October 1.
It is a heartless task to write letters, without knowing whether they
will ever reach you.—I have given two to ——, who has been a-going,
a-going, every day, for a week past; and three others, which were
written in a low-spirited strain, a little querulous or so, I have not
been able to forward by the opportunities that were mentioned to me.
_Tant mieux!_ you will say, and I will not say nay; for I should be
sorry that the contents of a letter, when you are so far away, should
damp the pleasure that the sight of it would afford—judging of your
feelings by my own. I just now stumbled on one of the kind letters,
which you wrote during your last absence. You are then a dear
affectionate creature, and I will not plague you. The letter which you
chance to receive, when the absence is so long, ought to bring only
tears of tenderness, without any bitter alloy, into your eyes.
After your return I hope indeed, that you will not be so immersed in
business, as during the last three or four months past—for even money,
taking into the account all the future comforts it is to procure, may be
gained at too dear a rate, if painful impressions are left on the
mind.—These impressions were much more lively, soon after you went away,
than at present—for a thousand tender recollections efface the
melancholy traces they left on my mind—and every emotion is on the same
side as my reason, which always was on yours.—Separated, it would be
almost impious to dwell on real or imaginary imperfections of
character.—I feel that I love you; and, if I cannot be happy with you, I
will seek it no where else.
My little darling grows every day more dear to me—and she often has a
kiss, when we are alone together, which I give her for you, with all my
heart.
I have been interrupted—and must send off my letter. The liberty of the
press will produce a great effect here—the _cry of blood will not be
vain_!—Some more monsters will perish—and the Jacobins are
conquered.—Yet I almost fear the last slap of the tail of the beast.
I have had several trifling teazing inconveniencies here, which I shall
not now trouble you with a detail of.—I am sending —— back; her
pregnancy rendered her useless. The girl I have got has more vivacity,
which is better for the child.