"Doubtfully it stood,
As two spent swimmers that do cling together
And choke their art."
One of Gilead Beck's difficulties--perhaps his greatest--was his want
of an adviser. People in England who have large incomes pay private
secretaries to advise them. The post is onerous, but carries with it
considerable influence. To be a Great Man's whisperer is a position
coveted by many. At present the only confidential adviser of the
American Croesus was Jack Dunquerque, and he was unsalaried and
therefore careless. Ladds and Colquhoun were less ready to listen, and
Gabriel Cassilis showed a want of sympathy with Mr. Beck's Trusteeship
which was disheartening. As for Jack, he treated the sacred Voice,
which was to Gilead Beck what his demon was to Socrates, with profound
contempt. But he enjoyed the prospect of boundless spending in which
he was likely to have a disinterested share. Next to unlimited
"chucking" of his own money, the youthful Englishman would like--what
he never gets--the unlimited chucking of other people's. So Jack
brought ideas, and communicated them as they occurred.
"Here is one," he said. "It will get rid of thousands; it will be a
Blessing and a Boon for you; it will make a real hole in the Pile; and
it's Philanthropy itself. Start a new daily."
Mr. Beck was looking straight before him with his hands in his
pockets. His face was clouded with the anxiety of his wealth. Who
would wish to be a rich man?
"I have been already thinking of it, Mr. Dunquerque," he said. "Let us
talk it over."
He sat down in his largest easy-chair, and chewed the end of an
unlighted cigar.
"I have thought of it," he went on. "I want a paper that shall have no
advertisements and no leading articles. If a man can't say what he
wants to say in half a column, that man may go to some other paper. I
shall get only live men to write for me. I will have no long reports
of speeches, and the bunkum of life shall be cut out of the paper."
"Then it will be a very little paper."
"No, sir. There is a great deal to say, once you get the right man to
say it. I've been an editor myself, and I know."
"You will not expect the paper to pay you?"
"No, sir; I shall pay for that paper. And there shall be no cutting up
of bad books to show smart writing. I shall teach some of your reviews
good manners."
"But we pride ourselves on the tone of our reviews."
"Perhaps you do, sir. I have remarked, that Englishmen pride
themselves on a good many things. I will back a first-class British
subject for bubbling around against all humanity. See, Mr. Dunquerque,
last week I read one of your high-toned reviews. There was an article
in it on a novel. The novel was a young lady's novel. When I was
editing the _Clearville Roarer_ I couldn't have laid it on in finer
style for the rough back of a Ward Politician. And a young lady!"
"People like it, I suppose," said Jack.
"I dare say they do, sir. They used to like to see a woman flogged at
the cart-tail. I am not much of a company man, Mr. Dunquerque, but I
believe that when a young lady sings out of tune it is not considered
good manners to get up and say so. And it isn't thought polite to
snigger and grin. And in my country, if a man was to invite the
company to make game of that young lady he would perhaps be requested
to take a header through the window. Let things alone, and presently
that young lady discovers that she is not likely to get cracked up as
a vocaller. I shall conduct my paper on the same polite principles. If
a man thinks he can sing and can't sing, let him be for a bit. Perhaps
he will find out his mistake. If he doesn't, tell him gently. And if
that won't do, get your liveliest writer to lay it on once for all.
But to go sneakin' and pryin' around, pickin' out the poor trash, and
cutting it up to make the people grin--it's mean, Mr. Dunquerque, it's
mean. The cart-tail and the cat-o'-nine was no worse than this
exhibition. I'm told it's done regularly, and paid for handsomely."
"Shall you be your own editor?"
"I don't know, sir. Perhaps if I stay long enough in this city to get
to the core of things, I shall scatter my own observations around. But
that's uncertain."
He rose slowly--it took him a long time to rise--and extended his long
arms, bringing them together in a comprehensive way, as if he was
embracing the universe.
"I shall have central offices in New York and London. But I shall
drive the English team first. I shall have correspondents all over the
world, and I shall have information of every dodge goin,' from an
emperor's ambition to a tin-pot company bubble."
He brought his fingers together with a clasp. Jack noticed how strong
and bony those fingers were, with hands whose muscles seemed of steel.
The countenance of the man was earnest and solemn. Suddenly it changed
expression, and that curious smile of his, unlike the smile of any
other man, crossed his face.
