THE STORY OF THE INEXPERIENCED GHOST

The scene amidst which Clayton told his last story comes back very

vividly to my mind. There he sat, for the greater part of the time,

in the corner of the authentic settle by the spacious open fire,

and Sanderson sat beside him smoking the Broseley clay that bore

his name. There was Evans, and that marvel among actors, Wish, who

is also a modest man. We had all come down to the Mermaid Club that

Saturday morning, except Clayton, who had slept there overnight--which

indeed gave him the opening of his story. We had golfed until golfing

was invisible; we had dined, and we were in that mood of tranquil

kindliness when men will suffer a story. When Clayton began to tell

one, we naturally supposed he was lying. It may be that indeed he was

lying--of that the reader will speedily be able to judge as well as I.

He began, it is true, with an air of matter-of-fact anecdote, but that

we thought was only the incurable artifice of the man.

‘I say!’ he remarked, after a long consideration of the upward rain of

sparks from the log that Sanderson had thumped, ‘you know I was alone

here last night?’

‘Except for the domestics,’ said Wish.

‘Who sleep in the other wing,’ said Clayton. ‘Yes. Well----’ He pulled

at his cigar for some little time as though he still hesitated about

his confidence. Then he said, quite quietly, ‘I caught a ghost!’

‘Caught a ghost, did you?’ said Sanderson. ‘Where is it?’

And Evans, who admires Clayton immensely and has been four weeks in

America, shouted, ‘_Caught_ a ghost, did you, Clayton? I’m glad of it!

Tell us all about it right now.’

Clayton said he would in a minute, and asked him to shut the door.

He looked apologetically at me. ‘There’s no eavesdropping, of course,

but we don’t want to upset our very excellent service with any rumours

of ghosts in the place. There’s too much shadow and oak panelling to

trifle with that. And this, you know, wasn’t a regular ghost. I don’t

think it will come again--ever.’

‘You mean to say you didn’t keep it?’ said Sanderson.

‘I hadn’t the heart to,’ said Clayton.

And Sanderson said he was surprised.

We laughed, and Clayton looked aggrieved. ‘I know,’ he said, with a

flicker of a smile, ‘but the fact is it really _was_ a ghost, and I’m

as sure of it as I am that I am talking to you now. I’m not joking. I

mean what I say.’

Sanderson drew deeply at his pipe, with one reddish eye on Clayton, and

then emitted a thin jet of smoke more eloquent than many words.

Clayton ignored the comment. ‘It is the strangest thing that has ever

happened in my life. You know I never believed in ghosts or anything of

the sort, before, ever; and then, you know, I bag one in a corner; and

the whole business is in my hands.’

He meditated still more profoundly and produced and began to pierce a

second cigar with a curious little stabber he affected.

‘You talked to it?’ asked Wish.

‘For the space, probably, of an hour.’

‘Chatty?’ I said, joining the party of the sceptics.

‘The poor devil was in trouble,’ said Clayton, bowed over his

cigar-end and with the very faintest note of reproof.

‘Sobbing?’ some one asked.

Clayton heaved a realistic sigh at the memory. ‘Good Lord!’ he said;

‘yes.’ And then, ‘Poor fellow! yes.’

‘Where did you strike it?’ asked Evans, in his best American accent.

‘I never realised,’ said Clayton, ignoring him, ‘the poor sort of thing

a ghost might be,’ and he hung us up again for a time, while he sought

for matches in his pocket and lit and warmed to his cigar.

‘I took an advantage,’ he reflected at last.

We were none of us in a hurry. ‘A character,’ he said, ‘remains

just the same character for all that it’s been disembodied. That’s

a thing we too often forget. People with a certain strength or

fixity of purpose may have ghosts of a certain strength and fixity

of purpose--most haunting ghosts, you know, must be as one-idea’d as

monomaniacs and as obstinate as mules to come back again and again.

This poor creature wasn’t.’ He suddenly looked up rather queerly, and

his eye went round the room. ‘I say it,’ he said, ‘in all kindliness,

but that is the plain truth of the case. Even at the first glance he

struck me as weak.’

He punctuated with the help of his cigar.

