July 1.
I labour in vain to calm my mind—my soul has been overwhelmed by sorrow
and disappointment. Every thing fatigues me—this is a life that cannot
last long. It is you who must determine with respect to futurity—and,
when you have, I will act accordingly—I mean, we must either resolve to
live together, or part for ever, I cannot bear these continual
struggles—But I wish you to examine carefully your own heart and mind;
and if you perceive the least chance of being happier without me than
with me, or if your inclination leans capriciously to that side, do not
dissemble; but tell me frankly that you will never see me more. I will
then adopt the plan I mentioned to you—for we must either live together,
or I will be entirely independent.
My heart is so oppressed, I cannot write with precision——You know
however that what I so imperfectly express, are not the crude sentiments
of the moment—You can only contribute to my comfort (it is the
consolation I am in need of) by being with me—and, if the tenderest
friendship is of any value, why will you not look to me for a degree of
satisfaction that heartless affections cannot bestow?
Tell me then, will you determine to meet me at Basle?—I shall, I should
imagine, be at —— before the close of August; and, after you settle your
affairs at Paris, could we not meet there?
God bless you!
Yours truly
* * * *
Poor —— —— has suffered during the journey with her teeth.