"Great sufferin' two-tailed explodin' catfish!"
There were two men fighting near a red rock. They wore identical
clothes; they had identical features and physical construction,
including the same lanky forms and long, stringy necks. They fought in
a weird pattern of mirror-imagery--each man swinging the same blows as
his opponent, right arm crossing right, left crossing left.
The man with his back to the rock had an expensive miniature camera
suspended from his neck; the other one hadn't.
Suddenly, they both feinted with their lefts in perfect preparation for
what hundreds of railroad bulls had come to curse as "the Gooseneck
McCarthy One-Two." Both men ignored the feint, both came up suddenly
with their right hands and--
They knocked each other out.
They came down heavily on their butts, about a yard apart, shaking
their heads.
"You are the stubbornest cuss I ever saw," one of them began. "Where--"
"--did you learn my punch?" McCarthy finished, stepping forward.
They both sprang to their feet, stared at him. "Hey," said the man with
the camera. "You two guys are twins."
His former opponent differed with him. "You mean _you_ two guys are
twins!"
"Wait a minute." McCarthy stepped between them before their angry
glances at each other could be translated into action. "We're all
twins. I mean triplets. I mean--Sit down. I got somethin' to tell you."
They all squatted slowly, suspiciously.
Four chaws of tobacco later, there was a little circle of dark nicotine
juice all around them. McCarthy was breathing hard, all three of him.
"So it's like I'm McCarthy I because I've seen this thing through up to
where I stop McCarthy II from going back to get the note that McCarthy
III wants from Ruddle."
The man with the camera rose and the others followed. "The only thing
I don't get," he said finally, "is that I'm McCarthy III. Seems to me
it's more like I'm McCarthy I, he's McCarthy II--that part's right--and
_you're_ McCarthy III."
"Uh-uh," McCarthy II objected. "You got it all wrong. The way I look at
it--now see if'n this doesn't sound right--is that _I'm_ McCarthy I,
you're--"
"Hold it! Hold it!" The two men who had been fighting turned to
McCarthy I. "I _know_ I'm McCarthy I!"
"How do you know?" they demanded.
"Because that's the way Professor Ruddle explained it to me. He didn't
explain it to you, did he? I'm McCarthy I, all right. You two are the
stubbornest bindlestiffs I've seen and I've seen them all. Now let's
get back."
"Wait a minute. How do I know I still ain't supposed to move this rock?
Just because you say so?"
"Because I say so and because Professor Ruddle says so in that note I
showed you. And because there are two of us who don't want to move it
and we can knock you silly if'n you try."
At McCarthy II's nod of approval, McCarthy III glanced around
reluctantly for a weapon. Seeing none, he started back to the time
machines. McCarthys I and II hurried abreast.
"Let's go in mine. It's closest." They all turned and entered the
machine of McCarthy I.
"What about the checks? Why should you have three checks and McCarthy
II have two while I only got one? Do I get my cut?"
"Wait'll we get back to the professor. He'll settle it. Can't you think
of anythin' else but money?" McCarthy I asked wearily.
"No, we can't," McCarthy II told him. "I want my share of that third
check. I got a right to it. More'n this dopey guy has, see."
"O.K. O.K. Wait'll we get back to the lab." McCarthy I pushed down on
the chronotransit. The island and the bright sunlight disappeared. They
waited.
* * * * *
Darkness! "Hey!" McCarthy II shouted. "Where's the lab? Where's
Professor Ruddle?"
McCarthy I tugged at the chronotransit. It wouldn't move. The other two
came over and pulled at it too.
The chronotransit remained solidly in place.
"You must've pushed down too hard," McCarthy III yelled. "You busted
it!"
"Yeah," from McCarthy II. "Who ever told you that you could run a time
machine? You busted it and now we're stranded!"
"Wait a minute. Wait a minute." McCarthy I pushed them back. "I got an
idea. You know what happened? The three of us tried to come back to--to
the present, like Professor Ruddle says. But only one of us _belongs_
in the present--see what I mean? So with the three of us inside, the
machine just can't go anywhere."
"Well, that's easy," said McCarthy III. "I'm the only real--"
"Don't be crazy. I know _I'm_ the _real_ McCarthy; I _feel_ it--"
"Wait," McCarthy I told them. "This isn't gettin' us any place. The
air's gettin' bad in here. Let's go back and argue it out." He pushed
the lever down again.
So they went back a hundred and ten million years to discuss the matter
reasonably. And, when they arrived, what do you think they found?
Yep--exactly. That's exactly what they found.
[Illustration: _So they went back ... to discuss the matter
reasonably...._]