straight. And I was
determined that if tyin’ up, or anything of that sort, would keep my
Josiah up, he should be tied. I am speakin’ poetically, and would wish
to be so understood. Ropes was not in my mind, neither tow strings.
And then as I come to think things over, and look at the subject on
every side, as my way is, I felt a feelin’ that I hadn’t done as I ort.
My mind had been on a perfect strain for 2 weeks on that alpacka dress,
and I hadn’t kep’ watch of my pardner as pardners ort to be watched
over. Men are considerable likely critters, but they are sort o’ frisky
in their minds, onstiddy, waverin’ kinder. They need a stiddy bit, and a
firm martingill, to drive ’em along straight in the married life, and
keep their minds and affections stabled and firm sot onto their lawful
pardners. I have said that there wasn’t a jealous hair in my head, not a
hair. But filosify and deep reasonin’ has learnt me severe and deep
lessons. Even after the fearful night I had passed, the awful words I
had listened to from the lips of a sleepin’ Josiah, still filosify
whispered to me that my pardner was as good as the common run of men,
and I, in strainin’ my mind on store-clothes, had neglected things of
far more importance; I had neglected lookin’ after my companion as men
ort to be looked after. The cat, to use a poetical and figurative
expression, had been away, and the mouse had gone to playin’. Or, to
bring poesy down to prose, and to common comprehension, the cat had been
fixin’ over a brown alpacka dress, and the mouse had got to follerin’ up
a Widder Bump in his mind.
I believe when the man goes to cuttin’ up and actin’, if the female
pardner, upheld by principle, would take a microscope and look over her
past, she would more’n as likely as not come bunt up against some fault
of her own, some neglect, some carelessness, some things she had done
that she ortn’t to done, or some things she hadn’t done that she ort.
She could trace back their cuttin’s up and actin’s to some little
unguarded moments, when through hurry, or carelessness, or neglect, she
had let the lines and martingills of tenderness and watchfulness drop
out of her hand, and had let her pardner go a caperin’ off with nothin’
but a halter on, a prancin’ up and down society like a 3-year old colt
that hadn’t had a bittin’ rig on. Pardners have got to be humored. They
have got to be made comfortable and happy in their own homes; their
companions has got to make themselves attractive to ’em, or they won’t
be attracted. Viniger won’t draw flies worth a cent. And pardners _have
got_ to be _watched_; for this is the law and the profit.
They have got to be reined up to the post of duty, and hitched there.
They are naturally balky, and love to shy off side-ways, and there haint
no use denyin’ of it.
I tell you, I had deep thoughts that day as I went round the house a
doin’ up my work; awful deep ones, and a sight of ’em, probable as many
as 2 dozen a minute right along through the day; some solemn and
affectin’ ones, about as solemn as they make, and some more hopeful
like, and chirk. I tell you, my mind got fairly tuckered out by the
middle of the afternoon.
But with Samantha, regret, repentance, and reformation foller right
straight on after each other, jest like 3 horses hitched in front of
each other drawin’ a heavy load. I see there was a duty in front of me
to tackle; I see that I must not let Josiah Allen go off to Jonesville
another night without his pardner. I must leave cares and store-clothes
in the back-ground, and come out nobly, and make my home and myself
agreeable to my pardner, and keep a keen and vigilant eye onto his
proceedin’s and goin’s on.
So that evenin’ along towards night, when he spoke out in that same sort
o’ strange and curious way about Jonesville, and that “after supper he
guessed he’d hitch up and go.”
Then it was that I spoke up mild and firm as my soap-stun, and said, “I
guessed I’d go, too.” He looked brow-beat and stunted by my remark, and
says he: “I am most afraid to have you go out in such muggy weather,
Samantha. I don’t believe you realize how muggy it is.”
Says I, in a brave, noble tone: “It hain’t no muggier for me than it is
for you, Josiah Allen, and if you go, I go, too.”
“Wall,” says he, with that same dumb-foundered and stunted mean, “the
old mare hadn’t ort to go out agin to-night; she lost a shoe off last
week. I don’t believe we had better try to go.”
Says I coolly: “Do jest as you are a mind to, but if you must go, it is
my duty to stand by you and go, too; if my pardner has got a hard job in
front of him to tackle, it is my duty to tackle it, too.”
[Illustration: JOSIAH’S DISAPPOINTMENT.]
“Wall,” says he, “I guess I’ll go out to the barn and onharness. The old
mare hadn’t ort to go out with her off shoe in such a condition.”
But as he drawed on his overhauls, I heard him mutter sunthin’ to
himself about “its bein’ the last night the Elder would be there till
fall.” But I overheard him, and says I:
“You know, Josiah Allen, that Elder Bamber has gin up goin’ home; his
mother’s fits is broke up, and he hain’t a goin’. And there’l be
meetin’s right along every night jest as there has been.”
