"They say the owl was a baker's daughter."
"Oh, how the wheel becomes it."--SHAKSPEARE.
That immense cigar, our mild Cavannah, has at length met with his deserts,
and left the sage savans of the fool's hotbed, London, the undisturbed
possession of the diligently-achieved fool's-caps their extreme absurdity,
egregious folly, and lout-like gullibility, have so splendidly qualified
them to support.
This extraordinary and Heaven-gifted faster is at length laid by the
heels. The full blown imposition has exploded--the wretched cheat is
consigned to merited durance; while the trebly-_gammoned_ and unexampled
spoons who were his willing dupes are in full possession of the enviable
notoriety necessarily attendant upon their extreme amount of unmitigated
folly.
This egregious liar and finger-post for thrice inoculated fools set out
upon a provincial "Starring and Starving Expedition," issuing bills,
announcing his wish to be open to public inspection, and delicately
hinting the absolute necessity of shelling-out the browns, as though he,
Bernard Cavanagh, did not eat, yet he had a brother "as did;"
consequently, ways and means for the establishment and continuance of a
small commissariat for the ungifted fraternal was delicately hinted at in
the various documents containing the pressing invitations to "yokel
population" to honour him with an inspection.
Numerous were the visitors and small the contributions attendant upon the
circulation of these "documents in madness." Many men are rather notorious
in our great metropolis for "living upon nothing," that is, existing
without the aid of such hard food as starved the ass-eared Midas; out
these gentlemen of invisible ways and means have a very decent notion of
employing four out of the twenty four hours in supplying their internal
economy with such creature comforts as, in days of yore, disinherited
Esau, and procured a somewhat gastronomic celebrity for the far-famed
Heliogabalus. But a gentleman who could treat his stomach like a postponed
bill in the House of Commons--that is, adjourn it _sine die_, or take it
into consideration "this day seven years"--was really a likely person to
attract attention and excite curiosity: accordingly, Bernard Cavanagh was
questioned closely by some of his visitors; but he, like the speculation,
appeared to be "one not likely to answer."
Apparent efforts at concealment invariably lead to doubt, and, doubt
engendering curiosity, is very like to undergo, especially from one of the
fair sex, a scrutiny of the most searching kind. Eve caused the fall of
Adam--a daughter of Eve has discovered and crushed this heretofore hidden
mystery. This peculiarly _empty_ individual was discovered by the good
lady--despite the disguise of a black patch upon his nose and an
immeasurable outspread of Bandana superficially covering that (as he
asserted) useless orifice, his mouth--sneaking into the far-off premises
of a miscellaneous vendor of ready-dressed eatables; and there Bernard the
faster--the anti-nourishment and terrestrial food-defying wonder--the
certificated of Heaven knows how many deacons, parsons, physicians, and
fools--demanded the very moderate allowance for his breakfast of a
twopenny loaf, a sausage, and a quarter of a pound of ham _cut fat_:
that's the beauty of it--cut fat! The astonished witness of this singular
purchase rushed at once to the hotel: Cavanagh might contain the edibles,
she could not: the affair was blown; an investigation very properly
adjudicated upon the case; and three months' discipline at the tread-mill
is now the reward of this arch-impostor's merits. So far so good; but in
the name of common sense let some experienced practitioner in the art of
"cutting for the simples" be furnished with a correct list of the awful
asses he has cozened at "hood-man blind;" and pray Heaven they may each
and severally be operated on with all convenient speed!
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"SLUMBER, MY DARLING."
During the vacation, the Judges' bench in each of the Courts at
Westminster Hall has been furnished with luxurious air-cushions, and
heated with the warm-air apparatus. Baron Parke declares that the Bench is
now really a snug berth,--and, during one of Sergeant Bompas's long
speeches, a most desirable place for taking
[Illustration: A SOUND NAP.]
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