‘I came upon him, you know, in the long passage. His back was towards

me and I saw him first. Right off I knew him for a ghost. He was

transparent and whitish; clean through his chest I could see the

glimmer of the little window at the end. And not only his physique but

his attitude struck me as being weak. He looked, you know, as though he

didn’t know in the slightest whatever he meant to do. One hand was on

the panelling and the other fluttered to his mouth. Like--_so!_’

‘What sort of physique?’ said Sanderson.

‘Lean. You know that sort of young man’s neck that has two great

flutings down the back, here and here--so! And a little, meanish head

with scrubby hair and rather bad ears. Shoulders bad, narrower than the

hips; turndown collar, ready-made short jacket, trousers baggy and a

little frayed at the heels. That’s how he took me. I came very quietly

up the staircase. I did not carry a light, you know--the candles are

on the landing table and there is that lamp--and I was in my list

slippers, and I saw him as I came up. I stopped dead at that--taking

him in. I wasn’t a bit afraid. I think that in most of these affairs

one is never nearly so afraid or excited as one imagines one would be.

I was surprised and interested. I thought, “Good Lord! Here’s a ghost

at last! And I haven’t believed for a moment in ghosts during the last

five-and-twenty years.”’

‘Um,’ said Wish.

‘I suppose I wasn’t on the landing a moment before he found out I was

there. He turned on me sharply, and I saw the face of an immature young

man, a weak nose, a scrubby little moustache, a feeble chin. So for an

instant we stood--he looking over his shoulder at me--and regarded one

another. Then he seemed to remember his high calling. He turned round,

drew himself up, projected his face, raised his arms, spread his hands

in approved ghost fashion--came towards me. As he did so his little jaw

dropped, and he emitted a faint, drawn-out “Boo.” No, it wasn’t--not a

bit dreadful. I’d dined. I’d had a bottle of champagne, and being all

alone, perhaps two or three--perhaps even four or five--whiskies, so I

was as solid as rocks and no more frightened than if I’d been assailed

by a frog. “Boo!” I said. “Nonsense. You don’t belong to _this_ place.

What are you doing here?”

‘I could see him wince. “Boo-oo,” he said.

‘“Boo--be hanged! Are you a member?” I said: and just to show I didn’t

care a pin for him I stepped through a corner of him and made to light

my candle. “Are you a member?” I repeated, looking at him sideways.

‘He moved a little so as to stand clear of me, and his bearing became

crestfallen. “No,” he said, in answer to the persistent interrogation

of my eye; “I’m not a member--I’m a ghost.”

‘“Well, that doesn’t give you the run of the Mermaid Club. Is there

any one you want to see, or anything of that sort?” And doing it as

steadily as possible for fear that he should mistake the carelessness

of whisky for the distraction of fear, I got my candle alight. I turned

on him, holding it. “What are you doing here?” I said.

‘He had dropped his hands and stopped his booing, and there he stood,

abashed and awkward, the ghost of a weak, silly, aimless young man.

“I’m haunting,” he said.

‘“You haven’t any business to,” I said in a quiet voice.

‘“I’m a ghost,” he said, as if in defence.

‘“That may be, but you haven’t any business to haunt here. This is

a respectable private club; people often stop here with nursemaids

and children, and, going about in the careless way you do, some poor

little mite could easily come upon you and be scared out of her wits. I

suppose you didn’t think of that?”

‘“No sir,” he said, “I didn’t.”

‘“You should have done. You haven’t any claim on the place, have you?

Weren’t murdered here, or anything of that sort?”

‘“None, sir; but I thought as it was old and oak-panelled----”

‘“That’s _no_ excuse.” I regarded him firmly. “Your coming here is a

mistake,” I said, in a tone of friendly superiority. I feigned to see

if I had my matches, and then looked up at him frankly. “If I were you

I wouldn’t wait for cock-crow--I’d vanish right away.”

‘He looked embarrassed. “The fact _is_, sir----” he began.

‘“I’d vanish,” I said, driving it home.

‘“The fact is, sir, that--somehow--I can’t.”

‘“You _can’t_?”

‘“No, sir. There’s something I’ve forgotten. I’ve been hanging about

here since midnight last night, hiding in the cupboards of the empty

bedrooms and things like that. I’m flurried. I’ve never come haunting

before, and it seems to put me out.”

‘“Put you out?”

