_Calves-head_.--Brings in fellow-feeling; family likeness; cannibalism;
"tête-à-tête"; while the brain sauce and tongue are never-failing.
_Goose_.--Same as above, with allusions to the "sage;" two or three that
_stick in the gizzard_; and a beautiful work up with a "long liver."
_Ducks_.--Very military: bring in _drill_; drumsticks; breastwork; and
pair of ducks for light clothing and summer wear.
_Snipes_.--Good for lawyers; long bill. Gallantry; "Toast be dear Woman."
Mercantile; run on banks. And infants; living on suction.
_Herring_.--Capital for _bride_: _her-ring_; petticoats, flannel and
otherwise, _herring-boned_. Fat people; _bloaters_; &c. &c. &c.
_Venison_.--Superior, for offering everybody some of your sauce. Sad
subject, as it ought to be looked upon with a grave eye (_gravy_). Wish
your friends might always give you such _a cut_. &c. &c. &c.
_Port_.--Like well-baked bread, best when crusty; flies out of glass
because of the "bee's wing." Always happy to become a _porter_ on such
occasions; object to general breakages, but partial to the cracking of a
bottle; comes from a good "cellar" and a good buyer, though no wish to be
a good-bye-er to it. All the above with beautiful leading cues, and really
with two or three rehearsals the very best things ever done.
_Sherry_.--"Do you sherry?" "Not just yet." "Rather unlucky, _white
whining_: like a bottle of port; but no objection to _share he_. Hope
never to be out of the Pale of do.; if so, will submit to be done Brown."
N.B.--After an election dinner, any of the above valued at a six weeks'
invitation from any voter under the influence of his third bottle; and
absolute reversion of the chair, when original chairman disappears under
table.
_Champagne_.--Real pleasure (quite new--never thought of before)--must be
_Wright's_; nothing _left_ about it; intoxicating portion of a bird,
getting drunk with pheasant's eye. What gender's wine? _Why hen's_
feminine. Safe three rounds; and some others not quite compact.
_Hock_.--Hic, hec, do.
_Hugeous_.--Glass by all means (_very new_); never could decline it, &c.
&c. &c.
_Dessert_.--Wish every one had it; join hands with _ladies' fingers_ and
bishops' thumbs: Prince Albert and Queen very choice "Windsor pairs;"
medlars; unpleasant neighbour: nuts; decidedly lunatic, sure to be
cracked; disbanding Field Officers shelling out the kernels, &c. &c. &c.
The above are but a few samples from the very extensive joke manufactory
of Messrs. Gammon and Gag, sole patentees of the powerful and prolific
steam-joke double-action press. They are all warranted of the very best
quality, and last date.
Old jokes taken in exchange--of course allowing a liberal per-centage.
Gentlemen's own materials made up in the most superior style, and at the
very shortest notice.
Election squibs going off--a decided sacrifice of splendid talent.
Ideas convertible in cons., puns, and epigrams, always on hand.
Laughs taught in six lessons.
A treatise on leading subjects for experienced jokers just completed.
A large volume of choice sells will be put up by Mr. George Robins on the
1st of April next, unless previously disposed of by private contract.
N.B.--Well worthy the attention of sporting and other punsters.
Also a choice cachinatory chronicle, entitled "How to Laugh, and what to
Laugh at."
For further particulars apply to Messrs. Gag and Gammon, new and
second-hand depôt for gentlemen's left-off facetiæ, Monmouth-street; and
at their West-end establishment, opposite the Black Doll, and next door to
Mr. Catnach, Seven-dials.
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