Say not thou, it is through the Lord that I fell away; for thou oughtest
not to do the thing that he hateth.
Say not thou, he hath caused me to err; for he hath no need of the sinful
man.
He himself made man from the beginning, and left him in the hand of his
own counsel;
If thou wilt, to keep the commandments, and to perform acceptable
faithfulness.
He hath set fire and water before thee: stretch forth thine hand to
whither thou wilt.
He hath commanded no man to do wickedly: neither hath he given any man
license to sin.
And now, Lord, what is my hope? Truly my hope is only in thee.
Deliver me from all my offences: and make me not a rebuke unto the
foolish.
When thou with rebuke dost chasten man for sin, thou makest his beauty
to consume away, like as it were a moth fretting a garment: every man,
therefore, is vanity.
Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and
afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged. O bring thou me out of my
distresses!
***
Mrs. Smith gave me the following particulars of a conversation that
passed between herself and a young clergyman, on Tuesday afternoon, who,
as it appears, was employed to make inquiries about the lady by her
friends.
He came into the shop in a riding-habit, and asked for some Spanish
snuff; and finding only Mrs. Smith there, he desired to have a little
talk with her in the back-shop.
He beat about the bush in several distant questions, and at last began to
talk more directly about Miss Harlowe.
He said he knew her before her fall, [that was his impudent word;] and
gave the substance of the following account of her, as I collected it
from Mrs. Smith:
'She was then, he said, the admiration and delight of every body: he
lamented, with great solemnity, her backsliding; another of his phrases.
Mrs. Smith said, he was a fine scholar; for he spoke several things she
understood not; and either in Latin or Greek, she could not tell which;
but was so good as to give her the English of them without asking. A
fine thing, she said, for a scholar to be so condescending!'
He said, 'Her going off with so vile a rake had given great scandal and
offence to all the neighbouring ladies, as well as to her friends.'
He told Mrs. Smith 'how much she used to be followed by every one's eye,
whenever she went abroad, or to church; and praised and blessed by every
tongue, as she passed; especially by the poor: that she gave the fashion
to the fashionable, without seeming herself to intend it, or to know she
did: that, however, it was pleasant to see ladies imitate her in dress
and behaviour, who being unable to come up to her in grace and ease,
exposed but their own affectation and awkwardness, at the time that they
thought themselves secure of general approbation, because they wore the
same things, and put them on in the same manner, that she did, who had
every body's admiration; little considering, that were her person like
their's, or if she had their defects, she would have brought up a very
different fashion; for that nature was her guide in every thing, and ease
her study; which, joined with a mingled dignity and condescension in her
air and manner, whether she received or paid a compliment, distinguished
her above all her sex.
'He spoke not, he said, his own sentiments only on this occasion, but
those of every body: for that the praises of Miss Clarissa Harlowe were
such a favourite topic, that a person who could not speak well upon any
other subject, was sure to speak well upon that; because he could say
nothing but what he had heard repeated and applauded twenty times over.'
Hence it was, perhaps, that this novice accounted for the best things he
said himself; though I must own that the personal knowledge of the lady,
which I am favoured with, made it easy to me to lick into shape what the
good woman reported to me, as the character given her by the young
Levite: For who, even now, in her decline of health, sees not that all
these attributes belong to her?
I suppose he has not been long come from college, and now thinks he has
nothing to do but to blaze away for a scholar among the ignorant; as such
young fellows are apt to think those who cannot cap verses with them, and
tell us how an antient author expressed himself in Latin on a subject,
upon which, however, they may know how, as well as that author, to express
themselves in English.
Mrs. Smith was so taken with him, that she would fain have introduced him
to the lady, not questioning but it would be very acceptable to her to
see one who knew her and her friends so well. But this he declined for
several reasons, as he call them; which he gave. One was, that persons
of his cloth should be very cautious of the company they were in,
especially where sex was concerned, and where a woman had slurred her
reputation--[I wish I had been there when he gave himself these airs.]
Another, that he was desired to inform himself of her present way of
life, and who her visiters were; for, as to the praises Mrs. Smith gave
the lady, he hinted, that she seemed to be a good-natured woman, and
might (though for the lady's sake he hoped not) be too partial and
short-sighted to be trusted to, absolutely, in a concern of so high a
nature as he intimated the task was which he had undertaken; nodding out
words of doubtful import, and assuming airs of great significance (as I
could gather) throughout the whole conversation. And when Mrs. Smith
told him that the lady was in a very bad state of health, he gave a
careless shrug--She may be very ill, says he: her disappointments must
have touched her to the quick: but she is not bad enough, I dare say,
yet, to atone for her very great lapse, and to expect to be forgiven by
those whom she has so much disgraced.
A starched, conceited coxcomb! what would I give he had fallen in my way!
He departed, highly satisfied with himself, no doubt, and assured of Mrs.
Smith's great opinion of his sagacity and learning: but bid her not say
any thing to the lady about him or his inquiries. And I, for very
different reasons, enjoined the same thing.
I am glad, however, for her peace of mind's sake, that they begin to
think it behoves them to inquire about her.