OPEN CONFESSION.
When the two men gained the open air no cab was in sight.
"If you will rest awhile here," said Hanbury, "I'll fetch a cab. I
cannot see one up or down the street."
"No," said Leigh, a shudder passing through his frame. "Let us walk,
if you do not mind. I could not bear to stay near this place any
longer. Is it not strange that you should have wanted a cab in this
spot forty-eight hours ago, and I should want it here now?"
"It is strange," said Hanbury, "but the world is very small, and our
absolute wants in it are very closely circumscribed." The manner of
Leigh had changed in a marked manner since they emerged from the door
of the Hanover. His steps had become slow and more dragged, his
breathing more laboured, and he had lost all swagger and bounce, and
self-assertiveness.
"I know I am going very slowly. But I cannot get along quicker. I have
had a great shock, and a slow step is becoming at a funeral."
"Pray, do not apologise. I assure you I have absolutely nothing to
do."
"Nor I, nor shall I ever have anything to do in this world again. Sir,
this slow pace befits a funeral. This is my funeral."
"Oh, you mustn't say so. I am sure your clock must have been a
terrible loss, but not irreparable."
"Do you mean that the clock is reparable?"
"No. I am well aware the clock is past repair, but the loss may be
repaired."
"No, sir. It may not. I do not want ever to see this street or that
corner again. I have lived there seven years. I have toiled and
planned there night and day for seven years, and now I am going
away shorn of the growth of all my labours. Men of my make are never
long-lived. When they meet a great shock and a great loss such as this
they die. There is a hansom, but don't call that. Call a four-wheeler.
It is more like a hearse, and this is a funeral. Let us dress the
rehearsal of the play, the real play, as well as we can. I am rather
glad I am done with life----"
"Why, you are quite a young man yet, Mr. Leigh."
"I am rather glad I am done with life, I was saying, for I was
beginning to tire of it. A man formed as I am has a weary up-hill
fight. He must either play the part of the subtle beast, or go under,
and a man who cannot ever stand up and fight for himself does not like
to go under. It is not fair to ask a man who has never been able to
put up his hands if he has had enough."
"But you will begin another great clock, even a greater one."
For a moment the little man fired up, and seemed about to regain his
old insolent combativeness. "Sir, it would be impossible to design a
greater."
"Well, let us say as great," said the young man soothingly. He was
beginning not only to take an interest in this strange being, but to
sympathise with him.
"No, sir. I shall begin no other clock. The sands in my own hour-glass
are running low already. When a man of my make endures a great shock
and a great disappointment he does not endure much more. He dies. I am
glad to meet you again. I am glad it was your arm kept me from
falling. I want you to be my friend. I have no friend on earth
excepting my poor mother, who is more helpless than I myself. I know
what I am asking when I say I want you for my friend. I would not ask
you to be my friend the day before yesterday. I would have preferred
you for an enemy then, for then I was strong and able to take care of
myself. Now I am too weak to be your enemy, and I am fit only to be
your friend. You will not spurn me?" He paused in their walk, and
looked up anxiously into Hanbury's face.
"Assuredly not. I will do anything I can for you. Please let me know
what I can do for you?"
"I may presently, I may later. I may the last thing of all. But not
now. Let us walk on. My clock is gone for ever, and on the ruins of my
clock I have found a friend. I would much rather have my clock, ten
thousand times rather have my clock, than you, but then I knew it so
long and so well. If you had made that clock as I had, and had lost it
as I have lost it, you would go mad and kill someone, maybe yourself,
or perhaps both."
"I am sure I should feel bitterly the loss of so many years of
labour."
"Of so many years of labour and love and confidence and pride, the
depository of so many hopes, the garden in which grew all the flowers
of my mind. Well, while I had the clock, I had a friend in which I
could confide. The clock is gone past recall. My mother cannot, poor
soul, be expected to understand me. As you have promised to be my
friend, I will confide in you. I know I may do so with safety."
"I think you may."
"It is past _thinking_ in me: I _know_. I told you before, I never
make mistakes about people." In all this talk Hanbury noticed that
the old self-assertive "Hah!" had no place, nor was there any use of
eau-de-cologne or reference to it. These had been nothing more than
conversational fripperies, and had been laid aside with the spirit of
aggression. The manner of aggression still prevailed in the form of
thought and manner of expression. "You will be astonished to hear that
I was attracted towards you from the moment I saw you in Welbeck
Place--the attraction of repulsion, no doubt. But still you were not
indifferent to me. I have had so long a life of loneliness and
repression, I want a few hours of companionship and free-speaking
before I die."