They’ve been holdin’ protracted meetin’s to Jonesville for quite a
spell, and I s’posed them was the meetin’s that Josiah meant. Ah!
little, little did I know what Elder he meant, or what meetin’s. But he
knew me too well to tell me. He knew well the soundness and heft of my
principles. He hadn’t lived with ’em above 20 years without findin’ ’em
out. But more of this hereafter and anon.
When Josiah come into the house agin, and sot down, he had that same
sort o’ cross, brow-beat look to him. And he spoke out sort o’ surly
like: “Hain’t it about supper-time, Samantha? And if you’ve got over
bein’ in such a dreadful hurry with that dress, mebby you’ll have time
to get a little sunthin’ better to eat. I declare for’t,” says he in a
pitiful tone, “you have most starved me out for a week or two. And you
hain’t seemed to have had time to say a word to me, nor nothin’. Your
mind hain’t seemed to be on me a mite. And,” says he, with a still more
depressted and melancholy look, “a cream-biscuit is sunthin’ I hain’t
seen for weeks. Nothin’ but bread! bread!”
Oh! how my conscience smited me as I heard them words—it smited and
smarted like a burn. Yet at the same time his words kind o’ chirked me
up, they made me think what a powerful arrow I had in my hands to shoot
down my sorrow with. They made me feel that it wuzn’t too late to save
my pardner, and that was a sweet thought to me.
Yes, with a thankful and grateful heart, I grasped holt of that weepon
that had defended me so many times before on hard battlefields of
principle. I held that weepon firm and upright as a spear, and says I:
“Josiah, you shall have as good a supper as hands can get.” Says I,
“Besides the common run of vittles we jenerally have for supper, cake
and tarts and such stuff, what do you say, Josiah Allen, to havin’ a
briled chicken, and toast, and mashed-up potatoes, and cream biscuit,
and peaches?”
His mean changed in a minute. I never see a mean in my hull life look
more radient than hisen did as I spoke them words. And my breast heaved
with such happy and grateful emotion that it most bust off 2 buttens in
front (them buttens wuzn’t what they was recommended to be; there was
sunthin’ wrong about ’em in the shanks). Though the mournful and
mysterious episode and Widder Bump was remembered, yet I felt a feelin’
that I should win my pardner back—I should save his sole alive.
But yet I had solemn feelin’s, I can tell you, all the while I was a
mixin’ up them cream biscuit, and brilein’ that chicken, and makin’ that
toast, and mashin’ up them potatoes, and puttin’ plenty of cream and
butter into ’em.
I well knew I was a handlin’ my most powerful weepons. I knew if them
failed, I was ondone.
I had meditated so many times and so deep onto this subject, that I knew
every crook and turn in it. How a man’s conscience, his moral faculties,
and his affections was connected by mighty and resistless cords to his
appetite. I knew well that when his morals was tottlin’, when he was
wild, balky, fractious, and oneasy, good vittles was the panaky that
soothes. And when the mighty waves of temptation was tostin’ him to and
fro—when scoldin’s seemed futile, and curtain lectures seemed vain,
extra good vittles was the anchor that wimmin could drop down into them
seethin’ waters, knowin’ that if that didn’t holt, she could, in the
words of the Sammist, “give up the ship.”
Yes, as Josiah Allen see me a gettin’ that supper he grew calm,
peaceful, his demeaner towards me grew sweet and lovin’, his affections
seemed to be stabled and firm sot onto me. I see, and I can tell you I
was a proud and happy woman as I see it, that the anchor I had throwed
overboard was a grapplin’ the rock. Agin, as in days past and gone, in
different crysises of my life, philosophy, principle, and Samantha
conquered.
The supper was a success. The spring chicken was plump and tender, but
not more tender than Josiah’s demeanor to me as he partook of that
refreshment. The cream biscuit was light and warm; so was my heart as I
see my happy pardner eat the 7th one. The peaches was delicious and
sweet; so was my Josiah’s smile onto me, as I dipped out the 4th sass
plate full and handed it to him. And after supper he sot there by my
side calm and peaceful, and the Widder Bump and all other earthly cares
and agonys seemed to be forgot.
But it wuzn’t till long afterwards, it wuzn’t till the 4th day of the
next September, though I mistrusted, I mistrusted strong before, but it
wuzn’t till then, that I knew for certain what a glorious and momentious
victory I had won that day. What great and awful responsibilities was a
devolvin’ onto them cream biscuit, and hangin’ round that chicken and
toast and potatoes. I felt solemn feelin’s a gettin’ that supper, and
curious ones a eatin’ of it. But oh, what feelin’s should I have felt if
I had known what a earthquake was a rumblin’ and a roarin’ under that
table unbeknown to me.
Oh, what blind creeters the fur seein’est of us are, how powerless are
the most magnifyest spectacles to see the brinks that pardners are a
hangin’ over unbeknown to us. But of this, more hereafter and anon.
[Illustration]