(_After Quintin Matsys._)
[Illustration]
_First Exchequer Miser._ Oh dear me! I desired to shape a Democratic
Budget!
But I fear 'twill be a fizzle, howsoe'er I fake and fudge it!
_Second E. M._ Don't talk like that, my H-RC-T, for such cynic slang is
shocking!
But--the Revenue Returns, no doubt, our dearest hopes are mocking.
_First E. M._ Oh, I know you ape the casuist, and love the pleonastic,
But how tackle our taxation in a manner really drastic
With a Revenue declining! From the task my courage blenches,
But--what will be the consequence on those clamorous Rad Benches?
They want Free Breakfast Tables, and are hot on Members' Payment,
And if they cannot get 'em, will they curse and rend our raiment?
The Death Duties, too! The failure to touch them might be the death of
us!
_Second R. M._ Yet we've been economical; it is the very breath of us.
_First E. M._ Humph! How about your Home-Rule Bill's Finance
Proposals--drat'em!
Which e'en the Irish threaten to tear up--when they get at 'em!
_Second E. M._ The Rads, of course, will want to eat their cake and have
it, also.
No, a Democratic Budget,--at least one the Rads would call so,--
I fear's not on the cards, H., but--humph! listen!
(_Whispers in his ear._)
For the rest of it
I'll trust your ingenuity, and--we must make the best of it!
[_Left working it out._
* * * * *
[Illustration: "A PRIVATE VIEW."
_Pat._ "WHAT D'YE THINK OF THE HOME-RULE BILL, MURPHY?"
_Murphy_ (_puzzled_). "BEGORRA, IF IT MEANS STAYING AT HOME WITH THE
OULD WOMAN EVERY BLESSED DAY, HOME RULE WON'T DO FOR ME AT ALL, AT
ALL!"]
* * * * *
"PER DAMNA, PER CÆDES," PERAMBULATOR.
[See Mr. ASQUITH'S Speech on the "Temperance" demonstration.]
When Trafalgar Square is with human geese full,
And fiercely fights the daft declamator,
Undisturbed the nursemaid can push the peaceful
Perambulator.
The wild teetotaller hurts not her,
Nor does the publican's justificator.
Unharmed she can push the peaceful Per-
ambulator.
The Working Man, whether true or sham,
Whether honest worker, or rough spectator,
Leaves her to push the peaceful Peram-
bulator.
Though in hostile faces and chests he ram beau--
Tiful bright banners, the demonstrator
Still lets her push the peaceful Perambu-
lator.
Thus always, whoever may block the way,
Though bones be broken and skulls be sore
May she push the peaceful Perambula-
tor.
* * * * *
"Still a _Non Est_ Man!"--J-B-Z SP-NC-R B-LF-R.
* * * * *
To Mr. John Davitt.
(_On his Maiden Speech in the House._)
"O si sic omnes!"
Surely sincerer speaker never talked!
Surely a purer patriot never walked!
Surely a fairer fighter never took field!
The man who heard your speech on Ireland's cause
Without warm sympathy, and frank applause,
Must be a--BROOKFIELD!
* * * * *