AN EMPTY PILE.
ALTHOUGH no token had passed between us, and no currency been set
up, of that universal interchange, which my Uncle and Tabby termed
“courting,” I felt a very large hope now, that the goods I had to
offer,—quiet as they were, and solid, without any spangle—were on
their way to be considered, and might be regarded kindly. For while I
knew how poor I was, in all the more graceful attributes, and little
gifted with showy powers of discourse, or the great world’s glitter,
void moreover of that noble cash which covers every other fault, yet
my self-respect and manhood told me that I was above contempt. Haughty
maidens might, according to their lights, look down on me; let them
do so, it would never hurt me; I desired no haughtiness. That which
had taken my heart, and led it, with no loss to its own value, was
sweetness, gentleness, loving-kindness, tender sense of woman’s nature,
and the joy of finding strength in man. For though I am not the one
to say it, I knew that I was no weakling, either in body, or in mind.
Slow of wit I had always been, and capable only of enjoying the greater
gifts of others; but as I plodded on through life, I found it more and
more the truth, that this is the better part to have. I enjoy my laugh
tenfold, because it is a thing I could never have made for myself.
But for a long time yet to come, there was not much laughter before
me. One of the many griefs of love is, that it stops the pores of
humour, and keeps a man clogged with earnestness. At the same time, he
becomes the Guy, and butt for all the old jokes that can be discharged
by clumsy fellows below contempt. None of these hit him, to any good
purpose, because he is ever so far above them; but even the smell of
their powder is nasty, as a whiff across his incense.
For eight and forty hours, it was my good fortune to believe myself
happy, and thereby to be so; though I went to church twice on Sunday,
without seeing any one except the parson, who was very pleasant. But
suddenly on Monday a few words were uttered; and I became no better
than a groan.
“Her be gan’,” were the words of Mrs. Tapscott.
“Tabby, what the Devil do you mean?” I asked, though not at all
accustomed to strong language.
“I tull ’e, her be gan’. Thee never zee her no more. Step-moother
’a been down, and vetched her.” Tabby herself looked fit to cry;
although there was a vile kind of triumph in her eyes, because she had
prophesied it.
“Do you mean to tell me,” I asked slowly, and as if I were preparing
to destroy her, “that Miss Fairthorn has been taken away, without even
saying ‘Good-bye’ to me?”
“Can’t tull nort about no Good-bais. Her maight ’a left ’un for ’e. Her
be gan to Lunnon town, and no mistake. Zeed the girt coach myzell, and
the maid a-crying in her.”
Without thinking properly what I was about, I clapped on a hat, and
laid hold of a big stick, and set forth upon the London road; not
the Hampton road which runs along the river, but the upper road from
Halliford, which takes a shorter course through Twickenham. Tabby ran
after me, shouting—“Be ’e mazed? If ’e could vlai, ’e could never
overget her. Be gan’ dree hour, or more, I tull ’e.”
But in spite of that fearful news, I strode on. And I might have
gone steadily on till I got to London—for there was the track of the
wheels quite plain, the wheels of Miss Coldpepper’s heavy carriage—if
I had not met our “Selsey Bill,” the Bill Tompkins whom I may have
mentioned. My Uncle had sent him to Twickenham, I think, to see about
some bushel-baskets; and he was swinging home with a dozen on his head,
which made his columnar height some fifteen feet; for he was six and
three quarters, without his hat.
In reply to my fervid inquiries, he proceeded, in a most leisurely yet
impressive manner, to explain that he had not met the carriage, because
it had passed him on his way to Twickenham, and might be expected back
by now; as Miss Coldpepper never allowed her horses to go beyond
Notting-Hill Gate, whence her guests must go on other wheels into
London. I took half of his baskets (for he was too long to be strong)
and so returned to my uncle’s gate with half a dozen “empties” on my
head, and a heart more empty than the whole of them.
This was almost a trifle compared to the grief that befell me later
on—which has left its mark on me till I die—for though cast down
terribly, I was not crushed, and no miserable doubts came to rend me in
twain. Though my darling was gone, I could tell where she was, or at
any rate could find out in a day or two. And it was clear that she had
been carried off against her will; otherwise how could our Tabby see
her crying? It is a shameful and cruel thing, and of the lowest depths
of selfishness, to rejoice at the tears of an angel; and I did my very
utmost to melt into softest sympathy. To be certain of the need for
this, I examined Mrs. Tapscott most carefully as to the evidence.