"Anything you may tell me to relieve your mind, I shall treat as a
secret of my own--as a secret in keeping which my personal honour is
concerned."
"I know. I wish I were as sure of anything else as I am of you. I tell
you I never make mistakes about people. Never. I lied to you very
considerably. I lied to everyone pretty considerably, partly because I
have imagination, or fancy, or invention, or whatever you call the
power of easily devising things that are not. I lied because I had
imagination. I lied because I had vanity. I lied because people are
such fools. How could a man tell the truth to a creature like
Williams, the owner of that public-house? The creature could not
appreciate it. Besides, lying is so amusing, and I had so little
amusement. I used lies as at once a sword and buckler. I cut down a
fool with a lie; I defended myself against the silly talk of fools by
holding up a lie with a brazen boss the shining of which dazzled their
eyes and choked their silly voices. I lied a good deal to you."
"Pray do not pain yourself by apologies. You said what you said to me
merely for pastime."
"No; as an indication of my contempt for you. Did you not see I had a
contempt for you? Did I not make it plain? Did you not see it?"
"Yes, I think you made it plain."
"I am glad of that, for my intention was to hurt you a good deal, and
I hate to fail. I am very glad you saw I had a great contempt for you.
This is my death-bed confession, and I shall keep back nothing,
without warning you I am keeping something back."
"You are quite candid now, I am sure."
"Quite candid, as candid as a child is in its unspoken mind. What I
said about those figures of time was mostly a lie."
"I guessed that."
"What I said about Miracle Gold was mostly a lie also."
"I knew that."
"You knew it! How could you know it? How can you _know_ a negative any
more than _prove_ it, except by the evidence of your senses?--and then
you do not _know_, you only fail to perceive."
"Well, let us not get into metaphysics."
"All right. _Most_ of what I told you about Miracle Gold was a lie.
_All_ I told you about making it was a lie. I was about to enter into
a league with thieves to take stolen gold, and pretend to make it. I
was going to do this for the sake of the fame, not the profit."
"A very dangerous kind of alchemy."
"Yes; but very common, though not in its application to real metallic
gold."
"It would be worse for us to get into a discussion on morals than even
on metaphysics."
"It would. Anyway I have told you what my scheme was. I told Mrs.
Ashton that my clock was independent of my hands for winding up. You
heard Williams, the publican, say they saw me wind up my clock last
night. Well I was not near my clock last night."
"But he said he saw you."
"He did. Now you can understand how necessary it was for me to lie."
"I candidly confess I cannot."
"Well to me it would be unbearable that a man like Williams should
know of all my actions. I was not near my clock, not in the same room
with it, not on the floor where it stood, from the early afternoon of
yesterday. When I conceived the notion of making Miracle Gold I knew I
ran a great risk. I thought it might become necessary to prove
_affirmatives_ at all events. The proposition of an alibi is an
affirmative, the deduction a negative. I told you my clock was my
friend. Well, I made it help me in this. I gave out in the private bar
of the Hanover that my clock had now become so complicated that I had
arranged to connect all the movements, which had hitherto been more or
less independent, awaiting removal to a tower. I said I was going to
get all my power from one force, weights in the chimney. Hitherto I
had said I used springs and weights. I said this change would involve
half-an-hour's continual winding every night, with a brief break of a
few seconds in the middle of the half hour. The clock was to be wound
up by a lever fixed near the window, at which I sat when at work, the
only window in the room. Night after night I worked at this lever for
half-an-hour, turning round exactly at a quarter-past twelve to nod at
the landlord of the Hanover and the people in the private bar.
Meanwhile, I was busy constructing two life-sized figures. One of the
body of a man in every way unlike me. The other of a man who should be
as like me as possible. I have skill, a good deal of skill, in
modelling. The face and figure unlike mine were the first finished.
Both were made to be moved by the lever, not to move it. I easily
timed the head so as to turn at a quarter-past. I inserted in the neck
of the figure like myself a movement which would make the head nod
before turning away to go on with the winding. You now see my idea?"
"Not quite clearly. But I suspect it."
"Suppose I had to meet one of my clients about the gold, I should make
an appointment with him at a quarter-past twelve in Islington, or
Wapping, or Wandsworth, or Twickenham. My clock, at twelve o'clock,
slowly raised the figure from the floor to the place in which I sat in
my chair, turned up the gas, which had been dimmed to the last glimmer
that would live, and then released the weight in the chimney and set
the figure moving as if working the lever, instead of the lever
working it. Thus you see I should have a dozen to swear they saw me in
my room at Chelsea, if anything went wrong in my interviews with my
clients, or if from any other cause it became necessary for me to
prove I was in my workshop between twelve and half-past twelve at
night."