"Did I ever tell you my press experiences?" he asked. "Let us have
some champagne, and you shall hear them."
The champagne having been brought he told his story, walking slowly up
and down with his hands in his pockets, and jerking out the sentences
as if he was feeling for the most telling way of putting them.
Mr. Gilead Beck had two distinct styles of conversation. Generally,
but for his American tone, the length of his sentences, and a certain
florid wealth of illustration, you might take him for an Englishman of
eccentric habits of thought. When he went back to his old experiences
he employed the vernacular--rich, metaphoric, and full--which belongs
to the Western States in the rougher period of their development. And
this he used now.
"I was in Chicago. Fifteen years ago. I wanted employment. Nobody
wanted me. I spent most of the dollars, and thought I had better dig
out for a new location, when I met one day an old schoolfellow named
Rayner. He told me he was part proprietor of a morning paper. I asked
him to take me on. He said he was only publisher, but he would take me
to see the Editor, Mr. John B. Van Cott, and perhaps he would set me
grinding at the locals. We found the Editor. He was a short active man
of fifty, and he looked as cute as he was. Because, you see, Mr.
Dunquerque, unless you are pretty sharp on a Western paper, you won't
earn your mush. He was keeled back, I remember, in a strong chair,
with his feet on the front of the table, and a clip full of paper on
his knee. And in this position he used to write his leading articles.
Squelchers, some of them; made gentlemen of opposite politics cry, and
drove rival editors to polishing shooting-irons. The floor was covered
with exchanges. And there was nothing else in the place but a cracked
stove, half a dozen chairs standing around loose, and a spittoon.
"I mention these facts, Mr. Dunquerque, to show that there was good
standing-room for a free fight of not more than two.
"Mr. Van Cott shook hands, and passed me the tobacco pouch, while
Rayner chanted my praises. When he wound up and went away, the Editor
began.
"'Wal, sir,' he said, 'you look as if you knew enough to go indoors
when it rains, and Rayner seems powerful anxious to get you on the
paper. A good fellow is Rayner; as white a man as I ever knew; and he
has as many old friends as would make a good-sized city. He brings
them all here, Mr. Beck, and wants to put every one on the paper. To
hear him hold forth would make a camp-meeting exhorter feel small. But
he's disinterested, is Rayner. It's all pure goodness.'
"I tried to feel as if I wasn't down-hearted. But I was.
"'Any way,' I said, 'if I can't get on here, I must dig out for a
place nearer sundown. Once let me get a fair chance on a paper, and I
can keep my end of the stick.'
"The Editor went on to tell me what I knew already, that they wanted
live men on the paper, fellows that would do a murder right up to the
handle. Then he came to business; offered me a triple execution just
to show my style; and got up to introduce me to the other boys.
"Just then there was a knock at the door.
"'That's Poulter, our local Editor,' he said. 'Come in, Poulter. He
will take you down for me.'
"The door opened, but it wasn't Poulter. I knew that by instinct. It
was a rough-looking customer, with a black-dyed moustache, a diamond
pin in his shirt front, and a great gold chain across his vest; and he
carried a heavy stick in his hand.
"'Which is the one of you two that runs this machine?' he asked,
looking from one to the other.
"'I am the Editor,' said Mr. Van Cott, 'if you mean that.'
"'Then you air the Rooster I'm after,' he went on. 'I am John Halkett
of Tenth Ward. I want to know what in thunder you mean by printing
infernal lies about me and my party in your miserable one-hoss paper.'
"He drew a copy of the paper from his pocket, and held it before the
Editor's eyes.
"'You know your remedy, sir,' said Mr. Van Cott, quietly edging in the
direction of the table, where there was a drawer.
"'That's what I do know. That's what I'm here for. There's two
remedies. One is that you retract all the lies you have printed, the
other'----
"'You need not tell me what the other is, Mr. Halkett.' As he spoke he
drew open the drawer; but he hadn't time to take the pistol from it
when the ward politician sprang upon him, and in a flash of lightning
they were rolling over each other among the exchanges on the floor.
"If they had been evenly matched, I should have stood around to see
fair. But it wasn't equal. Van Cott, you could see at first snap, was
grit all through, and as full of fight as a game-rooster. But it was
bulldog and terrier. So I hitched on to the stranger, and pulled him
off by main force.