‘“Yes, sir. I’ve tried to do it several times, and it doesn’t come off.

There’s some little thing has slipped me, and I can’t get back.”

‘That, you know, rather bowled me over. He looked at me in such an

abject way that for the life of me I couldn’t keep up quite the high,

hectoring vein I had adopted. “That’s queer,” I said, and as I spoke I

fancied I heard some one moving about down below. “Come into my room

and tell me more about it,” I said. “I didn’t, of course, understand

this,” and I tried to take him by the arm. But, of course, you might

as well have tried to take hold of a puff of smoke! I had forgotten my

number, I think; anyhow, I remember going into several bedrooms--it was

lucky I was the only soul in that wing--until I saw my traps. “Here we

are,” I said, and sat down in the arm-chair; “sit down and tell me all

about it. It seems to me you have got yourself into a jolly awkward

position, old chap.”

‘Well, he said he wouldn’t sit down; he’d prefer to flit up and down

the room if it was all the same to me. And so he did, and in a little

while we were deep in a long and serious talk. And presently, you

know, something of those whiskies and sodas evaporated out of me,

and I began to realise just a little what a thundering rum and weird

business it was that I was in. There he was, semi-transparent--the

proper conventional phantom, and noiseless except for his ghost of

a voice--flitting to and fro in that nice, clean, chintz-hung old

bedroom. You could see the gleam of the copper candlesticks through

him, and the lights on the brass fender, and the corners of the framed

engravings on the wall, and there he was telling me all about this

wretched little life of his that had recently ended on earth. He hadn’t

a particularly honest face, you know, but being transparent, of course,

he couldn’t avoid telling the truth.’

‘Eh?’ said Wish, suddenly sitting up in his chair.

‘What?’ said Clayton.

‘Being transparent--couldn’t avoid telling the truth--I don’t see it,’

said Wish.

‘_I_ don’t see it,’ said Clayton, with inimitable assurance. ‘But it

_is_ so, I can assure you nevertheless. I don’t believe he got once

a nail’s breadth off the Bible truth. He told me how he had been

killed--he went down into a London basement with a candle to look for a

leakage of gas--and described himself as a senior English master in a

London private school when that release occurred.’

‘Poor wretch!’ said I.

‘That’s what I thought, and the more he talked the more I thought it.

There he was, purposeless in life and purposeless out of it. He talked

of his father and mother and his schoolmaster, and all who had ever

been anything to him in the world, meanly. He had been too sensitive,

too nervous; none of them had ever valued him properly or understood

him, he said. He had never had a real friend in the world, I think; he

had never had a success. He had shirked games and failed examinations.

“It’s like that with some people,” he said; “whenever I got into the

examination-room or anywhere everything seemed to go.” Engaged to be

married of course--to another over-sensitive person, I suppose--when

the indiscretion with the gas escape ended his affairs. “And where are

you now?” I asked. “Not in----?”

‘He wasn’t clear on that point at all. The impression he gave me was

of a sort of vague, intermediate state, a special reserve for souls

too non-existent for anything so positive as either sin or virtue. _I_

don’t know. He was much too egotistical and unobservant to give me

any clear idea of the kind of place, kind of country, there is on the

Other Side of Things. Wherever he was he seems to have fallen in with

a set of kindred spirits: ghosts of weak Cockney young men, who were

on a footing of Christian names, and among these there was certainly

a lot of talk about “going haunting” and things like that. Yes--going

haunting! They seemed to think “haunting” a tremendous adventure, and

most of them funked it all the time. And so primed, you know, he had

come.’

‘But really!’ said Wish to the fire.

‘These are the impressions he gave me, anyhow,’ said Clayton modestly.

‘I may, of course, have been in a rather uncritical state, but that

was the sort of background he gave to himself. He kept flitting up and

down, with his thin voice going--talking, talking about his wretched

self, and never a word of clear, firm statement from first to last. He

was thinner and sillier and more pointless than if he had been real

and alive. Only then, you know, he would not have been in my bedroom

here--if he _had_ been alive. I should have kicked him out.’

‘Of course,’ said Evans, ‘there _are_ poor mortals like that.’

‘And there’s just as much chance of their having ghosts as the rest of

us,’ I admitted.