"Very ingenious indeed."
"The night before I met you in Welbeck Place, that is to say Wednesday
night, I tried my first figure, the figure of the man unlike me."
"May I ask what was the object of this figure? Why had you one that
was not like you?"
"To give emphasis to the figure of myself. I at first intended going
into the Hanover on Wednesday and declaring that I had been obliged to
employ a deputy in case of anything preventing my being able to attend
between twelve and half-past. I had intended spending the half hour
the figure was visible in the bar, but I changed my mind. I went to
the country instead, and imparted as a secret to the landlord that I
was to have a deputy that night, and that he was to keep an eye on him
and see he did not shirk his work. I knew Williams could no more keep
a secret of that kind than fly. I did not want him to keep it. My
motive in cautioning him was merely that he might watch closely, for
of course I was most anxious that the delusion should be complete and
able to bear the test of strict watching from the private bar. I went
down to the country partly to be out of the way and partly for another
reason I need not mention."
Hanbury started. The excitement of seeing the place burned out, and
meeting the dwarf and listening to his strange tale, had prevented him
recollecting the connection between Edith Grace and Leigh. "Go on,"
said Hanbury, wishing the clockmaker to finish before he introduced
the name of Edith.
"There is not much more to tell. Owing to a reason I need not mention,
I made up my mind on Thursday morning to go on with the production of
Miracle Gold. I resolved against my better judgment, and gave the word
for the first lot of the gold to be delivered at my place at midnight
exactly. You know how my afternoon was spent. While at Mrs. Ashton's,
my better judgment and my worse one had a scuffle, and I made up my
mind to decide upon nothing that night, and certainly to commit myself
to nothing that night. What you would call the higher influence was at
work."
"Pallas-Athena?"
"Yes, if you think that a good name. Any way I made up my mind to do
nothing definite in the interest of Miracle Gold that night. I set my
dummy figure and left my house at midnight exactly, saw my client and
told him I could do nothing for a week. Next day I heard from Williams
that I had wound up my clock and nodded at a quarter-past twelve,
right time. Last night I went into the Hanover, as you heard Williams
say, and passed into my house after speaking a while to a friend in
the street. But I did not go upstairs. I went through the house and
out into the mews at the back. I was supplied by the landlord with
keys for the doors into Chetwynd Street and Welbeck Place, but had not
one for the bakehouse door into the mews until I got one made unknown
to anyone. Thus the landlord and the people all round to whom I spoke
freely would never dream of my going through into the mews. It was my
intention they should have a distinct impression I could not do it.
Thus I had the use, as it were, of a secret door. When I got into the
mews I hastened to Victoria and caught the last train for Millway, the
12.15. I wanted to see my mother about business which I need not
mention. I had made up mind to have nothing to do with the Miracle
Gold. On my way back to town I called on my client and learned that
the place was burnt down and that I was believed to be dead. The
latter belief is only a little premature. I am going fast. Is there no
cab? I can hardly breathe. Have you seen Miss Ashton since?"
"Since I saw you last?"
"Yes."
"I have."
"Since yesterday afternoon?"
"No."
Leigh gave a sigh of pain and stopped. "I am done," he said. "I can go
no further. I shall walk no more."
"Nonsense, you will be all right again. Here is a cab at last, thank
goodness!"
"You will come with me. You will not desert me. My confession is over.
I shall speak of this matter no more to any man. It was only a
temptation, and I absolutely did no wrong. You will not desert me. I
am very feeble. I do not know what the matter is with me. I have no
strength in my body. I never had much, but the little I had is gone.
You will not desert me, Mr. Hanbury. I have only listened to the voice
of the tempter. I have not gone the tempter's ways, and mind, I was
not tempted by the love of lucre. If I had had a voice, and stature,
and figure like yours I might have been able to win fame in the big
and open world, as I was I could win it only in the world that is
little and occult. Come with me. You promised to be my friend before
you heard of my temptation. Are you less inclined to be my friend
because I was tempted and resisted the tempter, than if I had never
been tempted at all? Get in and come with me. See me under a roof
anyway. The next roof that covers me will be the last one I shall lie
under over ground."
"I own," said Hanbury, "I was a little staggered at first, but only at
first. I am quite willing to go with you. Where shall I tell the man
to drive?" Hanbury had assisted Leigh into the cab, and was standing
on the flagway.
Leigh gave the address, and the two drove off.