"'You will allow me, Mr. Van Cott,' I said, 'to take this contract off
your hands. Choose a back seat sir, and see fair.'
"'Sail in,' cried Mr. Halkett, as cheerful as a coot, 'and send for
the coroner, because he'll be wanted. I don't care which it is.'
"That was the toughest job I ever had. The strength of ward
politicians' opinions lies in their powers of bruising, and John
Halkett, as I learned afterwards, could light his weight in wild cats.
Fortunately I was no slouch in those days.
"He met my advances halfway. In ten minutes you couldn't tell Halkett
from me, nor me from Halkett. The furniture moved around cheerfully,
and there was a lovely racket. The sub-editors, printers, and
reporters came running in. It was a new scene for them, poor fellows,
and they enjoyed it accordingly. The Editor they had often watched in
a fight before, but here were two strangers worrying each other on the
floor, with Mr. Van Cott out of it himself, dodging around cheering us
on. That gave novelty.
"The sharpest of the reporters had his flimsy up in a minute, and took
notes of the proceedings.
"We fought that worry through. It lasted fifteen minutes. We fought
out of the office; we fought down the stairs; and we fought on the
pavement.
"When it was over, I found myself arrayed in the tattered remnants of
my grey coat, and nothing else. John Halkett hadn't so much as that.
He was bruised and bleeding, and he was deeply moved. Tears stood in
his eyes as he grasped me by the hand.
"'Stranger,' he said, 'will you tell me where you hail from?'
"'Air you satisfied, Mr. Halkett,' I replied, 'with the editorial
management of this newspaper?'
"'I am,' he answered. 'You bet. This is the very best edited paper
that ever ran. Good morning, sir. You have took the starch out of John
Halkett in a way that no starch ever was took out of that man before.
And if ever you get into a tight place, you come to me.'
"They put him in a cab, and sent him home for repairs. I went back to
the Editor's room. He was going on again with his usual occupation of
manufacturing squelchers. The fragments of the chairs lay around him,
but he wrote on unmoved.
"'Consider yourself permanently engaged,' he said. 'The firm will pay
for a new suit of clothes. Why couldn't you say at once that you were
fond of fighting? I never saw a visitor tackled in a more lovable
style. Why, you must have been brought up to it. And just to think
that one might never have discovered your points if it hadn't been for
the fortunate accident of John Halkett's call!'
"I said I was too modest to mention my tastes.
"'Most fortunate it is. Blevins, who used to do our fighting--a whole
team he was at it--was killed three months ago on this very floor;
there's the mark of his fluid still on the wall. We gave Blevins a
first-class funeral, and ordered a two-hundred-dollar monument to
commemorate his virtues. We were not ungrateful to Blevins.
"'Birkett came next,' he went on, making corrections with a pencil
stump. 'But he was licked like a cur three times in a fortnight.
People used to step in on purpose to wallop Birkett, it was such an
easy amusement. The paper was falling into disgrace, so we shunted
him. He drives a cab now, which suits him better, because he was
always gentlemanly in his ways.
"'Carter, who followed, was very good in some respects, but he wanted
judgment. He's in hospital with a bullet in the shoulder, which comes
of his own carelessness. We can't take him on again any more, even if
he was our style, which he never was.'
"'And who does the work now?' I ventured to ask.
"'We have had no regular man since Carter was carried off on a
shutter. Each one does a little, just as it happens to turn up. But I
don't like the irregular system. It's quite unprofessional.'
"I asked if there was much of that sort of thing.
"'Depends on the time of year. It is the dull season just now, but we
are lively enough when the fall elections come on. We sometimes have a
couple a day then. You won't find yourself rusting. And if you want
work, we can stir up a few editors by judicious writing. I'm powerful
glad we made your acquaintance, Mr. Beck.'
"That, Mr. Dunquerque, is how I became connected with the press."
"And did you like the position?"
"It had its good points. It was a situation of great responsibility.
People were continually turning up who disliked our method of
depicting character, and so the credit of the paper mainly rested on
my shoulders. No, sir; I got to like it, except when I had to go into
hospital for repairs. And even that had its charms, for I went there
so often that it became a sort of home, and the surgeons and nurses
were like brothers and sisters."
"But you gave up the post?" said Jack.
