PARIS, _Saturday night, March, 1843_.
Your letter does not show the least sign of repentance. I regret the
loss of the amber pipe which you selected. There is something
particularly agreeable in carrying often in my mouth a gift from you.
But let it be as you wish. I say this very frequently, and yet there is
never any reward for my resignation.
I am completely hardened by my present occupation. The Cathedral presses
like a dead weight upon my shoulders, to say nothing of the
responsibility which I accepted in a moment of zeal, and which I now
repent from the depths of my soul. I envy women their lot, for they have
nothing to do but to make themselves beautiful, and to prepare for the
effect which they seek to produce on others. The word _others_ has an
ugly sound, but I imagine that it engages your attention more than it
does mine. I am very much vexed with you, without knowing exactly the
reason, still there must be some good reason, for I could not be in the
wrong. It seems to me you become more egotistical every day. When you
speak of _us_, you mean only _yourself_. The more I think of this the
more deplorable it appears.
If you have not written to London for that book, do not write; it is
absurd to give a woman such a commission. While I value very greatly a
rare book, I should not wish you to cause the least shadow of
embarrassment by asking for it. The editor of the book is, I am told, a
worthy Quaker, who has found some recent proofs that the Spanish
Catholics of the fifteenth century were devoid of all morality,
notwithstanding the Inquisition, and, it may be, because of it. The
original copy, and the only one in existence, cost fifteen hundred
pounds sterling. It has a hundred pages and more. I was wrong to mention
it to you, and still more wrong to realise so tardily the absurdity of
the thing. Good-bye....
I was about to send you this letter when I received yours. I have been
so engrossed in my reports and investigations that it has been
impossible to write sooner. I proposed a walk for Tuesday, on condition
that we should have an hour more together. Tell me if you are unengaged
Tuesday. Your absent-mindedness is very attractive, but have I anything
to do with it? That is the question. What have you to ask my pardon for?
Your sentiments are not at all like mine.
We are so unlike that it is hardly possible to understand each other.
All this does not prevent me from anticipating the pleasure of seeing
you. I thank you for your last letter; it is very sweet. You did not say
where you were going in the country, or when you expected to start. I
shall go to Rouen in a few days. Again, good-bye. I hope to see you
Tuesday, and that you will be in good spirits, and less downcast than I
am to-day.