_Ch._ I hear, you have lately been in your own Country.
_Pe._ I have so, I had been out of it a pretty While. I could not bear
to be out of it long. I could not bear to be out of my Parents Sight any
longer. I thought it long till I enjoy'd my Friends Company.
_Ch._ You have acted very piously. You are very good Humour'd, to think
of those Matters. We have all a strange Affection for the Country that
hath bred us, and brought us forth.
_As_ Ovid _says_:
_Nescio quâ natale solum dulcedine cunctos
Ducit, et immemores non sinit esse sui._
Pray tell me how did you find all Things there.
* * * * *
_All Things new. The Form._
_Pe._ Nothing but what was new. All Things changed, all Things become
new. See how soon Time changes all human Affairs. Methought I came into
another World. I had scarce been absent ten Years, and yet I admired at
every Thing, as much as _Epimenides_ the Prince of Sleepers, when he
first wak'd out of his Sleep.
_Ch._ What Story is that? What Fable is that?
_Pe._ I'll tell you if you are at Leisure.
_Ch._ There is nothing more pleasant.
_Pe._ Then order me a Chair and a Cushion.
_Ch._ That's very well thought on, for you will tell Lyes the better,
sitting at Ease.
_Pe._ Historians tell us a Story, of one _Epimenides_ a Man of _Crete_,
who taking a Walk alone by himself without the City, being caught in a
hasty Shower of Rain, went for Shelter into a Cave, and there fell
asleep, and slept on for seven and forty Years together.
_I don't believe it. The Form._
_Ch._ What a Story you tell? 'Tis incredible. What you say is not very
likely. You tell me a Fiction. I don't think 'tis true. You tell me a
monstrous Story. Are you not asham'd to be guilty of so wicked a Lye?
This is a Fable fit to be put among _Lucian's_ Legends.
_Pe._ Nay, I tell you what is related by Authors of Credit, unless you
think _Aulus Gellius_ is not an Author of approv'd Credit.
_Ch._ Nay, whatsoever he has written are Oracles to me.
_Pe._ Do you think that a Divine dream'd so many Years? For it is
storied that he was a Divine.
_Ch._ I am with Child to hear.
_The Answer._
_Pe._ What is it more than what _Scotus_ and the School-men did
afterwards? But _Epimenides_, he came off pretty well, he came to
himself again at last; but a great many Divines never wake out of their
Dreams.
_Ch._ Well go on, you do like a Poet; But go on with your Lye.
_Pe._ _Epimenides_ waking out of his Sleep, goes out of his Cave, and
looks about him, and sees all Things chang'd, the Woods, the Banks, the
Rivers, the Trees, the Fields; and, in short, there was nothing but was
new: He goes to the City, and enquires; he stays there a little While,
but knows no Body, nor did any Body know him: the Men were dress'd after
another Fashion, than what they were before; they had not the same
Countenances; their Speech was alter'd, and their Manners quite
different: Nor do I wonder it was so with _Epimenides_, after so many
Years, when it was almost so with me, when I had been absent but a few
Years.
_Ch._ But how do your Father and Mother do? Are they living?
_Pe._ They are both alive and well; but pretty much worn out with old
Age, Diseases, and lastly, with the Calamities of War.
_Ch._ This is the Comedy of human Life. This is the inevitable Law of
Destiny.
* * * * *
_Words, Names of Affinity._
_Pe._ Will you sup at Home to Day?
_Ch._ I am to sup abroad: I must go out to Supper.
_Pe._ With whom?
_Ch._ With my Father in Law; with my Son in Law; at my Daughter's in
Law; with my Kinsman. They are call'd, _Affines_, Kinsmen, who are
ally'd not by Blood, but Marriage.
_Pe._ What are the usual Names of Affinity?
_Ch._ A Husband and Wife are noted Names. _Socer_, Is my Wife's Father.
_Gener_, My Daughter's Husband. _Socrus_, My Wife's Mother. _Nurus_, My
Son's Wife. _Levir_, A Husband's Brother. _Levir_ is call'd by the Wife,
as _Helen_ calls _Hector_, _Levir_, because she was married to _Paris_.
_Fratria_, My Brother's Wife. _Glos_, A Husband's Sister. _Vitricus_, My
Mother's Husband. _Noverca_, My Father's Wife. _Privignus_, The Son of
my Wife or Husband. _Privigna_, The Daughter of either of them.
_Rivalis_, He that loves the same Woman another does. _Pellex_, She that
loves the same Man another does; as _Thraso_ is the Rival of
_Phroedria_, and _Europa_ the _Pellex_ of _Juno_.