"Well, sir, I did. The occupation, after all, wasn't healthy, and was
a little too lively. The staff took a pride in me too, and delighted
to promote freedom of discussion. If things grew dull for a week or
two, they would scarify some ward ruffian just to bring on a fight.
They would hang around there to see that ward ruffian approach the
office, and they would struggle who should be the man to point me out
as the gentleman he wished to interview. They were fond of me to such
an extent that they could not bear to see a week pass without a fight.
And I will say this of them, that they were as level a lot of boys as
ever destroyed a man's character.
"Most of the business was easy. They came to see Mr. Van Cott, and
they were shown up to me. What there is of me, takes up a good deal of
the room. And when they'd put their case I used to open the door and
point. 'Git,' I would say. 'You bet,' was the general reply; and they
would go away quite satisfied with the Editorial reception. But one a
week or so there would be a put-up thing, and I knew by the look of my
men which would take their persuasion fighting.
"It gradually became clear to me that if I remained much longer there
would be a first class funeral, with me taking a prominent part in the
procesh; and I began to think of digging out while I still had my hair
on.
"One morning I read an advertisement of a paper to be sold. It was in
the city of Clearville, Illinois, and it seemed to suit. I resolved to
go and look at it, and apprised Mr. Van Cott of my intention.
"'I'm powerful sorry,' he said; 'but of course we can't keep you if
you will go. You've hoed your row like a square man ever since you
came, and I had hoped to have your valuable services till the end.'
"I attempted to thank him, but he held up his hand, and went on
thoughtfully.
"'There's room in our plat at Rose Hill Cemetery for one or two more;
and I had made up my mind to let you have one side of the monument all
to yourself. The sunny side, too--quite the nicest nest in the plat.
And we'd have given you eight lines of poetry--Blevins only got four,
and none of the other fellows any. I assure you, Beck, though you may
not think it, I have often turned this over in my mind when you have
been in hospital, and I got to look on it as a settled thing. And now
this is how it ends. Life is made up of disappointments.'
"I said it was very good of him to take such an interest in my
funeral, but that I had no yearning at present for Rose Hill Cemetery,
and I thought it would be a pity to disturb Blevins. As I had never
known him and the other boys, they mightn't be pleased if a total
stranger were sent to join their little circle.
"Mr. Van Cott was good enough to say that they wouldn't mind it for
the sake of the paper: but I had my prejudices, and I resigned.
"I don't know whether you visited Illinois when you were in America,
Mr. Dunquerque; but if you did, perhaps you went to Clearville. It is
in that part of the State which goes by the name of Egypt, and is so
named on account of the benighted condition of the natives. It wasn't
a lively place to go to, but still----
"The _Clearville Roarer_ was the property of a Mrs. Scrimmager,
widow of the lately defunct editor. She was a fresh buxom widow of
thirty-five, with a flow of language that would down a town council or
a vestry. I inferred from this that the late Mr. Scrimmager was not
probably very sorry when the time came for him to pass in his checks.
"She occupied the upper flats of a large square building, in the lower
part of which were the offices of the paper. I inspected the premises,
and having found that the books and plant were pretty well what the
advertisement pretended, I closed the bargain at once, and entered
into possession.
"The first evening I took tea with Mrs. Scrimmager.
"'It must be more than a mite lonely for you,' she said, as we sat
over her dough-nuts and flipflaps, 'up at the tavern. But you'll soon
get to know all the leading people. They're a two-cent lot, the best
of them. Scrimmy (we always called him Scrimmy for short) never
cottoned to them. He used to say they were too low and common, mean
enough to shoot a man without giving him a chance--a thing which
Scrimmy, who was honourable from his boots up, would have scorned to
do.'
"I asked if it was long since her husband had taken his departure.
"'He started,' she said, 'for kingdom come two months ago, if that's
what you mean.'
"'Long ill?'
"'Ill?' she replied, as if surprised at the question. 'Scrimmy never
was ill in his life. He was quite the wrong man for that. Scrimmy was
killed.'
"'Was he,' I asked. 'Railway accident, I suppose?'
"Mrs. Scrimmager looked at me resentfully, as if she thought I really
ought to have known better. Then she curved her upper lip in disdain.
"'Railway accident! Not much. Scrimmy was shot.'
"'Terrible!' I ejaculated, with a nervous sensation, because I guessed
what was coming.
