_To the bashful, the hesitating, and the ignorant, the following
hints may prove useful_.
If you call on the "loved one," and observe that she blushes when you
approach, give her hand a gentle squeeze, and if she returns it, consider
it "all right"--get the parents out of the room, sit down on the sofa
beside the "must adorable of her sex"--talk of the joys of wedded life. If
she appears pleased, rise, seem excited, and at once ask her to say the
important, the life-or-death-deciding, the suicide-or-happiness-settling
question. If she pulls out her cambric, be assured you are accepted. Call
her "My darling Fanny!"--"My own dear creature!"--and a few such-like
names, and this completes the scene. Ask her to name the day, and fancy
yourself already in Heaven.
A good plan is to call on the "object of your affections" in the
forenoon--propose a walk--mamma consents, in the hope you will declare
your intentions. Wander through the green fields--talk of "love in a
cottage,"--"requited attachment"--and "rural felicity." If a child happens
to pass, of course intimate your fondness for the dear little
creatures--this will be a splendid hit. If the coast is clear, down you
must fall on your knee, right or left (there is no rule as to this), and
swear never to rise until she agrees to take you "for better and for
worse." If, however, the grass is wet, and you have white ducks on, or if
your unmentionables are tightly made--of course you must pursue another
plan--say, vow you will blow your brains out, or swallow arsenic, or drown
yourself, if she won't say "yes."
If you are at a ball, and your charmer is there, captivating all around
her, get her into a corner, and "pop the question." Some delay until after
supper, but "delays are dangerous"--Round-hand copy.
A young lady's "tears," when accepting you, mean "I am too happy to
speak." The dumb show of staring into each other's faces, squeezing
fingers, and sighing, originated, we have reason to believe, with the
ancient Romans. It is much practised now-a-days--as saving breath, and
being more lover-like than talking.
We could give many more valuable hints, but Punch has something better to
do than to teach ninnies the art of amorifying.
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