_Mr. ASQUITH._ Perhaps the most important point before us, now that the
Naval Estimates are settled satisfactorily, is the question how we're to
get through the Session. The Labour Party seems discontented.
_Mr. HARCOURT_ (_airily_). I like talking over their denunciations with
them as they walk through the lobby with us afterwards.
_Mr. ASQUITH._ Yes, I agree that their altitude is not of overwhelming
importance. Oh, by the way, I have had an interview with Mr. REDMOND. He
is pleased to say that at present he is favourably disposed to us.
_All_ (_except Lord CREWE_). That's all right.
_Lord CREWE._ H'm.
_Mr. JOHN BURNS._ I----
_Mr. ASQUITH._ Pardon me if I interrupt, but there is a bad feeling in
the country. A paper known as _The Spectator_ even suggests the
impeachment of the Government.
_Mr. LLOYD GEORGE._ I am not surprised. Unprincipled attacks are often
made on me by political muckrakers. I sometimes think that I shall give
up politics.
_Lord CREWE._ H'm.
_Mr. BIRRELL._ And suggestions are made that Ministers should be hanged
in Downing Street. Now in Dublin one allows a certain latitude, but in
Downing Street!
_Mr. MCKENNA._ I have consulted the police authorities on the point.
They inform me that the lamp-posts would only bear an exceedingly light
weight.
_Lord HALDANE._ That is most reassuring.
_Colonel SEELEY._ There's another threat. They talk of the Lords
throwing out the Army Bill.
_Mr. LLOYD GEORGE._ Good--a saving of thirty (or is it fifty?)
millions--a great democratic Budget--and an election-winning cry, "The
Lords destroy the Army."
_Lord CREWE._ H'm.
_Colonel SEELEY._ But we need the Army.
_Mr. LLOYD GEORGE._ What for? Its elimination would be a great moral
example to Germany. _Some_ nation must take the lead in the peace
movement.
_Mr. CHURCHILL._ The third great election-winner! I suppose National
Insurance and Land go back to the stable.
_Mr. BURNS._ I----
_Mr. BIRRELL_ (_hastily_). But there's Ulster. What about Ulster?
_Mr. CHURCHILL._ The solution is simple. We revive the Heptarchy.
_Mr. LLOYD GEORGE._ The Heptarchy was a Saxon institution. It makes no
appeal to the ardent, fervid intensely religious Celt.
_Lord CREWE._ H'm.
_Mr. BURNS._ I----
_Mr. HARCOURT_ (_interrupting_). But what are we to do about Ulster?
_Mr. ASQUITH._ We must await the reply to our offer.
_Mr. BIRRELL._ But have we made an offer? I said we
had, but have we?
_Mr. MCKENNA._ (_acutely_). We might await a reply to our tentative
offer of an offer.
_Mr. ASQUITH._ Good, MCKENNA, very good. I appreciate the delicate
distinction.
_Lord HALDANE_ (_aside to Lord MORLEY_). Had MCKENNA been caught young
and forcibly educated, he would have made a metaphysician.
_Mr. ASQUITH._ We have not yet considered whether anything can be done
to remedy the temporary unpopularity of the Government.
_Colonel SEELEY._ Suppose HOBHOUSE resigned. (_A hum of approval._)
_Mr. ASQUITH._ Say, rather, accepted a lofty Imperial post.
_Mr. HOBHOUSE._ And made room for LLOYD GEORGE'S Man Friday! It would
mean a by-election in Bethnal Green, where he comes from.
(_Consternation._)
_Mr. BURNS._ I----
_Mr. ASQUITH_ (_suddenly_). I accept your resignation with great regret,
BURNS.
_Mr. Burns._ (_indignantly_). I was about to say that under no
circumstances would I resign.
_Mr. ASQUITH_ (_sadly_). Pardon me. I thought you were anxious for
leisure to complete your autobiography. Well, if there are no
resignations, I think we have ended the business of the day.
* * * *