"'Well, it was rough on him,' she said. 'Scrimmy and Huggins of the
_Scalper_--do you know Huggins? Well, you'll meet him soon enough
for your health. They hadn't been friends for a long while, and each
man was waiting to draw a bead on the other. How they did go for one
another! As an ink-slinger, Huggins wasn't a patch on my husband; but
Huggins was a trifle handier with his irons. In fact, Huggins has shot
enough men to make a small graveyard of his own; and his special
weakness is editors of your paper.'
"'I began to think that Clearville was not altogether the place for
peace and rest. But it was too late now.
"The lady went on:
"'Finally, Scrimmy wrote something that riled Huggins awful. So he
sent him a civil note, saying that he'd bore a hole in him first
chance. I've got the note in my desk there. That was gentlemanlike, so
far; but he spoiled it all by the mean sneaking way he carried it
through. Scrimmy, who was wonderful careless and never would take my
advice, was writing in his office when Huggins crept in quiet, and
dropped a bullet through his neck before he had time to turn. Scrimmy
knew it was all up; but he was game to the last, and finished his
article, giving the _Scalper_ thunder. When he'd done it he came
upstairs and died.'
"'And Mr. Huggins?'
"'They tried him; but, Lord, the jury were all his friends, and they
brought it in justifiable homicide. After the funeral Huggins behaved
handsome; he put the _Scalper_ into deep mourning, and wrote a
beautiful send-off notice, saying what a loss the community had
suffered in Scrimmy's untimely end. I've got the article in my desk,
and I'll show it to you; but somehow I never could bring myself to be
friends with Huggins after it.'
"'Mr. Scrimmager was perhaps not the only editor who has fallen a
victim in Clearville.'
"'The only one? Not by a long chalk,' she replied. 'The _Roarer_
has had six editors in five years; they've all been shot except one,
and he died of consumption. His was a very sad case. A deputation of
leading citizens called to interview him one evening; he took refuge
on the roof of the office, and they kept him there all night in a
storm. He died in two months after it. But he was a poor nervous
critter, quite unfit for his position.'
"'And this,' I thought, 'this is the place I have chosen for a quiet
life.'
"I debated that night with myself whether it would be better to blow
the roof off my head at once, instead of waiting for Huggins or some
other citizen to do it for me. But I resolved on waiting a little.
"Next day I examined the files of the _Roarer_, and found that it
had been edited with great vigor and force; there was gunpowder in
every article, fire and brimstone in every paragraph. No wonder, I
thought, that the men who wrote those things were chopped up into
sausage-meat. I read more, and it seemed as if they might as well have
set themselves up as targets at once. I determined on changing the
tone of the paper; I would no longer call people midnight assassins
and highway robbers, nor would I hint that political opponents were
all related to suspended criminals. I would make the _Roarer_
something pure, noble, and good; I would take Washington Irving for my
model; it should be my mission to elevate the people.
"Wal, sir, I begun. I wrote for my first number articles as elevating
as Kentucky whisky. Every sentence was richly turned; every paragraph
was as gentle as if from the pen of Goldsmith. There was a mutiny
among the compositors; they were unaccustomed to such language, and it
made them feel small. One man, after swearing till the atmosphere was
blue, laid down his stick in despair and went and got drunk. And the
two apprentices fought over the meaning of a sentence in the backyard.
One of those boys is now a cripple for life.
"It would have been better for me, a thousand times better, if I had
stuck to the old lines of writing. The people were accustomed to that.
They looked for it, and they didn't want any elevating. If you think
of it, Mr. Dunquerque, people never do. The Clearville roughs liked to
be abused, too, because it gave them prominence and importance. But my
pure style didn't suit them, and as it turned out, didn't suit me
either.
"The City Marshal was the earliest visitor after the issue of my first
number. He came to say that, as the chief executive officer of the
town, he would not be responsible for the public peace if I persevered
in that inflammatory style. I told him I wouldn't change it for him or
anybody else. Then he said it would cause a riot, and he washed his
hands of it, and he'd done his duty.
"Next came the Mayor with two town-councillors.
"'What in thunder, do you think you mean, young man,' his honour
began, pointing to my last editorial, 'by bringing everlasting
disgrace on our town with such mush as that?'
"He called it mush.