‘What gave a sort of point to him, you know, was the fact that he did

seem within limits to have found himself out. The mess he had made

of haunting had depressed him terribly. He had been told it would be

a “lark”; he had come expecting it to be a “lark,” and here it was,

nothing but another failure added to his record! He proclaimed himself

an utter out-and-out failure. He said, and I can quite believe it, that

he had never tried to do anything all his life that he hadn’t made

a perfect mess of--and through all the wastes of eternity he never

would. If he had had sympathy, perhaps---- He paused at that, and stood

regarding me. He remarked that, strange as it might seem to me, nobody,

not any one, ever, had given him the amount of sympathy I was doing

now. I could see what he wanted straight away, and I determined to head

him off at once. I may be a brute, you know, but being the Only Real

Friend, the recipient of the confidences of one of these egotistical

weaklings, ghost or body, is beyond my physical endurance. I got up

briskly. “Don’t you brood on these things too much,” I said. “The thing

you’ve got to do is to get out of this--get out of this sharp. You pull

yourself together and _try_.” “I can’t,” he said. “You try,” I said,

and try he did.’

‘Try!’ said Sanderson. ‘_How?_’

‘Passes,’ said Clayton.

‘Passes?’

‘Complicated series of gestures and passes with the hands. That’s how

he had come in and that’s how he had to get out again. Lord! what a

business I had!’

‘But how could _any_ series of passes----’ I began.

‘My dear man,’ said Clayton, turning on me and putting a great emphasis

on certain words, ‘you want _everything_ clear. _I_ don’t know _how_.

All I know is that you _do_--that _he_ did, anyhow, at least. After

a fearful time, you know, he got his passes right and suddenly

disappeared.’

‘Did you,’ said Sanderson, slowly, ‘observe the passes?’

‘Yes,’ said Clayton, and seemed to think. ‘It was tremendously queer,’

he said. ‘There we were, I and this thin vague ghost, in that silent

room, in this silent, empty inn, in this silent little Friday-night

town. Not a sound except our voices and a faint panting he made

when he swung. There was the bedroom candle, and one candle on the

dressing-table alight, that was all--sometimes one or other would flare

up into a tall, lean, astonished flame for a space. And queer things

happened. “I can’t,” he said; “I shall never----!” And suddenly he sat

down on a little chair at the foot of the bed and began to sob and sob.

Lord! what a harrowing, whimpering thing he seemed!

‘“You pull yourself together,” I said, and tried to pat him on the

back, and ... my confounded hand went through him! By that time, you

know, I wasn’t nearly so--massive as I had been on the landing. I

got the queerness of it full. I remember snatching back my hand out

of him, as it were, with a little thrill, and walking over to the

dressing-table. “You pull yourself together,” I said to him, “and try.”

And in order to encourage and help him I began to try as well.’

‘What!’ said Sanderson, ‘the passes?’

‘Yes, the passes.’

‘But----’ I said, moved by an idea that eluded me for a space.

‘This is interesting,’ said Sanderson, with his finger in his

pipe-bowl. ‘You mean to say this ghost of yours gave away----’

‘Did his level best to give away the whole confounded barrier? _Yes._’

‘He didn’t,’ said Wish; ‘he couldn’t. Or you’d have gone there too.’

‘That’s precisely it,’ I said, finding my elusive idea put into words

for me.

‘That _is_ precisely it,’ said Clayton, with thoughtful eyes upon the

fire.

For just a little while there was silence.

‘And at last he did it?’ said Sanderson.

‘At last he did it. I had to keep him up to it hard, but he did it at

last--rather suddenly. He despaired, we had a scene, and then he got

up abruptly and asked me to go through the whole performance, slowly,

so that he might see. “I believe,” he said, “if I could _see_ I should

spot what was wrong at once.” And he did. “_I_ know,” he said. “What do

you know?” said I. “_I_ know,” he repeated. Then he said, peevishly,

“I _can’t_ do it if you look at me--I really _can’t_; it’s been that,

partly, all along. I’m such a nervous fellow that you put me out.”

Well, we had a bit of an argument. Naturally I wanted to see; but he

was as obstinate as a mule, and suddenly I had come over as tired as a

dog--he tired me out. “All right,” I said, “_I_ won’t look at you,” and

turned towards the mirror, on the wardrobe, by the bed.