“I zeed ’un wi’ my own heyesight; girt big drops,” she said, “the zize
of any hazzlenits. Rackon, thee mouth be wattering, Master Kit, vor to
kiss ’un awai.”
This may have been true, but was not at all the proper way to express
it. The only thing wrong on my part was, that a lively thrill of
selfish hope ran down the veins of sympathy. She wept—she wept! Why
should she weep, except at having left behind her some one whom she
would most sadly miss? Could it be Miss Coldpepper? Happily that was
most unlikely, from the lady’s character. Mrs. Marker? No, I think
not—a very decent sort of woman, but not at all absorbing. Uncle Corny?
Out of the question. A highly excellent and upright man; but a hero of
nails, and shreds, and hammers, and green-baize aprons, and gooseberry
knives. Ah, but Uncle Corny has a nephew—
“Kit, I am sorry for you, my boy;” he came up to me, as I was thinking
thus, even before he went to his tobacco-jar; “you are hard hit, my
lad; I can see it in your face; and you shall have no more chaff from
me. Very few girls, such as they are now, deserve that any straight
and honest young chap, like you, should be down in the mouth about
them. But your mother did, Kit, your mother did. And I am not sure but
that this Miss Fairthorn does; though you can’t judge a girl by her
bonnet. But I am not going to be overcobbed like this. If you have set
your heart upon the girl, and she on you,—so be it, Amen! You shall be
joined together.”
My Uncle came up, as he spoke, and looked with friendly intentions at
me, and yet with a medical gaze and poise, which inclined me to be
indignant. “It takes two parties to make an agreement,” I said, neither
gratefully nor graciously.
“S’pose I don’t know that, after all the robberies taken out of me? But
I know what I say, and I tell you, that if your mind is set upon this
matter, you shall have it your own way. Only first of all, be sure that
you know your mind. Few people do, in this ‘age of invention’—as they
call it, without inventing much, except lies—if you are sure that you
know your mind, speak out, and have done with it.”
I stood up and looked at him, without a word. All my gratitude for his
good-will was lost in my wrath at his doubt of my steadfastness.
“Very well,” he said, “you need not stare, as if you were thunder and
lightning. When you think about it, you will see that I was right; for
this is no easy business, Kit, and not to be gone into, like a toss for
sixpence. I have spoiled you, ever since you were a child; because you
had no father, and no mother. You have had your own way wonderfully;
and that makes it difficult for you to know your mind.”
If that were the only obstacle, I ought to have the finest knowledge
of my mind; for the times had been very far asunder, when I had been
allowed to follow my own way. But I knew that Uncle Corny took the
other view, and he had this to bear him out, that he always managed
that my way should be his way. It was not the time to argue out that
question now; and one of my ways most sternly barred was that of going
counter to him in opinion. So I only muttered that he had been very
good to me.
“I have,” he continued; “and you are bound to feel it. Five shillings
a week you have been receiving, ever since you could be trusted to lay
in a tree; as well as your board and lodging, and your boots, and all
except tailoring. Very well, if you set up a wife, you will look back
with sorrow on these days of affluence. But to warn you is waste of
words, in your present frame. Only I wish you to hear both sides. I
have no time now; but if you like to come to me, when I have done up my
books, I will tell you a little story.”
This I promised very readily; not only to keep him on my side, but
because I saw that he knew much, not generally known in Sunbury, of
the family matters which concerned my love, and therefore myself, even
more than my own. And while he was busy with his books, which he kept
in a fashion known only to himself, I strolled down the village in
the feeble hope of picking up some tidings. It was pleasant to find,
without saying much, that our neighbours felt a very keen and kind
interest in our doings. There was scarcely a woman who was not ready to
tell me a great deal more than she knew; and certainly not one who did
not consider me badly treated. Miss Fairthorn, by her sweet appearance
and gentle manner, had made friends in every shop she entered; and the
story of her sudden and compulsory departure became so unsatisfactory,
that deep discredit befell our two policemen. But the only new point
I discovered, bearing at all upon my case, was gained from Widow
Cutthumb. This good lady was now in bitter feud with the house of
Coldpepper, although she made it clear that the loss of their custom
had nothing to do with it, being rather a benefit than otherwise.