* * * * *
_Of inviting to a Feast._
_Dine with me to Morrow._
_Pe._ I give you Thanks, I commend you, I invite you to Supper against
to Morrow, I entreat your Company at Supper to Morrow. I desire you'd
come to Dinner with me to Morrow. I would have your Company at Dinner
to Morrow.
_I fear I can't come._
_Ch._ I fear I can't. I am afraid I can't. I will come if I can; but I
am afraid I can't.
_Why?_
_Pe._ Why can't you? How so? Why so? Wherefore? For what Reason? For
what Cause? What hinders you that you can't.
_I must stay at Home._
_Ch._ Indeed I must be at Home at that Time. I must needs be at Home at
Night. I must not be abroad at that Time. I shall not have an
Opportunity to go out any where to Morrow. I must not be absent at
Dinner. I expect some Guests myself upon that Day. Some Friends have
made an Appointment to sup at our House that Night. I have some Guests
to entertain that Night, or else I would come with all my Heart. Unless
it were so, I would not be unwilling to come. If it were not so, I
should not want much entreating. I would make no Excuse if I could come.
If I could come, I would not be ask'd twice. If I could by any Means
come, I would come with a very little, or without any Invitation at all.
If I could, I would obey your Command very readily. It is in vain to ask
one that is not at his own Disposal: And there would be no need to ask
me if I could come: But at present, though I had never so much Mind, I
can't; and it would be altogether unnecessary to ask one that is
willing.
_Pe._ Then pray let me have your Company the next Day after: However, I
must needs have your Company at Supper the next Day after to Morrow. You
must not deny me your Company four Days hence. You must make no Excuse
as to coming next Thursday.
_I can't promise._
_Ch._ I can't promise. I cannot positively promise you. I can't
certainly promise you. I will come when it shall be most convenient for
us both.
_You ought to set the Day._
_Pe._ I would have you appoint a Day when you will come to sup with me.
You must assign a Day. You must set the Day. I desire a certain Day may
be prefix'd, prescrib'd, appointed, set; but set a certain Day. I would
have you tell me the Day.
_I would not have you know before Hand._
_Ch._ Indeed I don't use to set a Day for my Friends. I am used to set a
Day for those I'm at Law with. I would not have you know before Hand.
I'll take you at unawares. I'll come unexpectedly. I will catch you when
you don't think on me. I shall take you when you don't think on me. I'll
come unlooked for. I'll come upon you before you are aware. I'll come an
uninvited and unexpected Guest.
_I would know before Hand._
_Pe._ I would know two Days before Hand. Give me Notice two Days before
you come. Make me acquainted two Days before.
_Ch._ If you will have me, I'll make a _Sybaritical_ Appointment, that
you may have Time enough to provide afore Hand.
_Pe._ What Appointment is that?
_Ch._ The _Sybarites_ invited their Guests against the next Year, that
they might both have Time to be prepar'd.
_Pe._ Away with the _Sybarites_, and their troublesome Entertainments: I
invite an old Chrony, and not a Courtier.
_You desire to your own Detriment._
_Ch._ Indeed 'tis to your Detriment. Indeed 'tis to your own Harm. To
your own Loss. You wish for it. You pray for that to your own
Ill-convenience.
_Pe._ Why so? Wherefore.
_Ch._ I'll come provided. I'll come prepar'd. I'll set upon you
accoutred. I'll come furnish'd with a sharp Stomach; do you take Care
that you have enough to satisfy a Vulture. I'll prepare my Belly and
whet my Teeth; do you look to it, to get enough to satisfy a Wolf.
_Pe._ Come and welcome, I dare you to it. Come on, if you can do any
Thing, do it to your utmost, with all your Might.
_Ch._ I'll come, but I won't come alone.
_Pe._ You shall be the more welcome for that; but who will you bring
with you?
_Ch._ My _Umbra_.
_Pe._ You can't do otherwise if you come in the Day Time.
_Ch._ Ay, but I'll bring one _Umbra_ or two that have got Teeth, that
you shan't have invited me for nothing.
_Pe._ Well, do as you will, so you don't bring any Ghosts along with
you. But if you please explain what is the Meaning of the Word _Umbra_.
_Ch._ Among the Learned they are call'd _Umbræ_, who being uninvited,
bear another Person, that is invited, Company to a Feast.
_Pe._ Well, bring such Ghosts along with you as many as you will.
* * * * *
_I promise upon this Condition._
_Ch._ Well, I will come, but upon this Condition, that you shall come to
Supper with me the next Day. I will do it upon this Condition that you
shall be my Guest afterwards. Upon that Condition I promise to come to
Supper, that you again shall be my Guest. I promise I will, but upon
these Terms, that you in the like Manner shall be my Guest the next Day.