‘He started off very fast. I tried to follow him by looking in the

looking-glass, to see just what it was had hung. Round went his arms

and hands, so, and so, and so, and then with a rush came to the last

gesture of all--you stand erect and open out your arms--and so, don’t

you know, he stood. And then he didn’t! He didn’t! He wasn’t! I wheeled

round from the looking-glass to him. There was nothing! I was alone

with the flaring candles and a staggering mind. What had happened? Had

anything happened? Had I been dreaming?... And then, with an absurd

note of finality about it, the clock upon the landing discovered the

moment was ripe for striking _one_. So!--Ping! And I was as grave and

sober as a judge, with all my champagne and whisky gone into the vast

serene. Feeling queer, you know--confoundedly _queer_! Queer! Good

Lord!’

He regarded his cigar-ash for a moment. ‘That’s all that happened,’ he

said.

‘And then you went to bed?’ asked Evans.

‘What else was there to do?’

I looked Wish in the eye. We wanted to scoff, and there was something,

something perhaps in Clayton’s voice and manner, that hampered our

desire.

‘And about these passes?’ said Sanderson.

‘I believe I could do them now.’

‘Oh!’ said Sanderson, and produced a pen-knife and set himself to grub

the dottel out of the bowl of his clay.

‘Why don’t you do them now?’ said Sanderson, shutting his pen-knife

with a click.

‘That’s what I’m going to do,’ said Clayton.

‘They won’t work,’ said Evans.

‘If they do----’ I suggested.

‘You know, I’d rather you didn’t,’ said Wish, stretching out his legs.

‘Why?’ asked Evans.

‘I’d rather he didn’t,’ said Wish.

‘But he hasn’t got ’em right,’ said Sanderson, plugging too much

tobacco into his pipe.

‘All the same, I’d rather he didn’t,’ said Wish.

We argued with Wish. He said that for Clayton to go through

those gestures was like mocking a serious matter. ‘But you don’t

believe----?’ I said. Wish glanced at Clayton, who was staring into the

fire, weighing something in his mind. ‘I do--more than half, anyhow, I

do,’ said Wish.

‘Clayton,’ said I, ‘you’re too good a liar for us. Most of it was all

right. But that disappearance ... happened to be convincing. Tell us,

it’s a tale of cock and bull.’

He stood up without heeding me, took the middle of the hearthrug, and

faced me. For a moment he regarded his feet thoughtfully, and then for

all the rest of the time his eyes were on the opposite wall, with an

intent expression. He raised his two hands slowly to the level of his

eyes and so began....

Now, Sanderson is a Freemason, a member of the lodge of the Four Kings,

which devotes itself so ably to the study and elucidation of all the

mysteries of Masonry past and present, and among the students of this

lodge Sanderson is by no means the least. He followed Clayton’s motions

with a singular interest in his reddish eye. ‘That’s not bad,’ he

said, when it was done. ‘You really do, you know, put things together,

Clayton, in a most amazing fashion. But there’s one little detail out.’

‘I know,’ said Clayton. ‘I believe I could tell you which.’

‘Well?’

‘This,’ said Clayton, and did a queer little twist and writhing and

thrust of the hands.

‘Yes.’

‘That, you know, was what _he_ couldn’t get right,’ said Clayton. ‘But

how do _you_----?’

‘Most of this business, and particularly how you invented it, I don’t

understand at all,’ said Sanderson, ‘but just that phase--I do.’ He

reflected. ‘These happen to be a series of gestures--connected with a

certain branch of esoteric Masonry---- Probably you know. Or else----

_How?_’ He reflected still further. ‘I do not see I can do any harm in

telling you just the proper twist. After all, if you know, you know; if

you don’t, you don’t.’

‘I know nothing,’ said Clayton, ‘except what the poor devil let out

last night.’

‘Well, anyhow,’ said Sanderson, and placed his churchwarden very

carefully upon the shelf over the fireplace. Then very rapidly he

gesticulated with his hands.

‘So?’ said Clayton, repeating.

‘So,’ said Sanderson, and took his pipe in hand again.

‘Ah, _now_,’ said Clayton, ‘I can do the whole thing--right.’

