Our village cobbler, Roberts, has reduced the principle, "Put not thy
trust in any child of man," to its very lowest and worst. He regards
himself as simply born to be robbed and oppressed. Yet is he so mild and
uncomplaining and unassuming about it all that no one, even the most
persistent robber and oppressor, could ever find it in his heart to do
him down. But even so his pessimism and readiness to be done are such
that he must make it very hard for people to spare him sometimes. I have
this story from our local banker, who was called upon by the Income
Producer Company, Limited (of some obscure address in the City of
London) to put the matter right.
It appears that Roberts had, after many years of economy, amassed some
savings, which from the first he regarded as bound to land him in
trouble. He indulged in twenty £1 shares in the I. P. Co., Ltd., only
because he had to do something with the twenty pounds. He told everybody
that he neither expected to see his capital again nor even to get any
interest on it. He hinted darkly at worse things to come from the
transaction, though what these might be he didn't pretend to know.
I have no inside knowledge of the I. P. Company, except that its stock
doesn't appear among the use of Trustee Securities. But whatever
trustees may think of it, it did declare at the end of 1913 (after a
somewhat prolonged silence) a decent dividend on its ordinary shares.
Maybe this was by reason of its innate honesty; maybe it was simply
because it hadn't the heart to deny his rights to such a man as Roberts.
Anyhow it declared its dividend, and, what is more, proceeded to pay it
in the manner usual to limited companies.
And so in due course Roberts received a formidable-looking piece of
paper, with the title, in very impressive lettering, "DIVIDEND WARRANT,"
and below the figures £1 8s. 3d.
There must be many, among the uninstructed classes, who have no idea
what a dividend warrant may be, but few would, I think, at once take the
dismal view of the thing that Roberts took.
By return of post the Secretary of the Income Producer Company, Limited,
received an envelope addressed in a shaky hand and enclosing a postal
order for a pound, together with a letter from Roberts, in which he
prayed for a few days of grace, in which a poor but honest old man might
raise the further 8s. 3d. thus demanded of him by legal process.
* * * * *
"The bride will be supported by five piers."
_Evening Standard._
Read this aloud to your wife and see if she isn't jealous. And then try
her with this from _The Greater Britain Messenger_:--
"Big Dams and what they mean to the Church."
She ought to be shocked.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _McTavish._ "Noo, ma frien', see me sendin' the wee ba'
scootin' ower the bonny bur-r-r-n!"]
[Illustration: _McTavish._ (_to caddie_). "Awa', ye great sumph, an'
tak' it oot o' yon dur-r-r-ty ditch!"]
* * * * *