_Pe._ You have oblig'd me, in that you have written to me sometimes. I
thank you for writing to me often. I love you, that you have not thought
much to send me now and then a Letter. I give you Thanks that you have
visited me with frequent Letters. I thank you for loading of me with
Packets of Letters. I thank you heartily that you have now and then
provoked me with Letters. You have oblig'd me very much that you have
honour'd me with your Letters. I am much beholden to you for your most
obliging Letters to me. I take it as a great Favour, that you have not
thought much to write to me.
_The Answer._
_Ch._ Indeed I ought to beg Pardon for my Presumption, who dar'd presume
to trouble a Man of so much Business, and so much Learning with my
unlearned Letters. I acknowledge your usual Humanity, who have taken my
Boldness in good Part. I was afraid my Letters had given you some
Offence, that you sent me no Answer. There is no Reason that you should
thank me, it is more than enough for me, if you have taken my Industry
in good Part.
* * * * *
_A Form of asking after News._
_Pe._ Is there no News come from our Country? Have you had any News from
our Countrymen? What News? Do you bring any News? Is there any News come
to Town? Is there any News abroad from our Country?
_The Answer._
_Ch._ There is much News; but nothing of Truth. News enough indeed; but
nothing certain. A great deal of News; but nothing to be depended upon.
Not a little News; but not much Truth. There is no News come. I have had
no News at all. Something of News; but nothing certain. There are a
great many Reports come to Town; but they are all doubtful. There is a
great deal of Talk; but nothing true, nothing certain. If Lies please, I
have brought you a whole Cart-Load of them. I bring you whole Bushels of
Tales. I bring you as many Lies as a good Ship will carry.
_Pe._ Then unlade yourself as fast as you can, for fear you should sink,
being so over-freighted.
_Ch._ I have nothing but what's the Chat of Barbers Shops, Coaches and
Boats.
_Han't you received any Letters. The Form_.
_Pe._ Have you had no Letters? Have you had any Letters out of your own
Country? Have no Letters been brought to you? Have you receiv'd any
Letters? Have you had any Letters? Have you receiv'd any Letters from
your Friends? Are there no Letters come from _France_?
_The Answer._
_Ch._ I have received no Letters. I han't had so much as a Letter. I
han't had the least Bit of a Letter. No Body has sent me any Letter.
There is not the least Word come from any Body. I have received no more
Letters for this long Time, than what you see in my Eye. Indeed I had
rather have Money than Letters. I had rather receive Money than Letters.
I don't matter Letters, so the Money does but come. I had rather be
paid, than be written to.
* * * * *
_I believe so. The Form._
_Pe._ I easily believe you. That is not hard to be believ'd. It is a
very easy Thing to believe that. Who would not believe you in that? He
will be very incredulous, that won't believe you in that Matter. In
Truth I do believe you. You will easily make me believe that. I can
believe you without swearing. What you say is very likely. But for all
that, Letters bring some Comfort. I had rather have either of them, than
neither.
* * * * *
_Of Profit. A Form._
_Ch._ What signifies Letters without Money? What signifies empty
Letters? What do empty Letters avail? What good do they do, what do they
profit, advantage? To whom are Letters grateful or acceptable without
Money? What Advantage do empty Letters bring? What are idle Letters good
for? What do they do? What use are they of? What are they good for? What
do they bring with them of Moment? What Use are empty Letters of?
_The Answer._
_Pe._ They are useful, fit, proper, to wipe your Breech with. They are
good to wipe your Backside with. If you don't know the Use of them, they
are good to wipe your Arse with. To wipe your Breech with. To wipe your
Backside with. They are good to cleanse that Part of the Body that often
fouls itself. They are good to wrap Mackrel in. Good to make up Grocery
Ware in.
* * * * *
_Of wishing well._