He stood up before the waning fire and smiled at us all. But I think

there was just a little hesitation in his smile. ‘If I begin----’ he

said.

‘I wouldn’t begin,’ said Wish.

‘It’s all right!’ said Evans. ‘Matter is indestructible. You don’t

think any jiggery-pokery of this sort is going to snatch Clayton into

the world of shades. Not it! You may try, Clayton, so far as I’m

concerned, until your arms drop off at the wrists.’

‘I don’t believe that,’ said Wish, and stood up and put his arm on

Clayton’s shoulder. ‘You’ve made me half believe in that story somehow,

and I don’t want to see the thing done.’

‘Goodness!’ said I, ‘here’s Wish frightened!’

‘I am,’ said Wish, with real or admirably feigned intensity. ‘I believe

that if he goes through these motions right he’ll _go_.’

‘He’ll not do anything of the sort,’ I cried. ‘There’s only one way

out of this world for men, and Clayton is thirty years from that.

Besides.... And such a ghost! Do you think----?’

Wish interrupted me by moving. He walked out from among our chairs and

stopped beside the table and stood there. ‘Clayton,’ he said, ‘you’re a

fool.’

Clayton, with a humorous light in his eyes, smiled back at him. ‘Wish,’

he said, ‘is right and all you others are wrong. I shall go. I shall

get to the end of these passes, and as the last swish whistles through

the air, Presto!--this hearthrug will be vacant, the room will be blank

amazement, and a respectably dressed gentleman of fifteen stone will

plump into the world of shades. I’m certain. So will you be. I decline

to argue further. Let the thing be tried.’

‘_No_,’ said Wish, and made a step and ceased, and Clayton raised his

hands once more to repeat the spirit’s passing.

By that time, you know, we were all in a state of tension--largely

because of the behaviour of Wish. We sat all of us with our eyes on

Clayton--I, at least, with a sort of tight, stiff feeling about me as

though from the back of my skull to the middle of my thighs my body had

been changed to steel. And there, with a gravity that was imperturbably

serene, Clayton bowed and swayed and waved his hands and arms before

us. As he drew towards the end one piled up, one tingled in one’s

teeth. The last gesture, I have said, was to swing the arms out wide

open, with the face held up. And when at last he swung out to this

closing gesture I ceased even to breathe. It was ridiculous, of course,

but you know that ghost-story feeling. It was after dinner, in a queer,

old shadowy house. Would he, after all----?

There he stood for one stupendous moment, with his arms open and his

upturned face, assured and bright, in the glare of the hanging lamp.

We hung through that moment as if it were an age, and then came from

all of us something that was half a sigh of infinite relief and half a

reassuring ‘_No!_’ For visibly--he wasn’t going. It was all nonsense.

He had told an idle story, and carried it almost to conviction, that

was all!... And then in that moment the face of Clayton changed.

It changed, It changed as a lit house changes when its lights are

suddenly extinguished. His eyes were suddenly eyes that were fixed, his

smile was frozen on his lips, and he stood there still. He stood there,

very gently swaying.

That moment, too, was an age. And then, you know, chairs were scraping,

things were falling, and we were all moving. His knees seemed to give,

and he fell forward, and Evans rose and caught him in his arms....

It stunned us all. For a minute I suppose no one said a coherent thing.

We believed it, yet could not believe it.... I came out of a muddled

stupefaction to find myself kneeling beside him, and his vest and shirt

were torn open, and Sanderson’s hand lay on his heart....

Well--the simple fact before us could very well wait our convenience;

there was no hurry for us to comprehend. It lay there for an hour; it

lies athwart my memory, black and amazing still, to this day. Clayton

had, indeed, passed into the world that lies so near to and so far

from our own, and he had gone thither by the only road that mortal man

may take. But whether he did indeed pass there by that poor ghost’s

incantation, or whether he was stricken suddenly by apoplexy in the

midst of an idle tale--as the coroner’s jury would have us believe--is

no matter for my judging; it is just one of those inexplicable riddles

that must remain unsolved until the final solution of all things shall

come. All I certainly know is that, in the very moment, in the very

instant, of concluding those passes, he changed, and staggered, and

fell down before us--dead!

Tales of the Unexpected · 第 50 / 52 题