"I asked him what was wrong in it.
"'Wrong? It is all wrong. Of all the mean and miserable twaddle'----
"He called it miserable twaddle.
"'Hold on, Mr. Mayor,' I said; 'we must discuss this article in a
different way. Which member of your august body does the heavy
business?'
"'We all take a hand when it's serious,' he replied; 'but in ordinary
cases it's generally understood that I do the municipal fighting
myself.'
"'We'll consider this an ordinary case, Mr. Mayor,' I said; and I went
for that chief magistrate. He presently passed through the window--the
fight had no details of interest--and then the town-councillors shook
hands with me, congratulated me on my editorial, and walked out quiet
through the door.
"Nearly a dozen Egyptians dropped in during the afternoon to
remonstrate. I disposed of them in as gentlemanlike a manner as
possible. Towards evening I was growing a little tired, and thinking
of shutting up for the day, when my foreman, whom the day's
proceedings had made young again--such is the effect of joy--informed
me that Mr. Huggins of the _Scalper_ was coming down the street.
A moment later Mr. Huggins entered. He was a medium-sized man, with
sharp, piercing eyes and a well-bronzed face, active as a terrier and
tough as a hickory knot. I was sitting in the wreck of the
office-desk, but I rose as he came in.
"'Don't stir,' he said pleasantly. 'My name is Huggins; but I am not
going to kill you to-day.'
"I said I was much obliged to him.
"'I see you've been receiving visitors,' he went on, looking at the
fragments of the chairs. 'Ours, Mr. Beck, is an active and a
responsible profession.'
"I said I thought it was.
"'These people have been pressing their arguments home with unseemly
haste,' he said. 'It is unkind to treat a stranger thus. Now as for
me, I wouldn't draw on you for your first article, not to be made
Governor of Illinois. It would be most unprofessional. Give a man a
fair show, I say.'
"'Very good, Mr. Huggins.'
"'At the same time, Mr. Beck, I _do_ think you've laid yourself open.
You are reckless, not to say insulting. Take my case. You never saw me
before, and you've had the weakness to speak of me as the gentlemanly
editor of the _Scalper_.'
"'I'm sure, Mr. Huggins, if the term is offensive'----
"'Offensive? Of course it is offensive. But as this is our first
interview, I must not let my dander rise.'
"'Let it rise by all means, and stay as high as it likes. We may find
a way of bringing it down again.'
"'No, no,' he answered, smiling; 'it would be unprofessional. Still, I
must say that your sneaking, snivelling city way of speaking will not
go down, and I have looked in to tell you that it must not be
repeated.'
"'It shall not be repeated, Mr. Huggins. I shall never again make the
mistake of calling you a gentleman.'
"He started up like a flash, and moved his hand to his breast-pocket.
"'What do mean by that?'
"I was just in time, as I sprang upon and seized him by both arms
before he could draw his pistol.
"'I mean this,' I said; 'you've waked up the wrong passenger this
time, Mr. Huggins. You needn't wriggle. I've been chucking people
through the window all day, and you shall end the lot. But first I
want that shooting-iron; it might go off by accident and hurt some one
badly.'
"It was a long and mighty heavy contract, for he was as supple as an
eel and as wicked as a cat. But I got the best holt at last, relieved
him of his pistol, and tossed him through the window.
"'Jim,' I said to the foreman, as I stretched myself in a corner,
panting and bleeding, 'You can shut up. We shan't do any more business
to-day.'
"I issued two more numbers of the _Roarer_ on the same refined and
gentlemanly principle, and I fought half the county. But all to no
purpose. Neither fighting nor writing could reform those Egyptians.
"Huggins shot me through the arm one evening as I was going home from
the office. I shall carry his mark to the grave. Three nights later I
was waited on by about thirty leading citizens, headed by the Mayor.
They said they thought Clearville wasn't agreeing with me, and they
were come to remove me. I was removed on a plank, escorted by a
torch-light procesh of the local fire brigade. On the platform of the
railway station the Mayor delivered a short address. He said, with
tears, that the interests of party were above those of individuals,
and that a change of residence was necessary for me. Then he put into
my hands a purse of two hundred dollars, and we parted with every
expression of mutual esteem.
"That is how I came out of the land of Egypt, Mr. Dunquerque; and that
is the whole history of my connection with the press."