Sunday, June, 14.
I rather expected to hear from you to-day—I wish you would not fail to
write to me for a little time, because I am not quite well—Whether I
have any good sleep or not, I wake in the morning in violent fits of
trembling—and, in spite of all my efforts, the child—every
thing—fatigues me, in which I seek for solace or amusement.
Mr. —— forced on me a letter to a physician of this place; it was
fortunate, for I should otherwise have had some difficulty to obtain the
necessary information. His wife is a pretty woman (I can admire, you
know, a pretty woman, when I am alone) and he an intelligent and rather
interesting man.—They have behaved to me with great hospitality; and
poor —— was never so happy in her life, as amongst their young brood.
They took me in their carriage to —— and I ran over my favourite walks,
with a vivacity that would have astonished you.—The town did not please
me quite so well as formerly—It appeared so diminutive; and, when I
found that many of the inhabitants had lived in the same houses ever
since I left it, I could not help wondering how they could thus have
vegetated, whilst I was running over a world of sorrow, snatching at
pleasure, and throwing off prejudices. The place where I at present am,
is much improved; but it is astonishing what strides aristocracy and
fanaticism have made, since I resided in this country.
The wind does not appear inclined to change, so I am still forced to
linger—When do you think that you shall be able to set out for France? I
do not entirely like the aspect of your affairs, and still less your
connections on the other side of the water. Often do I sigh, when I
think of your entanglements in business, and your extreme
restlessness.—Even now I am almost afraid to ask you whether the
pleasure of being free does not over-balance the pain you felt at
parting with me? Sometimes I indulge the hope that you will feel me
necessary to you—or why should we meet again?—but, the moment after,
despair damps my rising spirits, aggravated by the emotions of
tenderness, which ought to soften the cares of life.——God bless you!
Yours sincerely and affectionately
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