I promise I will, I give you my Word I will, upon this Consideration,
that you dine with me the next Day.
_Pe._ Come on, let it be done, let it be so. It shall be as you would
have it. If you command me, I'll do it. I know the _French_ Ambition,
You won't sup with me, but you'll make me Amends for it. And so by this
Means Feasts use to go round. From hence it comes to pass, that it is a
long Time before we have done feasting one with another. By this
Interchangeableness Feasts become reciprocal without End.
_Ch._ It is the pleasantest Way of Living in the World, if no more
Provision be made, but what is used to be made daily. But, I detain you,
it may be, when you are going some whither.
_Pe._ Nay, I believe, I do you. But we'll talk more largely and more
freely to Morrow. But we'll divert ourselves to Morrow more plentifully.
In the mean Time take Care of your Health. In the mean Time take Care to
keep yourself in good Health. Farewell till then.
* * * * *
_Whither are you going? The Form._
_Ch._ Where are you a going now? Whither are you going so fast? Where
are you a going in such great Haste. Whither go you? What's your Way?
* * * * *
_I go Home. The Form._
_Pe._ I go Home. I return Home. I go to see what they are a doing at
Home. I go to call a Doctor. I am going into the Country. I made an
Appointment just at this Time to go to speak with a certain great Man. I
made an Appointment to meet a great Man at this Time.
_Ch._ Whom?
_Pe._ Talkative _Curio_.
_Ch._ I wish you _Mercury_'s Assistance.
_Pe._ What need of _Mercury_'s Assistance?
_Ch._ Because you have to do with a Man of Words.
_Pe._ Then it were more proper to wish the Assistance of the Goddess
_Memoria_.
_Ch._ Why so?
_Pe._ Because you'll have more Occasion for patient Ears, than a
strenuous Tongue. And the Ear is dedicated to the Goddess _Memoria_.
_Ch._ Whither are you going? Whither will you go?
_Pe._ This Way, to the left Hand. This Way, that Way, through the
Market.
_Ch._ Then I'll bear you Company as far as the next Turning.
_Pe._ I won't let you go about. You shan't put yourself to so much
Trouble on my Account. Save that Trouble till it shall be of Use, it is
altogether unnecessary at this Time. Don't go out of your Way upon my
Account.
_Ch._ I reckon I save my Time while I enjoy the Company of so good a
Friend. I have nothing else to do, and I am not so lazy, if my Company
won't be troublesome.
_Pe._ No Body is a more pleasant Companion. But I won't suffer you to go
on my left Hand. I won't let you walk on my left Hand. Here I bid God be
with you. I shall not bear you Company any longer. You shan't go further
with me.
* * * * *
_A Form of Recommending._
_Ch._ Recommend me kindly to _Curio_. Recommend me as kindly as may be
to talkative _Curio_. Take Care to recommend me heartily to _Curio_. I
desire you have me recommended to him. I recommend myself to him by you.
I recommend myself to you again and again. I recommend myself to your
Favour with all the Earnestness possible. Leave _recommendo_ instead of
_commendo_ to _Barbarians_. See that you don't be sparing of your
Speech with one that is full of Tongue. See that you be not of few Words
with him that is a Man of many Words.
* * * * *
_A Form of Obsequiousness._
_Pe._ Would you have me obey you? Would you have me be obedient? Shall I
obey you? Then you command me to imitate you. Since you would have it
so, I'll do it with all my Heart. Don't hinder me any longer; don't let
us hinder one another.
_Ch._ But before you go, I intreat you not to think much to teach me how
I must use these Sentences, _in morâ, in causâ, in culpâ_; you use to be
studious of Elegancy. Wherefore come on, I entreat you teach me; explain
it to me, I love you dearly.
* * * * *
_In Culpâ, In Causâ, In Morâ._
_Pe._ I must do as you would have me. The Fault is not in me. It is not
in thee. The Delay is in thee. Thou art the Cause, is indeed
grammatically spoken; these are more elegant.
_In Culpâ._
I am not in the Fault. The Fault is not mine. I am without Fault. Your
Idleness has been the Cause, that you have made no Proficiency, not your
Master nor your Father. You are all in Fault. You are both in Fault. You
are both to be blam'd. Ye are both to be accus'd. You have gotten this
Distemper by your own ill Management. In like Manner they are said to be
_in vitio_, to whom the Fault is to be imputed; and _in crimine_, they
who are to be blam'd; and _in damno_, who are Losers. This sort of
Phrase is not to be inverted commonly; _Damnum in illo est. Vitium in
illo est._
* * * * *
_In Causâ._
Sickness has been the Occasion that I have not written to you. My
Affairs have been the Cause that I have written to you so seldom, and
not Neglect. What was the Cause? What Cause was there? I was not the
Cause. The Post-Man was in the Fault that you have had no Letters from
me. Love and not Study is the Cause of your being so lean. This is the
Cause.