The dwarf's confession had not benefitted his position in Hanbury's
mind. The fact that this man had been in communication with a fence,
with a view to the disposal of stolen gold, was enough to make the
average man shrink from contact with the dwarf. But then Hanbury
remembered that the secret had been divulged by the clock-maker in a
moment of extreme excitement, and after what to him must have been an
enormous calamity. To have been tempted is not to have fallen; but,
the temptation resisted, to have risen to heights proportionate to the
strength of the temptation, and the degree of self-denial in the
resistance of it.
Yet, this was a strange companion, friend, for John Hanbury, the
well-known public speaker, a man who had made up his mind to adopt the
career of a progressive and reforming politician, the descendant of
Stanislaus II. of Poland! Contact with a man who had absolutely
entertained the notion of trading in stolen goods was a thing most
people would shun. But, then, were most people right? This man had
claimed his good offices, first, because Hanbury was in his power, and
now Leigh claimed his good offices, because he was in great affliction
and prostration. Certainly Hanbury would be more willing to fall in
with Leigh's views now, when he was supplicating, than on Thursday,
when he was threatening. Who could withhold sympathy from this
deformed, marred, wheezing, halting, sickly-looking man, who had just
seen the work of a lifetime swept away for ever?
Then Hanbury remembered he had questions to ask Leigh, and that his
motive for keeping with him was not wholly pure. How many motives, of
the most impersonal and disinterested, are quite pure?
The young man did not know how exactly to introduce the subject of the
Graces, and, for a moment, he hemmed and fidgetted in the cab.
At last he began, "You have not seen Mrs. Grace, since?"
"No; nor shall I ever again."
"Why, you have not quarrelled with her, have you?"
"Quarrelled with her! Not I. But I have explained to you that I am
going home, that this is a funeral; my home is not in Grimsby Street.
You did not say Grimsby Street to the cabman, I hope?"
"I did not. I gave him 12, Barnes Street, Chelsea. Is not that right?"
"Yes. That's right. No, I am not likely to see Mrs. Grace again. How
wonderfully like Miss Ashton Miss Grace is! Oh, I may as well tell
you, how I came to know Miss Grace, as she has really been the means
of bringing us together as we are to-day. My mother is paralyzed, and
I advertised for a companion for her. Miss Grace replied, and I
engaged her. I said she should see little of me. But at the time it
did not occur to me that I might like to see a great deal of her. I
did not explain this before, for the explanation would have
interrupted the story of my clock. Well, although you may hardly be
able to credit it, I, who had, up to that time, avoided the crowning
folly of even thinking of marriage, thought, not quite as calmly as I
am speaking now, that I should like to marry a wife, and that I should
like to marry her. She was to go to my mother on Wednesday. I was to
test my automaton on Wednesday night. I ran down to my mother's place,
and was at Eltham when Miss Grace arrived. My appearance there, after
saying she should see me little, must have frightened her. I have
often heard children call me bogie. At all events, she came back to
Town next day. Ran away, is the truth. Ran away from the sight of me,
of bogie. If she had staid with my mother, I should have had something
to think of besides Miracle Gold. It was upon seeing her and arranging
that she was to go to Eltham, that my interest in Miracle Gold began
to diminish, and I grew to think that my clock alone would suffice for
my fame, and that I might marry and leave London, and live at Eltham.
Well, she ran away, as I said, and I came back to London the same day,
and made up my mind to go on with Miracle Gold. Then I met you and
Miss Ashton, and I went to Curzon Street, and I thought, If Mrs.
Ashton will let me come on Thursdays, and breathe another atmosphere,
and meet other kinds of people, I still may be able to live without
the excitement of Miracle Gold. And so I wavered and wavered, and at
last made up my mind to give up the Gold altogether, and now the clock
is gone, and I am alone. Quite alone. This is the house. It belongs to
Dr. Shaw. He has looked after my health for years, and has promised to
let me come here and live with him, when I haven't long to live. I
have your address, and you have this one. Will you come to see me
again?"
"Indeed I will."
"When--to-morrow? To-morrow will be Sunday."
"Perhaps I may come to-morrow. I shall come as soon as ever I can."
They were standing at the door-step. Leigh had leaned his side against
the area-railings for support. His breathing was terrible, and every
now and then he gasped, and clutched his hands together.
"If you come, perhaps you may not come alone?"
Hanbury flushed. He did not want to make his confession just now.
"Perhaps I may not," he said. "Good-bye, now."
"Good-bye; and thank you for your goodness. You know whom I hope to
see with you?"
"Yes."
"Who?"
"Pallas-Athena, of course."
"Of course."