SCENE--_Any fashionable Watering Place where "Church Parade"
is a recognised institution. TIME--Sunday, 1 P.M. Enter
BROWN and Mrs. BROWN, who take chairs._
_Mrs. Brown_. Good Gracious! Look another way! Those odious people,
the STIGGINGSES, are coming towards us!
_Brown_. Why odious? I think the girls rather nice.
_Mrs. B._ (_contemptuously_). Oh, _you_ would, because men are so
easily taken in! Nice, indeed! Why, here's Major BUTTONS.
_B._ (_moving his head sharply to the right_). Don't see him! Can't
stand the fellow! I always avoid him at the Club!
_Mrs. B._ Why? Soldiers are always such pleasant men.
_B._ (_contemptuously_). BUTTONS a soldier! Years ago he was a
Lieutenant in a marching regiment, and now holds honorary rank in the
Volunteers! Soldier, indeed! Bless me! here's Mrs. FITZ-FLUMMERY--mind
you don't cut her.
_Mrs. B._ Yes, I shall; the woman is insupportable. Did you ever see
_such_ a dress? And she has changed the colour of her hair--again!
_B._ Whether she has or hasn't, she looks particularly pleasing.
_Mrs. B._ (_drily_). You were always a little eccentric in your taste!
Why, surely there must be Mr. PENNYFATHER ROBSON. How smart he looks!
Where _can_ he have come from?
_B._ The Bankruptcy Court! (_Drily._) You were never particularly
famous for discrimination. As I live, the SMITHS! [_He bows with
effusion._
_Mrs. B._ And the STUART JONESES! (_She kisses her hand gushingly._)
By the way, dear, didn't you say that the PLANTAGENET SMITHS were
suspected of murdering their Uncle before they inherited his property?
_B._ So it is reported, darling. And didn't you tell me, my own,
that the parents of Mr. STUART JONES were convicts before they became
millionaires?
_Mrs. B._ So I have heard, loved one. (_Starting up._) Come, CHARLEY,
we must be off at once! The GOLDHARTS! If they catch us, _she_ is sure
to ask me to visit some of her sick poor!
_B._ And _he_ to beg me to subscribe to an orphanage or a hospital!
Here, take your prayer-book, or people won't know that we have come
from church!
[_Exeunt hurriedly._
* * * * *