_In Morâ._
I won't hinder you. What has hinder'd you? You have hindred us. You are
always a Hindrance. What hindred you? Who has hindred you? You have what
you ask'd for. It is your Duty to remember it. You have the Reward of
your Respect. Farewell, my _Christian_.
_Ch._ And fare you well till to Morrow, my _Peter_.
* * * * *
_At Meeting._
_CHRISTIAN, AUSTIN._
_Ch._ God save you heartily, sweet _Austin_.
_Au._ I wish the same to you, most kind _Christian_. Good Morrow to you.
I wish you a good Day; but how do you do?
_Ch._ Very well as Things go, and I wish you what you wish for.
_Au._ I love you deservedly. I love thee. Thou deservest to be lov'd
heartily. Thou speakest kindly. Thou art courteous. I give thee Thanks.
* * * * *
_I am angry with thee. The Form._
_Ch._ But I am something angry with you. But I am a little angry with
you. But I am a little provok'd at you. I have something to be angry
with you for.
* * * * *
_For what Cause. The Form._
_Au._ I pray what is it? Why so? But why, I beseech you? What Crime have
I committed? What have I done? _Promereor bona_, I deserve Good;
_Commereor mala_, I deserve Ill, or Punishment: The one is used in a
good Sense, and the other in an ill. _Demeremur eum_, is said of him
that we have attach'd to us by Kindness.
* * * * *
_Because you don't Regard me._
_Ch._ Because you take no Care of me. Because you don't regard me.
Because you come to see us so seldom. Because you wholly neglect us.
Because you quite neglect me. Because you seem to have cast off all Care
of us.
_Au._ But there is no Cause for you to be angry. But you are angry
without my Desert, and undeservedly; for it has not been my Fault, that
I have come to see you but seldom: Forgive my Hurry of Business that has
hindered me from seeing you, as often as I would have done.
_Ch._ I will pardon you upon this Condition, if you'll come to Supper
with me to Night. I'll quit you upon that Condition, if you come to
Supper with me in the Evening.
_Au. Christian_, you prescribe no hard Articles of Peace, and therefore
I'll come with all my Heart. Indeed I will do it willingly. Indeed I
would do that with all Readiness in the World. I shan't do that
unwillingly. I won't want much Courting to that. There is nothing in the
World that I would do with more Readiness. I will do it with a willing
Mind.
_Ch._ I commend your obliging Temper in this, and in all other Things.
_Au._ I use always to be thus obsequious to my Friends, especially when
they require nothing but what's reasonable. O ridiculous! Do you think I
would refuse when offer'd me, that which I should have ask'd for of my
own Accord?
* * * * *
_Don't deceive me. The Form._
_Ch._ Well, but take Care you don't delude me. See you don't deceive me.
Take Care you don't make me feed a vain Hope. See you don't fail my
Expectation. See you don't disappoint me. See you don't lull me on with
a vain Hope.
_Au._ There is no Need to swear. In other Things, in other Matters you
may be afraid of Perfidy. In this I won't deceive you. But hark you, see
that you provide nothing but what you do daily: I would have no holy Day
made upon my Account. You know that I am a Guest that am no great
Trencher Man, but a very merry Man.
_Ch._ I'll be sure to take Care. I will entertain you with Scholars
Commons, if not with slenderer Fare.
_Au._ Nay, if you'd please me, let it be with _Diogenes_'s Fare.
_Ch._ You may depend upon it, I will treat you with a _Platonick_
Supper, in which you shall have a great many learned Stories, and but a
little Meat, the Pleasure of which shall last till the next Day: whereas
they that have been nobly entertain'd, enjoy perhaps a little Pleasure
that Day, but the next are troubled with the Head-ach, and Sickness at
the Stomach. He that supp'd with _Plato_, had one Pleasure from the easy
Preparation, and Philosopher's Stories; and another the next Day, that
his Head did not ach, and that his Stomach was not sick, and so had a
good Dinner of the sauce of last Night's Supper.
_Au._ I like it very well, let it be as you have said.
_Ch._ Do you see that you leave all your Cares and melancholy Airs at
Home, and bring nothing hither but Jokes and Merriment; and as _Juvenal_
says,
_Protenus ante meum, quicquid dolet, exue limen.