She told me, with much dramatic force, some anecdotes of Miss Monica,
the younger daughter of Squire Nicholas, and a daughter by no means
dutiful. She had married, against her father’s wish, the Honourable
Tom Bulwrag, a gambler, and a drunkard, and, if reports were true,
a forger. As this appears in my Uncle’s tale, it need not have been
referred to, but to show that the lady’s early records were not fair
among us. After impressing upon me the stern necessity of silence,
as to these and other facts, Mrs. Cutthumb ended with a practical
exhortation, dependent upon the question whether I had a spark
of manhood in me. I replied that I hoped so, but as yet had few
opportunities for testing it.
“Then, Mr. Kit,” she proceeded, with her head thrown back and one fat
hand clenched, “there is only one thing for you to do—to run away with
the young lady. Don’t stop me, if you please, Master Kit; you have
no call to look as if I spoke treason. Better men than you has done
it; and better young ladies has had to bear it. It is what the Lord
has ordained, whenever He has made two innocent young people, and the
wicked hold counsel together against them. You go home, and dwell upon
it. Sure as I am talking to you now, you’ll be sorry till your dying
day, if you don’t behave a little spirity. Do you think I would ever
give such advice to a wild young man with no principles, to a fellow I
mean like Sam Henderson? But I know what you are well enough; and every
girl in Sunbury knows. ’Tis not for me to praise you to your face; but
you are that solid and thick-built, that a woman might trust you with
her only daughter. And that makes you slow to look into women. If I may
be so bold to ask, how do you take the meaning of it for that sweet
Miss Kitty to be fetched home so promiscuous?”
“Mrs. Cutthumb,” I answered, with a penetrating look, to show her that
she underrated me, “I fear it must be that some mischief-maker has
written up to say that I, that I—you know what I mean, Mrs. Cutthumb.”
“Yes, sir, and you means well so far, and everything straight-forrard;
but you ain’t got near the heart of it, Master Kit; nor your Uncle
neither, I’ll be bound. Wants a woman’s wits for that.”
“What on earth do you mean? It is bad enough. I don’t see how even a
woman can make it any worse than it is. Speak out what you mean, since
you have begun.”
“Well, sir, it is no more than this, and you mustn’t be put out by it.
Suppose there is another young gent in the case—a young gent in London,
they means her to marry.”
The goodnatured woman looked so knowing, that I thought she must have
solid proof; and perhaps the deed was done already. I tried to laugh,
but could only stare, and wonder what was coming next.
“Oh, Master Kit,” she went on with her apron to her eyes, or she was
kind of heart, “you used to come, and play down here, when your head
wasn’t up to the counter. And I had my Cutthumb then, and he gave you a
penny, because you was so natural. Don’t you be struck of a heap like
that, or I shall come to think that all women is wicked. It was only a
bad thought of my own. I have nothing to go by, if I were to die this
minute; and the same thought might come across any one. Don’t think no
more about it, there’s a dear young man. Only keep your eyes open, and
if you can manage to come across that stuck-up Jenny Marker, the least
she can do, after saving her life, is to tell you all she knows, and to
take your part. But don’t you believe more than half she says. I never
would say a single word against her, there’s no call for that, being
known as she is to every true woman in Sunbury; but if she’s not a
double-faced gossiping hussy, as fancies that a gold chain makes a lady
of her, and very likely no gold after all, why I should deserve to be
taken up, and there’s no one has ever said that of me.”
Here Mrs. Cutthumb began to cry, at the thought of being taken to the
station; and I saw that time alone could comfort her, yet ventured to
say a few earnest words, about her position and high character. And
presently she was quite brisk again.
“Why bless my heart,” she said, looking about for a box of matches on
the onion shelf; “I ought to have stuck up my candle in the window,
pretty well half an hour agone. Not that no customer comes after dark,
nor many by daylight for that matter. Ah, Master Kit, I am a poor
lone widow; but you are the nicest young man in Sunbury; and I wish
you well, with all my heart I do. And mind one thing, whatever you
do; if you ever carries out what I was saying, here’s the one as will
help you to it, in a humble way, and without much money. A nice front
drawing-room over the shop, bedroom, and chamber-suit to match. Only
twelve shillings a week for it all, and the use of the kitchen fire for
nothing. And the window on the landing looks on the river Thames, and
the boats, and the barges, and the fishermen. Oh, Mr. Kit, with Mrs.
Kitty now and then, it would be like the Garden of Eden.”